In The Rough
by cmonace
Summary: A little over a year ago, she made a decision that turned their worlds upside down. Now, they try to deal with the consequences and push forward, when everything in them only wants to step back into a life loved and lost. Rogan.
1. Can't Jump The Tracks

**AN: So, here it is, my new fic that's been running around in my head for an extremely long time. First off, this story has absolutely no connection to The Way It Seems and Not So Fast, but I hope you give it a chance and enjoy it anyway. So, here's the first chapter. I hope you like it. Please read and _review_!**

Rory Gilmore never told him she didn't love him. No, that wasn't her style. She was the one who had come running to him afterall. And so, over a year later, she was still living with him in their New York City apartment. His bookstore in Philadelphia, which had been so successful in the beginning, had failed shortly after her arrival. Now, he had opened a new one in New York and that was taking up most, if not all of his time. Not that she minded, not anymore. She was used to being ignored, used to being cast aside like a prize he had won and now discarded.

Not that she had never loved him, she was sure she had once. But she had been younger, much younger. She had changed since then, and he, he had changed also. Jess Mariano wasn't the same man she knew in high school. Hell, he wasn't the same man she had turned to over a year before. At least then she had thought he cared, thought something inside of him needed her. But she wasn't that stupid anymore. Rory had snapped out of her daze long ago. Now she was just drifting along, working at the local newspaper, and trying to forget that the man she was living with provided no shelter, no safety at all.

Often, she thought about that fateful night of Jess's opening. Maybe if she just would've stayed home, her life could've been different. If she had given another chance to the blonde man with the cocky smile, maybe she could've been happy at this point in her life. But no, she hadn't chosen that path. She had gone to Philadelphia and believed the lies the deep, brown eyes had been feeding her. Come with me, Rory, I'm the only one that ever loved you. But that was a lie, everything he had ever said was a lie. He didn't love her, he loved the_ idea _of her. He loved the chase, the challenge. And now, he had won. She was his trophy sitting on the shelf next to his published books and store records. She was nothing to him, and he was no longer anything to her.

But she didn't have a choice anymore. Her life was moving along, as fast and wicked as a tornado, and she didn't know how to make it come to halt. She just wanted to scream, "No! Stop! Rewind!" But she knew that wasn't possible. In her dreams, she would see the chocolate brown eyes and messy blonde hair of the man she loved, she would feel his hands resting lightly against her hips. But in her reality, she had to move away from him, one step at a time. She was with Jess now, and she would stay with Jess, because that's who she chose over a year ago. Over a year ago...

"Rory!" Jess's voice called.

"What?"

"I'm going out."

"Okay, have a goo--"

She was cut off sharply by the slamming of their apartment door. With a sigh, she turned away from the window and sat down where her book was still lying on couch's arm rest. She wasn't exactly sure how many books she'd gone through in her spare time when Jess went out, but she did know she was running out of reading material. He never asked her to come, which wasn't surprising. She wasn't included in that area of his life. Actually, she wasn't sure where she fit into his plans. A part of her knew he had probably cheated on her several times, but that didn't hurt her. When it came to Jess, she was numb.

She thought about leaving him many times. Yes, it crossed her mind just about everyday. But she couldn't, wouldn't turn her back on him. If she did it would mean she had really made a mistake, it would mean that she actually left her fairtytale behind. She wasn't ready to admit that. So she held on for dear life, fingers slipping as they gripped what was left of their relationship.

Not that all of her life was crumbling around her. She still had her job, her friends, her family. Her career had taken off almost instantly after graduation and she was happy at the local newspaper. Not only that, she was the star, their own personal success story. Her circle of friends had grown since Yale and her co-workers had become as close as family. But her real family, well, for them there was no replacement, or at least their wasn't one for her mother. Lorelai was her rock, the one who kept her standing when she felt her legs growing weak. Without her, Rory would have broken long ago from living with a man who didn't want her in a city that didn't care.

--------------------------------

"Did you have a good time last night?" Rory asked Jess the next morning, not really caring to hear the answer.

"I guess."

"Who were you with?"

Jess shot her a glare that clearly said 'none of your business', "People."

"Oh."

Rory stared at her coffee, watching the black liquid ripple around the cup. It was madly more interesting than the conversation with her boyfriend. God, what had happened to the witty, funny Jess she had known in high school?

"You were asleep when I came home," Jess observed.

"It was late."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Rory glanced up, "Nothing. I was just stating a fact."

Jess held eye contact with her for a few more seconds, before mumbling something under his breath and getting up from the table.

"I've got to get to work. I'll be home late."

"There's something unusual," Rory muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Have a good day."

He grumbled a reply before grabbing his leather jacket and walking out the door.

She stared at the empty chair infront of her, noticing that the space before it was littered with his plate, cups, and silverware. Did he honestly expect her to clean up after him every day of her life? He was so careless, so selfish, so...Jess. With an all too familar sigh, she tossed their dishes in the dishwasher, before grabbing her coat and walking out the door he had left a few minutes before. Among his list of traits was the fact that he never waited for her after breakfast. It wasn't like he had a boss to report to, would a few more minutes be too much to ask? Maybe she would like to ride to work with her boyfriend. But then again, maybe not.

And yet, she stayed with him, fighting for the relationship that was barely existant. Why should she fight? Why should she care so much when he didn't care at all? But she knew it wasn't him she cared about, she had discovered her non-existant feelings for him long ago. No, it was her past she felt so deeply for. It was the people she had left behind that night, not only Logan, but the friends that had come along with him. She had sacrificed Colin, Finn, and Stephanie for a man who had only wanted her for the chase. And if she left, well, then she would have to remember exactly how big of a mistake she made. But right now, a mindblock on those memories was firmly in place, and she wasn't planning on removing it anytime soon.

--------------------------------

"Rory!" Carmen Miller yelled, running over to her desk.

Rory glanced up and smiled at her bouncy, blonde haired friend. Over her time at the paper, Carmen had become her best friend. The girl shared Rory's witty sense of humor, but her of-the-moment attitude kept Rory on her toes. She caring and was there when things went wrong, but her bubbly attitude sent the two out on the town often.

"Hey," Rory greeted, leaning back in her chair.

Carmen plopped herself down on Rory's desk, careful not to mess up any of the piles of neatly taken notes.

"You. Me. Tonight."

"I'm going to need bigger sentences," Rory explained.

Carmen rolled her eyes, "Fine," she paused, "Okay, here's the deal. There's this band playing at a club tonight and Shawn and Aiden really, really, _really_ want us to go. So are you in?"

Rory glanced at her half finished article on the computer. She figured she could wrap it up by the end of the workday and then have some time to enjoy with her friends. She looked back at Carmen and nodded.

"I'd love to."

"And you can bring Jess if you want."

Rory raised her eyebrows. Carmen knew very well how the situation with Jess worked. Rory went out, Jess went out. Neither one asked too many questions so nobody ever had to lie. Although, Rory wasn't the one who had to worry about lying, Jess was the one who would've had a nose longer than Pinocchio's. Carmen lifted her hands up in a mock surrender.

"It was just a suggestion. I thought maybe it would get you guys back on good footing."

Rory laughed bitterly, "We've fallen way too far off the mountain to find our footing."

"Ror," Carmen looked at her sympathitically, "Why don't you just move on, hun?"

"I can't."

"Do you love him?"

Rory sighed, "Can we _not_ talk about this right now?"

"Fine, but someday we _are_ going to talk about this."

"I really don't have much to say."

"Then I'll talk about it! Either way, it's not staying tucked up in your brain forever."

"What isn't?"

"Your past, your reasons, whatever the hell goes on up there."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know when I'm talking about. _I_ don't know what I'm talking about, but you do."

Rory cocked her head to the side, "You are the most confusing woman I have ever met."

"And yet you understand me! Funny how life works, isn't it?" Carmen chirped.

"I really have to get back to work now."

"You can't ignore me."

"Sure, I can!" Rory insisted playfully.

"Not forever."

"Watch me," Rory insisted.

"Fine, fine. I'm going. Meet me at my desk after work and we'll ride over with the boys."

"You got it."

The flightly blonde disappeared in a whirlwind and Rory couldn't help but grin. Being around Carmen was like coming up for a breath of fresh air, not to mention Shawn and Aiden, who were just as crazy and outgoing as the boys she had known at Yale. Their group always reminded Rory of her college days and she couldn't help but think that was why she loved them so much. It reminded her of when she was happy, without throwing it directly in her face how miserable she currently was.

"Gilmore," a male voice singsonged.

"What?" Rory glanced up into the brown eyes of Shawn Daniels.

"Is that any way to greet your favorite person in the world?"

"Fine," Rory cleared her throat, "What do you need, oh favorite person in the world?"

"Say it like you mean it," Shawn winked.

"Shawn!"

"Right, sorry," he grinned at her, revealing his perfectly set white teeth, "Are you coming tonight?"

"Don't you and Carmen, like, talk?"

"Not recently."

"Then yes, I'm coming."

"Great!" he ran his hand through his light brown curls, "And you'll hang out with us...and smile?"

"If it gets you away from my desk so I can work on this article," Rory replied, mock sweetness in her voice.

"Fine, fine," Shawn said dramatically, "But you hurt my feelings, Gilmore."

"I'll buy you a beer tonight."

"All fixed. Bye Rory."

"Bye."

She watched him walk away, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. She loved Shawn. Not in the boyfriend, love you forver, butterflies in her stomach kind of way. But in the kind of way that she knew he would always be there, making her laugh and holding her when things went wrong. He was one of her best friends and he had become like a brother. _And he reminds you of Logan,_ a voice whispered in her head.

As the silent words echoed through her mind, thoughts of Logan began consuming her: his soft blonde hair, his loving eyes, the witty comments, the way his lips felt on her's. Jumping up from her desk, she walked briskly to the breakroom for coffee. Maybe coffee would make the damn images in her head go away. Why couldn't she forget about him? She had left him, walked on_ him_. Not only that, but she didn't even have the guts to wait until he had gotten back from his LBD trip. She had packed her things and vanished when she knew he wouldn't be there to make her turn around. She had been angry then, furious, more completely upset and fearful than she had ever been. She had moved in with Paris until after her graduation, and then gone to Philadelphia with Jess. At that time, leaving was her best option. But looking back now, she couldn't help but wonder what might have been.

She had missed his graduation and his depature from the United States for London. He would be back by now, returning home to work for his father at one of Mitchum's many newspapers across the country. She wondered briefly what he was doing, if he was happy, but then she made herself stop. Thinking about him was like torture and she didn't want to drive herself crazy anymore. Logan was her past: the brief, beautiful, flickering flame of true love. Over a year ago she had diminished it and there wasn't a match in the world powerful enough to light it again.

"Hey, Gilmore!"

Rory turned around at the sound of Carmen's voice. The other girl was leaning against the breakroom doorframe, a smirk on her face.

"You getting that article done?" she asked.

Rory paused, "I'm working on it."

"I can see that," Carmen replied, motioning to her coffee.

"You know me and coffee."

"And I also know that if you don't get that article done you won't come out with us tonight and you_ have _to come out with us tonight."

"Why do I_ have _to come out with you?"

Carmen's hazel eyes twinkled, "Because you're not leaving me alone with those two maniacs."

"Fair enough," Rory shrugged and tossed her coffee up in the garbage.

"Oh and you have a phone call waiting at your desk."

"And your telling me this after you have a full conversation with me? Who is it?"

"Your boyfriend."

"Oh," Rory replied, walking over to pick up her phone.

"Hello?" she answered, sitting down and typing as the telephone rested against her shoulder.

"I just wanted to let you know that I might not be home until tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

"Business."

Lie. She silently decided to see how many lies she could pull out of him in one conversation.

"Who with?"

"Some guys from the office."

Another lie.

"Where are you going?"

"Hotel in the city for a series of meetings," Jess explained impatiently.

Lie number three.

"Okay," Rory said, "I'll see you when you get back."

"You going anywhere tonight?"

Rory sighed, "Maybe."

"Whatever," he said carelessly, "I'll call you."

Rory scoffed. Why not four lies in one conversation? Who was counting? Well, besides her of course.

"Bye," she closed coldly, slamming the phone down on the hook with a loud bang.

"You okay, Gilmore?" Shawn asked, glancing up from his desk a few feet away.

"Fantastic," she grumbled sarcastically.

"Hey--"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, but--"

"I have to get this article done," she interrupted, dissmissing their conversation.

She didn't want to talk to Shawn right at the moment. Shawn reminded her too much of what a boyfriend _should_ be like: kind, caring, considerate, a shoulder to lean on. A boyfriend wasn't supposed to call rambling off vague lies about where he would be that evening and going out without so much as a kiss on the cheek. Shawn reminded her too much of a life lived and lost. She couldn't turn back time, couldn't transport herself to the moment when she had made the decision to leave. The responsibility was her's and her's alone, and so she would handle it by herself. She would grit her teeth and continue living with Jess, continue being his trophy. Because if she didn't, where would that leave her?

Turning back to the article, she attempted to concentrate on the computer screen infront of her, but she could still feel Shawn's eyes burning into her back.

"Yes?" she asked, glancing over at him.

"Do you ever think about, you know, leaving."

She paused, "Yeah Shawn, everyday."

"Can I ask why you don't?"

"You can ask, but I'm not so sure I can explain my answer."

He stared at her for a second, biting his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"You're a complicated girl, Gilmore."

"With an even more complicated past, believe me."

He nodded his chin towards her computer, "Get back to your article. I want you completely work free tonight."

"Yes sir."

She twisted back to the computer, her sentence racing through her head as the only words of truth she had spoken for a very long time. _With an even more compicated past._ If only he knew, if only she could describe to anyone, to herself, what was going on in her head. In a weird sort of way, she needed Jess. She needed him because he was what she had chosen. Without him, she had nothing. She had chosen nothing and her life was heading nowhere. Without him, she had left everyone she loved behind for no reason.

--------------------------------

"It's about time!" Aiden Reynolds huffed as Rory neared Carmen's desk hours later.

"I had to finish my article that you all so kindly kept disturbing me from," Rory grumbled, shifting her gaze around her three friends.

"Hey, I'm perfectly inncocent," Aiden argued, his green eyes shining.

"True," she paused, linking her arm through his, "And you're the only one I like at the moment."

"Good to know. Can we go now?"

"Yes, we can _finally_ go," Carmen commented, herding the group into the elevator.

"Did anyone ever tell you you work too hard?" Aiden asked Rory as the elevator dropped to the first floor.

"Various people at various points in my lifetime."

"Did anyone ever succeed in getting you to slow down?" Shawn inquired, a playful edge to his voice.

But his words struck a nerve for Rory as she remembered the only person who had ever _really_ gotten her to relax and just enjoy life. She missed the feeling of letting her worries float in the breeze and loving life for every second it was worth. She had lost that when she had left Yale, lost it the second she walked out the door of the New Haven apartment a year ago.

"Ror?" Carmen asked, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You okay?"

"What?"

"You kind of dazed out there for a second."

"Right. Sorry, I'm just thinking."

"Bout what?" Shawn inquired, sounding more like a little kid than a man in his early twenties.

"Nothing in particular," Rory replied with a shrug.

They all stared at her strangely for a second, before Aiden waved his hand for a taxi and they all climbed in. Glancing around at her three best friends, Rory silently wished they could've known her a year ago, before Jess had broken her spirit, before her mistakes had torn her life apart. She still had her wit, her clever banter, but it was hollow shell protecting how she really felt inside. This wasn't the life she wanted, but it was still her life. She couldn't retrace her footsteps, couldn't make the word start spinning backwards, and so she accepted it. The only good thing to come out of her messed up relationship were the three amazing friends in the taxi cab with her. Without them, she was sure she would have lost it months ago.


	2. Set Her Free Again

"Not bad," Carmen drawled, glancing casually onto the stage.

"The drinks, the band, or the men_ in _the band?" Rory inquired, following Carmen's gaze.

"All, with a little extra emphasis on the last one."

"Do we really have to listen to this conversation?" Aiden whined.

"Jealous, boys?" Carmen asked with a wink.

"Of _that_?" Shawn asked.

"Hey, they aren't _that _bad," Rory argued.

"You're saying that five drinks after walking in here."

"Shut up."

Rory took another another sip of her drink, liking the way the alcohol was slowly drowning away her memories. Now she understood why her old friends at Yale drank so much. This stuff was helpful, but it was starting to make her slightly dizzy. Aiden grabbed her arm as she swayed to the side and looked at her, an amused smile tilting up his lips.

"I think that's enough to drink, Gilmore."

"Not nearly enough!" she revised.

"On the contrary, it's way more than enough," Carmen added.

"For you too," Shawn shot over to her.

"And probably for you too," Aiden added with a smirk.

"What about--"

"Okay!" Rory held up her hand, "Enough already."

"So we'll all switch to coffee, then?" Shawn asked.

Rory laughed shortly, "You switch to coffee, I'll switch to vodka."

"No way, you are so not mixing your alcohol," Aiden ordered.

"Fine, then I'll just stay with what I have."

"Did Gilmore just turn down coffee?" Carmen slurred, a disbelieving look on her face.

Rory glared at her sarcastically, "I need_ this _drink much more than the hot, brown one right now, okay?"

"You don't have to get snippy," Shawn commented with a smile.

"Just give me more and I'll be quiet."

"Here's your _coffee_," Aiden offered, sliding it across the table with a half grin.

"You suck."

"You'll be thanking me in the morning."

"As of right now, you suck. And if I can't remember in the morning why you suck I'm leaving up to Carmen or Shawn to remind me and if they can't remember, I'm telling the waiter to remember."

"I'd tell the waiter," Shawn deducted, "Because the room is spinning very fast right now and I've discovered that the faster it spins, the less I remember."

"I concur!" Carmen announced.

"Excuse me, did you just say concur?" Aiden inquired.

"My God you're annoying tonight," Carmen hissed.

"And you called _me_ snippy?" Rory asked Shawn, laughing.

"Remind me again why I'm friends with you people?" Shawn yelled above the crowd noise.

"Because we're so freaking adorable. Now give me more alcohol."

"I don't think so, Gilmore."

"Damn you."

"I love you too, sweetie."

"Shut the hell up," Carmen said simply.

"Now, now, now," Shawn replied, resting his arm around her shoulders, "You'll regret_ that _in the morning."

"I won't remember anything I said in the morning!"

"It's true," Rory agreed, "She won't."

"Work is so going to suck tomorrow," Aiden observed.

"Shut up," Shawn said simply.

"Seriously, why did you have to bring up work?" Carmen groaned.

Rory sat there silently, ringing her hands underneath the table. She was the only one in her group of friends, and possibly in the whole office, who actually looked forward to going to work. When she was there she could forget about how Jess didn't kiss her goodbye that morning or how he hadn't returned home from the night before. When she was typing away at her computer, pictures from her past weren't suddenly thrust into her mind like images in a slide machine. At work, like the nights out with her friends, she could forget her past and her present. She could consider what life might have in store for her in the future.

But then she went home, or took a break, and she remembered. She remembered the smiles, the laughter, and the tears of joy that were her past, that were Logan, Colin, Finn, and Stephanie. Or she recalled seeing Jess in Philadelphia at his bookstore opening, how kind, loving, and truthful his words sounded. She had believed every one of his sweet coated sinister vowels and she had left. And now the smiles had been replaced with bitter resentment, the laughter with fights, and the happy tears with depressed sobs.

But if she left him, if she packed all her bags and walked away, it would mean she turned her back on her old life for nothing.

"You've got that look again, Ror," Carmen observed.

"You're drunk."

"No...well actually, yeah. But she's right, you do have that look," Shawn commented.

"What look?"

"The look like your thinking about something and none of us know what it is," he explained.

"You're all crazy."

"Mhmm," Aiden mumbled sarcastically.

But they were right. She was hiding something from them, just like she was hiding it from everybody else in her life. Nobody knew she still thought about Logan, nobody knew that he crossed her mind every single day of her life. And they certainly had no clue why she didn't leave her unloving, uncaring boyfriend behind. Nobody knew that, not her mother, not her best friends, not anyone. That was Rory's secret, her quiet, little torment slowly eating away at her heart.

"There it is again!" Carmen yelled, pointing a finger in Rory's face.

Rory smacked it away, glaring at her best friend, "There is no look. I'm drunk."

"You have that look when you aren't drunk."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do t--"

"Okay, ladies. I think that's enough," Shawn interrupted, pulling Rory up from the table by her elbow.

Aiden repeated the process with the girl he was sitting beside and they all made their way back out to the city streets. The blast of cooler air was a shock to Rory and she paused, letting the wind brush over her face.

"You coming, Gilmore?" Shawn asked, turning around as the other three walked towards the cab.

"Um, yeah," she replied, stumbling towards him.

He steadied her as she slipped into the cab and then followed her inside. The car ride home was oddly quiet for the four of them, each one either too tired to talk or, in Rory's case, too aborbed in thoughts of their lives.

--------------------------------

When Rory walked in her apartment door, she was surprised to find Jess there, sitting on the couch staring at the blank television. When he heard the door open, his head whipped around, an angry look in his eyes.

"Where the hell were you?" he asked.

"Out," Rory replied simply, "I thought you weren't going to be back until tomorrow."

"Change of plans."

"Oh," she paused, "I'm going to bed."

"Now hold on," Jess ordered, walking over to her, "Who were you with?"

His reply from earlier that day came to her mind and she repeated it, "People."

"That's not an answer."

"Funny, it always is in your case."

"You don't know the people I was with."

Rory sighed, "You barely know the people I was with, which seems weird because they're my best friends."

"So you were with that Shawn kid?"

"Yes Jess. I was with Carmen, Aiden, and Shawn, as usual, not that you would know."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It _means_ that you never pay attention, nor do you care, where I am."

"That's not true."

Rory raised her eyebrows, "Oh?"

"Maybe if you'd ask me out with you every once and awhile..."

"Oh, you mean like you ask me to go with you _so_ often," Rory replied sarcastically.

"You don't know my friends!" Jess argued.

"And you don't know mine!"

"Sure, I do."

"There's a big difference between seeing and knowing, Jess."

"Well," he began, "I'd like to meet them."

"Fine! You can meet them. Can I go to bed now? I'm very drunk and _very_ tired."

"Of course."

Rory started off towards the bedroom, but Jess grabbed her wrist before she could reach the hallway. Turning around, she stared into the brown eyes that had once held a caring look, but now only held emptiness. And she was sure her eyes were reflecting the same thing back to him.

"I love you, you know that right?" he whispered, his words hollow.

She paused, "Sure."

He pulled her into his arms, but a gentle, loving embrace didn't wait there for her. Bringing his lips down on her's, she waited for the spark, for the fireworks to explode, but nothing happened. Stepping away, she offered him a small smile before walking back towards the bedroom.

"I'm going out with some of the guys," Jess called to her.

She paused, inhaling deeply, "Whatever. Have fun."

"I love you, Rory," he said as he walked out the door.

"You love having a girlfriend," Rory whispered as the door closed behind him.

She walked into the bedroom and slipped off her clothes in exchange for pajamas. As she curled up in the covers of her bed, the familar tears began rolling down her cheeks. Once, just_ once_, she would like to feel her boyfriend's arm around her as she drifted off to sleep. Why couldn't he be there whispering soft messages into her ear? Or for that matter, why couldn't he just be there at all?

But that was the way Jess always was: find girl, win girl, forget girl. That was the way it was when he took her away from Dean, and that was the way it was now. He would never change. When she had went to him, confused and scared, she had believed the words pouring from his lips. Logan was a mistake, Logan made her into somebody she wasn't, Logan didn't want her to be successful. But that wasn't true. It was Jess who wanted to change her, Jess who wanted her to sit at home and be his prize possession. He was a hypocrite and a liar, but not only that, he was sneaky. And the worst part was he understood her and he knew she wouldn't leave. She wouldn't walk out that door because nobody was waiting there for her, nobody was there for her to turn to. He was supposed to save her, and he didn't, so how could she ever admit that she was wrong? How could she ever admit that the choice she made destroyed her life?

She closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly and steal away all the scattered thoughts in her brain.

--------------------------------

When her alarm awoke her in the morning, she rolled over to find Jess nowhere in sight. Big surprise there. She figured he probably didn't even come home last night. With a groan, she rubbed her pounding temples gently and seriously considered going back to sleep, but the relentless teasing that would undoubtably occur forced her to pull herself out of the warm blankets. The room spun as she sat up and she groaned again, wondering where her mother was with hangover food when she needed it.

Taking a deep breath, she planted her feet firmly on the floor, grabbed work clothes from her closet, and plodded her way to the bathroom. The warm, streaming water on the shower felt good on her pounding head and her clouded mind. She stepped out a half an hour later feeling slightly better as she pulled on her clothes, dried her hair, and walked out into the kitchen.

There was no sign that Jess had been anywhere near the apartment since last night and she rolled her eyes at the concept. She wasn't even remotely stunned at that fact. She was pretty sure he was out of the apartment more than he was actually inside of it. She started a pot of coffee and collasped in one of the chairs, dropping her head limply into her hands. Silently, she reminded herself never to go out drinking on a weekday ever, _ever_ again.

The loud ringing of her cellphone made her want to toss it out the window, but instead she grabbed it and pressed it to her ear lazily.

"Hello?" she groaned.

"Somebody a little hung over?" Loreali asked brightly.

"And your voice helps," Rory mumbled, getting up to pour herself a mug of coffee.

"Sorry," Lorelai lowered her voice, "Were you out late with Jess?"

Rory gave a short laugh, "No, I was out late with my manwhores and crazy best friend."

"Oh, even better," she paused, "So where was Jess?"

"Who knows."

"Shouldn't you know? Since you're kind of his girlfriend and all?"

"_Kind of_ his girlfriend sounds about right, actually."

"So why don't you leave him, kid?"

"It's way too early for this conversation," Rory stated, taking a large gulp of coffee and sliding into the chair again.

"It's always way too something for this conversation."

"Weird, isn't it?" Rory said simply.

"Rory--"

"Wow, look at the time. I really have to get to work," Rory rambled, "I'll call you later."

"Fine. Bye, hun."

"Bye mom."

Rory closed her phone and placed it in her purse. She slurped down the last of her coffee, before hurrying out the door.

--------------------------------

"Oh."

"My."

"God."

"Explanation point?" Rory asked, glancing around at her three equally miserable friends.

"Explanation point sounds good," Carmen agreed.

"Try two," Shawn suggested.

Aiden lifted his head up from the breakroom table, "I vote three."

"My head feels like it's going to roll right off my head," Carmen observed.

"I wish mine would roll right off my head," Shawn replied dryly.

"I second that," Rory added.

"I never said I didn't want it to roll right off my head," Carmen stated matter-of-factly.

"We should be working," Rory observed.

"Work?" Aiden asked.

"You know: typing, writing, thinking."

"Oh, work," Shawn sighed, "I forgot."

"Never again!" Carmen announced, "We are never, ever doing that again."

"So," Rory began as she rose from the table, "Until next week?"

"Same time."

"Same place."

"Oh my God."

Rory laughed as she exited the breakroom, but immediatly regretted the action as the pain in her head grew worse. Flopping down at her desk, she opened her latest article and stared at for a good five minutes, before working up the energy to actually type something.

She was almost finished with her story, when a head popped up over her computer.

"Yes Shawn?" she asked without glancing up.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Lucky guess," she sighed and glanced away from her computer, "What do you need?"

"I _need_ to ask you a question."

"Ask away."

He paused, "Who's Logan?"

Rory never thought two words could affect her so deeply. Her hands came off the keyboard and dropped to her sides, her mouth hung open as she gazed at him, eyes wide. Never in a million years did she expect those words to come out of his mouth.

"Excuse me?" she stuttered.

"Last night in the cab, you were muttering things about Logan. Are you okay? You look pale."

"I umm, I'm fine I just--"

Her stomach flipped and she shot up from her desk, hurrying towards the nearest bathroom. She raced towards a stall and began emptying the contents of her stomach, not even noticing Shawn coming up behind her until his hand pulled her hair back away from her face. When she was finished, she turned around and sat down on the floor, running her hands over her face. She wasn't sure what had caused the episode more: the drinks she had downed last night or the mention of Logan's name.

"You okay?" Shawn asked, holding out her hand to help her up.

She accepted, nodding slowly as he balanced her on her feet.

"Yeah, I'm good. Thank you."

"No problem," he placed his hand on her back gently, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Mhmm."

She took a step out the stall and then walked straight for the bathroom door. He walked quickly behind her, opening his mouth, but then shutting it again.

"Are you going to tell me who he is?" he finally spat out.

Rory stopped in her tracks and turned to face him, her heart aching as she spoke, "He's just an old friend.

"An old friend?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes, an old friend," she paused, "Just a friend from Yale."

She felt tears welling up behind her eyes, so she turned away from her friend silently and walked swiftly towards the sancuary of her desk.

"Sorry, Ror," Shawn apologized as he passed her on the way to his area.

"It's nothing. I'm just hungover, that's all."

He stared at her, sending her a look that showed he didn't believe her for a second, but then he shrugged, "Okay, Gilmore."

Her phone rang almost as soon as he sat down and she turned away from his knowing eyes and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Guess what?" Loreali's chipper voice asked.

"What?"

"It's amazing."

"Really?"

"Thrilling!"

"That's wonderful," Rorry muttered, "What is it?"

"Coffee!"

"Yes mom, you introduced me to coffee at a very young age."

"Not just any coffee, mind you. Do you remember Luke's coffee?"

Rory rolled her eyes, "No, I can't remember it for the life of me."

"God, you're mean this morning."

"Does the word hangover mean nothing to you?"

"Actually, it means a lot: tacos, french fries, and _this_ coffee!"

"What is so great about the coffee?" Rory demanded.

"It's mixed with the stuff from Weston's, you know, the really good chocolate carmely stuff."

Rory paused, "That _does_ sound good."

"See? Aren't you glad I called?"

"Yes. I'm so glad you called to torture me with the fact that you have a brand new spectacular coffee creation and I have absolutely_ no _hangover food whatsoever. Thank you for that."

"Sorry. But next time you visit I'll make you one, my treat."

"Deal. I have to get back to work now."

"Aww, boo."

"Sorry. Enjoy your coffee."

Rory closed her phone, laughing softly as she turned back to her keyboard. But her smile quickly faded as she remembered the conversation with Shawn just a moment before. She couldn't believe she had actually been talking about Logan last night. She thought about him so often, she should have figured it would come out in a drunken slur eventually, but it had never crossed her mind. And now Shawn was suspicious, which meant that her other two best friends were just as curious. How could she even begin to explain Logan?

She wouldn't, that's how. Because talking about him only made it hurt worse, talking about it only made it seem more real. She would tell him he was an old friend she had known in college and that was all. They had been close, her, him, and the rest of her little group, but nothing more. And when they asked for a last name? She would simply say that she didn't remember.

She sighed, why could she just move on? She knew somewhere he thought that she _had_ moved on, but the truth was she would never be able to totally forget him. He was burned in her memory forever, the boy who had changed her the moment she met him. And she had changed for the better, she knew that, she just hoped that some of those changes were still in her somewhere. That her free spirit, live for the moment, daring side was tucked away in her heart, just waiting for someone to come along and set it free again. God, how she wanted to be set free again.


	3. The Man He Once Was

**AN: Thanks for all the amazing revies on the first two chapters! You guys are awesome. A lot of people have been asking when I'm going to update on Logan's life, well, the answer his now. Chapter 3 is Logan centered, so enjoy. Read and review, please!**

Nobody actually thought he'd do it, but he did. On his return from London, he told his father goodbye and set on to find work on his own. Mitchum had been furious, and threatening. He'd cut Logan off from everything he'd had all his life, but that wasn't what mattered anymore. What mattered was accomplishing something on his own for once, something he _wanted_ to accomplish. The truth was, he didn't mind writing, he even enjoyed it. He just didn't enjoy being pushed to the limit by his bully of a father. Logan had gotten several job offers, and he was taking his time weighing the options. He was in no hurry, he, as a Huntzberger, had nothing to prove.

He wasn't sure what had given him the nerve to finally turn his back on his family, excluding Honor. Maybe it was the way his father had treated him in London. Mitchum had overworked him and underpraised him. Nothing Logan did was ever good enough, and yet he was always asked to work seven days a week for hours on end. Or maybe, just maybe, it had been his rude awakening at the hospital after his LBD accident. It could've been opening his eyes in the hospital, only to find out that the woman he loved had walked out on him without so much as a goodbye. She didn't even have the nerve to wait until he returned. Maybe it was that sharp, shattering of his heart that left him ready to face anyone, because nobody, not even his father, could hurt him the way Rory Gilmore had.

Whatever it was, he now found himself living in a Hartford apartment with Colin and Finn. The other two, forever his best friends, were planning on going with him wherever Logan accepted a job and then they would try and find work themselves. Doing what? Logan wasn't sure. But working had to be better for their health than the consistant partying. Not that he minded their late night drinking adventures. No, those nights out were what kept him going, alive, and well...emotionless.

He thought about Rory everyday, either a passing flash of her brillant blue eyes or a long thought out, detailed evaulation on why she had disappeared from his life. He missed her. He missed her every second of everyday. Even when he wasn't thinking about her he missed her, because a part of him left when she walked out that door. It was weird. Never in his life would he have thought he'd get that attached to someone, let alone a girlfriend. But he had and nothing, _nothing _could make the feeling of emptiness go away. Colin, Finn, and Stephanie had tried, and hell, they succeeded in making him numb almost every night, but that didn't solve anything. As soon as he woke up in the morning all of the pain and heartache came rushing back to him so forcefully that he felt like his chest was being crushed.

She had been mad at him when he left for the LBD outing, that much he knew, but he never expected her to move out. Never in a million years did he expect to come to an empty apartment. Not that he made it the whole way home before finding out, Colin had went looking for her after his accident and discovered none of her things were lying around. After unsuccessfully trying to call her cellphone, he deducted that she was gone. So when Logan had opened his eyes in that lonely hospital room, the only people sitting there were his three best friends. Honor was on her honeymoon, his parents couldn't have cared less, and the person he loved about the most was placing her things into a new apartment; the person he loved about most was moving on without him.

--------------------------------

_Logan opened his eyes, the room seemed to jump in out and of darkness as it spun before his stare. Blinking, he turned his head slightly, and tried to focus on the still shapes next to him. There were three people in the white, bland room and it took him a moment to remember where he was. As his gaze cleared, he could make out the forms of Colin, Finn, and Stephanie. And then suddenly it all came rushing back to him: the LBD trip, jumping off the cliff, losing conciousness as he crashed in the ground._

_"Colin?" he whispered hoarsely, "You awake?"_

_Colin stirred slightly. As he shifted his eyes to Logan, a small smile crept over his face._

_"Well, well, well," he chirped, "If it isn't the resisdent dare devil, how are you feeling?"_

_Despite Colin's cheerful voice, Logan couldn't help but notice the red rings below Colin's eyes and the dry tear stains on his face. God, how long had he been in here? How long had he been worrying his friends? And where was his girlfriend?_

_"Like I fell of a cliff," Logan said dryly._

_"Hah hah," Colin turned around and shook Colin and Finn awake, "Seriously buddy, how are you?"_

_Logan sighed, "I've been better."_

_"Well, that much is obvious," Finn replied, getting up from his chair and walking over to the bed._

_As Logan studied his other two best friends, he noticed their faces mirrored Colin's tired, distressed image. They must have been scared out of their minds, and as much as he hated worrying them, it was nice knowing that they cared so much. But as he took in the three loving faces of his friends, he couldn't help but notice there was somebody very important missing from the room._

_"Is Rory coming?" Logan inquired._

_Finn and Stephanie immediatly shifted their gazes to the floor, and Colin's sympathetic expression grew stronger. Colin coughed slightly, opened his mouth and closed it, before lacing his fingers around Logan's bed rail and taking a deep breath._

_"No man," he said quietly, "She's not coming."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"She's gone."_

_Logan paused, "What?"_

_"I'm sorry, Huntz. I went to your apartment and all of her things were gone. She won't answer her cellphone. She's disappeared."_

_The pain Logan felt at that instant was worse than anything the cliff could've caused. He fixed his eyes on Colin, trying to figure out if this was a joke, but one look into his friends serious face and he knew it wasn't. He could feel the tears streaming down his face, but at that moment he didn't have the stength nor the will to wipe them away. Stephanie reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers through his in a kind gesture._

_Gone. Rory Gilmore was gone. Questions wouldn't stop circling through his mind. How could she just leave like that? Why didn't she care about him? About what happened to him? Where was she? Didn't she know he loved her? Didn't she love him?_

--------------------------------

So now here he was, living a life he never thought he'd be living, because he fell in love when he_ never _thought he would. Sure, there were good things to come out of it. He was no longer attached to his unloving family, he was free to do what he wanted, when he wanted, and his relationships with his friends and sister had only grown stronger since the breakup. But the list of positive aspects ended there.

His dating life, once so adventurous and never ending, had come to a severe halt. Sure, he went out with girls occasionally, but he could never stop comparing them to the woman with the witty sense of humor and amazing drive. And none of them ever came close to matching her ability to make his world spin. No, Rory Gilmore was one of a kind, and now she was gone.

He didn't know where she was or what she was doing, but he had a good idea of who she was with. Paris, ever the talkative one, had informed him later that she had gone to see Jess in Philadelphia while he was gone. Logan should've known. He should've known that Jess would be the one to screw everything up. Jesss with his smooth, cocky way of talking and his challenging, daring eyes. Jess had been the one to tear her away from him and all of her friends. Jess was the one to blame for his world crumpling around him. The love of his life had vanished as quickly and unexpectantly as she had stormed in, and now Logan was left trying to pick up the pieces of his broken existance and move on.

"Come on Huntz, we're leaving!" Colin called, standing at the door of their apartment.

Logan snapped out of his daze and tore his eyes away from the floor he had been unknowingly staring at for the past fifteen minutes.

"What?"

"He said we're leaving, mate," Finn explained impatiently.

"For where?" Logan asked, clearly confused.

"The bar with the _girls_," Colin drawled, tapping his foot on the ground.

"Oh," Logan paused, "Right."

He got up from the couch and walked through the door, followed closely by his two friends. Colin placed a hand on his shoulder and when Logan turned his head, a sarcastic smile was waiting for him.

"You getting old, Logan? Or just that forgetful?"

Logan shrugged him off, sending a glare his way, "You're such an ass, Colin."

"At least he can remember plans we made two days ago," Finn offered.

"Too bad you won't remember what happens tonight tomorrow morning," Logan shot back with a grin.

"Now boys, can we at least try being friendly?" Colin asked, raising his eyebrows.

They walked outside and began strolling towards their favorite bar a few blocks down the city street. When they entered, they were instantly greeted by the three girls Colin had invited. Logan's eyes were immediatly drawn to the redish-brown hair and soft, blue eyes of the girl on the right. She returned his eye contact with a grin that made his heart ache. Colin should've known better than to bring him to a place with a girl who looked like that. He looked helplessly in the direction of his friends, but Finn was already bugging the red head to come home with him and Colin had disappeared into the crowd with a blonde. Taking a deep breath, he returned his attention to the pretty brunette.

"You must be Logan," she commented, holding out her hand, "I'm Andrea."

"So Colin told you about me?" Logan asked, shaking her hand.

"He _warned_ me about Finn, and _told _me about you."

Logan sent her the expression that had drawn girls to him for years: he smirked.

"And I see you took his advice."

She laughed, "Yes, I'm staying away from Finn."

Her laugh was sweet; a short, gentle sound that reminded him almost of bells. She really was beautiful and he couldn't help but think that years ago, he would've jumped at the chance to be with this girl. He let his eyes wander from her face, down to her tight, green dress that accented all of her curves and straight to her smooth, muscular legs. Yes, a few years ago, Andrea would've been everything he wanted and more. But now, looking at her, the only thing he saw was the reflexion of a girl he once knew.

"Are you okay?" Andrea asked suddenly, placing a hand on his arm.

Logan jumped slightly at her touch and pulled away. She looked hurt for a second, but then he smiled and the expression disappeared.

"I'm fine," he assured her, "So Andrea, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm in school for physical therepy."

He let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. At least she wasn't a writer.

"That's interesting."

"And I already know you're a journalist, everybody knows about Logan Huntzberger."

He raised his eyebrows, "Everybody, huh? I'm flattered."

"Colin already warned me that you had kind of a big head."

"Did he now?" Logan smirked, "Remind me to strangle him later."

"Will do."

They lapsed into a silence that was all but comfortable. Logan knew he should be striking up a conversation with the beautiful, intelligent girl standing infront of him, but he just couldn't force himself to do it. As much as he hated to admit it, he didn't want to get hurt again. He didn't want to risk falling for a girl who would walk out of his life without a second glance.

"I'm sorry, Andrea. I really have to go."

"Logan..." she began.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, turning to weave his way through the crowd.

"Can I call you?" she called over the noise.

He turned around to face her, her gorgeous blue eyes were filled with hope that would never be fulfilled.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

He whipped around then, very quickly, and dashed towards the exit. Andrea would find somebody else, probably that very night, that would catch her interest as much as he had. But Logan? Logan was done. He'd had his chance, had the girl who made his eyes light up whenever she walked in a room, and nothing, _nobody_ could ever place that feeling. Rory was the one and when he had met her, he pushed the thought of other women out of his mind. It was still difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that he was back at the starting line, and this was a whole new event.

He started off done the sidewalk, heading nowhere in particular. He just needed to get someplace where Rory's voice, laughter, and expressions would stop puncturing his heart. But he knew if such a place existed, he probably would've found it by now. With a sigh, he planted himself on a bench and watched as the people of Hartford rolled by. Staring at other people's lives, he couldn't help but wonder if the couples were as happy as he once was, or if the solo pedestrians were missing a piece of their heart too.

--------------------------------

"What's wrong with me?" Logan yelled into the phone the next morning.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Logan," his sister replied with a sigh.

"Then why can't I move on?"

"Because you love her."

"I've never been like this before."

"You've never been in love before."

"Damn it!"

He could almost see only biting her lower lip on the other end of the phone.

"It will get easier, Logan. I promise."

"When? It's been a year already!"

As his last sentence sunk in, he slid down on the couch shock. It had been a year, actually,_ over _a year since he'd talked to Rory, held her, laughed with her, kissed her. It had been over a year of complete torture and pain, over a year of answering the phone and hoping with ever fiber of his being to hear her voice on the other end, over a year of racing to the door and half expecting to see her standing there, a stunning half smile on her lips.

"Logan, I can't tell you when, but it will come. You'll move on someday. You'll find another girl who _dare _to call your girlfriend," Honor said, urging him to crack a smile.

"Whatever you say," Logan muttered, "I have to go."

"Logan, hold on."

"What?"

"Look, you know I love you more than anyone, right?"

"Sure, Honor."

"Seriously. I hate seeing you like this. You don't deserve this and you didn't deserve to be walked out on like that, but sometimes you've just got to tighten your shoulders and move on, okay? You're strong, Logan, and you can make it through this. Let your friends help you, and give other girls a chance."

"Okay," he ran a hand through his hair, "I'll try. Thanks Honor."

"No problem. Bye."

He shut his phone and laid down on the couch, closing his eyes in the process. Why couldn't he get her face out of his mind? Why couldn't he give a girl like Andrea a chance? With a heavy sigh, he picked up a few job offers that were setting on the coffee table and began flipping through them. He had narrowed it down to a few choice cities, mainly Chicago, Providence, New York, Washington, D.C, and Pittsburgh. Besides that, he wasn't even remotely sure where he was going to end up. All he knew was that he needed to get out of the state of Connecticut and forget the girl who had torn his life apart.

"Logan, what were you screaming about out here?" Colin grumbled, shuffling into the living room.

"Sorry."

"And where did you go last night?"

"For a walk," Logan replied simply, rising from the couch and walking into the kitchen.

"Didn't you like Andrea?"

Logan shrugged, "She was great."

"I'm hungover right now, Huntz, so let's stop with the mind games. If she was great, then where the hell did you go?"

"For a walk," Logan repeated, sliding a mug over to his friend.

"You've really got to start dating again," Colin said seriously.

"Mhmm."

"Why don't you give Andrea a call today?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Why don't _you_ give her a call?" Logan asked, "I think the blonde had a boyfriend."

"How did you know?"

Logan laughed, "She was with you, Colin. They _always _have boyfriends."

"Not funny."

"_Very_ funny," Logan corrected.

Colin pointed a finger in his best friend's face, "We are so not done with this conversation."

"No problem. I'll talk about your girlfriends' boyfriends anytime," Logan said lightly.

"Shut up."

"Now, now. Don't take your anger out on me."

"We are switching back over to you now. It's been over a year, Logan, it's time to move on."

"Don't you think I'm trying?" Logan asked, his voice rising.

"I know your trying and I know it hurts. But Andrea's a great girl, so why don't you give her a call?"

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"She's smart, beautiful, and funny."

Colin burried his head in his hands, "Problem, please?"

"She's Rory."

"No, she's not!"

"She might as well be."

"Logan, the only girl who isn't going to remind you of Rory is blonde, dumb, and divorced."

"So the girl you were with last night will do?" Logan asked with a laugh.

"You're impossible. I'm getting a shower."

Logan watched his friend stomp off in the direction of the bathroom and he shook his head, smiling slightly. His friends had been nothing but supportive and patient with him since Rory had left, but he knew now they were starting to grow anxious. They understood as well as he did that he wasn't the same person anymore. Rory had changed him and now that she was gone, he was left with a feeling of free falling and he couldn't get it to stop. He couldn't find the man he was before the firesty brunette had charged into his life.


	4. Surging Forward

**AN: Here's the next chapter! My last day of school is tomorrow, so I'll have a lot more time to update. Thanks for all of your support, you guys are amazing! And I think you're going to like this chapter. Please read and_ leave me a review_!**

"So, Jess is coming out with us tonight," Rory commented at the breakroom table with Aiden days later.

He cocked his head to the side, "Why?"

"He says he wants to meet you all," she replied bitterly.

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh," he paused, "Are me and Shawn in any danger?"

Rory bust out laughing, "From Jess? Please."

He shot her a confused look, and she continued on to explain.

"Jess couldn't care less if I was having an affair, believe me. He probably wouldn't even noticed if I shoved my tongue down your throat while he was standing two feet away."

Aiden grinned, "Shall we test that theory?"

"I don't think so."

"Damn."

Rory laughed and gulped down the last of her coffee. She wasn't looking forward to spending the evening mixing her work life with her depressing home life. It wasn't like she ever asked Jess to be included in his nights out, so what gave him the nerve to shove himself into hers?

"I've got things to finish. I'll see you after work," Rory told Aiden, standing up from the table.

"Later, Gilmore."

Rory walked out the door towards her desk, but before she could get the whole way there, Carmen grabbed her by the arm and pulled her off to the side.

"So, you've got to tell me," Carmen announced.

"Tell you what?"

"I've been waiting for you to just tell me, instead of me coming after you for the answer."

"Tell you what?" Rory repeated, growing impatient.

"Who is Logan? Spill."

Rory sighed, "An old friend."

"Ror! That's what you told Shawn. You can tell _me_ the truth."

"That is the truth," Rory lied, rolling her eyes.

"Rory," Carmen whined, sticking out her bottom lip.

"Carmen," Rory mimicked, "I really have to get some work done."

Rory turned away from her friend, clenching her jaw nervously until she was back at her desk. She hoped that eventually the questions about Logan would die off, because she wasn't about to start explaining him. If she did, she would have to go on about how she had turned her back on the life she loved for a man who couldn't care less. With a sigh, she began typing away at her computer, barely registering the words that were flying off her fingers.

--------------------------------

_"I can't wait to move to Philadelphia with you," Rory whispered to Jess, curling herself into his arms._

_He planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, "It'll be sooner than you think."_

_"A year!"_

_"We'll have the summer together."_

_Rory smiled, "That's true."_

_"I'm just happy you finally came to your senses about Logan."_

_Rory nodded her head, but didn't reply. Inside, she was still having doubts about leaving Logan behind. The brides' maids incident had torn her apart inside, but she knew in Logan's way of thinking he had done nothing wrong. Not only that, being with him had opened her up to things she had never seen before, never done before. He had changed her from a simple, small town girls into a risk taker who allowed herself nights out and days of fun. Where would she go from here?_

_"You're not having any doubts are you?" Jess asked suddenly._

_"No," Rory said too quickly, "Of course not."_

_"He was never good for you Rory. He changed you."_

_"I know," Rory whispered, although she was completely sure if the change had been for better or worse._

_"You didn't want be the person he made you. You weren't Rory."_

_But she knew she had been Rory, just a more adventurous version of herself. Her phone rang and she grabbed it, eager to free herself from the tense conversation with her boyfriend. But when she glanced at the caller id, she immediatly placed it back on the coffee table._

_"Who is it?" Jess asked, pearing over at the phone._

_"Colin. He's one of Logan's friends."_

_"Oh."_

_When the phone stopped ringing, she picked it up again and dialed her voicemail. The message was short, harsh, and bitter._

_"He needs you now more than ever, but you never deserved him, Rory."_

--------------------------------

She thought about that message occasionally, trying to figure out what the first part of it meant. Several times, she considered searching Logan on the internet, but then again, she didn't want to know where his life was heading. He would have moved on by now, found a new life and new a girlfriend, maybe even a wife. But that message still ran through her head, haunting her. Why did he need her? Why then more than ever?

"You ready, Ror?" Shawn asked, standing at her desk several hours later.

"Yeah, sure."

She quickly shut down her computer, grabbed her jacket, and followed Shawn towards the elevators.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she glanced at him, confused, "Why?"

"Well, for one I was standing at your desk for like five minutes and you never even noticed."

She blushed slightly, "Sorry."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Yale," she said convincingly.

"What about it?"

She paused, "Everything. I miss it."

"Anyone in particular?" he inquired, raising his eyebrows.

She knew where the conversation was heading, "Nope."

He cast her a sideways glance and she felt somewhat guilty for lying. She almost felt like her boyfriend with all the half truths she was handing off to her friends lately. But Logan was a part of her past that she couldn't, _wouldn't _talk about. He was the only man that had ever loved her, this she was sure of, and she had left him behind. And she found herself thinking lately that she gave her whole heart to him and never _really_ got it back.

"So where are we going this fine evening?" Carmen asked as Rory and Shawn neared.

"Some bar Jess suggested," Rory stated, rolling her eyes.

"Don't sound so thrilled," Aiden commented sarcastically.

"I'll try," Rory shot back as they rode down in the elevator.

"It won't be that bad," Shawn encouraged, "Maybe we'll even get along."

"Obviously you've never met my boyfriend."

A sad smile came over her face as she remembered Logan's personality. God, the boy could get along with anyone, from his parent's friends to his own buddies. And he always had that special, sweet side that he only showed towards her. He was amazing in that way and she had always adored that about him.

She thought back briefly and tried to recall why she had walked out on him. Sure, there were the brides maids, but it was more than that. After the incident, she found herself doubting everything they had together. He had been maturing, working hard in school, and showing a side of himself she thought could make their relationship last forever. And then she had found out what he'd done, and how he'd lied about it, and all her dreams had crumpled. Hurt and scared, she ran backwards into her past, and then ended up getting stuck there.

"Get in the taxi, Gilmore!" Carmen called, popping her head out of the door.

Rory shook of her thoughts and started towards the cab, "Sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," Shawn mumbled, "Now what is this place called?"

--------------------------------

"There he is," Rory announced, pointing a finger towards her boyfriend.

He was walking casually over to them, a familar scowl plastered on his face. When he reached their table, he glanced around at each person, seeming to be judging them on first sight. When he had taken them all in, he slid into the chair next to Rory and began looking around the bar.

"Hi," Rory greeted uneasily.

"Hi."

"Um," she paused, "These are my friends: Carmen, Aiden, and Shawn."

Jess briefly turned his attention back to the three others and nodded his head shortly.

"Hi."

"So Jess, what do you do for a living?" Carmen asked, attempting to spark a conversation.

"I own a bookstore."

"Really? That's interesting."

"I guess," he muttered shortly, bringing the conversation to a screeching halt.

Rory made eye contact with each of her best friends, offering them all an apologetic stare. She didn't know why Jess had come if he was going to act this way. Why even bother?

"So..." Shawn breathed, giving Rory's hand a friendly squeeze under the table.

Jess mumbled something under his breath, before rising from the table and heading towards the bar.

"I am so sorry," Rory groaned, following her boyfriend with her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," Carmen insisted, "It'll be over before we know it."

"Hopefully he'll leave soon."

"It's fine, Gilmore, really," Aiden consoled

Rory opened her mouth to reply, but Jess crashed back into his chair next to hair, drinking his beer as he sat down. She couldn't help comparing this night to the ones with Logan and his friends. Logan would drape his arm over her shoulders, or gently twirl her hair between his fingers. He wouldn't hesitate to pull her into a knee-weakening kiss right there at the table. She missed the kisses that made her feel like she could fly.

"Any of you have a girlfirend?" Jess asked, accusation in his voice.

"Jess!" Rory protested, "Seriously."

"What? I'm just curious."

Shawn took a sip of his drink, "Not right now."

"And you?" Jess inquired, pointing a finger at Aiden.

"I'm just casually dating."

Jess laughed suddenly: a horrible, cackling laugh that reminded Rory distinctly of nails on a chalkboard. Suddenly, he turned towards her with a grin that didn't seem like a happy expression at all.

"Do you remember that boyfriend of yours who used to 'date casually'."

Rory's heart lurched.

He laughed again, "And he always said you were the one that 'changed' him. What a joke."

"That wasn't a joke," Rory whispered, her voice hoarse.

"Yeah, that's why he cheated on you with half of his sister's wedding party."

Rory felt tears gathering behind her eyes, "We were seperated."

"Don't tell me you still believe that shit, Rory! He never loved you."

The eyes of her three best friends were trained on her, watching her expression change from shocked to crest fallen, but Jess didn't even seem to notice. She felt Shawn's hand reach under the table and grab her's again, but this time her hurt wasn't so easily fixed.

"God, he was a such a loser, running to daddy dearest for everything--"

"He never did that!" Rory protested, "He hated his father."

"And yet he stuck around."

"Shut the hell up, Jess. You have no idea."

"No idea? Rory, he was a stuck-up, rich snob who said you were his girlfriend, but he actually had fifty others on the side."

"That's not true," Rory choked out, the tears falling freely from her eyes now.

"Jess, I think that's enough," Shawn inserted.

Jess ignored him, "And what was that stupid nickname he had for you?"

Rory was silent, unable to let the name form on her lips.

He paused, "Oh yeah. Ace."

At the sound of her old nickname, Rory's tears grew into sobs. How she loved it when Logan called her Ace! It made her feel cared about and special, it made her feel like he really and truly loved her. Nothing in the world could give her that feeling so easily. She hadn't heard the name slip off anyone's tongue for over a year and hearing it again was like a slap in the face. Never again would she be able to answer to that word.

"Ror?" Aiden asked, pearing into her tear stricken face.

"I um, have to go to the bathroom," she muttered, leaping up from the table.

She dashed away from the group as the sobs began to shake her body more violently. When she reached the bathroom, she slid down against the wall, burried her head in her hands, and finally allowed herself to cry over lost love. Everything Jess had mocked was everything she loved most dearly about her ex-boyfriend: the way she was the first one he commited to, his stubburness against his father, and the small, yet sweet nickname thats sounded like music coming off his lips. What had she done? Why did she walk out that door?

She _loved_ him. She loved Logan Huntzberger more than she ever loved any man, and now he was gone. She had ripped him out of her life as easily as a child tears out a page of her coloring book. Stupid. Why was she so stupid? So he made a mistake, big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. She had made the biggest mistake of her life when she moved out of the New Haven apartment. Jess wasn't the one for her, he never was and he never would be. He needed a girl who would praise_ him_, make her life revolve around _him_, and live for _him_. She needed a man who would stand up for her, laugh with her, and allow her to be an equal in their relationship. She needed a man like Logan. No, she needed _Logan_.

The bathroom door squeaked open suddenly and Rory lifted her head up. Carmen was instantly on the floor next to her, wrapping an arm around the shaking shoulders of her best friend.

"Hey Ror," she murmered.

"I'm done, Carmen."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that. I'm done. I'm leaving him and I'm moving out."

"I'd glad, Rory, I really am. We could always tell he wasn't good for you."

"He's not, he's really not. I just..." her voice trailed off.

"You just what?"

"Somebody loved me once, Car, and I let him get away."

Carmen paused, "Logan right?"

"Yeah...Logan," Rory sighed.

Carmen pulled her into a hug, "You can stay with me tonight and me and the boys will help you move out tomorrow, okay?"

Rory nodded.

"Do you want to talk about him?" Carmen asked.

"Tomorrow," she took a deep breath, "I'll tell you about Logan tomorrow."

"Good deal. You gonna be okay?"

"I don't know," Rory answered seriously.

"We'll get you through this. I promise."

"I've been trying to get through this for a long time."

"You've been trying by yourself, now you have me," Carmen explained with a smile.

Rory offered her a watery one in return, "We should get back out there."

"Good idea, because I think Shawn and Aiden are ready to kill Jess."

Rory shrugged, "They can join the club."

When they returned to the table, Shawn and Aiden were staring down Jess as the later suddenly seemed very interested in the table. As the girls neared, all three glanced up.

"You ready to go home, Rory?" Jess asked impatiently.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she replied coldly.

"All this over one ex-boyfriend? Come on, this is crazy."

"No. What's crazy is me being with you for all this time when you never really cared about me. That one ex-boyfriend loved me, Jess. He loved me more than you ever could or ever will. Don't be in the apartment tomorrow, I'm moving out."

"Damn it, Rory!" Jess yelled, "Don't do this!"

"I've made up my mind," she told him steadily, "Now please leave."

Jess's eyes looked so hurt that for a moment she almost turned back, but then she remembered Logan's touch and the brush of his lips. Jess could never compare, never even came close. And not only that, he never cared about her. He cared about the idea of her.

"Rory, please..." he almost whispered, reaching out.

"It's too late. It's been too late."

"Come on..."

"We're over, Jess. We are_ so _over."

Jess's eyes were growing damp and she had to fight herself to remain strong. He could look so caring when he wanted to, like he actually loved her, but she knew better. As soon as she was back in his arms, he wouldn't want her their anymore. That's the way it was with Jess, a never-ending, vicious cycle that she was finally ridding herself of once and for all. She had a taste of what love was supposed to be like over a year ago, and the man sitting before her could never match up to that.

He studied her for a few more seconds, before realizing she wasn't changing her mind. He slammed his drink down on the counter, sending a shower of alcohol over the group, but the only reaction was a slight finch. With a long, lingering glare into Rory's eyes, he stormed out of the bar in an angry rage. And as he disappeared through the doors, she had the sudden feeling of a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She was free, finally_ free_. After holding onto him for the sake of her pride, she finally found the strength to let him go. A mistake. That's all he was to her now, but he was a big mistake. He was a mistake that cost her the person she loved most in the world.

"You okay, Gilmore?" Shawn asked.

She nodded her head, "More than okay. Can you two help me and Car move me out tomorrow?"

"Of course," Aiden replied.

"Thank you."

She couldn't stop staring at the door Jess had just walked out of. He would probably be back chasing her in about a week, saying the things that had made her heart melt before, but she wouldn't fall for it this time. She was wiser now, she wasn't the same scared girl she used to be. Finally, she realized that what she had with Logan was the real thing and no matter how hard she wanted to, nothing she did would ever make her forget that. When she walked out of the door that day she had walked out on a lifetime of love and happiness, but she had punished herself enough. It was time to move on, forget her past regrets, erase her memories, and surge forward. And even though she had to finally admit that she left Logan behind for no reason, it was better than living with Jess for another day.

"I think it's time to go," Carmen announced, "What do you say, Ror?"

"Yeah. It really is," she said under her breath, talking about more than just the bar.

"So, I know it may be a touchy subject, but who was that guy he was talking about?" Aiden asked as they walked back out towards the street.

"He...he's hard to explain. He was special, he brought out the best in me. I loved him," she paused, "It's Logan."

"So he was more than just an old friend?" Aiden asked.

She exhaled, "So much more."

"Where is he now?" Carmen inquired.

Rory felt the tears falling again, "I have no idea, but I miss him more everyday."

Shawn wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. She wished she knew where he was, and if he was happy. Had he found someone new? Did he still think about her? Was he writing? Working? A small sob shook her body and Shawn tightened his grip around her and planted a kiss gently on her head.

"It'll be okay, Ror."

"No," she whispered, "No, it won't."


	5. As Deep As Ever

"Just pick one!" Finn groaned impatiently.

Logan glanced down at the job offers on the kitchen table, letting his eyes wander back and forth between his last two choices.

"It's not that simple."

"It could be," Colin commented.

"Oh yeah?"

"Close your eyes, I'll mix them up, and then you can point to one randomly."

"Brilliant," Logan grumbled sarcastically.

"Come on, Logan. You've got to choose one soon."

"I know, I know."

He sighed and glanced back at the offers from newspapers in Chicago and New York. He was more familar with New York, but Chicago would be something different, a challenge he'd never faced before. With a sigh, he dropped his head into his hands in a gesture of defeat.

"Do you want me to pick?" Finn offered.

Logan grinned, "God, no."

"I'm offended."

"As you should be," Colin put in.

"Do you really want to end up somewhere Finn picked?" Logan asked Colin with a laugh.

"I never said you weren't right."

"Now I'm really offended!" Finn announced.

"You'll get over it in about three seconds," Logan promised.

He turned his attention back to his decision, making a small pro and con list in his head. He'd always loved New York, and he knew his friends did too, especially Finn. They would be happier there, closer to all of thier friends from Yale and Hartford. And although Chicago would take him farther away from the memories and pain Rory left behind, he knew inside that New York was the best choice for everyone involved.

"Alright," he breathed.

"Oh my God," Colin said, "I think he's finally made a decision."

"Alert the papers," Finn muttered sarcastically.

"Hah hah, you're hilarious."

"So?" Colin urged, "Where are we living?"

"I think it's best for all of us in New York."

"Good decision," Finn approved.

Colin nodded in agreement.

"Okay, let me make a phone call and then we can head out."

"I've been waiting to hear those words for hours."

Logan rolled his eyes, "It's been one hour, Finn."

"Seems longer."

"That's because your body crashes when it's alcohol deprived."

"That was harsh, but true."

Logan laughed softly as he grabbed his cellphone and paper and walked into the living. Taking a deep breath, he dialed the number for the New York newspaper _Post It_ and waited while it rang.

"Post It Gazette, Carmen speaking. How may I help you?"

"May I speak to a Mr. Paul Brown?"

"Just a moment."

After listening the annoying hold music for a little over ten minutes, the voice he was looking for finally picked up the phone.

"Paul Brown speaking."

"Mr. Brown, this is Logan Huntzberger."

"Logan! It's good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, thanks. And you?"

"Very well," he paused, "Especially if your calling because you accepted our job offer."

"Actually, that's exactly why I'm calling."

"Well, that's excellent news, Logan."

"I'm glad you think so," Logan stated.

"I'd love to have you up here to start next week, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good."

"Great. I'll have my secretary call you with the details."

"Okay."

"Welcome aboard, Logan!" Paul boomed.

"Glad to be there."

He clamped his phone shut and eased back on the couch. He finally felt like he could move on, that maybe this job would allow him to forget his past and jump into the future. Rory's face still haunted his mind and he knew deep down that it probably always would, but maybe moving on and working would distract his heart from feeling so much pain. There would never be another Rory Gilmore walking into his life, nobody would ever be able to affect him in that way again. But if he could get his heart to heal enough to start dating again, well, that would be a minor accomplishment.

As he thought about his past, he realized what hurt him the most about Rory was that she never showed up at the hospital. Everyday he was in there he would watch the door, praying that she would walk through it, a apologetic smile on her face. But she never came. How could she not care enough to even visit and see if he was okay? After everything they had been through together, she didn't even bother to come see him when he needed her the most. If the situation had been reversed, he would've been at her side in an instant, just for the fact that he loved her once in his life.

"You ready Huntz?" Colin called from the kitchen.

"Coming, father," Logan teased, jumping up.

--------------------------------

"Colin, you didn't," Logan groaned, glancing towards the doorway of the bar, "You called Andrea!"

"No, I called her friends. Andrea was just a little add on."

"Damn it, Colin! I told you I wasn't interested."

"I didn't say you had to be!"

Logan scowled at his friend as the three girls neared their table. The red head and Andrea were present from the night before, but a new woman with short, choppy black here took the place of the blonde. He considered getting up from the table and walking out right then and there, but before he could react Andrea was pulling up a chair beside him and smiling at him in a way that screamed Rory.

"Hi Logan," she greeted, "How are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

"Same."

He sighed as he noticed how sad, yet hopeful her eyes looked. Before Rory, he knew he could've fallen for a girl like her. In fact, if he had never met the girl from Stars Hollow, Andrea might have been his first girlfriend. But the 'could haves' didn't mean anything now. Rory had entered his life, and she had turned his world upside down. And when she left, she took a huge part him that he was still trying to piece back together. He wasn't ready to let himself date again, especially a girl who reminded him so much of his pain.

"I was hoping you'd change your mind the other night," she commented.

Logan cringed, "Andrea, listen--"

"Colin told me you were such an outgoing, party boy. I guess I was expecting something different."

Logan pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose, "I used to be like that."

She paused, "Can I ask what happened?"

"It's a long story."

She looked at him then, _really_ looked at him. It made him feel like she was staring straight into his soul. Only one other girl in his lifetime had ever looked at him that way and he suddenly found himself panicing. He stood up quickly from the table and starting weaving out the bar. He could feel the eyes of his friends following him, but at that moment he didn't care. All he knew was that he needed to get away from the girl with the prying eyes.

Once he was out on the city streets, he exhaled and ran his hands down over his face. He wanted to move on, wanted to move on _so _badly. But he couldn't, not yet. And as much as he wanted to fall for Andrea, he couldn't make his heart feel something it didn't want to. The girl was nearly perfect, but she didn't have the same affect on him that Rory had. He wondered if that feeling would ever grab ahold of him again, or if he would spend his life running away from things that just didn't feel right.

"Don't you at least owe me an explanation?" a voice said from behind him.

Logan whipped around and came face to face with Andrea.

"Like I said, it's a long story."

"Well, I have plenty of time, considering my date just ran out of the bar," she said with a smile.

Logan clenched his jaw, "Believe me, you do not want to hear about my life."

"Actually, I do," she walked closer to him, looping her arm through his, "Just let me be a friend, okay? I like you, Logan, I really do. From the first second I saw you, something about you just pulled me in. And if I can't date you, then I at least want to be your friend."

Logan stared at her in amazement, "Okay."

They began strolling down the sidewalks, arms linked, but Logan remained silent about the subject of his past.

"It was a girl, right?" Andrea inquired finally.

"Huh?"

"A girl hurt you, didn't she?"

He nodded.

"What was her name?"

He glanced over at Andrea, noticing the concern and genuine interest in her eyes. They had only met twice, but she seemed to really care about him. And as much as he was fighting it, he was really starting to like this girl, but as no more than a friend.

"Rory," he replied, "Short for Lorelai."

"Can I ask what happened?"

He sighed, "You can ask."

"Are you going to answer it if I do?"

"I'll try," he stated honestly.

"Okay. What happened?"

"I'll give you the Reader's Digest version," he told her with a smile, "We were dating and we broke up. I was with some girls while we were seperated. We got back together, she found out about the girls, and she got angry. I won her back, but she never really forgave me. When I was on a trip with my friends, she went to see her ex-boyfriend. I was in an accident on the trip and when I woke up in the hospital, she had already packed her things and moved out. I never saw her again."

He wasn't sure why he was telling a near stranger about his life. Maybe it was the way her blue eyes reflected the innocence of the girl from his past, or maybe it was the way her stare filled with instant concern as his story came to a close. Whatever it was, he found himself trusting a girl he barely knew with more than he had told almost anyone. For some reason, he thought that maybe she could help.

"And you really loved her, didn't you?"

"She was my first girlfriend."

She raised her eyebrows, "You had your first girlfriend in college?"

He smirked, "Don't get me wrong. I was _with _plenty of girls, I just never had a girlfriend before Rory. Well actually, that's not true. There was this Who's The Boss thing..."

"Let's not go there," she laughed.

"Good idea."

"How long has it been? Since Rory, I mean."

"Over a year."

"Wow," she breathed, "You must have really loved her."

"Yeah, I really do."

He didn't realize her used present tense, until she turned towards him, a sad expression on her face.

"Do?"

"Yeah...I guess it is do."

She motioned him towards a bench and they sat down. They were silent for a few minutes, before she glanced over at him, a serious look consuming her face.

"So, that's what happened to party boy Logan, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what happened."

"He'll be back."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Oh?"

"Oh."

"And how do you know that after meeting me twice?"

"Because I just do. She might've been a big part of your life, but she wasn't all of it. Once you get the pieces back together, you'll be fine," she paused, "And you know what?"

"What?"

"I bet that she's not happy either."

"What makes you say that?"

"When you love someone, you just don't forget about them. I think she made a really big mistake."

"Thank you, Andrea."

"My pleasure," she stood up, "Now call me sometime, okay?"

"I'm moving to New York next week," he explained.

She smiled, "Good. That'll help you, but you can still call me if you need anything. Colin should have my number."

"Right back at you," he replied.

"Bye Logan."

He sighed, "Bye."

--------------------------------

He returned to the apartment solo, with Colin and Finn still off with their dates somewhere. Turning on the television, he collasped back on the couch and rested his hands against his forehead. He really wasn't paying attention to the program, his mind was filled with too much static from the conversation with Andrea. Her confidence that he would be okay gave him hope, even if she barely knew him. Something about her expression when she uttered those words made it seem completely believable.

Maybe the job in New York would be his answer, maybe it was be the key to fixing him. He was tired of not being himself, sick of not enjoying nights out with his best friends. He didn't deserve to be the one suffering for _her_ actions. And if karma actually existed, she would be in just as much pain as him. But he knew that was doubtful, she was Rory Gilmore and the man she chose was her high school sweetheart. It almost seemed like the end of a romance novel, and if he wasn't the man left behind, it might made a good story.

"Logan! You have got to stop running out like that!" Colin yelled as he walked into the apartment.

"I was with Andrea."

"She came back, you didn't," Finn pointed out, following Colin into the living room.

"We were done talking," Logan said, defending himself, "She wanted an explanation and I gave her one."

Colin groaned, "Smart. Beautiful. Funny. Perfectly good girlfriend material, Logan!"

"I don't want a girlfriend right now."

"Then just date her, date others. Just move on," Finn offered.

"I'm trying, " Logan insisted, "Maybe New York will help."

"I hope so," Colin replied.

"What I don't understand, what really bothers me is: How can you still love her?" Finn inquired.

Logan paused, "I honestly don't know. I'm furious and hurt about everything she did to me, but I can't stop loving her. That doesn't mean that if she walked in this door right now I'd take her back, but sometimes you just can't control how you feel. Rory...Rory was everything to me for so long that it's hard to just make that stop."

Finn nodded, but Logan knew it was hard for either of his two friends to really understand. Neither one had ever been in love, or even had a really serious girlfriend for that matter. They didn't know what it was like to completely give your heart away to someone, only to have them turn around and take it with them. It was a sensation unlike anything Logan had ever felt before. Losing Rory was like losing an arm or a leg. It wasn't there, but sometimes you got phantom pains that made it feel like it was.

He didn't know why Andrea was able to understand so deeply, maybe she had been hurt before in her life, or maybe it was just the feminine quality that enabled her to really feel his pain. All he knew was that talking to Andrea made him feel better than he had in a long time. And maybe someday, when his heart had healed, it would feel something for the pretty brunnette.

"I'm going to call Honor, let her know I took the job, then I'm heading to bed," Logan told his friends, getting up from the couch.

"Night Huntz," Colin called.

"Good night, mate."

Logan plodded back to his bedroom and sat down on the bed, selecting Honor off his call list in the process.

"Hey, little brother," she greeted, "What's up?"

"I took a job."

"Really? Where?"

"New York, a newspaper called Post It."

"Logan, that's awesome!" Honor gushed, "I'm glad you picked New York!"

Logan smiled, "Can't imagine why."

"Me either, maybe it's because I just moved there," she commented.

He laughed, "Maybe."

"Ahh! I'm so excited."

"Me too."

"When do you get here?" she asked.

"Next week sometime. I'm getting a call wtih the details."

"Call me _as soon_ as you land and me and Josh will take you all out to dinner."

"You paying?" Logan asked with a smile.

"You are so cheap."

"Hey, dad cut me off from everything, remember?"

"Don't pull that act on me! You have plenty of finances."

"But they're mine, not his. Much harder to actually spend," he explained.

"Mhmm," she paused, "So how are you...really?"

"I'm doing better. I talked with a new friend today, a girl named Andrea."

"Love interest?"

"Nah, just a friend."

"And she was helpful?"

"Very."

"Good," Honor sighed, "Well, I have to go. Josh needs me for something. Call me tomorrow and we'll talk more, okay?"

"Alright. Bye Honor."

"Good night, Logan."

He closed his phone feeling better than he had felt in a long time. He had a new job, a new friend, and hope for a brand new life. He could finally see himself moving on in the near future. There were so many new oppurtunites waiting for him in New York, people he had never met, experiences he had never had, and maybe, just maybe, a girl who could win his heart.

Not to mention he would be in the same city as the only family he truly cared about. Honor was more important to him than anyone would ever know. As great as friends were, Honor understood him like no one else. She was his sister, and his best friend. The one he had grown up with, talked with, and despised his parents with. No matter what they were always there for each other, no questions asked and no looking back. Without her, the breakup would've hit him much harder than it had.

The only person who had ever come close to understanding him the way Honor did was Rory. She saw things in him that even he had trouble finding: potential, commitment, and a warm, serious side that only she could bring out. With Rory, he always felt like he could do something with his life, _really_ do something. In a way, the drive he saw in her made him become more serious about his studies and his career.

And even now that she was gone, the impression she left still lingered with him. He had stayed committed, stayed determined, and finally found the nerve to stand up to his father. Now, everytime he wrote a story or applied for a job, he saw her face in his head. He had something to thank her for, but that didn't mean he could forgive her. He loved her more than he loved anyone, but liking her was a completely different story.

He placed his phone on the nightstand, before changing and crawling into bed. Tomorrow he would have to start packing and put the apartment up for sale. A new phase of his life was finally beginning, and he couldn't wait to start. Something was waiting for him in New York, and finding it sounded like a challenge to him. And if there was one think Logan loved, it was a challenge. He had fallen in love with Rory Gilmore afterall.

And as he closed his eyes, he couldn't stop picturing her eyes, her smile, and her face. But his memories were slowly fading, growing fuzzier. Sometimes it was hard to remember exactly how her laugh sounded, or the way her voice changed when she sent a witty comment his way. The details about her were slowly drifting away, but the dent she had left behind was as deep as ever.


	6. I Shine A Little More Lately

**AN: Okay, I just wanted to say right off the bat that there WILL be Rory and Logan interaction in the next chapter. I promise. I just didn't want to rush them into meeting again. I thought it would be kind of unrealistic and I wanted to set up their lives first. So, just hang with me and the next chapter you will be rewarded! But anyway:**

**Welcome to Rory's moving out chapter! Haha. I hope you enjoy it and please leave me a review! Thanks for all of your reviews and support. Again, you guys are awesome. I know all of you have a lot of questions, but I think the story will start to answer them very soon, as the next chapter, as in that was just a REALLY big hint. Okay, enough of that. The song in this chapter is called _In The Rough _(hense the title of the fic) by Anna Nalick. Okay, enough of me blabbering on. Enjoy the chapter. Read and review!**

Rory stood in the center of the apartment, hands on her hips, glancing at all her things scattered around the the room. She didn't realize how much like home the place had grown to be, and leaving it was like closing a chapter in her life. A wave of sadness passed over her for a second, before she remember all that she was leaving behind. No more early morning half conversations with her boyfriend who wasn't bothering to listen, no more crying herself to sleep at night wondering why he didn't care, and no more pretending to love a man who never had her heart.

Carmen, Shawn, and Aiden would be there to help move her boxes later in the day, but for now she just wanted to be alone with her memories: the good and the bad. Jess had called her late the night before rambling on about how much she would miss him and that he loved her. She had almost felt bad for him, listening to his sad voice and quiet, desperate pleas. But then she remembered everything he had put her through over the last months and everything she had left behind for him. So, she coldly reminded him that they had never really been in love and then he screamed that she was crazy and hung up.

Sighing, she walked to the radio and turned the volume up full blast as she started gathering her things from the living room.

_You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands  
"It's your fault for running, holding diamonds," I said  
And I offer no sympathy for that  
I hear that it was you who died alone  
And I offer no sympathy for that  
Better off I sparkle on my own_

The first thing she noticed was a photo album sitting on the coffee table. She picked it up and began flipping through the pages, noticing the happy smiles that consumed their faces. It was weird, thinking back to when they were happy. Back then, she thought she might have loved him, but she knew better now. She was blinded by all his empty promises and dark, louring eyes. He never gave her the feelings that Logan did, but she hadn't considered that when she turned to him. The only things she considered were her broken heart and confused mind.

She placed it back in its position, determined not to take any memories of Jess with her to Carmen's. She was placing him and everything he represented behind her,_ far _behind her. She would always regret him, and her decision to return to him, but never again would she look back on their memories together and smile. Never again would she fall for his sweet talking, no matter how convincing it might be.

Tossing some movies and books into a box, she didn't even take the time to look at the framed pictures of the two of them on the far wall. He could have them. He could sit in this room and look at the ghosts of what they could have been. She didn't want to, nor did she really care.

_And someday love will find me in the rough  
Someday love will finally be enough_

As she walked into the bedroom, the first thing that caught her eye was his shelf. On it were the three books he had published. Walking over, she selected the one that started it all, the book he came to show her when Logan and Jess ran into each other. She ran her fingers over the cover, wondering how one little book could cause so much trouble. But she knew it wasn't the book at all, it was Jess's stubburn brain that said if he couldn't have Rory, nobody could. Often, she thought back to that night and wondered what would've happened if she would've just walked away. Maybe if she would have turned her back on him the first time, the second time would have never rolled around.

But there was no use thinking about that now, what happened happened. And now she was here, clearing out her possessions from the apartment of the man who tore her life apart. Maybe now she could find a relationship with a man who would really love her, like Logan had. But she knew nobody would ever love her in that way again. Logan and her, they had something special, something that only comes around once in a lifetime. They understood each other, fed off each other, and enouraged one and other to grow and change. Nobody had ever affected her life the same way, and she had a feeling that nobody ever would.

If she believed in fate, in destiny, she would've had a slight hope that they would run into each other someday. But she didn't, and so she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that Logan was gone forever. Not only that, but he was gone because of a decision she made. Nobody else was to blame, nobody else could help carry the weight on her shoulders. The fault was hers and hers alone.

She never stopped loving him, no, that wasn't the problem. It was her doubt in his character, his honesty, that had driven her away from that apartment. She had trusted Jess because he was a picture from her past, somebody who had remained the same since her high school days. But after a few months with him, she realized that he wasn't the same at all, and yet he had stayed seventeen in so many ways.

_  
I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door  
Now you say you know all you did not know before  
And I offer no sympathy for that  
I hear that it was you who died alone  
And I offer no sympathy for that  
Better off I sparkle on my own_

She gathered her things from the bedroom slowly, letting her eyes linger over her jewelry, clothing, and nick nacks. It was weird, when she was moving out of Logan's she had been in tears the entire time. But now, she felt nothing. She was completely and totally emtionless as she stuffed her boxes full of moments lost.

A memory came rushing back to her as she walked from the bedroom: She was driving towards Paris's, tears pouring down her cheeks, wondering why she had left Logan behind. She tried to keep Jess's face in her mind and remember the words that had poured from his mouth. He loved her. Logan didn't. He cared about her. Logan didn't. He would never lie to her the way Logan had. And yet, she found herself pulling over several times on the way there to wipe the tears from her eyes and reevaluate her decision. There was nothing in her life she regretted more than not turning around that day.

And the first few months with Jess had been great, it was the last ones that destroyed their relationship. Once he figured he had her caught, he didn't need to try anymore. He stopped kissing her good night, stopped holding her until her eyes opened in the morning, stopped calling her just to say she was on his mind. But that was Jess right? That had always been Jess. She had just been too blinded by him to realize that at first.

And someday love will find me in the rough  
Someday love will finally be enough

Her thoughts drifed to Logan again, as she remembered meeting him for the first time, and then realizing later on that this man was special. She was still convinced that Dean was her first love, but he was a different kind of love. Dean had her caught up in the teenage version of the emotion. Never had she pictured spending the rest of her life with him, at least not when they were teenagers. Later on, the thought crossed her mind once or twice, but something had just never felt right.

But Logan, everything had always felt right with Logan. She pictured herself waking up with him every morning for the rest of her life, imagined standing with him at the altar murmering vowels back and forth. She'd felt the truest form of love with him, an emotion she hadn't felt since over a year ago. All she wanted was to find that feeling again someday.

I got your love letters  
I threw them all away  
And I hear you think that I'm crazy  
I'm driving 95  
And I'm driving you away  
And I shine a little more lately

As she walked into the kitchen, she found a letter with her name on it sitting on the counter. Exhaling, she grabbed it and sat down in the counter, taking in the words that were scrawled upon the page.

**Rory, I'm sorry for saying those things about Logan. I know you two had something way back when, but you can't get so emtional over him anymore. I won't bring him up anymore if it will make you stay with me. I know things have been hard for the two of us lately, but I want to try and fix it. I want things to go back to the way they used to be. This is nuts. We belong together. I love you. --Jess**

She smirked angrily and crinkled up the paper before tossing it in the garbage. How could he think everything could be fixed that easily? Didn't he realize everything he'd put her through? Didn't he realize that they were never really in love? She actually found herself laughing as she placed her latest box on the pile near her feet. He could be so caring when he wanted to be, and yet it was all an act. She wondered briefly who his next victim would be. Who would be the next girl to get caught in the trap of sweet words, only to find herself drowning later on?

_  
Someday love will find me in the rough  
Someday love will finally be enough _

Someday love will find me in the rough  
Someday love will finally be enough

I shine a little more lately

And as she stared at the boxes on the floor, she knew that everything she was doing was right. She was finally making the right choice for her life. She had a good job, great friends, and a wonderful mother. All the support she could ever ask for was standing before her, just waiting to catch her if she fell. It was time for her to discover the world on her own, to put herself out there and find what she was missing the past year.

She was ready to shine, ready to live her life with no worries. But as she stared at the boxes, tears began to stream down her cheeks. Tears not for Jess, but for the _last_ time she had packed away her life. All she wanted was to move back in with Logan.

_--------------------------------_

"Mom, I'm fine," Rory insisted into the phone, "My friends will be here any minute to help me move out."

"Have you wallowed? You should wallow."

"I don't need to wallow!"

"Everyone needs to wallow after a breakup."

"Not if your the one doing the breaking and not if you don't feel anything at all."

"I'm not talking about this breakup," Lorelai explained.

Rory paused, "I don't need to wallow for that one either."

"But you never did, hun."

"And I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"Mom," Rory groaned, "I just wanted to give you my new address. That's all."

"Did you ever consider getting in contact with Logan?"

"What? No! I tortured the poor boy enough."

"I don't think he'd mind getting a phone call from you," Loreali explained.

"Actually, I think he'd mind very, very much. And if he didn't mind, Colin might come after me with a pitch fork. So can we end this conversation, please?" Rory pleaded.

"Fine, but I'm coming up for a visit soon."

"Good, wonderful," Rory rambled.

"And I'm brining icecream."

"I swear--"

"You shouln't swear, especially at your loving, caring mother," Lorelai chirped.

A knock at the door interrupted her conversation, "I really have to go. They're here.

"Alright sweets, but if you need anything just give me a call. Seriously."

"I know, mom. Thank you. Bye."

"Bye."

Rory closed her phone and walked over to the door, pulling it open to reveal her three best friends.

"Hey Gilmore, how are you?" Carmen asked, walking inside.

"I'm good."

"Really?" Aiden asked, glancing at the pile of boxes.

She nodded firmly, "Really."

"Okay, so..." Carmen began.

"I know, you want to hear all about Logan."

"Exactly." Shawn commented.

"Come sit down."

Rory guided them over to the couches and then sat in the chair herself. She sat quietly for a few seconds, gathering her thoughts. How could she even begin? It was so hard to explain what she felt for Logan, because she wasn't sure if that amount of feeling could be put into words. And how could she ever begin to tell why she left him?

She took a deep breath, and then launched into the best discription she could give, "I met Logan at Yale. I didn't like him at first, but he won me over. I fell in love with him pretty quickly. He never had a girlfriend before he met me, but he did commit to me. We had a great relationship and we were in love. But the first time Jess showed up, we got into a fight and he left. We broke up, but I wasn't really sure if we were or not. During that seperation, Logan hooked up with several girls. We got back together, but later I found out about the girls and broke up with him. I went back to him, but I was still angry and hurt. While he was on a trip, I went to see Jess in Philadelphia and when I came back, I decided to move out," she paused, "And I've never regretted anything more in my life."

"That's quite a story," Carmen commented when she finished, "And you don't know what he's up to now?"

"I have no idea."

"You haven't even been curious enough to search him?" Shawn asked.

"I've been extremely curious, but a part of me doesn't want to know. I want him to be happy, but it hurts to think he might have moved on."

"Like you did?" Aiden inquired.

"Yeah, I guess. But I never really moved on, you know? Jess was never the guy for me, I was just too stubburn and regretful to admit that."

"Thank God, because seriously, I couldn't stand the guy," Carmen mumbled.

Rory laughed, "Really? I can't imagine why."

"Let's get these boxes out of here, huh?" Shawn suggested.

"Sounds good," Aiden replied.

The four stood up from the living room and began transfering boxes out of the door. Rory glanced at the clock and realized Jess would be returning soon. The last thing she wanted to do was run into him.

"Let's hurry up. I don't want Jess to get back here," she told her friends, lifting another box into her arms.

"Why not? I think that would be a lovely conversation," Aiden said, a small small on his lips.

Rory couldn't help but smile back, "I don't think it would be much of a conversation. More like screaming, yelling, and possibly flying objects."

"Flying objects, huh?" Shawn inquired, raising one eyebrow.

"And I know you would find that madly interesting. I, however, would not. So let's get this stuff out of here."

_--------------------------------_

"So, I promise not to stay here too long, just until I can find another apartment."

Carmen glanced up from where she was seated on the couch, drinking a mug of coffee.

"Ror, I need a roommate. Why don't you just move in?"

"Really?"

"No, I'm joking," Carmen said sarcastically, "Yes, really."

"That would be great, Car, you have no idea."

Rory turned her attention back to the boxes she was unpacking. As she lifted one of her favorite novels out, a photograph gently fluttered to the floor. Confused and curious, she reached out and grabbed it. But when she flipped it over, she felt tears spring to her eyes. It was a picture of her and Logan at one of his many parties. They were on the couch in their old apartment. Rory was curled up next to him and his arm was draped around her shoulder. She was glancing up and he was looking down at her, the lovable smirk on his face.

"Ror? You okay?"

Carmen slid down from the couch and peered over Rory's shoulder.

"Is that Logan?"

Rory nodded silently, not trusting herself to speak.

"You look happy," Carmen commented, placing a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I was," she paused, "I was really, really happy."

Slowly, she tore her eyes away from the picture and placed it back between the pages of her book. Maybe someday she would open it again and the picture would bring a smile to her face. When she had moved on completely, maybe the memories would make her laugh instead of cry.

"I miss him, Carmen," Rory barely whispered.

Carmen sat down on the floor and pulled into a hug, "I know."

"I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not. You were hurt and confused, never stupid."

Rory sighed, "I think I'm just going to head to bed. Long day, you know?"

Carmen nodded, "Yeah, I know."

"Thank you for everything. You've been a life saver, really."

"Don't mention it."

"No seriously, Carmen. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You would've done the same for me. Now get to bed, okay?"

"Sure. Good night," Rory murmered, standing up from the floor.

"Night, Ror."

She walked slowly back to her bedroom, loving the feel of the new apartment. Her bedroom was small, but comfortable, tucked away in a corner in the back hallway. She didn't need a lot of room, just enough to sleep and get ready in the morning. Anything was better than the room at Jess's. There, the actual space might have been big, but the feeling it gave off was sufficating.


	7. Running Through My Veins

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews. You guys really are awesome. So, here it is, the chapter you've all be waiting for. I hope you like it and if you do please leave me a review! I might be able to update again today, I'm not sure, but I'll try. Please read and review!**

"What are you doing awake?" Finn grumbled, lifting his head up from the couch.

"Work," Logan replied as he poured himself a cup of coffee, "Why aren't you in your room?"

"Never made it there."

Logan laughed, "Why am I not surprised?"

Finn grumbled something, before burrying himself back into the cushions. With a smile, Logan grabbed the paper of the counter and sat down at the table. He couldn't wait to walk into the office building that morning and start his new life in New York. There were so many oppurtunities, so many chances for him to move on. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he had control of his life back.

"You leaving soon?" Colin asked with a yawn, walking into the kitchen.

"Few minutes."

"Don't forget we're going out tonight."

"Colin, we've been going out every night for as long as I can remember. I'm not going to forget."

"Okay, okay," he poured himself a cup of coffee, "I'm just saying, don't go turning all business man on us."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Me?"

"Good point."

Finn groaned, "How am I supposed to sleep off my hangover with you two talking _that _loud?"

"Here's a thought, go to your room," Logan suggested with a grin.

"That would involve moving," Finn explained.

"Wow, so _that's _how he got into Yale," Colin said sarcastically.

"I heard that!" Finn yelled, then groaned again, "God, you two really know how to make my head hurt."

"No," Logan revised, "Alcohol knows how to make your head hurt, we just know how to antagonize it."

"Did anyone ever tell you your voice is incredibly annoying?"

"You," Logan replied, "Everytime you're hung over."

"Take the hint!"

"Is that anyway to talk to your good friend?" Colin asked, laughing.

"Your's isn't much better."

"Snippy," Logan sing-songed.

"Oh my God! I'm going to my room."

Logan and Colin laughed as Finn jumped up from the couch and dragged himself into the back hallway. Logan knew living with his two best friends was going to be an experience. But no matter what, he never got tired of being with him. In a way, the two of them kept him alive through everything. They made him go out even when he didn't want to, and listened him talk about Rory when the pain became too much for him to handle by himself. Colin had even tried to set him up with Andrea, even if his attempts had been futile.

Logan glanced at his watch and jumped up from the table, gulping down the last of his coffee on the way.

"I got to go. I'll call you when I'm done," he told Colin.

"Good luck," Colin called as he walked out the door, "Don't do anything stupid."

"Thanks for the heart to heart," Logan said, rolling his eyes.

_--------------------------------_

Logan entered the _Post It Gazette_ office building and walked straight to the front desk. A woman around forty with long, brown hair glanced up at him for a second, before placing the phone she was holding on the hook and offering him a smile.

"Logan Huntzberger?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Good. Mr. Brown is waiting for you. Just take a right down the hall. The first door on the left is his, go right in."

"Thank you, um?" Logan inquired.

"Cindy."

"Nice to meet you, Cindy."

She smiled again, "You too, Logan."

He turned down the hallway and walked into Paul Brown's office. The man was around fifty, with thinning grey hair and a warm smile that he flashed as soon as Logan walked in the door.

"Logan Huntzberger, I presume."

"Yes sir," Logan offered his hand, "It's good to be here."

Paul accepted his handshake, "It's good have you here. Please sit, sit."

Logan took a seat on one of the two leather chairs infront of Paul's desk. He liked the feel of the building already. The people were friendly, and the vibe of the place altogether gave him renewed hope. He really felt that this place could get him back to normal. This was his chance to prove himself, prove that he could be a good journalist without his father their to build him up.

"Did you have a good flight?"

"It was great."

"Good, good," Paul paused, "This job isn't causing a rift between you and your father is it?"

Logan smiled, "That rift was made long before I ever took this job."

Paul nodded, "Are there going to be any problems with him?"

"No. Everything is under control now."

"Good, because you are a very talented young man."

"Thank you."

"And I think you're going to fit in great here," Paul continued, "We have a lot of young talent and this is a rising paper. We are very lucky to have you with us."

"More than happy to be here."

"Now, you graduated from Yale correct? And then spent a year in London?"

"Yes, sir."

"And how was London?"

"It was," Logan paused, trying to find the right word without sounding too sinister, "Different."

"The expression on your face tells me you didn't enjoy it all that much."

Logan couldn't help but smile, "I tried to hide it."

Paul laughed, "Let's get to some of the details, shall we? Your desk is going to be on the fourth floor. I'll take you for a tour in just a moment. There are secretaries and assistants all over the place, so whenever you need something, you can just talk to one of them. Also, Cindy can help you with just about anything."

"Sounds good."

Paul stood up and buttoned the jacket of his suit, "Let's take that tour, shall we?"

Logan nodded and followed him out the door.

_--------------------------------_

One of the first things Logan noticed about _Post It _was how different it was from any of the other newspapers he had been to. Everyone seemed to really enjoy each other's company. The journalists were talking and smiling, and occasionally loud laughter would echo through the floor. Paul was extremely laid back and seemed to be more of a friend to his employees than a boss. Whenever he walked by, the workers would glance up and offer him a greeting, or a joke that sent Paul's booming laughter rippling into the air.

"Let me introduce you to some of our journalists," Paul offered, guiding Logan over to a desk, "This is Will Marks, one of our oldest writers."

Will laughed, "Thanks."

"Not old in _that_ way," Paul revised, rolling his eyes.

Logan offered his hand to the dark haired journalist, "It's nice to meet you."

"Right back at you, the famous Logan Huntzberger."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Famous, huh?"

"Everybody in the newspaper business knows about you, well, knows about your father."

"Well, I'm not my father. Believe me."

Will titled his head to the side, "Thank God."

"I like you already," Logan said with a laugh.

Will exhaled, "So I don't have to pretend to like your father around you?"

"Dear God no."

"Logan," Paul interjected, "I'm sorry. I really have to get to a meeting. Is it okay if Will takes over from here."

"That's fine."

Paul shook his hand again, "I hope you like it here. I'll talk to you later this week, I'm sure."

"Thank you," Logan responded as Paul disappeared back towards the elevators.

"I'll be with you in just a second," Will explained, turning back to his computer.

"Okay."

Logan turned his attention back to the busseling newspaper office. As much as he had denied it when he was speaking to his father, he actually enjoyed the feeling of a newspaper room. It was exciting, adventurous, and a never-ending cycle of action. He couldn't wait to step in and become a part of it.

"Alright," Will stood up, "Let's go this way."

"So, when did you graduate?" Logan asked, sparking a conversation.

"Three years ago, from Harvard. And you?"

"A year ago, Yale."

"I think that means we're supposed to hate each other," Will said with a grin.

"How about we just both hate my father?"

"Good deal."

Will turned the corner and began pointing out important areas, people, and journalists. He was talking a mile a minute, but somehow Logan was able to keep up. Suddenly, a smile came over his face and he started off through the crowd of people.

"I want you meet one of our most promising journalists," Will explained.

As they neared the back of a young, redish brunette woman, a thought started to form in Logan's mind. But the conclusion didn't completely reach his brain until she turned around and he found himself looking into the brillant blue eyes of Rory Gilmore. He couldn't seem to get his emotions straight as he stared at her. His first reaction was surprise, then hurt, which slowly gave way to anger. She stared at him, her eyes wide, and attempted to smile, but she failed miserably.

"Logan Huntzberger, this is Rory Gilmore."

"We uh, we've met," Logan stuttered.

"Oh right, you did both go to Yale didn't you?"

Will's cellphone went off suddenly and he glanced at it, "I have to go. I'll leave you two here to catch up."

And before Logan could protest, he was gone.

Logan kept eye contact with his ex-girlfriend for a split second longer, before turning on his heal and walking towards...anywhere. His hands were shaking uncontrollably at his sides, part from fury and part from the horrible distress that was pulling at his heart. Never in a million years had he expected to see her again, especially not in New York, especially not at the job that was supposed to heal him.

He had thought about seeing her again over a thousand times, but he had never been able to imagine how exactly he would feel. And even now, when he was experiencing it, he wasn't sure how to describe it. Rage was the primary emotion pumping through his veins, followed closely by despair. As much as he wanted to hate her with every fiber of his being, he knew that he couldn't, because as soon as he laid eyes on her all the feelings of love came crashing down upon him. But he was angry, more completely infuriated than he had ever been. Being around her was not an option, forgiving her was not an option, but he hoped with all his heart that avoiding her was an option.

"Logan?" a familar voice said quietly from behind him.

He pushed the sound of his mind and kept pushing forward. All he knew was that he needed to be alone, away from the blue eyes that had been haunting him for over a year, away from the voice that echoed through his ears everyday of his life.

"Logan, please," she pleaded.

Footsteps came running up behind him and a small hand wrapped around his arm. He stopped abruptly and turned to face her. There were tears pouring down her cheeks and for a moment all he wanted to do was brush them away, but then he remembered. He remembered waking up in the hospital wondering why she didn't care enough to be there, going home to an empty apartment stripped of any memories of her, the nights where tears had slipped down _his_ cheeks for hours on end.

"Go to hell," he hissed through clenched teeth, "And let go of me."

"Logan..." she whispered.

"Rory, let go," he ordered, shaking his arm free of her grip, "Just let go."

She seemed to realize that his last sentence was talking about more than just her arm. She took a step backwards as her tears began to fall faster. Standing quietly, she stared at the floor and rang her hands together nervously.

"I just wanted to--"

"Save it," he muttered, cutting her off, "Nothing you could ever say could ever...nevermind. Just save it."

"Logan, please. Can't we talk?"

He laughed bitterly, "Yeah Rory, we could've talked. But that was over a year ago."

She glanced up sharply, like she had just been slapped across the face. The sorrow in her eyes grew deeper as she took another step backwards, and then turned her back on him completely. He wanted to tear his eyes away from her, wanted to turn around and ride to another floor, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. She began walking away slowly, her eyes trained to the floor, and he watched the entire time. For months, he had wanted to see her again, and now he had. Maybe the resentment that filled his heart would be what finally helped him move on.

Slowly, he stepped away from her towards the elevators, but on his way he passed an empty breakroom and walked inside. He collasped down in one of the chairs, dropping his head into his hands as anger subsided and the strong feeling of sadness consumed him. God, how he missed her. After not seeing her for a year, he missed her. But now, now that he had seen her again, heard her again, touched her again, all the memories came rushing towards him like horses in a stampede. That morning, he had been hopeful and excited for a new beginning. And now, just a few hours later, Rory Gilmore had waltzed back into his life. It almost seemed like the world was mocking him. You can't move on Logan Huntzberger, so here's the cause of all your misery.

_--------------------------------_

"Your kidding me," Colin breathed at the bar that night, "You _have_ to be kidding me."

Logan swallowed half his beer in one gulp and stared straight ahead, only half listening to what Colin was saying.

"I don't think he's kidding, mate," Finn observed.

"Logan? Are you serious? She works there?"

"Why would I joke about a thing like that?" Logan asked, his voice distant.

"Shit," Colin ran his hand over his face, "So what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to get a new job?"

"No," Logan shook his head, "It's a good newspaper. I like it there."

"But what about Rory?" Finn inquired.

"I might not see her very often."

"And what about if you do?"

"If I believed that everything happens for a reason, that would be my answer right now."

He drank down the rest of his beer and motioned to the bartender for another one. He wasn't sure how many he'd had, but he could still feel the weight on his heart from seeing Rory, so he knew it wasn't nearly enough. Why was she here? Why wasn't she in Philadelphia with Jess? Did they break up? Did it matter? He started consuming the new bottle that was placed before him, hoping that if he drank enough it would drown all his feelings, pain, and questions away.

"Unbelivable," Colin muttered.

"That's my life, right?" Logan murmered softly.

"Maybe you should talk to her," Finn offered.

"Maybe I shouldn't," Logan shot back.

"I'm just saying, maybe it would help you."

"I doubt that very highly," Logan replied.

Colin paused, "I think Finn's right."

"Excuse me?"

"Talking may help."

Logan shook his head, "Nothing is going to help. Excuse me."

He got up from the table, beer in hand, and walked outside into the windy air. He let the breeze wash over his face and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Where was his life heading? What was he supposed to make of it now? Slowly, the well-known tears began slipping from his eyes. After everything she'd put him through, what had he done to deserve this? He wasn't sure if he could make it at the paper knowing that he could run into her at any second.

For over a year, all he could think about was seeing her again. Now, all he wanted to do was rewind time and stop before she even turned around. Because after one look into her blue eyes, he knew he was hooked all over again. The image of her had been fading, but now it was in a brand new light. She looked almost the same, her hair still the red-brown color that he adored so much. But as much as he loved her, he couldn't stand her. It was the strangest mix of emotions he had ever experienced and he was beginning to feel like a walking paradox.

"Logan?" he heard Colin's voice from behind him, "You okay?"

Logan paused, thinking about his friend's question very seriously.

"I don't know," he answered, "I hope so."

"You can find another job, you know."

"I know, but I don't want to. I made a commitment to this paper and I plan to honor it."

"Logan--"

"But if I can't, I'll find a new job."

Colin walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder, "We'll get you through this."

"Thanks. I um, I'm going to go for a walk."

"Hey--"

"Just a walk, Colin," Logan insisted, "Keep your drinks on my tab."

With that, he turned the corner onto a dark, city street and began strolling. Tucking his hands deep within his pockets, he let himself cry as thoughts of Rory Gilmore swirled through his mind. He wasn't sure how he was going to get through this mess, but somehow he would. Somehow he would deal with working in the same office as the girl who had destroyed him, _someday _he would be able to feel like himself again. And if he couldn't handle it? Well, there was always Chicago.

He would call Honor in the morning and meet her sometime that week, she always seemed to have perspective on his life. Maybe it was stupid to stick around at all. Why should he put himself through all the pain? He wondered what had been going through Rory's head when she first saw him. Was she angry? Sad? Guilty? Did she still have any feelings for him at all? And was Jess still in the picture?

He sighed and shook his head, forcing all the questions out of his mind. He would probably never know what Rory's emotions had been at that second, nor would he never know why she hadn't come back to the hospital for him. As much as he wanted to hate her, he still couldn't find the feeling within his heart. Anger? Yes. Hurt? Yes. Resentment? Yes. But hate? Hate just didn't seem to be an option.

"Why?" Logan whispered into the night air, "Why can't I just hate her?"

But he knew why, the answer was simple. He couldn't hate her because he loved her, and those two emotions couldn't be mixed together. Logan could be angry, hurt, and resentful and still love the girl, but he couldn't hate her and love her at the same time. And he knew when it came to Rory Gilmore, love would always overpower hate.


	8. Ropes Of Hope

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are overwelming me, really. You are amazing. Thank you for all your feedback, suggestions, and ideas. I really do listen to them and take everything to heart, so please keep them coming. Anyway, here is the next chapter for the day. I'd love it if you'd read and review! **

Rory walked back towards her desk feeling like she was in a dream. She was mildly aware of the tears streaming down her face and the strange looks that were getting cast her way, but none of that was really reaching her. The only thing she could think about was Logan Huntzberger. He had been there, at _her _work place, looking at her as if she was the one who didn't belong.

What was he doing there? Shouldn't he be working for his father somewhere? It crossed her mind that Mitchum could've bought the newspaper, but she quickly realized news that big would've reached her already. Whatever the reason, Logan was there. He was furious and he was hurt, as he had a right to be. She silently cursed herself for being so stupid as to run after him so fast. She should've just let him go. It wasn't time for them to talk, not yet. It was too soon. He needed time to think, and to process. But she had torn after him like she would never see him again. Tomorrow. He would be back at work tomorrow. How was she going to deal with seeing him everyday?

The look on his face wouldn't stop running through her mind. At first, he had simply looked surprised. Then an expression of complete sadness draped over him, followed by an anger that seemed to reach out and grab her by the throat. All she wanted to do was apologize to him. She wanted to tell him what a huge mistake she had made, and that she was sorry for leaving. But deep inside, she knew he would never be able to understand exactly how regretful she was.

He had looked and acted just the same as she remembered: handsome, confident, a little cocky, and with eyes that drilled into her soul. She couldn't even begin describe the complete feeling of shock that washed over her when she had turned around. She thought she was imagining things, or that it was another one of her weird dreams. Even as she stood there, it was almost like she was watching the scene unfold from a distance. And as she watched herself hurry after him, all she wanted to do was reach out and pull herself to a halt. He didn't need that, she didn't need that. They both needed to, well, gather themselves.

But God, if there was one thing she knew, it was that she was still completely and totally in love with the man. He had an air about him when he walked into a room, everybody just seemed to turn and look. He had a swagger, an understanding, that was really impossible to describe. It was hard for her to forget when a person like that stepped into her life. For a brief moment, she could remember how his lips felt pressed against hers. But just as quickly as it came, the memory was gone.

She sat down a her desk, staring blankly at the screensavor on her computer. The words destiny and fate kept circling around in her mind. She had never been one to believe in them before, but who was to say they didn't exist? Why couldn't it have been fate that brought Logan to New York? Maybe, just maybe, they would end up together afterall. Quickly, she forced the thoughts out of her mind. She had hurt him, really hurt him, and nothing she could do or say was going to mend it. But she needed him to know she regretted her decision, needed him to know she still cared. Someday, she would talk to him and someday, hopefully someday soon, he would allow himself to listen.

"Rory?"

She glanced up at the sound of her name to find Shawn standing at her desk, a concerned expression on his face.

"Ror? You okay?" he asked, bending down infront of her.

She shook her head, not trusting her voice to come out steady.

"What happened?"

Opening her mouth, she tried to speak, but no words came out. She took a deep breath and then tried again, concentrating on keeping her voice steady.

"He's here."

"Who's here?" Shawn asked, confused.

"Logan," she half whispered.

"What? Why?"

"I have no idea. I think...I think he got a job here."

"Oh my God. Did you see him?"

"Oh yeah," Rory paused, "I saw him alright."

"Did you talk?"

Rory wiped away a stray tear from her cheek, "I tried. He told me to go to hell and walked away."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

"How are you going to deal with this?"

Rory laughed sadly, "I have absolutely no idea."

"Rory!"

She turned her head to left and Carmen came hurrying towards her, a shocked expression on her pretty features.

"Was that? From the picture? Oh my God?"

Rory actually smiled, "The sad part is I followed that. And yes."

"Wow," Carmen exhaled, "How? Why?"

"I don't know and I don't know."

"He looked upset when I passed him."

"Then your probably caught him after my pathetic attempt at a conversation," Rory explained.

"You talked to him?"

"Not really."

"Who was he with when you saw him?" Shawn inquired.

"Will."

"Be right back," Shawn said, heading towards the other end of the room.

Rory followed him with her eyes for a second, before returning her attention to her screensavor. She just wanted to go home, put in a sappy movie, and cry herself to sleep. She wanted to wallow,_ needed _to wallow. But she left him, she turned her back on him, so she didn't deserve the comfort of running her emotions dry. Not that she believed for a second that she actually could, her emotions for Logan ran way too deep.

"Are you okay?" Carmen asked quietly, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I," Rory paused, "I don't know. I just..."

"What?"

"I can't explain it. It's horrible and wonderful seeing him again. I mean, all this time I thought I wanted to, but now...I don't know."

"It _is_ good, Ror," Carmen insisted, "It just hurts right now."

"It's not going to stop hurting, because he's never going to talk to me."

Carmen opened her mouth to speak just as Shawn returned with Will in tow.

"So Gilmore, I hear your curious about Logan?" Will asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We went to school together," Rory explained, keeping it simple.

"Yes, I knew that," Will paused, "He's a nice guy."

"Yeah...he is."

"So did he get a job here?" Carmen inquired, jumping in.

"Yes, fortunatly for us. He's quite in demand."

Rory dropped her into her chest, trying to adjust to the fact that she really would be seeing Logan everyday.

"He's a hell of a journalist," Will commented off hand.

"When he puts his mind to it," Rory muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Shawn asked.

"Nothing."

"Well, I've got work to do. I'll see you all later," Will said, walking back towards his desk.

Rory ran her hands down over her face. She suddenly felt like her world was spinning out of control. Logan had just been thrust back into her life, and she wasn't sure how she was going to handle it. All she wanted to was kiss him like she used to, hold him like she used to, and never let go. But that wasn't an option right now. What she needed to do was get him to forgive her. Because if she had his forgiveness, maybe she could move on with her life.

_--------------------------------_

"Hey Gilmore, you coming out with us tonight?" Shawn asked, stopping by her desk after work.

"I don't think so."

"Come on, it'll do you good."

"I'm just...I'm not feeling too well, okay?"

He sighed, "Alright. You heading home then?"

"Yeah."

He started to walk away, but then turned around, "If you need anything--"

"I'll call," she finished, forcing a smile.

"Okay."

Once he was gone, she gathered up her things and headed towards the elevator, the events of the day still clouding her mind. She couldn't blame him for hating her, if the situation were reversed, she would've felt the same way. But he was her best friend, and she missed him. She needed him to know how much of an influence he'd had on her life. Without him, she wasn't sure how far she would've gotten with her career. He taught her so much, and pushed her so far.

It was weird to think that a person could come in and out of her life so quickly. He had been a staple there for so long, and then she made the decision to leave him behind. Now suddenly, he was back again, with no warning and no explanation. Funny how life played game like that, but the truth was, it wasn't funny at all. She sighed and got into a taxi cab solo for the first time in months.

The ride was so quiet, she wished for a second she would've gone with her friends. But she needed to be alone right now. She needed to think, and to call the one person who would be able to help her: Lorelai.

The cab pulled to a stop infront her apartment building. She paid the driver, walked inside, the took the elevator up to her room. Once inside, she dropped her bag heavily on the floor and plodded towards the couch. She was so emotionally exhausted she felt like crashing right then and there, but she needed to get some advice on how to handle everything. For the first time, she knew she couldn't deal with it on her own.

She selected her mother's name off her call list. It rang a few times, before Lorelai picked up.

"Hello?"

"Are you busy?" Rory asked.

"Are you okay? You sound weird."

"Thanks."

"I'm just saying," she paused, "Hang on one second."

Rory heard talking the backround, and then a door close before Lorelai came back on the phone.

"Okay, hit it."

"Were you with Luke?"

"We were just watching a movie I've seen a thousand times. It's fine. Go."

Rory took a deep breath, "Logan got a job at Post It."

Lorelai was silent and Rory waited patiently for the surprise to pass.

"Oh my God," her mother breathed, "Did you see him?"

"Oh yeah."

"Oh no."

"I don't what I was thinking!"

"What do you mean?" Lorelai inquired, confused.

"Will came over to introduce us."

"He didn't know?"

"No, the only people who know are Aiden, Carmen, and Shawn."

"Okay, continue."

"So Logan sees me and looks completely crushed. Will leaves and then Logan goes to leave, and I went after him! Why did I do that, mom? Neither of us needed that. It was so stupid."

"Hun, you can't control what your heart makes you do."

"I tried getting him to talk to me..."

"I'm guessing that didn't go over very well."

"No," Rory felt the tears coming again, "He told me to go to hell."

"Oh," Lorelai sighed, "So..."

"Yeah, so..."

"Well, all I can tell you is to wait it out, kid. It might take awhile, but I think someday he'll be interested in what you have to say. But don't pressure him, give him his space. He's hurt, Rory, and angry. But if the way he used to look at you means anything, he's still very much in love."

"He hates me," Rory choked out.

"I doubt that very highly."

"There's just so many things I have to tell him, so many things I want him to know."

"And I'm sure there's a lot he wants to tell you, but you can't rush these things. Let it go, see what happens."

"What if he doesn't stay?" Rory asked, voicing a deep fear for the first time, "What if he leaves tonight?"

"Rory, if there's one person you know in this world, it's Logan. Is he going anywhere?"

"I don't think so," Rory sighed, "I hope not."

"I don't think so either. He's not going to run away, that's not him."

"You're right, that's _me_," Rory scoffed.

"Rory..."

"I love him, mom!"

"I know you do, kid. I know."

"And I--" she stopped short.

"You what?"

"I don't want him to disappear again," she explained, tears filling her voice.

"Oh hun..."

"It's like I've been without my best friend for all this time and then suddenly, there he is. And my brain is telling me that I can't have him back, I can't talk to him, I ruined everything. But my heart, my heart is telling me to hold on and someday he'll come back. It's telling me that we still have a chance. I want to think we still have a chance. I want to believe in destiny, mom! I want to believe that he's there for a reason, that maybe this is my chance to make everything right again. I want to believe that!"

"So believe it, Rory! Believe it with all your heart. Hang on to that, go with it. Who knows where you'll end up."

"That's just it. Who knows? God, I just want my best friend back. What did I do?"

"Rory, you can't turn back time now. But suddenly you have a new chance for the future. Stop looking back."

"I can't," she murmered.

"Yes, you can. Go back to being the Rory who didn't need anyone but herself, and maybe me to buy her coffee. Try and be strong and grow by youself. And maybe someday, the destiny you want so badly, will take its course."

"Thanks, mom."

"You got it," Lorelai took a deep breath, "Luke's going to think something ate me, so I should get back. Are you okay? Do you need me to come visit you?"

Rory smiled, "No, I'll be fine. Go back to Luke."

"Call me if you need anything, it doesn't matter what time."

"Thank you, mom."

"Bye, kid."

Rory closed her eyes and tried to get her mind to take a break. She just wanted to stop thinking for awhile and let her mind wander away from New York, from Logan, from _everything_.

"Ror? You here?" Carmen's voice called from the doorway.

"Back so soon?" Rory inquired, sitting up from the couch.

"We missed you, Gilmore," Aiden replied.

He bounced over to her and plopped down on the couch, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"So we brought you a present."

Shawn walked into the living room next, Carmen behind him, carrying several different liquor bottles and glasses.

"We figured you could use this. And since you didn't feel like going out, we brought it to you," Shawn explained.

"My heroes," Rory drawled, accepting the first drink Shawn handed her.

"Did you talk to your mom?" Carmen asked.

"How did you know?"

Aiden smiled, "We know you, Rory. And we also know you well enough to know you're not okay."

"I will be," she sighed, "After a lot more of these."

She slid her glass back over to Shawn, who refilled it quickly and offered it back.

"Do you think he'll ever talk to you?" Shawn asked.

"I hope so, but he's stubburn and hurt. That's not a good combination for Logan."

"I think he misses you," Carmen commented.

"How would you know?"

"The look on his face when I passed him."

"You can't tell what a person is thinking by the look on their face," Rory argued.

"Believe me, Ror," Carmen insisted, "He misses you."

Rory sighed and leaned her head against Aiden's shoulder, enjoying the way his comforting arm felt around her shoulders. Just being with her friends was starting to make the pain soften, or maybe that was the alcohol. She didn't really care what it was, she was simply enjoying the duller version of suffering.

As the night wore on, and as the drinks became more frequent, she began rambling off to her friends.

"I remember when we first met. He was such an ass, such an arrogant, cocky ass. We were arguing about how he talked to one of my friends. And he kept coming up with these arguements that weren't what he felt at all, but he argued them just because he could. I hated him, but after he left I couldn't stop thinking about him. He has a way about him like that, I guess. And then we jumped off that thing in the woods. God, I'd never done anything that crazy in my life. The wedding when my mom, dad, and Luke all walked in on us. So many memories, so many laughs. His friends...our friends, I guess. Well, his friends that used to be my friends. Colin and Finn, they remind me a lot of you two," she muttered, pointing at Aiden and Shawn, "Funny, a little crazy, but totally there for me and him whenever we needed them. I still go to call them sometimes, him too. I'll reach for my phone and then remember that's not my place anymore. How pathetic is that? I mean--"

"Okay Gilmore, I think that's enough to drink," Aiden said softly, removing her cup from her hand.

"But--"

"Let's get you to bed, huh?"

She nodded as the room started to swim before her eyes. She could barely keep her thoughts straight anymore. All her memories were running together in a blur of laughter, tears, and Logan's kisses. She felt herself being lifted into the air and she wrapped her hands around Aiden's neck to balance herself. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her down, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"Hey Aiden?" she called out softly as he headed for the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for everything."

He smiled, "No problem, Gilmore. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Mhmm," she mumbled.

He turned off the light on his way out and she felt sleep beginning to consume her. But before she could totally drift off, she remembered one of her favorite memories with Logan. It was when they went to Martha's Vineyard with Lorelai and Luke. It was there when she first saw herself spending the rest of her life with him. She had loved every minute of the trip, minus Mitchum showing up at the end. It was one of the happiest moments she had spent with Logan.

As sleep grew nearer, she remembered how Logan's arm felt tucked around her waist at night, and how Jess's had never been there. She missed the feeling of comfort Logan offered her every day. She hadn't felt it for long, she hadn't felt_ loved _in so long. Sighing, she finally let sleep pull her away completely. The last thing she remembered was the image of Logan's eyes in her mind.


	9. You Always Lose The Girl

**AN: Again, thanks for all the feedback and suggestions. You guys are seriously awesome. I am overwelmed by the response, really. Thank you so much. But anyway, here is the next chapter. I'll try to get one or two up tomorrow. Thanks again. Please read and review!**

Logan had seen her only once that morning. She walked by him and sent an almost unnoticable sideways glance his way, but after that she all but disappeared. But for that brief moment he caught sight of her, she'd looked beautiful. She was wearing a white skirt that danced just above her knees and green blouse that made the red tint of her hair jump out. To his knowledge, she didn't notice that he had been staring at her. But then again, she probably didn't think he noticed her look in his direction.

With just one glance at her, all his feelings of love and anger came pounding down again. How could one girl make his heart flip and his hands shake from fury at the exact same time? It was the strangest swirl of emotions he'd ever gone through and everytime he saw her he felt the twisting sensation of riding a roller coster. When he had seen her that morning, he seriously considered getting the next plane to Chicago. But then she had laughed at something a blonde girl said, and he knew he wasn't going anywhere. Rory Gilmore had him glued to New York City.

His head was pounding as a result of the amount of drinks he had downed the night before, but he had still managed to get started on the article recently assigned to him. Without the pressure from his father, he found it amazingly easy, and almost fun, to write. He would have paid to see the look on Mitchum's face if he ever got a hold of an issue of _Post It_. A fleeting thought of Rory reading the article passed through his mind. What would she think? Would she be surprised? Happy? Impressed? But then again, why did he care? He massaged his temples gently and stared at the words on his screen, attempting to figure out where to go from there.

He was meeting Honor during his lunch break, and he hoped his sister could shine some light on his current situation. He needed some advice, he needed somebody to tell him what to do. Because he wasn't so sure he could figure it out on his own.

"How's it going?" a male voice asked.

Logan glanced up from his computer.

"Pretty good," he replied.

Will walked over behind him and skimmed the article on his computer.

"Not bad, not bad at all."

"Thanks."

"So, somebody was asking about you yesterday."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Who?"

"Rory Gilmore," Will replied casually.

Logan's mouth went dry and he stared at his new friend, a hurt expression on his face.

"From the look your giving me there, I'm going to go ahead and guess you two were more than just friends."

Logan nodded.

"Did it end badly?"

Logan nodded again.

"Why don't you tell me about it at dinner tonight? You busy?"

"No, that sounds good."

"Okay," he paused, "I think she misses you."

Logan sighed, "Yeah, well..."

"Tonight," Will stated, turning to walk away.

"Yeah."

He turned his attention back to the computer, but quickly realized he wasn't going to be able to concentrate at that moment. Standing up, he walked into the breakroom and poured himself a cup of coffee. There were a million questions racing through his head that he wanted to ask Will that night: Where was Jess? How long had she been working there? Was she happy? Did she ever say anything about him?

Exhaling, he dropped down into one of the chairs and placed his head in his hands. He heard footsteps entering the breakroom, but he didn't bother to look up.

"Rough night?" a voice asked.

He forced himself to lift up his head, "You could say that."

Logan glanced over a tall man a the coffee pot.

"You need more?" the man asked, holding up the pot.

Logan stared down at his almost empty cup and nodded, "Thanks."

The man refilled his cup and then sat down at the table opposite Logan, offering him a smile.

"I'm Shawn Daniels," he greeted, holding out his hand, "And you are?"

"Logan. Logan Huntzberger," he replied, accepting the handshake.

Shawn's eyes grew wide for a second, and then he coughed slightly as if the coffee had gotten stuck in his throat.

"So you're Logan," he muttered, unaware that Logan had heard him.

"Uh, yeah. I'm Logan," he replied, somewhat confused.

"Sorry. I just um, heard people talking yesterday and I didn't get a chance to meet you."

"Oh, so I have people talking? Good or bad?" he asked with a grin.

"Mostly good."

"Yeah well, I tend to have that affect on people," Logan joked.

Shawn laughed, "So, you went to Yale right?"

"Yeah. How about you?"

"Syracuse."

Logan's cellphone rang and he checked the caller id, and then offered Shawn an apologetic smile.

"I have to take this. It was nice meeting you."

"You too," Shawn replied.

Logan flipped open his phone and walked back out into the busseling newspaper office towards his desk.

"Colin?" Logan greeted into the phone.

"Are we going out anywhere tonight?"

"Not to my knowledge. I'm having dinner or something with a guy from work."

"Because I met this absolutely gorgeous blonde--"

"Who probably has a boyfriend," Logan interrupted with a smirk.

"Yes, well, it's worth a shot."

"Good, go. Have fun. Take Finn and find him a redhead."

"I was planning on it, but I wanted you to come too. He has this friend--"

"Colin," Logan warned, "I'm not interested."

"You haven't even met her yet!"

"I'm just not interested," Logan insisted, "Have fun. I have to go."

"Logan--"

"Bye Colin."

Logan closed his phone and pocketed it before turning back to the computer. Suddenly, he heard a familar laugh ring through the office and his head shot up quickly. Rory was standing by the breakroom, talking to Shawn and a man he didn't recognize. Her face seemed to light up everytime one of them would send a comment her way, and he wondered briefly if she was dating one of the two. But as he continued watching, he noticed that they never touched in more than a friendly manner, so he pushed the thought out of his mind.

She seemed to realize that somebody's eyes were on her and she sent a glance around the office. Logan quickly moved his attention back to the computer screen and tried to forget about the beautiful girl standing only a few feet away. Someday he would be able to look out her without feeling like his heart was shattering into a million pieces, someday coming to work wouldn't be like putting himself through self torture.

_--------------------------------_

"Okay, so spill. Why are we here?" Honor asked at lunch.

Logan smirked, "Can't I just have lunch with my sister without some kind of hidden agenda?"

"Not when you forgot to ask me to pay," Honor shot back, "So spill."

"I got a little surprise at work yesterday."

"Good or bad?"

He paused, "I don't know."

"Well, tell me!"

"Rory works there."

Honor's face went an interesting shade of white and Logan watched her expression change from surprised to concerned.

"Oh my God," she murmered, "Are you...okay?"

Logan shrugged. He really wasn't sure how to answer that question.

"Did you talk to her?"

"The guy who was showing me around took me over to her, obviously not knowing about our past. She tried to talk to me after that, but I told her to go to hell and walked away."

"Wow..."

"And do you know what the worst part is?"

Honor raised her eyebrows, urging him to tel her.

"I still love her," he said quietly, "How pathetic is that? I can't even hate the girl who walked out on me when I wasn't even home. I can't hate her!"

"Then how did you tell her to go to hell?"

"Because I'm angry, Honor. I'm furious and hurt, but I still can't hate her. She won't let me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he paused, "I mean that everytime she walks by I catch a whiff of her perfume, and that everytime she laughs it reminds me of all the memories we've had together. I mean that when she smiles, God Honor, when I see her smile I just want to kiss her again. It's crazy and insane and I can't make it stop."

"Maybe you should talk to her," Honor offered, "Maybe you need to listen to what she has to say."

"I don't think so," Logan shook his head.

"Logan..."

"Nothing she could say could fix this!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because she left, Honor!" Logan half yelled, "She walked out that door when I wasn't even home. She didn't even care enough to say goodbye! She didn't care enough to come see me when I was in critical condition in the hospital. She didn't care, she _doesn't _care! I can't go through that again."

Honor massaged her temples and sighed, then made eye contact with her brother again.

"Is she still with Jess?"

"I have no idea. I'll probably find out tonight."

"What's tonight?"

"I'm having dinner with a guy from work."

"Oh," she paused, "Does he know her?"

"Yeah, he was the one who was 'introduced' us."

"Okay Logan, it's time for me to talk and for you to listen. I've never seen you more hurt than when you found out she was gone. You loved her, I know that. She was your first girlfriend, and your only girlfriend up to now. And she changed you, and she helped you, and I know it's hard for you to move on. I know that. But Logan, you need to try. You need to try and move on, maybe find another girl, maybe not. I know you think there will never be another Rory, and maybe there won't, but there are plenty of girls out there who can make your face light up again. Or maybe you just need to lose yourself in this job and start enjoying life again. You used to love every second of your life. You used to live for the moment, not caring about other people or what they thought. I miss that about you, Logan, and I know you miss that too."

She took a deep breath as she finished, and then stared at Logan, waiting for his reaction. He paused and let all of her words sink in. Let everything he had been thinking, but needed to hear from somebody else, sink in. He wasn't himself anymore, he knew that and he hated it. Another girlfriend, those two words had crossed his mind several times, but he had never found a girl who could even begin to compare to Rory. Maybe he needed to stop comparing, maybe he needed to stop matching things up and just _live_. He needed to _live_ again.

"You're right," he mumbled.

"Of course I am," Honor chirped with a smile.

She reached out and took his hand before continuing, "And maybe someday, she'll come back to you. And I don't know if you'll take her back, and I can't say what I would want you to do. That's all you, Logan. But for right now, just try and move on with your life, okay?"

He nodded, "Thanks, Honor."

"No problem," she glanced at her watch, "We both have to go, but you can call me anytime. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know," he smiled.

"Okay," she reached out and hugged him, "Bye, brother."

"See ya."

_--------------------------------_

"Alright so, you and Rory?" Will asked that night, sitting with Logan in a large restaraunt.

"Yeah, me and Rory."

"Care to explain? You two have the entire office very curious, apparently there was a very interesting conversation that I missed."

Logan cringed, "If you want to call that a conversation."

"I believe there was a go to hell involved?"

"Yeah, I think I remember that."

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say you dated in college?"

"Yeah, we did. We were living together for awhile."

"What happened?" Will asked, "I understand if you don't want to tell me, considering we just met yesterday, but I have to say I'm very curious."

Logan smiled slightly, "We broke up."

"Well, that much is obvious."

"It was a series of events actually, ending with her moving out while I wasn't home."

"That would explain the go to hell."

"Mhmm."

"Is that how she ended up with Jess?" Will inquired.

"Oh, so you know about Jess."

"A little. I don't talk to Rory that often, but I do talk to Aiden."

"Aiden?"

"One of her good friends."

"Oh," he paused, "But yes, that's why she's now with Jess."

"Was with Jess."

Logan's heart lept, "Was?"

"She broke up with him, and according to Aiden it was quite the scene."

"Really?"

He bit back a sarcastic comment about her actually having the nerve to break up with him in person. He wasn't sure that was the best way to make an impression on one of Rory's colleagues.

But he had to admit, he couldn't control the lightened feeling of his heart after finding out Jess was out of the picture. Although, he still couldn't see himself forgiving her, it was a small consolation to know the choice she made didn't work out. Maybe it was a sinister thing to be happy about, but he thought he deserved a little sinister thinking.

"Appartently their relationship was on a downward spiral for a long time."

He couldn't see Rory holding onto a failing relationship. After all, one slip up in there's sent her running out the door. Why had she hung on so long? Did she love Jess? Did she love Jess _more_ than she ever loved him? The thought made him slightly ill and he wasn't sure why. He knew she had left him for Jess, but it had never even crossed his mind that they had something more than him and Rory. It never entered his train of thought that maybe Jess meant more to her than he ever had. He took a sip of water, attempting to make the sick feeling in his stomach go a way. Had she ever really loved him?

"So, tell me about yourself," Will said, continuing the conversation, "What did you do after Yale?"

"I went to London to work for my father."

"Ahh, Mitchum."

"Yes," Logan rolled his eyes, "And after we came back, I basically divorced my family."

"And I'm guessing you're happy with that decision."

"Best one I ever made, my friend."

"So after you divorced the Huntzberger's, you? What? Worked?"

"No," he paused, "I moved to Hartford and lived with two of my friends. We basically did nothing for awhile, and then I took the job here."

"I see."

_--------------------------------_

"So, how was your dates?" Logan asked, walking into the apartment late that night.

"Great," Colin replied, "She was actually single."

"And straight?"

Colin smirked, "Yes, and straight."

"Well, there's an accomplishment."

"Mhmm," Colin glanced over as Logan crashed on the couch beside him, "Did you find out anything interesting about Rory?"

"Kind of. Where's Finn?"

"With Felicia."

"Felicia?"

"The redhead," Colin explained.

"Oh."

"So tell me, what did you find out?"

"She's no longer with Jess."

Colin raised his eyebrows, "Now that _is_ interesting."

"Yeah, apparently it was a downhill relationship for awhile."

"And she stuck around?"

"I guess so."

"Wonder why."

"I have no idea," Logan muttered.

"So are you going to talk to her?" Colin asked.

Logan shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe someday," he paused, "I'm going to head to bed."

"Night, Logan."

"Good night."

He got up from the couch and plodded down the hallway to his room, thoughts of the conversation with Will circling around in his head.

So she'd left Jess. He couldn't get over the feeling that gave him. Jess, afterall, was supposed to be the one to save her from him. And now he was gone, after what he was told was a falling relationship. It still bothered him that Rory had fought for her and Jess, and yet she abandoned him. Had the relationship with him really meant that little? Had the love he felt been one sided?

He wanted answers, and yet he was afraid to hear them. He wanted to talk to her, but he couldn't bring himself to get too close. Whenever he was near, he could smell her perfume more strongly, and see the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled. The closer he was, the more memories that came roaring into his mind. And what explanations could she possibly give? What could possibly make moving out when he was gone and not returning when he was in the hospital an okay thing to do?

But if there was one thing her knew, if there was one feeling that stood out against all the rest, it was that he missed her. He missed the look she could cast his way when he offered a sarcastic comment, missed the way she would laugh at night when they watched one of her silly movies, missed the feeling of her soft skin beneath his touch. And more than anything, he missed the way his lips felt when they brushed against hers. He knew no matter how angry he got, no matter how many times he remembered waking up in that hospital room, he would never stop missing her. He would never, ever stop loving Rory Gilmore.

Honor's words crept into his mind and he realized how much he wanted to listen to her. If only it were as easy to do as it was to say. He remembered life before he had ever met Rory, how carefree and young he had been. All he'd had, all he'd needed, was his best friends and his sister. No other attachments, no girlfriends, no affairs of the heart that tore him to pieces. And yet, he didn't regret the time with Rory for a second. For as much pain as she caused him now, she gave his just as much or more happiness when they were together. She made him into the person he was today: independent and successful. Because of her, he now had a good job and his parents were out of his life. If there was one thing he wanted to thank her for, one good thing he needed to say, it was thanks for changing him, thanks for changing his life.

So maybe someday he would get to talk to her, maybe someday he would grow the nerve. But at that moment, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. All the rage he felt inside wouldn't be able to be contained. All the hurt and emotions would come pouring out of his mouth, and he didn't want to deal with that. For now, he would try and get _himself_ together. And then maybe he would start listening to what his heart needed.


	10. You're Still Gone

Rory curled the last piece of hair around the iron, then began pulling the top layer away from her face. She wasn't looking forward to the _Post It Gazette _dinner and dance that evening, but she really didn't have a choice. Sighing, she finished with her hair and then glanced in the mirror, taking in her overall appearance. She was wearing a aqua dress with a black, lace overlay. The full skit fell just below her knees, and satin band decorated with beading tucked around the empire waist. She wanted to look good, just incase Logan sent a glance her way. Although she knew he would be just as angry and hurt no matter how she looked, she figured a little extra appeal couldn't harm anything.

Work had been absolute hell for her over the past few days. She didn't want to look at him, and yet she couldn't stop herself. The only consolation was that she'd caught him staring in her direction a few times also. Although she'd busy with her articles, she couldn't stop the thoughts of Logan that kept creeping into her mind. He had a hold of her and he didn't even know it. She'd been waiting patiently for a chance to talk to him, but now she was seriously doubting that time was ever going to come.

Shaking her head to rid it of thoughts of Logan, she grabbed her purse and walked out of the bedroom door. Carmen was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and stamping her foot impatiently.

"Are you ready yet?" Carmen asked, sounding exasperated.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"It's about time," she paused, "You look gorgeous by the way, love the outfit."

Rory took in her best friend's strapless black dress, "Thanks, you too."

"So, the boys are meeting us there. We better get going."

"Okay. Let's go."

They made their way out onto the city streets and called for a taxi. Once inside, Rory leaned her head against the window and watched the light roll by. She wondered if he would bring a date. Probably, and knowing Logan, she would be absolutely stunning. He always had the ability to get any girl he wanted, which was why it still puzzled her as to why she had been able to grab his attention.

She hadn't seen him flirting with any of the girls in the office, which surprised her. The Logan she knew would've had at least three dates already. The thought crossed her mind that maybe, just maybe, he was having a hard time moving on. Maybe somewhere deep down, he still cared about her. She quickly moved the the theory out of her mind. Logan didn't dwell, he lived. He didn't remember, he pushed forward. She may have hurt him a long time ago, but she was sure the only emotion he felt towards her now was hatred. He didn't need her in his life. He didn't need her like she needed him.

"I think he's going to notice you tonight," Carmen observed.

"I hope so," Rory murmered.

"He seems like a really nice guy, Ror."

"He is. He always got along with everyone, that's for sure."

"He stayed Rory," Carmen said quietly.

"What?"

"I said he _stayed_. He didn't bolt when he saw you. He's still here, that has to mean something."

"Yeah, it means he made a commitment to the newspaper."

Carmen laughed, "You keep believing that, Gilmore."

"Carmen! I walked out on him. He wants nothing to do with me."

"Mhmm," Carmen mumbled sarcastically, "I believe otherwise."

"And what makes you think otherwise?"

"Um, the fact that he can't keep his eyes off of you."

"So he's looked at me a few times, probably with daggers in his eyes."

"No daggers."

She hated the hope her best friend was instilling in her heart. False hope was the last thing she needed. What she needed was to gather herself and move on. The only thing she _needed_ to worry about was the newspaper and her articles, but she knew no matter what that wasn't going to happen. One look at Logan and he was all that filled her mind, all she could remember. She discovered long ago that most of her favorite memories included him, and she was sure that wasn't a coincidence.

"Have you tried talking to him since...you know."

"No," Rory paused, "I don't know if I'm going to."

"Rory! You have to."

"He really doesn't seem to want to talk and I can't make him."

"Give him time."

"I'm trying," Rory half whispered.

She recalled seeing him smile in at work the other day, and her heart had absolutely melted. His smile always had a power over her that she couldn't really describe. One grin from him and she felt like she was falling head over heels all over again. Him and Will had been talking on the other side of the room, and all of the sudden Logan's face just lit up with one of those perfect expressions. She'd felt tears in her eyes and quickly turned away, but the imprint of that moment was forever imbedded in her mind. One more. All she wanted was one more of those smiles directed at her.

And yet recently another part of her emotions had been sneaking out. She recalled how absolutely devestated she'd been after learning about the brides maids. She remembered wondering why he was able to move on so easily, while she was life totally heartbroken. And although she knew he considered them to be seperated at the time, it still felt like a knife in her heart just thinking about it. But she had gone back to him, and she had gone to Jess's bookstore, and it had been her that left while he was away. So, she guessed they had both made mistakes. But hers, hers cost them the relationship that could've lasted a lifetime.

"We're here," Carmen announced, "Ready, Ror?"

Rory sighed as she stepped out the cab, taking in the lit up ballroom and the herds of people walking through the doors.

"As I'll ever be, I guess."

"Try and have a good time, okay? This could be fun if you'll let it."

"I'll try, Car."

"Good," Carmen grabbed her arm and grinned, "Let's go, Gilmore."

_--------------------------------_

"Where are they?" Carmen grumbled fifteen minutes later, eyes moving around the room.

"I don't know," Rory replied, following her friend's gaze, "Maybe they aren't here yet."

"I'm sure they are, for as long as you took to get ready."

"Very funny."

"Oh well, we'll find them eventually," she paused, "I forgot how incredibly boring these things are."

"Yes, they do bring back painful memories," Rory said with a half grin.

"What?"

"My grandmother used to throw parties like this," she explained.

"I see."

"And just like Lo--" Rory stopped short, heart pounding with emotion.

"Ror?"

She didn't reply, because she knew if she opened her mouth she wouldn't be able to stop the tears. She had just been ready to tell Carmen all about Logan's famous sub parties, but then she couldn't bring herself to do it. The memories wouldn't stop moving from her brain to her mouth, and she wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to take it.

The first sub party of Logan's she had ever been exposed to was at what became known as 'The Male Yale Party'. She smiled sadly, remembering how Logan had rescued her from a insistent prospect. She recalled how perfect his arm had felt wrapped around her shoulders, even if she'd had a boyfriend at the time. In the poolhouse, she let herself go and had more than a few drinks. And when Dean broke up with her, well, Logan had been her support, her shoulder to lean on. She knew he was something special the minute he told her that it would be okay.

"Rory?" Carmen asked again.

Rory snapped out of her daze, "Sorry."

"You were saying? Before?"

"Oh," Rory paused, sighing, "Nevermind."

She glanced around the room again, only to see something that made her heart drop. Shawn and Aiden were standing at a table, laughing hysterically at something Will had just said. But that wasn't the problem. Standing next to them, looking stunningly handsome, was Logan Huntzberger. A grin took over his face, and she could tell he was uttering a sarcastic comment by the way a half smirk tugged at his lips. Shawn shot him a sideways glance as her finished, then broke into a fit of laughter. A mixture of emotions grabbed her as she watched them. The first being anger, almost jealously. How dare he march into her life and start talking to _her_ friends. How dare he!

But he was Logan afterall, and he almost seemed to pull people towards him. He always had an interesting story, or a witty comment to pass along. Once a person talked to him once, it was almost impossible to tear away. She couldn't blame Aiden and Shawn for talking to him, there was no rule saying they couldn't be friends with her_ and _Logan. It still bothered her though, because the two boys were supposed to be her support system. It bothered her that Logan felt so instantly comfortable in her life.

"Are you okay?" Carmen asked, following her stare, "Oh my God."

"It's nothing," Rory replied quickly, "Where are the drinks?"

"Oh my _God_!"

"What?"

"What are they doing?"

"What do mean? They're talking to Logan."

"Well I can't see_ that_, but why?"

"Probably because they're friends."

"And this doesn't bother you?"

"Not really," Rory lied, "You want to hit the bar?"

"Hah! I knew it bothered you."

"It does not bother me. I just want a drink."

Carmen held eye contact with her for a minute, before relenting, "Okay."

Rory downed two drinks, before she felt a hand lightly touch her shoulder. She turned to see Shawn grinning at her, Aiden at his side, and holding a drink in his hand.

"You need a refill?" he asked.

"Yes, please."

She grabbed the drink and sipped it, wondering if the two were going to mention Logan.

"So, we saw you over there," Carmen stated.

And then she realized Carmen would beat them to it.

"Oh, um," Aiden stutterd, avoiding Rory's eyes, "We were just, um..."

"It's fine," Rory assured them.

"Really?" Shawn asked, intrigued.

"Yes, really."

"It's just, we were talking to Will, and he came over and..." Aiden rambled.

"Stop it!" Rory said with a half grin, "I don't care."

She watched their worried expressions fade, and she wondered for a second why she didn't tell them she was slightly angry. But then she realized that wasn't her place. They were grown men, and they were free to be friends with whoever they chose. It wasn't like Logan had broke her heart afterall, it was the other way around. And a part of her thought that maybe, just maybe, the three of them getting along could work in her favor. It couldn't work against her, now could it?

"Let's dance, Gilmore," Shawn said with a grin.

"Excuse me?"

"Dance? You know: feet moving, bodies swaying."

"Sure," she smiled, "Why not?"

Shawn held out her hand, and she placed her drink on the table before accepting it. Aiden winked at Carmen, before grabbing her wrist and pulling her out with the other two. The dance floor was crowded, which was odd for one of the newspaper's gatherings, but Rory quickly realized that the paper had gathered more young workers since the last dinner.

She wrapped her arms around Shawn's neck and she felt his close around her back. She wondered if Logan had said anything about her, if she had made her two best friends question her morals, her decisions, or the person she was all together.

"So..." Rory began, letting her voice wander off.

"So..." Shawn mimicked with a grin.

"Did you um," she paused, "Did you talk about me?"

His smile faded, "No, Ror."

"Because I don't want you to think--"

"Rory," Shawn interrupted seriously, "We didn't talk about you, _nothing _was said about you."

"Okay," she replied quietly.

"We didn't mean to hurt you, Ror."

She glanced up, "You didn't. I mean, I was suprised, but you didn't hurt me."

"He's just going to be working with us, so we figured we might as well get to know him."

"Fine," Rory insisted, "Don't worry about it, really."

They were silent for a few minutes, before Shawn spoke up again, "He's a lot like you."

As soon as the words left his lips, Rory felt her heart drop. Logan was like her in a way, she guessed, but they were different in plenty of ways. He was adventurous, outgoing, and of the moment, while she was more nervous, and had her feet planted firmly on solid ground. But after all their time together, it was impossible not to rub off on each other. She found herself taking more chances, and she thought that maybe he had grown more mature. And they had always shared that sarcastic sense of humor, and the quick, witty banter. She had yet to find a person that could keep up with her in words the way Logan had.

She glanced over Shawn's shoulder, only to see a pair of eyes staring at her from a distance. Logan was standing at the bar, drink in hand, stare following her every movement. They made eye contact for a split second, before he quickly turned away and downed the rest of his drink,

"Are you okay?" Shawn asked quietly.

She sighed, "I'm going to go get some fresh air."

"Ror, I'm sorry..."

"No, I just," she paused, "I'm not feeling well."

_--------------------------------_

As soon as the cool wind whipped across her face, she began to feel slightly better, although the sick feeling in her stomach was still present. So he had been looking at her at the office, she hadn't been imagining things. But why? Was he staring at her in rage? In hatred? Or was it something else? Maybe Logan was watching her and remembering, just like she was. Maybe somewhere deep inside, he recalled the way things used to be. But she knew that was a long shot. After everything she put him through, why should he ever even think about talking to her? Let alone giving her another chance?

She leaned against the back wall of the building, arms tucked around herself as the silent tears began streaming down her cheeks. She wanted to talk to him, _needed_ to talk to him, but she wasn't sure how to make him listen. As much as she wanted him back, what she wanted more was for him to understand. She wanted him to understand why she left, why she did what she did. He needed to know how big of a mistake she made, and how much she regretted it every single day of her life.

Her cellphone rang in her purse and she fished it out quickly. The caller id showed her it was Carmen on the phone, and she knew she would have a lot of explaining to do.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" Carmen demanded.

"I just needed to take a walk."

"In the middle of the party?" she hissed, whispering.

"Well...yeah."

"Are you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"I think people will notice if you don't come back."

"I doubt that highly."

"And what do I say if they ask about you?"

"Tell them I wasn't feeling well."

"What did Shawn say to you?"

"What?"

She sighed, "When you were dancing, what did he say to make you leave?"

"Nothing! I just...I'm having a rough night, okay?"

"Rory..."

"Stop it! I don't want your pity, I just want to to go home."

Carmen exhaled, "Do you have a key?"

"Yes."

"Okay. If you need anything, just call."

"Thanks, Car."

She closed her phone and placed it back in her purse. With a sigh, she began watching the traffic roll by on the city streets, deciding if she would take a cab or start the long walk home.

The door of the ballroom opened, and footsteps came around the corner. When she glanced to her right, she nearly lost her balance in surprise. It took a second before Logan looked in her direction, but when he did, she saw the same hurt look in her eyes reflected in his. They both stood there, unmoving, staring at each other in silence. Logan opened his mouth slightly, as if he wanted to say something, before he shook his head slightly and turned to head back inside.

She waited until the door closed, waited until she was sure he couldn't hear her, before she sank down on the sidewalk in tears, not caring about how dirty her dress was getting.

"I love you," she whispered into the night air, "I _love_ you."

One look into his eyes and she felt like she was toppling off one of the city skyscrapers. She couldn't seem to stay on her feet whenever his chocolate brown gaze made contact with her own. And when he opened his mouth, God, she had been so anxious. He was finally going to say something, she thought he finally had something to tell her, but then he'd changed his mind. He walked away! As if it was the easiest thing in the world. He just turned on his heel and walked away.

And she knew right then and there that moving on wasn't going to be hard, it was going to be near impossible. Because everytime she felt like she was back on her feet, he would be there to sent her crashing down again. He didn't know the power he had over her, he had absolutely no idea. Even when they were together, he had the ability to take her to the highest high with one kiss, or to the lowest low with one fight. She guessed that was love. When her emotions were so attached to those of someone else's, she gussed that was love.

She hated love. She laughed softly at the thought. Was that even possible? To hate love?

With a heavy sigh, she walked to the edge of the sidewalk, called a taxi, and slipped inside. The look in Logan's eyes was burned in her brain and she couldn't stop remembering it as the cab sped off towards her apartment building. Hurt. Hurt, anger, and terrible pain. Those were the emotions she'd seen in his eyes. And if he cared, if he had really looked at her, she knew exactly what he saw in hers. Hurt, _guilt_, and terrible pain. And she hoped that he saw love. She hoped with all her heart that he had been able to scratch away the surface of her stare, and see what she was really feeling. Love.

And more than anything, she hoped she wasn't mistaking when she saw the same feeling in him.


	11. Getting Hard to Cope

He had been so close. So close, yet so terribly far away from actually opening his mouth. When he had seen her standing there, tears welling in her gorgeous blue eyes, he thought that maybe this was his chance. But then he'd lost his nerve. Maybe it was the urging glance she sent his way, or maybe it was how absolutely stunning she'd looked. It didn't really matter what the reason was, all that mattered was that he'd walked away.

When he closed the door, he couldn't gather himself enough to walk back inside, and he could've sworn he heard her sobbing in the alley. And as angry as he was at her, the sound of her crying at still ripped at his heart. He guessed that even after all the time they spent apart, she still had that power of him. But still he waited, inside next to the door, until he was sure she was gone. Then he'd called a cab and gone home, the party was ruined anyway.

And when he'd seen her dancing with Shawn he couldn't help the uncontrollable jealously that blanketed him. He wasn't sure why, he knew they were just friends afterall. Even if they weren't, it wasn't his place to feel jealous anymore. But he couldn't help that he wanted to be the one holding her, he couldn't help that he wanted to be the one whispering words that made her crack that beautiful smile. She'd caught him. She had glanced up and seen him staring, and that's when he'd lost it. After downing three drinks, he'd gone outside for a walk. And the rest, well, the rest was the scene that kept running through his mind.

Logan drank down the rest of his coffee, then slammed the mug on the table with a loud bang. Finn's head shot up from his place on the couch and he groaned, casting a glare in Logan's direction.

"Must you?" he asked angrily.

"Yes, actually," Logan shot back.

"Really? Because I think you can manage to--"

"Shut up, Finn."

"Somebody's grumpy."

Logan turned back to the newspaper, trying to distact himself enough to not worry about work that morning. Not only would he have to answer a milloin questions about where he'd gone the night before, he really wasn't looking forward to running into Rory again. He couldn't get the image of her at the dance out his mind. In all the time he'd spent with her, he'd hardly ever seen her look so absolutely radiant. Why did she have to be so beautiful? So irrestiable? But it was more than just her beauty, she had an air about her that made him want to take her into his arms and never let go.

He knew he wasn't doing a very good job of taking Honor's advice. He was supposed to be growing on his own, returning to the way he used to be. But it was so hard when the girl he loved was standing right infront of him. It was hard to forget about her when he saw her everyday of his life. Maybe he didn't want to forget about her. Deep down he was still hoping to wake up one day and realize all the anger and hurt he felt was gone, that he would wake up and just forget everything that had happened.

"How was your thing last night?" Colin asked, sitting down in a chair across from Logan.

Logan just glanced up from the paper, sending him a look that gave him all the answer he needed.

"So, she was there I'm assuming?"

"Yes, Colin. Obviously she was there."

"Easy boy, just asking a question," he paused, "Did you talk to her?"

"No, I didn't talk to her."

"You're not in a very lovely mood this morning, are you?"

"Not when it comes to that subject," Logan grumbled.

"Okay," Colin took a deep breath, "I have a job interview today."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Really? Where?"

"Hotel. They need a manager."

"It's about time you do something with yourself."

"Yeah, next we have to work on Finn."

Logan laughed, "Try telling _him_ that."

Finn's head shot up from the couch again and he shot a stare from one friend to another.

"I don't even know what the hell I majored in," he said matter-of-factly, before dropping down again.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Logan said.

"I think he majored in getting drunk."

"You know, I don't think Yale would've noticed."

"Probably not with the amount of money his family poured in every year."

"Did you even major in anything?" Logan yelled over to Finn.

"I don't know," Finn said, his voice muffled.

"And this is the future of America," Logan announced, getting up from the table, "I got to go. Good luck with your interview, buddy. Give me a call and let me know how it goes."

"Will do."

"Bye Finn!" Logan called.

"Good God, your voice!"

As he made his way outside, he thought about her two friends that he had met at the party. Of course, he had already met Shawn in the breakroom, but he had no idea how close they were until Will had explained it to him afterwards. Apparently Rory, Aiden, Shawn, and the blonde he had seen before, Carmen, were nearly inseperable. He wasn't surprised. It was very Rory to find a close knit group of friends, she had always done that. In college, she had mostly been with him, and Colin, Finn, and Stephanie had come with the package. But there had always been Lorelai of course, along with Lane and Paris.

Shawn and Aiden were nice guys, not that he expected anything less from his ex-girlfriend. They hadn't talked about her at all, both Shawn and Aiden seemed to understand that he didn't want to and she wouldn't have appreciated it. The conversation had been awkward at first, but then with Will's help, the group had grown more comfortable. Logan had always found it easy to get along with wide varieties of people, even if they included his ex-girlfriend's best friends.

But they seemed to know something he didn't, and that bothered him. Obviously Rory had told them something about him. But what was it? How did she feel? What stories did she tell? He wondered briefly if she missed him, if she thought about him, if she had any regrets. And then he remembered what Will had told him, about her holding on to Jess for dear life. If she cared about him, even at all, wouldn't she have fought for their relationship? Why Jess? Why not him?

_--------------------------------_

"Hey, were'd you disappear to last night?" Will asked, walking over to Logan's desk.

"I wasn't feeling well."

Will looked at him strangely, "Okay. You better now?"

Logan nodded.

"You know, that's strange..." he let his voice trail off.

"What's strange?" Logan asked, almost bitter.

"Rory wasn't feeling well last night either."

Logan forced his face to remain blank, "That is strange."

"Is it?" Will inquired, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes," Logan hissed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to hit a nerve there."

"You didn't hit a nerve."

Will raised his eyebrows again and Logan felt his muscles tense.

"Alright, alright," Will raised his hands in surrender, "You up for drinks tonight with Aiden and Shawn?"

Logan tilted his head to the side, "Sure, why not?"

"Really?"

"What? Rory's not coming is she?"

"No..."

"Then why not?" Logan demanded.

Will shrugged, "Okay. You pick the place."

"Alright. See you later."

Since coming to the paper, Rory had never put him in this bad of a mood. He always had something to tell Colin, always needed some kind of advice. But ever since last night, all he could think about was the look in her eyes. He thought that maybe, tucked away in her blue gaze, was a hint of caring. And he hated the feeling of maybe: maybe she still cared, maybe she loved him, maybe somewhere, deep down, she remembered as well as he did. But then he would recall that she left, she made the decision to pack her backs and walk out the door, and his world would come crashing down again.

And even if she did still care, would he ever be able to forgive her? The way his heart pounded in anger everytime she was near told him probably not. It was like playing tug-o-war with his emotions everyday. At first glance, all he felt was hurt and anger. But then she would smile, or laugh, and he would remember when he was the one causing those feelings. And then he loved her again. He loved her and he couldn't stop himself. The job at the paper was driving him absolutely crazy and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out. But he knew he would stay, he knew he couldn't leave. She was here afterall, and no matter how much it hurt, seeing her everyday was still bittersweet.

His phone rang and he grabbed it quickly, checking the caller id to reveal it was Colin on the other end.

"Hey," Logan greeted, resting the phone against his shoulder as he turned back to the computer.

"Hey."

"How was your interview?"

"Great, I think. They're calling within the next week."

"Good, good."

"So um, Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

Logan paused, "I knew that was coming."

"You were really, I don't know, _angry _this morning."

"I ran into her last night," Logan explained, lowering his voice to a near whisper.

"Like, literally?"

"No, not literally! I walked outside and there she was. I almost said something, but then I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Why not?"

"I don't know! She just looked so...perfect."

"And...?"

"And I knew all I would be able to do was yell at her, and I didn't feel like yelling."

"I see," Colin paused, "You'll talk eventually."

"Yeah, I guess. I have to go."

"Hold on, are we going anywhere tonight?"

"I'm going to a bar with some of the guys, why don't you and Finn come along?"

"Sound good. Where at?"

"Same one we went last time."

"I liked that one."

"That's only because the straight, single blonde was there once."

"So?"

Logan laughed, "We'll meet you there."

"Bye."

He glanced over at the elevators just as Rory stepped out. He almost smiled when he saw her, only because of the weird mixture of food she was carrying her hand. Hangover food, he remembered it well. She would eat the most disgusting combinations, claiming it helped with the hangover. She had never actually been able to get him to try any though, he found sleeping them off much more effective.

She was laughing at something Carmen was saying, until Shawn came over. He placed a hand on her elbow and told her something quickly, his mouth moving rapidly. A look came over her face that Logan remembered well, of course, he knew all of her looks well. But this look, this was the look of fake happiness that convinced most people, but never actually convinced him. She nodded slowly, the false smile still plastered on her face, until Shawn disappeared around the corner.

He wasn't sure, but he could take a wild guess as to what he just told her. Shawn and Aiden were going out with him tonight, which meant they weren't going out with the girls. He felt somewhat guilty for spending time with her friends, but Will had been the one to invite him. And Will had been the one he'd gone over to talk to the night before. Sure, it was strange, sharing friends in a working environment, but there was nothing he could really do to change that.

He watched as Carmen said something that made Rory's smile become real again before the two girls disappeared through a doorway. Everytime she walked into the same room as him, it was like he was alerted to her prescence. Maybe it was all the time they spent together, but he seemed to know whenever she was near.

Not that he wanted to know when she was around, because everytime he saw her it felt like his heart was being smashed into a million pieces. There she was, the girl he would always love, standing just a few feet away. And yet, no matter how close she was, she was always so much farther away than she seemed.

_--------------------------------_

"So who's meeting us here?" Will asked.

"Two friends of mine, Colin and Finn."

Shawn and Aiden shared a knowing glance, and Logan clenched his jaw tightly.

"You two have something you want to share?" Will asked, looking at them strangely.

"We, uh..." Aiden paused, "No."

So Rory told them about Colin and Finn, which was interesting because she didn't seem to have any problem leaving them behind. Then again, she didn't seem to have any problem leaving him either and they knew _all _about him, he was sure of it.

"Then can we stop with the looks?" Logan demanded.

"What looks?" Shawn asked innocently.

"You know what looks," Will stated.

Why was he here? What the hell was he doing here? He was staying for Rory, obviously, but why? He loved her, that much he knew. But she didn't love him. Sure, she wanted to talk to him, but he was sure he would never grow the nerve. He couldn't handle getting hurt again, couldn't handle hearing that she never loved him, or didn't love him anymore, or just cared about Jess more. Those were the things that had torn him apart over a year ago. Devestated. He'd been devestated and he wouldn't put his friends and Honor through having to pick him up again. He wouldn't do it.

"Logan!" Finn greeted, sliding into a chair, "Are you aware of the large variety of red heads in this bar?"

"None of which are going to go home with you," Colin replied with a smile as he took the chair next to Logan.

Logan smirked, "Will, Shawn, Aiden these are my friends Colin and Finn."

"Nice to meet you," Finn drawled.

"And you," Will replied.

Shawn and Aiden seemed a little shell shocked, but they soon got ahold of themselves and shook the hands of Logan's best friends.

As the two groups began talking and laughing, Logan found it difficult to snap out of his daze. He couldn't stop thinking about her, in the alley way, and how incredibly gorgeous she'd looked._ Had _she been crying? When they were dating, he was always able to read her emotions, so he wasn't going to start doubting his instincts now. He could've sworn he blue eyes were damp, and as he turned to walk away, he'd seen a single tear fall down her cheek.

Would he ever be able to talk to her? When would he be ready to take that risk? When she'd left, he'd crashed and it took everything Colin, Honor, and Finn had to put him back together again. If she destroyed him again, if she told him things he wasn't ready to hear, how would he handle it? If she sat in a room and said she never came to the hospital because she didn't love him, left him that day because she didn't care. What would he do?

He ran his hands over his face and downed the rest of his beer, enjoying the numbing sensation that was starting to wash over him. A few more and he wouldn't even remember anymore. That was a nice feeling, not remembering anymore.

But he began to wonder which was worse: knowing or never knowing. Was the not knowing what Rory thought going to tear him apart more than knowing? It was already starting to take its toll. He was always able to enjoy a night out with his friends, but not tonight. He couldn't seem to get his mind of the current situation long enough to have any fun at all.

"So Logan, can I ask you a question?" Aiden inquired, his words slightly slurred.

"I guess."

"Can you tell us about Rory?"

Logan flinched, and he could immediatly feel Colin and Finn's eyes on him. He opened his mouth, then quickly closed it again. What could Aiden and Shawn possibly need to know about Rory? They were her best friends afterall, didn't they know everything already?

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? We just want to hear your side of it."

Logan almost laughed. There were no sides to the situation. Him and Rory were both fairly honest people, so the stories were going to be the same. Besides that, he was sure Rory wouldn't appreciate her friends talking about her behind her back. Although, he wasn't sure why he cared.

"Believe me, whatever you've heard is most likely the truth."

"But how do you feel about the situation?" Shawn asked.

Logan wrapped his fingers around the chair tightly, "Yeah I just met you, so I don't think we're going to be having this conversation."

"But we've known Rory for awhile," Aiden explained.

"Good for you," Logan hissed, "But I'm not having this conversation."

"Why not?"

"I swear to God..." Logan mumbled, letting his voice trail off.

"You two need to lay off," Colin ordered, his voice becoming cold.

"We're just curious."

"So talk to Rory," Colin demanded, "But leave him the hell alone."

Reaching over, Logan downed the rest of his bear as the room started to swim before his eyes. Complete thoughts were not reaching his brain anymore, but he knew one thing. He was going home. He was going home before they started talking about Rory, before they continued bugging him about the situation.

"I'll see you at home," he told Colin, getting up from the table.

But he swayed slightly, causing Colin to stand up and brace his shoulder.

"I think you need some help there, buddy. Finn!" he called.

The Australian walked back over from the bar.

"We're going home. You coming?"

Finn glanced at Logan, then nodded his head.

Logan blacked out somewhere in the taxi, but came to again when it pulled to a halt. Not able to make it to the bedroom, he took Finn's usual place on the couch instead. As he burried himself into the cushions, he could hear Finn and Colin having a muffled conversation. Even in his drunken state, he was sure he heard something about 'crashing' and the name 'Honor' mentioned.

He tucked a pillow over his head, drowning out the backround noise, as darkness began consuming him again. Numb. He'd finally reached the stage to where he was completely numb. Over the past months, he had discovered no better feeling than no feeling at all. But the scary part was, he suddenly found himself having to get numb again, because the other feelings were just too strong.


	12. The One I Can't Forget

She was angry, she couldn't deny that anymore. The thought of Logan hanging out with her best friends made her decently angry. But she wasn't sure who she was more annoyed with: Shawn and Aiden for abandoning her or Logan for being with them in the first place. Although deep down, she wanted it to be Logan she was mad at, she knew it wasn't his fault. He'd come into _Post It _and made friends with Will, and he certainly couldn't help it that Will was good friends with Aiden.

But she wanted to be angry with Logan. She wanted it to be him, because maybe then the hurt and the love would fade away. Maybe if she had something to be annoyed with, the aching feeling would suddenly disappear. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't make herself direct the annoyance towards him.

She'd noticed a change in him, subtle, but it was still there. When she caught sight of him at the office, he was hardly ever smiling anymore. Even when Will looked like he was having an animated conversation, Logan seemed like he was somewhere else all together. She'd seen that look once or twice over the time she was with him: when his family had attacked her at the dinner, and when his father had ordered him to go to London. He'd always snapped out of it pretty quickly though, which was why worry was starting to eat away at her. She wasn't sure why she was concerned, she certainly didn't have a right to be, not anymore. But she couldn't help herself. It was almost like he was falling apart.

But then again, wasn't she? She felt like the world was closing in around her, and she had nowhere to turn anymore. Two of her best friends, two of the people she trusted the most, were now neutral. Not that she really wanted them to choose sides, but...she didn't know. She wasn't actually sure what she wanted anymore. Her mind was fifty different places at once, and nearly all of them included something about Logan. God, didn't he know what he was doing to her?

And so she sat, staring at Carmen across their kitchen table, as the blonde girl tapped her finger nails lightly against the wood.

"Are you going to talk?" Carmen asked, "Because we have to leave for work in like fifteen minutes."

"What makes you think I have anything to say?"

"Oh, I don't know. The fact that you've been staring into your coffee for ten minutes with the 'I'm thinking' expression on your face."

"I just--" Rory cut herself short, collecting her thoughts.

"You just what?"

"Aren't a good enough anymore?"

"Good enough for who?" Carmen asked, confused.

"Aiden and Shawn!"

"What? Rory, where is this coming from?"

"Gee, I don't know," Rory mumbled sarcastically, "Maybe the fact that they've gone out with Logan more than with me over the past few days."

"Come on, Ror."

"Come on, what? Are you telling me you haven't noticed?"

"I have, I just understand."

"What do you mean you understand?" Rory demanded.

"We're girls."

"No, really? I haven't noticed."

"So, I don't know. Come on, Gilmore. You have to understand."

"Yeah, maybe," she sighed, "But that doesn't make me feel any better."

Carmen got up from the table, offering Rory a small smile, "Have you talked to them?"

"Who?"

"God, you're slow today. Aiden and Shawn."

"No, it's not fair to make them feel guilty."

"Well this," she gestured at Rory, "Isn't fair to you."

Rory shrugged and followed her friend out of the apartment, downstairs, and into a cab.

She still wanted to talk to him, but she had all but given up hope on that ever happening. She was a stubburn person, but she was pretty sure Logan had her beat in that department. And if he didn't want to talk to her, well, it was highly doubtful she would ever get the chance. And she could understand why he didn't want to have a conversation, if she had been in his place, she wouldn't have wanted to either. But she needed a chance to explain, needed to at least try and tell him. She wanted him to know everything she'd been thinking, because she could tell he was hurting. Even after everything they'd been through, she hated to see him in pain. She did love him, afterall, and she always would.

But she also needed him to know that he had hurt her, too. The brides maids incident had torn her apart inside, and that was something she wouldn't apologize for. That had been his mistake, even if she could understand that they were no longer together at the time. It had been him who'd left the situation unclear, him who had been able to move on so easily. And maybe she shouldn't have gone back with him, maybe she should've listened to her anger. But she loved him, and so she went back, but she still couldn't find it in herself to forgive. So she went to see Jess, and he told her things that her heart wanted to believe: he could make her better again, he could love her. That was her mistake, hers and hers alone.

So, where did that leave them? She couldn't speak for him, no, that was near impossible. She had no idea what was running through her ex-boyfriend's mind. But she knew that she loved him, and even if she could never be his girlfriend again, she desperately wanted his friendship back. Besides Lorelai, he was the only person who had ever really, truly understood her. He was the only person who loved her for everything she was, but knew exactly what she needed to grow. She missed their conversations that lasted for hours, missed the way they could shoot comments back and forth so easily. She missed everything about him, and she knew she needed it back, even if in a platonic way.

But she couldn't fix everything by herself, she needed _him_ to care. Did he? Did he care enough to let her speak? She doubted it. He was furious, and hurt beyond belief. How could she ever get him to expose himself to the person who caused all his pain?

_--------------------------------_

"Hey Gilmore, you coming out with us tonight?" Shawn asked as he stood at her desk later that day.

"Oh? So I'm worthy now?" she muttered before she could stop herself.

"Rory..."

She glanced up, "Sorry. Yeah, I'll go."

"Now hold on--"

"Shawn, I don't want to--"

"Well, I do," he interrupted right back.

She sighed, "Fine. I"m slightly, and only slightly, angry."

"I figured."

"But not because you've been out with Logan so often."

"Oh?" he raised his eyebrows.

"But because I haven't talked to you for more than three seconds in a very long time."

"Oh."

He cast his eyes downward, and she could tell he was feeling guilty. Exhaling, she gave him a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, okay? Just...buy me a drink tonight."

He laughed, "You got it, Gilmore."

He gave her a half wave as he returned to her desk, and she silently cursed herself for not being more hard on her friend. Maybe he had a right to be friends with Logan, and it was perfectly okay for him to spend time with his other friends, but it was _not_ okay for him to pretend she no longer existed. They'd been through a lot together: his break-ups, her break-ups, problems at work and it wasn't fair for him to just leave her behind. She hated that feeling, and she hated that she had caused it to someone she loved over a year ago.

She watched Logan come into the office, looking dazed as he had over the past few days. Will came over and said something to him with a laugh. Logan offered him a small smile, and a comment that made Will's laugh grow stronger, but that was all. Logan patted Will on the back slightly as he walked through the office and disappeared into the elevator.

She stared at the closed, metal door for a few seconds, willing him to walk back out and come over to her, but she knew that was never going to happen. With a sigh, she returned to the article waiting on her computer and began to type.

Her ringing cellphone interrupted her work, and she grumbled to herself as she grabbed it and flipped it open, not bothering to look at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Rory Gilmore, never thought I'd hear your voice again," a slightly cold, but familar voice greeted.

"Colin?" Rory asked in surprise.

"As I live and breathe."

"What? Why?" she stuttered.

"Believe me, if I had my way I would not be calling you right now, but we need to talk."

"As in me and you?"

"No, as in me and the other Rory I know."

"Right, sorry," she paused, "When?

"Today. When's your lunch break?"

"In about an hour."

"Perfect. Meet me at the cafe next to your office. Logan's coming home for lunch."

"Are you sure you want to meet me?"

"Gilmore, believe me, I would not be calling _you_ if I wasn't sure."

"Okay. See you then."

"Bye."

Rory closed her phone, completely stunned. Colin was here, in New York, with Logan. What could he possibly want? She knew he was just as angry as Logan had been, the phone message alone told her that. So why did he want to talk? Did he know something? Did he just want to yell at her? He was one of the last people she expected to be on the other end of a phone conversation, the other one being Logan, and possibly Finn.

She knew he'd probably been hurt when she left. They had grown to be good friends over her time with Logan, and she didn't even tell him goodbye. But she knew where he's loyalties were, they were with his best friend. And so she knew this meeting was probably not going to be a pleasant one, but she had to go. If she couldn't talk to Logan, Colin was the next best thing.

Grabbing her cellphone, she quickly selected her mother's number.

"Daughter!" Lorelai greeted, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Colin just called me," Rory stated, her voice quiet.

"What? Colin as in Logan's friend Colin. Is he in New York?"

"Mhmm."

"Why?"

"He wants to meet me for lunch."

"Again, I ask, why?"

"I don't know," she paused, "Probably to talk about Logan."

"I hate to be repetitive, but why?"

"I have no idea, but I'm nervous."

"Maybe it's a good thing," Lorelai offered.

"A good thing?"

"Maybe he's trying to help."

"Me? You think he's trying to help me? Excuse me, I let you listen to that phone message right?"

"Not you, Logan. Maybe he's trying to help Logan."

"Okay, I'm confused," Rory stated.

"Maybe he needs to talk to you to help Logan with his pain. Got it?"

"I guess."

"Good," Loreali paused, "Good luck, hun. Call me after, okay?"

"Okay. Bye mom."

Rory closed her phone and leaned back against her seat, letting thoughts about the entire situation consume her. Maybe Colin could help, but not only Logan. Maybe he could help her, too.

_--------------------------------_

She sat impatiently in the restauraunt, watching the door of the cafe nervously. She didn't even know what to say to him, so she hoped he planned to do most of the talking. Where would he even begin? Where had the phone call come from? What was going on? She shook the questions out of her mind. She would find out soon enough.

And then there he was. He waltzed in with the same cocky stride Logan always had. He avoided eye contact with her until he sat down, and then he stared at her, his bitter eyes tearing into her soul.

"Okay look, let's get this over with," he opened.

"You're the one that wanted to meet me," Rory replied, almost angry.

"Hey, just listen."

"Fine."

"You want to talk to Logan, right?"

Rory was silent.

"Gilmore?"

"Oh sorry, am I allowed to talk now?"

"Don't get cute."

"Yes Colin, I want to talk to Logan."

"He doesn't want to talk to you."

"Yes, I know. That much is painfully obvious."

"He _needs _to talk to you," Colin continued.

Rory looked at him in surprise, that much she wasn't expecting.

"Needs to talk to me?"

"Yes."

"Continue. I'm confused."

"You hurt him, Rory."

"Yes, Colin. I know," she said quietly.

"No, you don't know. You have absolutely no idea what he went through, and what we went through helping him. You have _no_ idea," he explained bitterly.

"Okay, so maybe I don't know the details. But believe me, I know I hurt him."

"Not the point. The point is, seeing you again brought all the feelings of pain back to him, not that they ever completely went away. And so, as much as he denies it, he needs to talk to you."

"I've tried."

"I know," his voice softened slightly, "Which is why Honor, Finn, and I are going to help."

"Why?"

"Because Logan needs us to interfere."

"If I know Logan, he dosn't want you to interfere."

"Rory, don't get me started on all the ways you don't know Logan anymore."

Her heart sank, "Fine."

"We're going to talk him out to dinner tomorrow night, and convince him that he needs to talk to you. When he comes to you, go with him. And if you don't, well, let's just say I have people ready to lock you two in a room together."

"And what makes you think you can convince him?"

"Believe me, we can convince him. But you better have something damn good to say."

"I do," she almost whispered.

"And it better not hurt him anymore than he already is."

"It won't!"

"And whatever you do Gilmore, do not set him up to get shot down again."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Colin hissed, "Because when you leave, we're left to help him up again."

"Colin..."

"Hey! You don't get to defend youself, not to me. Maybe a little to him, but not to me, understand? Don't let him think you care."

"But I do."

"No, you don't. Don't set him up to get hurt again," Colin repeated.

"He hurt me, too!" Rory found herself yelling.

"Yes, I know. Believe me, I know. I know you were hurt that he could move on so fast, I know you weren't even sure if you two were apart. But there's a big difference between you and Logan."

"And what's that?"

"He stayed. He fought for you. He never gave up."

Rory remained silent.

"That's what I thought. Bye Rory."

"Colin--"

"I said goodbye, Rory. Don't do anything stupid."

And with that, he disappeared out the doors of the cafe. He stayed. He fought for you. He never gave up. Those words wouldn't stop running through her head. They were true, so incredibly true. When they seperated the first time, he'd come back for her. When she broke up with him the second time around, he'd fought for her. And yet she couldn't find it in her heart to fight for him, even if she'd been the one hurting, even if she'd been the one in all the pain.

But he wasn't completely inncocent. No, he'd made his fair share of mistakes and when she talked to him, well, she wasn't going to let him forget that. She didn't deserve to be the one carrying all of the blame. An entire wedding party! He'd been with an entire wedding party! He couldn't even begin to imagine what that had felt like, how hurt she had been. That is, until she walked out on him.

She was going to talk to Logan. And now that she knew it was going to happen, she was having trouble imagining what she was going to say. Where could she even begin? And would she be able to handle it? She would be in the same room as him, looking into those brown eyes, and seeing all the hurt and pain that _she'd_ caused. She wondered briefly that when she started talking about the brides maids, if he would notice the same pain in her eyes.

They had both been hurt, him more than her. But still, they had both been hurt. Would hearing her explanation even matter? No matter what she said, she still moved out when he wasn't home without so much as a note or a message. After all the time they'd spent together, all the love they'd felt for each other, she hadn't even left him a simple goodbye.

_--------------------------------_

"Wow," Carmen murmered, "Wow."

"I know," Rory answered.

"At least Colin thinks he needs to talk to you."

"I guess," she paused, "He told me not to do anything stupid."

"Just explain yourself, Ror, and see where it goes from there."

"I've run through this so many times in my head, and now I can't seem to think of anything to say."

Carmen flicked off the television that was talking in the backround, and then turned to face her best friend on the couch.

"You'll be fine."

"How do you explain something like that?"

"Exactly how you've explained it to everyone else."

Rory shook her head, "No."

"No what?"

"I'm not supposed to set him up to get hurt again."

"And what does that mean?"

"Exactly what it says. I'll explain myself, I'll try and make him understand, but that's all."

"Rory, he needs to know how you feel."

"He won't care."

"And how do you know?"

"Because he hates me! I'm the one who caused him all that anger and all that pain!" Rory yelled.

"Why don't you wait and talk to him before deciding if he hates you or not?"

"Wouldn't you hate the person who did that to you?"

Carmen sighed, "If I didn't love them more."

"Huh?"

"He might love you more than he could ever hate you, that's all I'm saying."

"I...I don't want to hurt him again."

"So don't. It's that simple."

"It's not that simple!"

"Rory!" Carmen exclaimed, "It will always be that simple."

Carmen smiled and pulled Rory into a hug, before getting up from the couch.

"It'll be okay. I'm going to bed, and you should too," Carmen said softly.

Rory wasn't sure if she couldn't handle it. When he was looking at her, his eyes damp, explaining everything he went through. Would she be able to take it? Would she be able to stand there and explain herself to the man she loved? He was sure to get furious, and start yelling. God, she hated it when she yelled, she hated it when he was hurt. And what about her? How would she explain the incredible pain she had felt after she found out about the other girls? Would he even care? She knew he probably would, and that made her heart drop. He would care, he _always_ cared. And she? She'd left.


	13. I Get Frustrated

**AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews! I love all the feedback, really. You guys are amazing. These next chapters kind of just kept coming, so there will be updates often. But anyway, I hope you like this chapter, all the chapters to come, and the story in general. I promise some Rory and Logan interaction very, very, very soon (hint, hint). Please read and review!**

"So, when are Colin and Finn getting here?" Logan asked at dinner, glancing around the restauraunt.

"Soon enough," Honor insisted, "Look at me."

Logan rolled his eyes, "What?"

"I'm worried about you."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, "I mean that you don't seem to be getting any better."

"Huh?"

"According to your two best friends, you've been getting drunk out of your mind every night. You haven't done that in months, Logan."

He didn't reply. He wasn't sure what to say, how to explain himself. Lately, he'd been thinking about her more often, wanting to go back in time more often. And the only time he could get the thoughts to leave his mind was when he was drunk. In that state, he didn't have to remember the touch of her lips, or the curve of her mouth when she smiled. When he was numb, it didn't hurt, and he didn't remember. Seeing her everyday was tearing him apart, and that was the only way he knew how to deal with it.

"So maybe I've regressed a little," he admitted, "But that's to be expected."

"Why?"

"Because for the first time since our breakup, I see her. And not only do I see her, I see her everyday."

"You need to move on."

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've tried?"

"Maybe you haven't tried the one thing that will help you!"

"And what's that?"

"Talk to her, Logan!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

He sank back against the seat, letting her words sink in. He'd heard it before, from her and from his best friends. Everybody kept telling him to talk to her, but he didn't think he could do it. What could she possibly say that would make him feel better? What conversation could they possibly have that didn't involve him screaming at her? But then again, maybe he needed to scream at her. Maybe she needed to know exactly how bad she'd hurt him. But he wasn't sure if that would make him feel better, because hurting her wasn't high on his to do list. Because even after everything she'd put him through, even after all the chaos she'd caused, he still loved her. And he still cared.

"I don't think I can."

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want to risk it."

"Risk what, Logan?"

"Letting myself fall for her again!"

Honor massaged her temples gently, "Just talk to her."

"I can't."

"Damn it, Logan! You need to. It will help, I promise. Listen to what she has to say, tell her what you're feeling. Just talk to her!"

"You're the one that told me to move on!" he reminded her.

"But you can't! I see that now and you see that. God, even Colin and Finn can see that."

"I want to move on," he said quietly.

"I know you do," Honor replied, her voice softening, "So let us help you, let her help you."

"How can she help me? What could she say?"

"Who knows? Find out!"

"I don't think so."

Honor groaned, "Logan, I swear. You are the most stubburn person I've ever met."

"The way I see it, Honor, if I talk to her I have two choices."

"Please, elaborate."

"She either talks and convinces me to fall in love her again, in which case I end up getting hurt because she leaves. Or, she says things I'm not ready to hear, and I end up getting hurt because I find out she never cared."

"Or," Honor explained, "She says some things you are completely ready for and need to her. In which case, you finally move on with your life and maybe find it in your heart to forgive her and become friends."

"Friends?" Logan choked out.

"Yes, friends."

"Friends with_ Rory_?"

"Did I stutter?"

"You honestly want me to become friends with the girl who left me while I was away, didn't say goodbye, and never came to visit me while I was in the hospital. You want me to become friends with_ her_?"

"You can see yourself falling back in love with her, but you can't see yourself being friends?"

"I don't need to fall _back_ in love with her, Honor! I've got that covered."

"Logan, now you've even got me confused."

"Believe me, I've been confused a lot longer than you have," Logan muttered.

"Talk to her."

"No."

"Logan..." Honor warned.

"I can't do it! Okay? Understand?"

She glared at him, "You're talking to her."

"Honor, I am not--"

Colin and Finn walked in before he could finish his sentence. They took their seats, sent a glance over to Honor, and then turned their attention back to him.

"Talk to her," Colin ordered.

"What is this? Gang up on Logan night? Because I'm not a fan."

"Talk to her," Finn repeated.

"Why?"

"Because you need to," Colin replied simply.

"I don't _need_ to do anything."

"Actually, you do," Honor argued, "You need to move on and this is the only way you're going to be able to."

"Are you aware of how many ways talking to her could backfire?"

"Sure, Logan," Colin paused, "But are aware of the many ways it could help?"

"The negatives are outwaying the posititives right now."

"Why?" Finn demanded.

"Because I can't think of one thing she could say to fix this!"

"That's just it, Logan! It can't be fixed! Nothing that happens, nothing that can be said, can fix this. But it can be helped, and explained, and mended slightly. Nobody can fix this completely, God knows we've tried. Now let her try and put some of it back together, okay?" Honor insisted.

"Where is this all coming from?"

"Because it's either this, or we move. Because we're not watching you go backwards anymore."

"What are you talking about Colin?"

"You said if you couldn't handle it you'd find a new job. You're not handling it."

"Yes, I am."

"Getting more drunk than me every ngiht is _not_ handling it," Finn pointed out.

"I'm not getting a new job!"

"Then talk to her!" Honor practically yelled.

Logan felt himself growing more and more angry, "Do you have any idea what I've gone through? Do you? Seeing her everyday is like torture, but there's a part of me that likes it. Because even if I'm furious at her, I still love her. Do you have any idea what that feels like? No matter what she says, whether she cares or if she doesn't, it's going to hurt."

"Not anymore than this," Colin pointed out.

"I'm going for a walk," Logan announced bitterly, standing up.

"Logan..." Honor began.

"I'm going for a walk," he repeated.

He slipped on his leather jacket and walked out of the restauraunt, leaving the three most important people in his life sitting alone.

He didn't know what to do. A part of him really wanted to talk to her, to let her know how much pain she had caused. A decent bit of him wanted her to know how much he loved her, how much she affected his life. And he had to admit, he was curious as to what she would say, but he was also afraid. She could stand there and tell him she never cared, that she was sorry for leading him on for so long. And that would hurt, that would be like a knife in the heart. Or, she could stand there and tell him that she still loved him, and that she was sorry. What would be do then? He could never return to her, no matter how much he wanted to. It would be too big of a risk, because who was to say she wouldn't disappear on him again?

He wasn't sure why, but as he walked along the city streets, he couldn't help but remember the nickname he gave her a long time ago. Ace. It had been so long since the name had slipped from his lips. He never called her that anymore, it didn't seem right. And that's when he realized it wasn't Rory he missed. It wasn't the girl who went back with him when she didn't forgive him, walked out on him without leaving a note, and never came back when he was injured that he missed. No, he missed his _Ace_. Was she still in there somewhere? Was the girl he loved still hanging around?

_--------------------------------_

_Logan stared at the cellphone on the night stand, wondering if she would answer if he actually called. He'd been wanting to, for weeks he'd been wanting to. She owned him an explanation, a reason for coming back to him only to disappear a short time later. It wasn't fair to him. He deserved a reason, or at least a brief conversation. All he asked for was a simple goodbye, or some concern when he'd been in the hospital room._

_He'd just been brought home a week ago, but he was alone in the apartment anyway. Honor wanted to stay, but she had to get back to her job. Colin and Finn were at class right now, go figure, but they would be back later. This was his chance, his chance to find out why she'd left, how she just walked away without looking back._

_Flipping open the phone, but before it could ring he lost his nerve and placed it back on the night stand. She didn't care, so why should he? She hadn't bothered to call, to visit, or even to write. It wasn't like he was going to see her around campus, not in his condition. And he knew that even if Colin and Finn did, they wouldn't tell him._

_Let her go. That's what he kept telling himself: just let her go. She was just another girl, right? Just another passing ship in his life. But he knew she wasn't. She was special. He loved her. He had never loved another girl._

_What was he thinking? Being with those girls? Even if he'd considered them seperated, what was he thinking? They didn't mean anything, they would never been anything. And Rory Gilmore? She meant everything to him. And now she was gone. She was gone because of his stupid mistake._

_But was a goodbye too much to ask for?_

_He winced as a wave of pain shot through his body and he adjusted his position on the bed. It would've been nice, to have the woman he loved there to comfort him, to hold his hand. But she was gone now. He had his friends, and Honor, and that was all. His family didn't care, and Rory certainly didn't care. What was it about him that made it so easy not to care?_

_The front door opened and Colin walked into the bedroom, tossing a water bottle into Logan's hands._

_"Hey buddy, how are you feeling?"_

_Logan decided to give him the physical answer instead of the emotional one. There weren't words to describe those feelings at that moment._

_"I'm okay."_

_--------------------------------_

He wanted to talk to her back then, so what was so different now? Why was he choosing to put his walls up now, when _she_ wanted to talk to _him_? He needed an outside opinion. Someone who knew him, but not well enough to know every last detail. He needed an opnion from someone with perspective on Rory as well as him.

Taking out his cellphone, he selected Will off his call list, sat down on a bench, and waited patiently.

"Hello?"

"Will, it's Logan."

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm okay, you?"

"Good, good."

Logan paused, "Okay look, the reason I'm calling is I need some advice."

"Advice?"

"Yes."

"From me?"

"Yes, from you."

"Okay, shoot."

"I just got out of a dinner with Colin, Finn, and my sister."

"Okay..."

"And they are trying to convince me that I need to talk to Rory. Now I know I haven't known you for that long, but I also know you know Rory, at least a little bit. I told you most of the situation, and I don't know. I just need another opinion, I guess."

"You really want my opinion?"

"Yes."

Will sighed, "Talk to her, Logan."

"That was fast."

"Yeah well, it's kind of obvious."

Logan almost smiled, "Is that so?"

"Yeah. She's miserable, you're miserable. You both try and hide it, but you're not doing a very good job. You need to talk, you need to hear what each other has to say. So talk to her, Logan."

"I'll think about it," Logan sighed.

"I really think you should, and I haven't even known you for that long."

"I'll keep that in mind," Logan laughed.

"I think you'll find she has some interesting things to say."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Okay," Logan paused, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Will."

"See ya."

Logan closed his phone and pocketed it again, leaning back against the bench in surrender. Maybe he would give in, maybe he would talk to her afterall.

"Logan!" he heard Honor's voice call.

He lifted his head and glanced to the right to see Honor hurrying towards him. She slid onto the bench beside him, her eyes filled with concern.

"We didn't want to make you mad," she explained.

"I know."

"I just think this would be best for you."

He sighed, "I know."

"So...?"

"So..." he mimicked, offering her a smirk.

"Are you going to talk to her?"

He paused, "I guess."

"Good," she said as a smile took over her face, "Very good."

"That doesn't mean I want to, but I think I realize now that I have to."

"I never said you had to want to."

He reached out and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a hug.

"So how are _you_? I haven't asked that question in _way_ too long."

"Believe me, Logan. My life is a hell of a lot less complicated than yours."

He laughed, "Thanks, Honor."

"But seriously, I'm good. Josh is good, everything is good. I've just..." her voice faded.

"You just what?"

"I've just been worried about you."

"I'm making it, Honor, really."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying!" he half smiled, "I promise."

"I hate what this did to you."

"I'm not too found of it either."

"Just promise me you'll talk to her!"

"I already said I would."

"_Promise_ me," Honor insisted.

"I promise."

"Okay."

"Okay," he repeated.

"And if you need to talk after you're done?"

"You'll be the first one I call," he assured her."

"Good," she paused, "I have to go home. You okay?"

"I'm fine."

She got up, never breaking eye contact with him, "Okay. Good luck, Logan."

"Thank you."

So he was going to talk to her. He knew it was going to be a lot easier to think about than it was to actually complete. He had absolutely no idea what to say, or how he was even going to make his mouth work with those incredible blue eyes staring at him. Would he be able to stay angry and tell her how he felt? Or would he completely give in to the feelings of love that were overwelming him? But he knew as long as he remembered waking up in that hospital and the horrible pain that overtook him, and not from the fall off the cliff, that he would be able to stay upset. She needed to know how he felt, and he needed to know how. How could she just get up and walk away? How could she forget about him so easily? How?

And he was thankful to his friends and sister for stepping in like they did, even if he'd been angry at first. They knew him. Sometimes he thought they knew him better than he knew himself. They had known all along exactly what he'd needed, they were just giving him time to figure it out by himself. But he was taking too long, and he was falling apart, so they had stepped in. It was time. It was time to bring the past up to the future, time for him and Rory to finally figure things out. Where did this leave them? How did they feel? What next? What now? And he couldn't predict how he was going to react. He didn't know what she was going to say. So for the first time in a long time, he found himself turning back to his old lifestyle. Life for the moment, don't worry about the future.

_--------------------------------_

He woke up the next morning feeling slightly ill. This was it. This was the day he was going to talk to Rory. Finn didn't poke his head up from the couch once with a sarcastic comment, and Colin kept the conversation to a minimum at the breakfast table. Logan only drank half of his coffee, before tossing the paper aside and staring straight ahead at the kitchen wall. What was he doing? How was he going to handle this?

He forced himself to get up from the table, his hands shaking slightly from nerves. Colin's eyes followed him and he offered his friend a reassuring smile.

"It'll be good for you, Logan. We promise."

"Mhmm."

"Listen to her."

"I will."

"Make her listen to you."

"I will."

"Call us."

Logan sighed, "I will."

Finn peared out from over the couch, "Make_ sure _you call us."

"God, you two sound like the parents I never had."

Colin laughed, "That's our little schoolboy. Now go."

"Yes sir," Logan replied with a grin.

He was in a daze as he called for a taxi and stepped inside. He was trying to mentally prepare himself for the conversation to come, but he wasn't sure if that was even possible. How could he even being to prepare himself for a talk with Rory Gilmore? He didn't even know where to start. All he knew was that he decided to get it over with quickly.

Once inside the office, he dropped his briefcase off at the desk and then went in seach of Rory. He had a pretty good idea where her desk was, and once he was in the general area he located her pretty quickly. She was typing away at her computer, her face a mirror of extreme conversation. Taking a deep breath, he forced his feet to move forward and walk over to her. When she felt a presence above her, she tore her eyes away from the screen and glanced up. She looked stunned for a second, then she swallowed hard and offered him a watery smile.

"We need to talk," he said simply, amazed at how steady his voice was.

"Yes," she agreed, but her voice was cracking, "We do."


	14. Take A Picture Of Our Past

**AN: Again, you guys overwelmed me with your response to the last chapter. Have I told you how much you rock lately? Here's the next chapter aka the one you've all been waiting for. And because you guys are so awesome, I promise you the next one very soon (as in today). Please read and review!**

He walked quickly, and she struggled to keep up with his long strides as they made their way towards the break room. She could feel eyes watching them, and she realized that everyone in the office, including Paul, probably knew about them by now. But at least they were finally going to talk, at least they were finally attempting to work it out. She was running everything she wanted to say through her mind, trying to sort it all out. She didn't want to forget anything, just incase this was the last chance she ever got.

They walked into the break room, which was strangely empty, and she closed and locked the door behind them. She took a seat, but he chose to stand. She followed him with her eyes as he paced back and forth, jaw clenched, brow furrowed. And then he stopped. He turned towards her with those gorgeous brown eyes that now held so much pain, and opened his mouth.

She waited, watching as he seemed to run through words in his mind, and then he spoke: one, simple word that held so much meaning.

"Why?"

She exhaled, letting the heaviness of the three letters pound down on her. Couldn't he come up with something a little more specific than that?

"I was hurt, Logan," she replied softly.

"Why?" he demanded again, placing his hands on the table infront of her, "Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"Because I knew you'd make me come back."

He paused, drinking in her words for a second, "And that would've been so horribly bad?"

"I thought it would've been back then..." she let her voice trail off.

"Then why the hell did you come back to me in the first place!"

"Because I didn't want to let you go! Logan, I--" she cut off, her voice breaking as tears slipped down her face.

"But you did, Rory, so obviously you found your nerve," he spat sacastically.

"I went to see Jess, after you left."

"Yes, I know."

"You know?"

"Paris," he explained shortly.

"Enough said."

"So you went to see Jess and suddenly you didn't care about _us_ anymore?"

"No! That's not it at all. He made it seem like he needed me, like I needed him. He sounded like he could stop all the pain I was feeling, Logan, you have to understand how hurt I was."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Oh, I think I have a slight idea."

She flinched, "Right."

"So, you loved him more than me."

"Never," she replied honestly, "Never."

"Then why hell did you--," he stopped short, "_How_ the hell did you leave me? If you didn't love him more, how the hell did you leave?"

"Because what you did killed me inside!" she yelled, suddenly angry, "When we broke up the first time, I could've never moved on. In fact, I didn't even know we were broken up. And then you go off and find your sisters bridal party and sleep with every one of them. And then I find out you come running back to me, and I go back with you, and then I find out about_ that_? How do you think that made me feel Logan? You, who claimed to love me, moved on so easily."

His face paled slightly, and his eyes softened. Slowly, he sank down in the chair across from her and stared deep into her eyes. In his chocolate brown gaze, she saw something she'd been waiting to see for so long: regret, remorse, and maybe even caring.

"I explained to you a long time ago. I thought we were broken up, and I _was_ devestated. None of those girls could have ever compared to you. I was trying to forget about you."

"Did it work?" she asked bitterly.

"No! Of course not," he paused, "I'm sorry that I hurt you Rory, but damn, I never left you when you were on vacation."

"Logan, that's something I regret everyday."

"Really? You have a funny way of showing it."

"What do you mean?"

"You never called, wrote, smoke signaled, or sent a carrier pigeon my way."

"I was with Jess!"

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. How could she be so stupid as to say something like that?

Logan glared at her, "I know."

"But I never loved him. Jess...Jess was a mistake."

"So why did you fight for him."

"What do you mean?"

"Will said you held on to that relationship long after it failed. Why could you hold on to him and not fight for me? Did you care about him that much more?"

"No! I cared about _you_ that much more!"

"Pardon me if I'm slightly, no _really_, confused right now."

"I didn't want to leave him because he represented what I left you for. And God knows he wasn't you Logan, he could never compare. But I didn't want to let go because," she paused, fighting back a sob, "Because that would mean I left the best thing that ever happened to me for no reason."

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, and she was amazed that she actually left him speechless. He rose up from the table and began pacing back and forth, glancing over at her every once and awhile.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked softly.

"I think that's why we're here."

As he returned the table, she saw tears building up in his eyes. She had never seen him look more hurt, more in completely pain than she did at that instant. He sat down again and pressed his palm to his face, as if urging the tears not to leak out. And then he lifted his head and looked her dead in the eyes.

"Why didn't you come?"

She titled her head to the side, "Come where?"

"Damn it, you know very well where."

"Actually, Logan. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Come on, Rory! Are you really that dense?"

"No Logan, I'm not dense! You're being vague!" she snapped.

"Fine, Rory. Let me lay it all out for you. After I feel off the cliff on the LBD trip and was in critical condition in the hospital, why didn't you come back? Hmm? I know Colin called you, twice actually. I thought that even if you moved out, you might still care about me a little bit, but I guess I was wrong. You never showed up, you never came back. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Can you even begin to comprehend?"

When he finished with his rant, he got up from the table and turned away from her quickly, trying to hide the tears that were now pouring down his cheeks.

She stared at him, open-mouthed, trying to figure out what he was talking about. She had never known about his accident, never had the slightest clue. If she'd known, she would've been at his side in an instant, no questions asked. She loved him. God, what had he been thinking all this time? Did he really think she was capable of something like that?

"Logan," she half whispered, "I never--"

She stopped short, remembering exactly why she didn't recieve Colin's first message.

_--------------------------------_

_"Your phones ringing!" Jess called from the couch._

_"Who is it?" Rory yelled back, poking her head out of the bedroom._

_"I don't know. I can't reach it."_

_"So get up and check!"_

_"You're just as close."_

_"Oh, for the love of God," Rory muttered, walking into the living room._

_She grabbed her phone of the counter and glanced at the screen. When she saw it was Colin, it nearly slipped out of her hand. What could he possibly want from her? Besides to yell at her, and possibly threaten her life._

_She waited until it finished ringing, and her voicemail message came up, before she pressed it to her ear. She considered listening to the voicemail, but then changed her mind. Nothing Colin could say would make her feel better about her actions, but there was plenty he could say to make her feel hundreds of times worse._

_"Rory, It's Col--"_

_She pressed the number seven button quickly, "Message deleted."_

_--------------------------------_

Her hand flew to her mouth, "Oh my God."

He was silent.

"Logan, I am _so_ sorry. Oh my God," she took a deep breath, "Logan, I never got that message."

"What do you mean?" he inquired, his voice shaky.

"When I saw it was Colin calling, I deleted his voicemail before I even listened to it. And all the next one said was something about how you needed me more than ever and that I never deserved you. That wasn't much to go on.

He paused, "I needed you."

"I know," she choked out, the tears falling faster.

"I never needed you more."

"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have deleted the message, but I did. Logan, if I knew, I would've come. I would've been there in a second. Do you honestly believe I wasn't there on purpose?"

"I don't know what to believe!" he yelled, "You left me when I wasn't home, didn't leave so much as a note, and disappeared from my life for over a year. Where exactly does believing you come in here?"

"How about all the time we spent together? The laughs? The jokes? Do you remember any of that?"

He looked at her rather strangely, "Everyday of my life."

"I'm sorry for leaving you, Logan. You will never know how sorry I am. And now that I know about the accident, God Logan! Do you know how much it hurts me to know I wasn't there for you? It hurts me to know I caused you that much pain."

"You caused me pain as soon as you walked out the damn door!"

"Well, believe me, I was punished for it."

"Aw," Logan muttered sarcastically, "Poor baby."

"He was never anything compared to you," she whispered softly, "You're my best friend, Logan."

"Stop it," he warned, "Don't."

"Damn it! I'm sorry, Logan. Can't you see how sorry I am?"

He stared at her, "I wish that was good enough."

"Let it be good enough! At least, be my friend, Logan. Don't you miss us?"

"Of course I do! God Rory, why do you think I've suffered for all this time?"

"Then let's try and make this work!"

"It can't work! Nothing can ever work. Not with us, not anymore."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because you'll leave!" he yelled back.

She stopped, stunned, at the harsh words that came from his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah," he spat, "That's what I thought before."

"Logan..."

"I think this has been a great chat, don't you? And not that we've talked, people can stop bugging us. Let's go, shall we?"

"Now hold on!" she demanded, "We're not done talking yet."

"Really? Because I think this is running overtime."

"We didn't solve anything!"

"Sure we did," he paused, "We solved the mystery about why you never showed up at the hospital, and I now know why you walked out the door. I know why, but that doesn't make it hurt any less and it sure as hell doesn't mean I understand. Good? Are we clear now? Let's go."

He started walking towards the door, but she stood up and grabbed his arm. He turned around slightly, staring at her with nothing but coldness in his eyes.

"Wait," she murmered, "Please wait."

"Why?"

"Because I_ love _you, you moron!" she nearly screamed, tears falling from her eyes like a waterfall.

His look softened for a second, and she was almost hopeful, but then his stare grew icy again.

"And I love you too, but that doesn't solve anything," he hissed.

"Yes, it does! Be with me Logan!"

"I can't trust you anymore!" he explained, his voice breaking, before turning around and storming out of the door.

She sank down against the wall, sobbing, as she listened to his footsteps grow more and more distant. It was too much. Too much, too soon. Why hadn't she listened to Colin? He told her not to build his hopes up again, and yet that was exactly what she'd tried to do. She'd wanted so badly for him to forgive her, to at least be her friend, but now he'd just walked out of her life again. He would never be able to forgive her. She was slowly realizing that now. The man she loved with all her heart, the man who knew everything about her, was gone for good. And it was a horrible feeling.

She had thought they were actually getting somewhere, thought that maybe he was beginning to understand. But she was wrong. And suddenly, it was all very clear. He would never be able to be friends with her because he loved her too much, and he would never be able to be her boyfriend again because _she_ had screwed up too much.

_--------------------------------_

She wasn't sure how long she sat in the breakroom, crying, before she heard footsteps walk inside. She didn't bother to glance up, knowing it wasn't the person she wanted it to be.

"Oh Rory..." Carmen's voice murmered softly.

Her best friend slid down next to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Rory let herself cry on Carmen's shoulder, not caring about how many people could hear her, or about who was listening.

Carmen smoothed Rory's hair away from her face and rubbed her back gently, offering her a sympathetic glance.

"What happened, Ror?"

"I made a mistake."

"What do you mean?"

"I told him I loved him, I told him how much I cared."

"And that was a mistake?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Carmen asked, confused.

"Because he loves me too."

"Rory, hun, you're not making any sense."

"He was in an accident, Carmen, after I left. He was in the hospital and Colin called me. I deleted the message before I even heard it. And he thought for all these years I didn't bother to show up. He thought I didn't care!"

"Oh my God..." Carmen breathed.

"I told him that I never listened to the message, and he seemed to understand. But he was still so angry about me moving out! And I apologized for that, and I told him how much I regretted it. And he apologized for the brides maids and he explained himself. And I thought, maybe, this is our chance. But he couldn't forgive me, not for leaving like I did. And I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me too, but he couldn't trust me anymore," she finished her sentence between heaving sobs and Carmen pulled her into another hug.

"Give him time, Rory."

"We've had so much time!"

"But he knows how you feel now, he knows that you love him. Give him some time to process that."

"I told him that we could just be friends, that I just missed his company."

"So let him think about that, okay? This isn't over yet, I promise."

"Yes, it is."

"He loves you, Rory! He_ loves _you. Give his friends time to talk to him, give him time to think. If he loves you like he says he does, this isn't over."

"I wish I could believe that..."

"So believe it, Rory. Just...just try and hold out a little bit longer, okay?"

"Thanks Car," Rory sighed, trying to get the tears to stop flowing, "I'll be out in a little while, okay?"

"Okay," Carmen stood, and then glanced down at her sadly, "Hang in there."

"I'll try," Rory whispered as Carmen walked out the door.

She wanted to believe everything Carmen was saying. She wanted to believe that he woud be back, that he just needed time to talk to his friends, that he just needed time to think. But she wasn't so sure. Carmen didn't see the look in his eyes, how furious and hurt he'd been. She hadn't listened to their whole conversation, heard the words that had poured from their lips.

But at least now she knew that he loved her back, at least now there was a little bit of light shining on the horizon. She still found it nearly impossible to believe that he would come back to her, but maybe, just maybe, they could be friends. Because being around Logan, even just as friends, was better than nothing. He brought out a side of her that she missed so terribly it hurt. He was her other half, and she hoped her knew that. He was her best friend, and she missed her best friend. She _needed _her best friend.

She'd been so hopeful. She'd thought the possibly was strong that he would forgive her that day. But that was eaiser said than done, she knew that now. She knew now, after looking into his eyes for that long, exactly how hurt he was. He needed time, she hoped that was all. She hoped that after thinking about it, after replaying her words in his head, that he would return to her. And if he said they could only be friends, well, that was a choice she was willing to accept. It would be hard, sure, but not as hard as living without him for over a year. And certainly not as hard as being without him for the rest of her life.

"Ror?" she heard Aiden's soft voice call from the doorway.

"Right here," she replied quietly.

He stepped inside, and with one look at her he was on the floor, pulling her into his strong embrace.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "Are you okay?"

She felt the tears falling again as she leaned into his comforting arms, "I don't know."

"What happened?"

"We talked, yelled, fought. Things were explained, things were apologized for, and then," she paused, "And then I told him I loved him. He said he loved me too, but that that didn't solve anything because he couldn't trust me anymore. And then he walked out the door."

He stroked her hair softly, waiting as she sobbed quietly in his arms.

"He'll be back."

"Everyone sounds so confident about that."

"He'll be back," Aiden said again, more firmly this time.

"How do you all know this?" Rory demanded through tears, "Please let me in on your secret!"

"Because he said he loved you, Gilmore. It's that simple."

"But he can't trust me anymore. Damn it, all I want to be is his friend. I just want him back in my life."

"And he will be. Maybe not as your boyfriend, but he'll be back in your life. He needs you just as much as you need him, believe me."

"How do you know?"

"Because the other night, me and Shawn decided to ask about you, and he all but lost it. He got drunk out of his skull and went home."

"You asked about me?" Rory demanded, slightly annoyed.

"Only because we knew you still cared, and we had a feeling he still cared," Aiden explained, "And we're sorry for not being around lately, Rory. But we love you, you know that right?"

Rory sighed, "Yeah Aiden, I know."


	15. A Risk Worth Taking?

Logan wasn't sure where he was going, but he kept walking. He was completely aware of the stares that were on his back, and he was completely aware of the people muttering as he stormed towards the elevators. But he didn't really care. His mind was still reeling after everything they'd just gone through. He was trying to sort through all of the new information, trying to decide what to believe. She loved him. She'd said it, right there, plain as day. She loved him, and he said it right back, but with a twist. He couldn't be with her, she would leave again.

His heart wanted to believe her, his heart wanted him to turn around and go back. It was his head that was the problem, his head wouldn't stop remembering. She'd walked out on him, she'd left him. How could she stand there and claim to love him after she did that? She called him her best friend, said that she regretted ever leaving, but that didn't change how much it hurt.

And if she loved him more than Jess, like she claimed, then how could she have gone to Jess in the first place? The explanations she gave, the apologies she offered, he wanted them to be enough. But they weren't. They didn't sound real, they didn't sound possible. She'd been hurt and angry, and Jess had seemed like the right choice. How could that be all? How could that apology be enough to make him take her back? If she loved him as much as she claimed, Jess should've never been in the picture.

The only relief the entire conversation offered, the only comfort given to him, was to know she never got the message. She hadn't abandoned him at the hospital, she'd never known. To know that she would've been there gave his aching heart a small amount of relief. He hadn't been left behind, she really had cared enough to come back. But as much as that softened his pain, it still didn't make all of his hard feelings disappear.

She'd said they could even be just friends. Just friends? The thought baffeled him. They had both stood there in the break room and admitted to being in love with each other. How could they change from that to being just friends? And even if they were simply platonic, that wasn't going to chance how he felt about her. He loved her. So if he left himself grow attached again, and she disappeared, he would still be just as hurt.

He figured it was better to just stay away. If he distanced himself from her if she took off again the hit wouldn't be as hard. She would be gone, and he would feel that pain again, but it wouldn't be a seering hurt deep within his heart. He could love her, but he couldn't be with her. Because what if they had another fight? What if they got together, fought, and she decided it better to leave? How could he ever trust her again?

He actually thought it might be nice to be her friend, even great, but he didn't think it could ever work. They were both in love, no matter what they were both in love, so how could they just turn that off? He would think about it. He would keep changing their relationship to platonic on his mind. Maybe if he gave it some time, the idea would become more appealing. Maybe, after awhile for being only friends, his feelings would fade. And that way, if she bolted, it wouldn't pain him quite as bad.

He was almost out the doors, almost on the city streets of freedom, when he ran right into Will. The older man stopped, and looked like he was about to yell before he realized who ran into him. With one look at Logan, his eyes grew immediatly concerned. Logan shook his head and attempted to finish his romp out the doors, but Will grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said quickly, "What happened?"

Logan sighed, "I need some air."

"Okay," Will turned him towards the doors, "Let's get some air."

Logan really wasn't in the mood to talk about the conversation at that moment, but the expression on Will's face let him know he didn't really have a choice. They only got a few steps down the sidewalk, before Will sent a glance his way.

"Okay, now tell me what happened."

"We talked."

"And it was bad?" Will asked.

"Depends on what you consider bad."

"She told she never loved you, or something along those lines."

Logan sighed, "Try the exact opposite."

"Okay," Will paused, "So she told you she loved you?"

"Mhmm."

"Okay," Will repeated, "And you did what?"

"I said it back, and then I told her that wasn't good enough."

"And why isn't that good enough?"

"Because she'll leave again."

Will exhaled, "You don't know that."

"Okay, she _could_ leave again."

"And that's not a chance you're willing to take?"

"I never want to feel like that again."

"So, can I ask what the point of that talk was? She said she loved you, and you're upset. And if she said she didn't care, you would've been upset."

"I don't know. I wasn't sure how I would feel if I found out she cared. I just...I don't know. It's a strange feeling. I want to be with her, but I won't let myself."

"And I wish I could give you better advice in this situation."

Logan laughed, "Don't try, it's confusing even me."

"Why don't you take a longer walk, get some air, and clear your head? I'll cover for you."

"Are you sure?"

Will nodded, "You need it."

"Thanks."

"No problem," he turned to head back towards the office, "And, I don't know, listen to your heart or something, I guess?"

Logan smiled at his friend's attempt at advice. But he knew exactly who he needed to talk to, the one person who always ready to point him in the right direction. He fished his phone out of his pocket and selected the familar name.

"Hello?"

"Honor, can you meet me for lunch?"

"Oh no, what happened?"

"Just meet me, the regular spot."

"Of course," she paused, "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Fair enough. See you at lunch."

"Bye."

_--------------------------------_

"So, I'm guessing it didn't go well," Honor observed, staring at him from across the table.

"I guess it could've been worse."

"Well, start explaining."

"She told me about going to see Jess, and why she left."

"And was the reason good enough?"

"You know what? No, it wasn't. All this time I was hoping there was something more behind it. I don't know, something, anything, that would make it easier to understand. But all she said was that she was hurt, and Jess was offering comfort, and what seemed like love. And so she left."

Honor winced, "Ouch."

"Yeah, a little bit."

"So did you talk about the whole, um, bridal party incident?"

Logan ran his hand over his face, "Yeah. And it really hurt her, Honor, more than I ever thought it did. I told her I was sorry, and that I never meant to hurt her. I never did. I really didn't mean to cause her any pain."

"I know."

"She told me she regrets leaving everyday, that Jess never compared to me. She said I was her best friend."

"Logan..." Honor murmered quietly.

"And then there was the hospital."

"I'm very curious to know how she explained that, yes."

Logan inhaled deeply, "She never got the message."

"What? How? Didn't Colin call?"

"Yeah, he called. She saw it was him and deleted the message before she even heard it."

"But what about the second one?"

"Apparently, Colin didn't say anything about the accident in the second one."

"Wow..." she breathed.

"Yeah, wow."

"But that was good right? That made it a little bit better?"

"Of course. She told me if she would have known she would've been there in a second."

Honor smiled. "Good."

"She offered for us just to be friends."

"That sounds like a great idea to me, Logan."

"Really?" he asked, "Because it sounds like it won't work to me."

"What do you mean?"

"She said she loved me," he explained, "And I said it back."

"Oh my God."

"But then I told her that didn't solve anything."

"What? Logan! Why?"

"Because she'll leave again! Damn it, Honor! What if I let myself get back with her, and then I wake up one day and she's gone? I don't want to go through that again, it was bad enough going through it once. I can't trust her anymore. I can't risk feeling like that again."

"Logan," Honor winced, "I can see where your coming from, I really can. But doesn't it hurt just as bad not having her in your life? Isn't that painequal, or worse? Why don't you try being friends with her? Just for a lttile while even?"

"Because."

"You're going to need to elaborate more than that."

"Because no matter what, I love her. And if I'm friends with her, we're bound to get closer. And then if she leaves, well, you know."

"You don't want to let youself near her again."

"Exactly."

Honor sighed and rested her chin on her fist, "Would it have hurt more if she said she never cared?"

He paused, "Yes."

"Okay. Logan, you need time to think. I can see that. But you need to make a decision: you either get back together with this girl, try being friends with her, or cut her out of your life completely. It's your choice, yours and yours alone. I know you don't want to leave her behind, and I know you aren't going to let yourself be with her right away. So why don't you try going the friends route? See where it takes you. It might lead your someplace night, like Switzerland, where it's neutral."

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Switzerland?"

"Shut up."

"I'll think about it, okay? That's the only thing I can do right now."

"You've waited so long for her. You've waited what has seemed like an eternity for her. Now there she is, asking you to be friends with her, telling you she loves you. She's right there, Logan, right there. It all comes down to what you listen to: your heart or your head. Think about never having her in your life again, ever. Think about how you felt when you thought you'd never see her again."

"I don't want her to leave again. I can't risk that."

"Yes, you can!"

"What if I don't want to?"

Honor sighed, "I think you do."

"I can't be her boyfriend! It won't work. I won't be able to trust her, not anymore."

"Then don't be her boyfriend! Be her _friend_."

"I don't know if I can do that either," Logan whispered, "Because I love her."

Honor smiled slightly, "Sometimes I'm so glad your life isn't mine."

"Thanks," Logan replied with a laugh.

"You know, Logan. As much as she hurt you, you have to realize you hurt her too."

"I know that and words can't express how sorry I am. But that doesn't change what she did. She left. And not only did she leave, she left when I wasn't home! When I was with those girls, I didn't see it as cheating. I saw it as trying to get over the girl I loved. That's all. In my mind, we were broken up."

"I know that, but it's probably hard for her to understand."

"I've explained it to her! I've apologized!"

"I know," Honor sighed, "I know."

"Damn it, I need to get very drunk."

"Not again."

"Just tonight," Logan assured her, "I just need to get out with Colin and Finn tonight."

"I don't want you falling back into this cycle."

"I'm not, I promise," he glanced at his watch, "You need to get back to work."

She nodded, "Okay. Call me later."

"Will do, thanks Honor."

"No problem. And try being friends, okay?"

"I will think about it," he answered.

"Good enough, I guess," she called over her shoulder as she left.

He relaxed against the seat as he watched her leave, silently running through his options. He would consider being friends with her, and he thought it was probably a good idea to talk to her again. The girl had poured her emotions out to him, the least he could do was go back. She'd made mistakes, and so had he. Hers were bigger, hers had caused more damage, but that didn't mean he couldn't start to move past them. He would talk to her again and let her know he was thinking, but that was all. Until he figured everything out, he didn't want to get her hopes up. After talking to Honor, he could actually see himself being friends with her. Afterall, wasn't being friends better than never having her in his life again?

_--------------------------------_

"So, what's going to make you stop getting drunk every night?" Colin asked at the bar.

"Huh?"

"Which one of your options is going to make you stop drinking like Finn?"

"I resent that!" Finn announced, "But am very curious to know the answer."

"Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I don't know the answer yet."

"Have another beer and get back to us," Finn commented.

"Oh yes. Good idea, Finn. Give him a beer so he can figure out what will stop making him want beers. Brillant."

Logan laughed, for the first time in a long time, he_ really _laughed. For as much as the conversation with Rory had hurt him, it also felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He'd finally talked to her. Everything was out in the open now. They knew what each other was thinking, and feeling. They knew it all. Not that anything was near being solved yet, but in a way, it was nice to know that she still loved him, and that she'd never stopped loving him.

"So she loves you, eh mate?" Finn asked as if reading his mind.

Logan exhaled, "Yeah, she loves me."

"And you love her?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't see the problem," Finn announced matter-of-factly.

"I do!" Colin said, raising his hand like a school child, "He's afraid she'll leave again."

"Hello!" Logan announced, waving his arm infront of Colin, "I'm sitting right here."

"I know."

"Then stop talking about me like I'm not!"

"Okay, okay. But isn't that the reason?"

"Yes, that's the reason."

"See, I know you better than you think."

"Actually," Logan paused, "Nevermind."

"So what _are_ you going to do about this?"

"I'm going to talk to Rory next time I see her, and tell her that I'm thinking over what he talked about. I'm not going to give her an anwer, I'm just going to let her know I'm not as angry as I led her to believe. And then I'm going to think until I come up with a solution."

"Sounds like a plan," Colin agreed, "Especially the part about talking to her first."

Logan nodded, then drank down the rest of his beer. He realized he didn't need to get numb that night, even though he'd thought that was exactly what he needed. After talking with Honor, and thinking over the situation, he was starting to feel a lot better. Maybe being friends with her was worth the risk of losing her again. He wasn't ready for the step after that, but he needed Rory Gilmore back in his life.

"I'm going to walk home," Logan informed his friends, "I'll see you at the apartment."

"Okay," Colin said as Logan turned to leave, "You look...relieved."

Logan paused, "I guess I am."

He walked out the door for one of his familar walks home. He was used to them by now, used to using them as an excuse to disappear, or a way to clear his head. This one he used as an opportunity to reflect.

He thought back on their conversation, which had turned into more of a fight. Even as upset as she'd been, she'd looked absolutely beautiful. It had taken all his strength, every last bit of his willpower, not to walk over and kiss her like he used to. He hated admitting that he was afraid, hated that the reason he couldn't be with her anymore was his own stupid fear. But he had a right to be afraid. After what she'd done, after how she'd left, wouldn't anyone have been cautious? It was hard to put all the pain, anger, and hurt behind him just because they loved each other. She claimed to have loved him before she left, and yet she'd turned her back on him anyway. Who's to say it wouldn't happen again?

And would they be able to handle keeping their relationship platonic? He knew all he'd ever be thinking about was being with her again, kissing her again, holding her again. Would the same thoughts be running through her mind? How were they supposed to deal with that? And what if being friends led to a fight and that led to her walking away from New York? Would he beequally devestated?

He wanted to believe that they could handle it, that everything would work out for the best. More than anything, he wanted to be able to put his past behind him and be her boyfriend again. But he knew hurt like he'd experienced wouldn't just go away. If it hadn't disappeared by now, how could it possibly ever fade? So maybe he just had to accept that he would never be able to be with her again, that his heart just wouldn't let him. Because there was always that chance. There was always the chance that he would come home from work one day to find her gone. And then where would that leave him?

Actually,knew exactly where it would leave him: crashing. And then his friends and Honor would be left to pick him back up again. Were they prepared for the worst? Were they ready to go through that again? And most of all, most importantly, was he? Because he knew even if they were just friends, if Rory left the consequences for him, and for everyone close to him, would be dramatic.


	16. Last Chance

**AN: As always, thanks for all the reviews. Again, you guys are awesome. Here's the next chapter. It'sa fewminutes until midnight, so I think that was three updates in a day. Hah, this story is really rolling right now. I don't know why, but it's fine. I promise another update tomorrow, probably more than one. But please keep reviewing, I love, love, love reviews!**

She wasn't expecting him to talk to her anytime soon, especially not the next morning. But when she glanced up from her computer, there he was, looking oddly nervous for a man with so much self confidence. She opened her mouth, then clamped it shut, knowing that it was his time to talk. For a few seconds, they both stared at each other, and then he spoke.

"I'm sorry for ending the conversation like I did," he said quickly, almost as if it were obvious.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have left like that," he paused, "I just...I just need some time to think, okay?"

She nodded, "Of course."

"And I think it would be a good idea if we talked again."

Her heart lept, "I agree."

"Okay," he exhaled, his face growing slightly more calm.

"I'm going to Stars Hollow for a few days, how about we talk when I get back?"

"Sounds like a plan," he replied.

And then, he smiled at her. It wasn't a big smile, but it was there. Just the sight of it gave her hope. It wasn't a glare, or a hurt stare, but a smile. A _real_ smile. She offered one back as he turned to leave, and then he glanced back over his shoulder.

"Have fun in Stars Hollow," he told her genuinely.

"Thank you," she replied, her voice slightly shaky.

She watched him walk away, unable to take her eyes of his back. Where had that come from? When he'd left the room the day before he'd been furious, pained, and near tears. And now suddenly he was smiling and telling her to have a nice trip? They were going to talk again. The thought brought a grin to her lips. It wasn't over, they still had a chance. She highly doubted anything romantic was in the near future, but maybe he would allow himself to be her friend. And as hard as that would be to handle, it would be better than nothing. She just wanted Logan back in her life.

"What was that about?" Carmen asked, walking over and sitting down on Rory's desk.

"He apologized for leaving like he did yesterday."

She smiled, "Really?"

"And he said he was thinking, and that we'll talk when I get back from Stars Hollow."

"I told you it wasn't over!"

"Do not use this opportunity to gloat!" Rory ordered playfully.

"I use any opportunity to gloat."

"True."

"So when are you getting back?"

"Two days, I think. I haven't seen my mom in _forever_, so I figured I could use a vacation."

"Well, have fun. And you have to take me there for a visit someday, because the pictures you've shown me are adorable.

Rory laughed, "And the people are unique, that's for sure."

"All the more reason to go. Are you leaving today?"

"Lunch time."

"Okay, then I'll see you when I get back."

"Bye, Car."

"Have fun," Carmen said as she left, "And don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"There is nothing you wouldn't do in Stars Hollow, believe me."

_--------------------------------_

"Rory!" Lorelai called as Rory stepped out of her car, "Is that you?"

"No mom, it's your other daughter."

"Well, it's been so long, I barely recognize you."

"I know, it's been forever. But I'm here now."

"That you are," she grinned, "Now let's get your things inside."

As Rory walked into her old home, she couldn't help the flood of memories that washed over her. She adored this house, and she loved all of the times that went along with it. As much as she loved New York, and her new friends, she couldn't help but miss Stars Hollow. It was a part of that would never really go away.

"So, what are we doing first?" Rory asked, tossing her bags into her room.

"Well, I thought we'd start with the windows, and then maybe clean the bathroom. Oh! Did you get any better at making beds since you've been in New York?"

"You're hysterical, really," Rory replied sarcastically.

"Luke's?" Lorelai chirped, ignoring her daughter's comment.

"Perfect."

But as the started walking towards the diner, it suddenly struck Rory in just how many ways Luke was connected to her life.

"Oh no," Rory muttered suddenly, pulling to a halt.

"What?"

"Does Luke know about...?"

"You and Jess?" Lorelai offered.

"Yeah."

She smiled, "Yes, he knows."

"And he's okay with everything, I mean, it's not going to be weird?"

"No Rory, it's not going to be weird."

"Promise?"

"Oh my God," Lorelai teased, "I promise."

"Okay."

As soon as they walked into the diner, heads shot up and stared at Rory. She had the strange feeling like she had grown two heads as she sat down at a table with her mother.

"Has it really been that long since I've been here?"

Lorelai glanced around at the prying eyes, "I guess so."

"This town needs a life."

"You should tell them that, I think it would go over very well."

"I'm sure."

"Luke! Burgers!" Lorelai called suddenly, a wicked grin on her face.

"You know, why can't you just wait patiently like a norm--Rory!" Luke greeted, surprised.

"Hi Luke!"

"What are you doing here?"

She smiled, "I did used to live here, remember. And my mom kind of lives here too."

"Of course, but what are you doing here now?"

"I'm on a little vacation."

"Well, it's nice to see you. Anything you want on the house."

"Oh, fun!" Lorelai squealed, "I want--"

"Not you," Luke groaned, rolling his eyes, "Her."

"You like her more than me."

"Oh damn, secrets out."

"I knew you were just using me for my--"

"Okay, this conversation is ending right now," Rory announced, "Cheeseburger and fries, please."

"Same! And coffee, lots of coffee." Lorelai echoed.

"I thought that went without saying," Rory observed.

Luke sighed, "Believe me, it does. Coming right up."

As soon as the diner owner disappeared, Lorelai turned to Rory, a look of anticipation on her face.

"Spill."

"About what?"

"Um, duh? The Logan conversation. You said you'd tell me when you got here."

"I didn't know I had to tell you right this instant."

"Um again, duh?"

"Fine," Rory took a deep breath, "We talked, and there was a lot of yelling involved. He asked me why I left, and I explained to him how hurt I was over the brides maids incident. He told me he was sorry, and that he considered us broken up, like he did before."

"This sounds like it's going well so far."

Rory cringed, "Just wait."

"Right. Continue."

"So, I told him that Jess never compared to him, and that I always regretted leaving. But he didn't really seem to care. And then, oh my God."

"What?"

"Appartently he was in a really bad accident after I left, some kind of LBD thing involving a cliff. Anyway, Colin called to tell me and I deleted the message without even listening to it. So I never knew. He thought I just didn't come back, he thought I didn't care enough to come and see him."

"Oh, hun. That's horrible."

"I know," Rory replied, feeling the tears forming behind her eyes.

"So then what?"

"We fought some more, and he told me about how hurt he was. And then, I screamed I love you right in his face."

"And he responded how?"

"He said it right back, but then he said it didn't matter because he couldn't trust me anymore and left. I even told him that we could just be friends. I just want him back in my life mom, even like that."

Lorelai sat there stunned for a second, before speaking, "I have a hard time believing he'd just leave like that."

"He didn't."

"Huh?"

"I talked to him this morning. He apologized for leaving like he did, told me he was thinking, and that we'd talk when I got back."

"Well, that's good, right?"

Rory smiled, "I hope so."

"So, do you think he'll want to try being friends?"

"If anything, yeah. Nothing more than that, not yet. He's too hurt."

"You were hurt, too."

"I know that. He knows that. But I walked away from him, and he's scared I'm going to leave again."

"That's understandable."

"I know. I just want him to know that I've learned since then, and I've grown since then. The only thing I want now is just to be with him."

"Give him time."

"That's what everyone keeps saying!"

"That's because that's exactly what he needs. But what if he decides he just wants to be friends? Are you going to be able to handle that?"

"I think so, I hope so. I just want him back in my life."

"Even as your sex slave?" Lorelai asked in mock seriousness.

"Mom!" Rory protested, "Must you?"

"Yes!" she nodded with a smile.

"Sometimes..." Rory grumbled, letting her voice fade off.

"You love me and you know it!"

"I have to. They ordered me at birth."

"Mean!"

"True!"

"Food," Luke announced, sliding their plates onto the table, "And coffee. Anything else, ladies?"

"That's all for now. Thanks Luke!"

"No problem," he paused, "It's nice to see you, Rory."

"You too."

"So, how do you feel about a grown up movie night tonight?" Lorelai asked.

"Grown up movie night?"

"Yes, there will be alcohol involved," Lorelai explained, raising her eyebrows gleefully.

"Oh, and here I thought it was going to be adult videos."

"We can do that, too."

"No thanks," Rory said dryly as her eyes focused on two froms outside of the door, "I'll meet you at home, okay? I just saw Lane and we have some serious catching up today."

Lorelai sighed dramatically, "And we don't? It's only been an hour and I'm being ditched already."

"So I'll see you at home?"

"Yeah!" Lorelai exclaimed with a grin.

Rory grabbed her purse and hurried out the door, making sure to keep Lane and Zach in sight.

"Lane!" she yelled, "Hey, Lane!"

The black haired girl turned around, searching the area for someone who might have called her name. When her eyes focused on Rory, her face stretched into a grin and she ran over, pulling her into a hug.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" Lane asked in excitement.

"Visiting."

"It's so good to see you! It's been forever since we've talked."

"I know," Rory agreed sadly, "I miss you!"

"I miss you, too!"

"Hi Zach," Rory said with a smile, "How are you?"

"I'm good," he paused, "I'll let you two catch up. Lane, see you at home?"

"Sure thing," she leaned up and kissed her husband, "Bye."

"So," Rory began, linking arms with her friend as they continued walking, "How are you?"

"I'm good, _great _actually," she grinned.

"What? You have news! Tell me!"

"I'm pregnant!"

Rory stared at her, stunned, "Oh my God! Lane! Congratulations!"

"We just found out a week ago. I was going to call you."

"This is amazing! I'm going to be an aunt," Rory said proudly, "Well, kind of."

"Close enough," Lane encouraged.

"I'm excited! I'm so happy for you. This is...wow. I don't even know where to begin!" she pulled Lane into another hug, "Are you happy?"

"I couldn't be happier."

"Good. I'm glad."

"So what about you? How are you?" Lane inquired.

Rory paused, "When was the last time we talked?"

"Umm?"

"Okay. Was I in Philadelphia or New York?"

"Just moved to New York."

"Oh, wow," Rory took a deep breath, "We do have a lot of catching up to do."

"So, start talking."

"Well, first of all, Jess is no longer in the picture."

"Oh thank God, I never liked him," Lane clamped her hand over her mouth, "Sorry. Did you break up with him or--"

"I broke up with him."

"Nevermind then."

"Yeah," Rory sighed, "And Logan showed up to work at my paper."

"No way!"

"Way."

"And do you still, you know, have feelings for him?"

"I never stopped having feelings for him."

"Aww Rory! So, did you talk?"

Rory exhaled, preparing for another round of telling the story, "Yes we talked..."

_--------------------------------_

Rory didn't realize how much she missed her first best friend until they spent the entire afternoon talking. Lane had always understood her, and she'd always been there no matter what. They had a special bond, and Rory silently promised that they would never go so long without talking again.

"So, how was your time with Lane?" Lorelai asked.

Rory watched as her mother poured her a drink combination that she really didn't want to understand.

"It was great," she replied, taking a sip anyway, "We had a lot of catching up to do."

"So she told you about...?"

"Yes! You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She wanted to tell you. She was going to call."

"Yeah, she said."

"It's great, isn't it?" Lorelai asked with a smile.

"Yeah, it really is."

"So here, eat something!" Lorelai demanded suddenly, shoving the plate of weird combinations in Rory's face.

"I think I will."

She selected a pop tart covered with cake icing off the trey, took a sip of her drink, and then relaxed back on the couch to enjoy their first movie of the evening. There was nothing she missed more than movie nights with her mother, and she couldn't have been happier to be enjoying one at that second. It was exactly what she needed to relax her and take her mind of Logan, even if he only faded from her thoughts for small amounts of random time.

"Now tell me you don't miss this," Lorelai urged.

"You have no idea how much I miss this."

"I think you should move back."

Rory laughed, "There really aren't many papers to work at in Stars Hollow."

"You could start one."

"Yes, the Stars Hollow Gazette would really take the world by storm."

"Fine," Lorelai pouted, "Just leave your little old mother all alone to die."

"You have Luke!"

"Please. Luke, movie night, junk food?"

"Enough said. I promise to come in more often for movie nights."

"Deal."

As the night wore on, and as the drinks became more frequent, Rory felt her good mood fading. Maybe it was the sappy romantic movies, or maybe it was the news of her friend's pregnancy. Whatever it was, she began wondering if her happy ending was ever going to roll around. In her confused state, she'd thought her fairtytale would start and end with Jess over a year ago, but she'd been wrong. So wrong. Her fairytale was with Logan, and now she found herself holding on to the hope that they would be friends. She wanted more than that, she knew she would always want more than that. He was everything to her, and she guessed that was why she found herself settling for only friendship.

And if they were friends, if he was still around, wasn't there always that chance? Wasn't there the chance that he would forgive her enough to come back? He loved her. She knew that. He had said that he loved her right to her face. But that wasn't good enough, he'd said that too. He couldn't trust her anymore, and could she blame him?

She suddenly felt the tears falling down her cheeks, and Lorelai turned to look at her, concerned.

"Rory? Hun? Are you okay?"

"I want...I want to be pregnant someday. I want a husband who loves me, and who will take care of me. I want that, mom. I want to get married and I want to give you grandchildren! Will I have that? Will I _ever _have that?"

"Rory," Lorelai pulled her into a hug and smoothed down her hair, "Of course you will. You're still young, hun. And don't be in such a hurry to make me a grandma."

Rory laughed through her tears, "I just...I wonder if he's my last chance."


	17. And Here We Go

**AN: Thanks again for all of the reviews. You guys are still amazing. These chapters just seem to be flying off my fingers. I honestly don't know what got into me, butI like it. But anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it enough to leave me some feedback. You guys are awesome. Please read and review!**

She'd be returning from Stars Hollow later that day, and he would be waiting for her with a decision that would change both their lives. He wasn't sure how they were going to handle being thrust together again, but a lot of thinking had revealed that it was a chance he was willing to take. He couldn't handle being her boyfriend, and he wasn't sure if it was possible for them to be friends, but he had decided to take the jump. Who knew where they would find themselves?

He had just finished his latest article, but he continued staring at his computer screen anyway, thoughts of Rory Gilmore running through his mind. He would be friends with her. Friends, and that was all. It was hard to believe, almost like he was in a dream, only he wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one yet. He would find out eventually, possibly after only a few days of being friends with the woman he loved, and the woman who had hurt him so terribly.

And he knew it would be hard, in more ways than one. Everytime he looked at her the only thing he wanted to do was be her boyfriend again, but there were just some things his head wouldn't let him do. And what about her? How would she handle being in love him, but only being his friend? She had said that she wanted him back in her life, even in only a platonic relationship. And that was what she would get. But there were risks. What if it didn't work out? Or they had another fight? And what if she made the choice to leave again? The thought scared him, but he pushed it out of his mind. If they were only friends, it wouldn't be his place to be upset.

He hadn't told Finn and Colin yet, and he wasn't sure how they were going to handle it. They had said they wanted him to talk, and they had said they'd just wanted him to be happy. But they had been there when Rory left, they'd seen him at his worst. How were they going to deal with her being back in their lives? It was weird. Ever since she walked out, he never have pictured himself getting worried about something like that.

"You!"

Logan glanced up from his desk to see Carmen, who he had yet to officially meet, hurrying towards him. She looked slightly annoyed, but as she grew closer, she started to smile.

"Yes?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I wanted to meet you."

"Okay...?"

"You see," she began, "Everyone else has already met you. And me, being Rory's best friend, decided to stay away. But I couldn't take it anymore, and since you two have talked now, I decided to finally meet you."

Logan reached out and shook her hand, "And I'm assuming your meeting me after already hearing my entire life story?"

"Of course," she said with a grin.

"Great," he muttered sarcastically.

"So, can I ask you a question?"

"Why not?"

"What are you going to tell Rory when she gets back?"

Logan laughed, "I just met you a minute ago."

"Point, please?" she chirped.

"Point is that I'd rather Rory get the information before a person I met a minute ago."

"Almost two."

"Even still."

"Fine," she paused, "Can you give me a hint?"

He smiled, "No."

"Ah-hah!"

"Ah-hah, what?"

"You smiled!"

"You're entertaining," he shot back.

"You smiled!"

"Stop saying that."

"Bye Logan."

"Now, hold on. You're just leaving now?"

"I'm sure I'll talk to you again..._very_ soon," she hinted.

"I--"

"Bye!"

Logan watched a leave, a look of amazement washing over his face. She was...different, that was for sure. She reminded him a little of Stephanie back when they used to hang out together, with a touch of Honor's flightly personality. It didn't surprise him that Rory had chosen someone so quck witted and outgoing as her best friend. It was just the way things worked with Rory. She needed someone around who could keep up with her in a war of words, but also bring out a side of her that never emerged on it's own.

His cellphone rang and he removed it from his pocket, glanced at his sister's name on the id, and pressed it to his ear.

"Hey Honor."

"Rory gets back tonight, right?"

"Right."

"So?"

Logan smirked, "So what?

"So what are you going to do!"

He leaned back in his chair, "I'm going to give the friends thing a try."

"And this is going to make you happy?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly.

"Okay..."

"But it's worth a shot."

"That it is. So when does she get back?"

"Few hours."

"Okay well, I have to go. I was just calling to check in and get updated."

"I feel like my life is everyone's soap opera."

"Well little brother, it's close enough. Call me tomorrow."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Now that he knew the action he was going to take, it seemed to be taking forever for Rory to return. He wasn't sure how she was going to react. The only thing he had to go on was her word that she would be happy being friends. She'd said she just wanted him back in her life, but was that the truth? He knew how hard it was going to be for him to adjust, and to put his fears behind him. In the back of his mind he would always be wondering whether or not she would be at work the next day. And that was why he couldn't date her, not anymore.

Maybe if she wouldn't have been the first and only girl he ever gave his heart away to it would have been eaiser. But she was and he never really got it back after she stole it away from him. She'd been his forever, and then she was just...gone. He'd tried to adjust, but he'd never done a very good job. So now it was time for something different, a twist on their lives that might just work. God, he hoped it worked. He _needed _it to work.

"One more thing."

Logan looked up at the happy blonde girl and couldn't help but smile, "Yes?"

"I hear you have an Australian friend..." Carmen began.

"Finn?"

"Is that his name?" she asked with a grin.

"Sorry, Finn likes red heads."

Her face fell slightly, "Oh."

"Colin on the other hand has a thing for blondes."

"Colin's a cute name."

"He's not Australian."

"Oh well, I guess I could live."

He winked, "Maybe I'll work on that."

"I like you already," she said, turning and walking away once more.

_--------------------------------_

He watched Rory walk in, her face absolutely glowing. Of course, she always looked like that after spending time with her mother. It always amazed him how close the two of them were, especially because he'd never had any type of relationship with his mother, or his father for that matter. Carmen practically ran to her as soon as she walked into the door and pulled her into a hug. He silently hoped that Carmen wouldn't spoil his news, but when he saw Rory burst out in laughter he knew he was safe.

He decided to let her get settled in: put down her bags, turn on her computer, that kind of thing before he went over to talk to her. Besides that, after seeing her he needed time to gather his nerves. Why did she have to be so damn beautiful? Why did his heart have to start pounding everytime she walked in the door? There were suddenly a million doubts running through his mind. Could he keep a platonic relationship with a girl when they were both very much in love? Would he be able to deal with it if he woke up one day and suddenly she was gone?

But then he remembered all of the days he'd spent without her, all those months without even a glimpse of those eyes or one of their conversations that sent sarcastic remarks flying everywhere. He needed her. He needed to be her friend, needed her influence back in his life. Besides that, he'd hurt her too and he didn't want to cause her anymore pain. This was a compromise, and it was a way of starting them both on the healing path.

Slowly, he got up from his desk and started walking through the office towards hers. As he neared, she turned away from a conversation she was having with Shawn and smiled. Shawn looked at her and at him, waved slightly, and then disappeared. Logan walked until he was standing infront of her, then shrugged slightly.

"Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course."

He motioned towards the break room and she stepped infront of him. Once they were inside, the door was locked just like before, only this time Logan sat down with her at the table. Where to begin? He laced his fingers on the table and stared at them for a few seconds, before finally gathering the nerve to bring his gaze up to hers. She stared at him anxiously, hopefully, and he knew right then that the decision he made was a good one.

"So..." he began, "How was your trip?"

"It was good," she replied, ending her sentence almost like a question.

"Good," he paused, "Okay, listen. I've done a lot of thinking while you've been away. I was never more angry than the day you walked out on me. And I was hurt, Rory, really hurt. But despite all that, I still love you. I can't let myself be your boyfriend again, I'm not strong enough to handle that, but..." his voice trailed off.

"I like buts," Rory chirped, offering him a half smile.

He raised his eyebrows, and opened his mouth to shoot a comment her way, but she stopped him.

"Not like that! Get your mind of the gutter, Huntzberger."

He almost laughed. God, he missed her. Even that one little exchange made him feel that much better. He couldn't help it, he was in love with this girl. And keeping her as a friend, well, it just seemed to be falling into place perfectly.

"But," he continued, dragging out the word, "I think we could make very good friends, you and I."

Her face took on a mixture of emotions, but the primary one was relief, with a touch of happiness. She sat there silently for a few minutes, letting his words sink in, before she turned to him and grinned. It was one of those smiles that simply took Logan's breath away, and he couldn't stop the urge that came over him to kiss her. He quickly pushed the thought of his mind. She was his friend, that was all, nothing more. And he wasn't sure if he even trusted her completely yet.

"I think that's a very good idea," she agreed.

"Do you?" he asked with a half smile.

"I do."

"We still have a lot more to talk about," he added seriously.

"I know, believe me."

"Later?" he inquired.

"Later sounds excellent."

The lapsed into the first awkward silence of many more to come, he was sure. After the bitter ending to their relationship, and over a year apart, the conversation wasn't going to flow very easily.

She stood up, and offered him a small smile, "I should um, get back to work."

"Yeah, right," he got to his feet also, "I'll talk to you later, I guess."

She nodded, "Okay."

He waited until she was gone before he released his breath. Was this going to work? Were they going to able to weave their way through this? The one comfortable part of their conversation came rushing back to him. The quick exchange of remarks had left him feeling relieved, maybe happy, even for just a few seconds. And that one quick talk from the past was the only thing giving him hope at that instant: hope for a friendship, hope for something normal, and good, to come out of all of this.

So, here they went, another journey for him and Rory Gilmore. They couldn't seem to stop loving each other, and they couldn't seem to keep themselves apart. It was time for them to give in, and see what came of their new opportunity together. Who knew? Maybe they would make great friends afterall.

It was like going back to the beginning with her all over again. Only this time, he'd been the one angry at her from the beginning. Now, they were back to being friends, just like their first enjoyable days together at Yale. And then...well, he wouldn't think about what had happened then. This time, it wouldn't get that far. Not if his head had any control at all over his heart.

_--------------------------------_

"Friends?" Colin asked at the apartment that night.

"Friends."

"With Rory?"

"With Rory."

Colin paused, "And you're happy?"

"For now."

Another pause, "I guess this means we're going to be seeing her again?"

"Probably."

"And we'll have to be nice?" Finn inquired as he entered the conversation.

"Yeah, that might be a good idea."

"I don't know if I can do that, mate," Finn announced.

"I figured as much, but then I also figured if I can do it, so can you."

"Can you do it? Really?" Colin asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I don't know," Logan replied honestly.

"And neither do we."

"She has a friend," Logan told Colin.

"That's nice, everyone should have friends," Colin shot back.

"A pretty, blonde, straight, _single_ friend who is very interested in meeting you."

"Me?"

"Well actually, she heard about Finn first but then I explained his red head obsession. In which case, the conversation turned to you and what she considers your very cute name."

"Really?" Colin asked, his interest grabbed.

"I'll introduce you sometime, if this whole friends thing works out."

"It's a deal."

"Hey! I don't just like red heads!" Finn announced.

"Finn, no girl can hold you interest for more than five seconds. I figured Colin was probably a better fit."

"Point taken."

"Does Honor know?" Colin asked.

"She knows what I was going to tell her, she just doesn't know how it went. I'll call her tomorrow, I think her and Josh have plans tonight."

"I see."

"I'm going to head to bed now. So, I'll see you all in the morning."

"Night, Logan," Finn called.

"Night," Colin echoed.

He made his way into the bedroom, but instead of going to sleep he sat down on the bed, allowing himself to replay everything in his head. He was still angry, and he was still hurt. Everytime he thought of coming home to the empty apartment, a new wave of rage went surging through him. But he knew now that he was always going to hurt, but girls like Rory weren't always going to be around. He needed to try and move on, needed to try and get past everything that had happened. He'd tried being away from her, tried using that as his tool to get by, but it had never worked. So now he would try being her friend and see if that started to heal him any better. And if that didn't work? Well, maybe it was his turn to disappear.

He didn't know how long the uncomfortable stage between them was going to last, probably a fairly long time. They would always be cautious around each other, not wanting to say anything to bring up bitter memories. It would be weird, and probably just as strange for the people they were going to hang out with. By now, all of their friends knew the story inside out and backwards, and this stage in the relationship was going to be straining on all of them.

And a part of him couldn't help but think that someday one of them would break, one of them wouldn't be able to take it anymore. Either it would be because the feelings of love were too strong, or, especially in his case, the memories just hurt too much. But he would worry about that later, if and when it happened, for now he just wanted to try and be happy. He wanted to move on, and take this relationship head first into wherever it was heading. It was time. It was time for both of them to try something new.


	18. Always That Complicated

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews, and for being so awesome as usual. Sorry that the last one was kind of short. There was nothing else I wanted to put in that chapter and I didn't want to start rambling. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I might have another one up tonight, if not then it'll be up tomorrow morning. Enjoy! And please leave a review!**

Four days later, Rory began thinking that they had both made a really big mistake. Sure, he'd walk in and they'd say hello, but that was the extent of their conversations. If she could find a word stronger than awkward, it would be the one she used to describe it. She wondered if they'd ever mix their groups of friends together, if she'd ever see Colin and Finn again. Maybe it would've been better for them to just stay away, because everytime he smiled in greeting her heart ached.

But that was just the way things were going to go, at least for now. Time. Everyone just kept saying that they needed time, _he_ needed time. So time was what she would give him. And they were friends now, right? That's what she wanted...right? She'd been the one to give him that option. She was the one who said that she just wanted him in her life, even if it was only platonic. So then why did it hurt so bad?

Maybe after they started spending more time together, it would get better. She tried convincing herself that they just hadn't been around each other long enough for her to feel the effects of his return to her life. Afterall, she'd been completely miserable without him. Anything, _anything_ had to be better than that, right?

But she couldn't help but let her thoughts wonder to Lane, and how much the news of her friends pregnancy had affected her. Lane looked absolutely ecstatic, and of course Rory was thrilled for her, but there was something deeper than that. She briefly remembered her breakdown in her mother's living room, and she realized how much of her true feelings had come out. She loved him. And she honestly didn't believe that a man like him, who could completely and totally sweep her off her feet, was ever going to come around again. More than anything, she wanted to feel loved, to get married, to have children. And then she saw Lane, the girl she grew up with, suddenly having everything Rory seriously doubted would ever come her way.

She just wanted to be looked at again the way Zach looked at Lane, or the way Luke looked at Lorelai. So when Logan had made his speech to her, and said that he justed wanted to be friends, she had almost reversed her word and turned down his offer. She had wanted to scream that that wasn't an option anymore, that she needed him to be her boyfriend again. But then she remembered everything they'd been through, and all the weeks and months she'd spent without him, and she'd closed her mouth. Having him around was better than nothing.

And maybe it would take awhile for them to find their footing on the grounds of friendship, but time was one thing she had plenty of. And as long as he was around, as long as he was there in her life, the opportunities were endless. Or at least that's what she wanted to believe, but most of her feeings were telling her something very different. Logan was stubburn, and as much as he loved her, it was highly doubtful he would ever give in.

Friends. That was how they had started out at Yale. Actually, she'd started out hating him, but then he'd won her over with that smile and those quick remarks. It wasn't long before she fell in love with him, and settled for a situation she wasn't really happy with. He was the first guy she'd ever really gone after, head first and no looking back. The casual dating had been fun for awhile, before she found herself spinning out of control. And when he committed to her, well, she'd been walking on air. But _friends_. They had been friends at the LBD gathering, friends when she let him borrow her notes for the newspaper article, friends when he rescued her at her grandparents party. They could do it, they could be friends. Afterall, they'd done it before.

"So, I met Logan," Carmen greeted, walking over to her desk, "Did I tell you that?"

"No!"

"I was tired of being the only one who hadn't met him, so I did, while you were in Stars Hollow."

"And this information just happened to slip your mind?"

"Well, no. I was just waiting for you to wrap your mind around the whole friends thing."

"It's wrapped, start talking."

"He's nice."

"Yes, I know."

"And he might be introducing me to one of his friends."

Rory's jaw dropped, "Which one?"

"Colin."

"Oh well, that's better than Finn I guess."

"Finn was my first choice."

"How did you know about Finn and Coloinanyway?" Rory inquired.

"Shawn and Aiden."

"Oh," Rory paused, "Colin's a nice guy, a little but of a playboy, but then again, so was Logan before we started dating."

Carmen shrugged, "Playboys are okay with me."

"And for some reason I'm not surprised," Rory replied with a smile.

"Hah hah. So we should all go out tonight."

"All?"

"Yeah. You, me, Logan, Shawn, Aiden, Colin, Finn, Will. It would be a good way to break the ice between you and Logan."

"Oh, I'm sure something would end up broken."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not exactly Finn and Colin's favorite person," Rory explained.

"Oh. Well, it would give you all a chance to talk then."

"I don't know..."

"Too bad, you don't have a choice. We're all going out, _tonight_."

"Carmen--"

"No choice!" Carmen sing songed as she left, "It will be fun, I promise."

"Whatever you say," Rory muttered under her breath as her friend disappeared.

But as much as a part of her was resisting the night out, she was glad somebody was finally forcing them together. Maybe it was exactly what they needed, to be thrown together in an environment filled with friends. And once they had a few drinks in them maybe the conversation would flow more easily. Plus, she wouldn't mind seeing Colin and Finn again, and apologizing to them for everything. She knew she probably wasn't their favorite person for more than one reason, partly because she left without saying goodbye, and mostly because of how bad she'd hurt their best friend. But as long as she and Logan were moving along, she might as well try and bandage whatever relationship she could with Colin and Finn.

_--------------------------------_

"So it's settled," Carmen announced, walking over to Rory a few hours later.

"What's settled?"

"I talked to Shawn, Aiden, and Will, and they're in. I talked to, and convinced Logan, and he's in. He's calling Colin and Finn as we speak."

"Carmen..." Rory groaned, a sick, nervous feeling consuming her.

"It will be fine, Rory, I promise. How are you supposed to be friends with him if you never talk?"

"I don't know! But I don't know how_ this _is going to work either."

"Rory," Carmen said with a grin, "I promise you, it will be fine. Relax."

"Relax?" Rory demanded, "Relax?"

"Okay, um. Just calm down a_ little _bit then?"

"I'll try."

Carmen motioned Shawn over from his desk and pointed towards Rory, "Tell her it will be okay."

"Tell her what will be okay?" he paused, "Why do you look so pale, Gilmore?"

"I--"

"Tell her that going out with Logan _and_ all of us will be okay."

"Why wouldn't be okay?"

"See!" Carmen said triumphantly, "I told you."

"Fine! But you two, and Aiden, have to promise not to leave me."

"And where would we go?" Shawn inquired.

"Let's see. Carmen could run off with Colin somewhere, and you and Aiden could pick up some random girls and not show your faces until tomorrow morning. And I will never, and I mean_ never _forgive you if I'm left alone with a very angry Australian and a very uncomfortable blonde boy, understand?"

Carmen laughed, "Breathe Rory. We won't go anywhere, promise."

"Fine, but no complaining about the uncomfortable silences."

"That's what we're there for, to fill in the uncomfortable silences."

"You better."

"That sounds like a threat," Shawn said, raising his eyebrows.

"Maybe it is."

"Fiesty," he smiled, "Get back to work, Gilmore."

"We'll see you after!" Carmen called over her shoulder as they disappeared.

Okay so, this was how the friends thing worked, right? She had nothing to be nervous about, right? So then why did her stomach keep performing acrobatic tricks? She wanted to make herself believe that it was just Logan. Logan, one of the few people she had ever felt completely comfortable around. Logan, the man who brought out a side of her that was rarely seen by others. It was Logan, _just_ Logan.

But she knew it wasn't, not by a long shot. This would be their first extended time together, that didn't involve screaming, since the breakup. It was bound to be uncomfortable, and maybe even slightly horrible. Not only that, but she would have to deal with Colin and Finn and she really wasn't looking forward to answering all of those questions. She sighed, it was going to be a very long night.

_--------------------------------_

"Logan and Will should be here any minute," Shawn said, closing his cellphone after the brief conversation with Will.

Rory remained silent, but her stomach did that little trick again with the flipping and the jumping.

Aiden smiled at her, "You look a little nervous there, Rory."

"Gee, can't imagine why," she shot back.

"Hey, don't get mad at me. This was Carmen's idea, not mine."

"And it's a good idea," Carmen defended herself, pouting slightly, "Someone had to get these two so-called friends actually speaking."

"Shut up," Rory replied bitterly, but then she couldn't help but offer her best friend a slight smile.

She heard footsteps walking over to them, and she didn't have to look up to see who it was. Logan took a seat on the other side of the large table, next to Aiden and Shawn, and Will slid in next to Carmen. Logan offered one of his brillant smiles to the members of their party, letting his eyes linger a little longer on Rory, before he opened his mouth.

"Evening everyone," he greeted, "Colin and Finn should be arriving at any minute."

Carmen grinned, "Colin?"

"I have to warn you to be careful," Logan laughed, "Colin is a lot like me afterall."

"Oh, in that case..." Carmen replied, a wicked smile forming on her lips.

"Although I'm sure Rory would be happy to vouch for his overall character," he added, bringing her into the conversation for the first time.

"And I'll even leave out all the horror stories."

"Horror stories?" Logan grinned, "Nah, not us."

Rory opened her mouth to launch into one of the manytales she had about Logan, Colin, and Finn's adventures, but then she decided against it. As with most of her memories with Logan, it included some moments between the two of them that were better left unspoken.

Shawn cleared his throat in the stuffy silence that blanketed them, but it was Aiden who finally opened his mouth to speak.

"So um, Rory? I never got to hear about your trip home."

Rory silently thanked her friend for changing the subject, "Well, I got to see my mom for the first time in ages, and we had one of those movie nights I always talk about. Oh, and one of my good friends is pregnant with her first."

Logan turned his head from the quiet conversation he was having with Will at the sound of her last sentence, but didn't speak.

"That's cute," Carmen offered, shifting her gaze between Logan and Rory.

Rory focused her stare on Logan as he turned his head again. He looked so calm sitting over there as he smiled at something Will said. She wondered if he was as relaxed as he appeared, or if he was just as nervous inside as she was. He'd always been good at hiding nerves, or any type of emotion that made him seem distant from the self-confident, cocky image he worked so hard to build up.

She was so tuned in on Logan, that she didn't even notice the arrival of Colin and Finn, until she heard Logan introduce them to Carmen.

"And of course you remember Rory," he said, clearing his throat slightly.

A look that Rory could only describe as pure anger flashed over the two for an instant. Colin simply nodded his head, sat down next to Logan, and began rapidly telling him a story. Finn paused though, and he stood standing long enough for a hurt expression to pass over his features.

"Hi," he said simply.

"Hi Finn," she replied, her voice shaky.

He held her gaze for a second longer, before sinking down in a chair and focusing on the animated story Colin was halfway through by now.

Rory released the breath she didn't even know she was holding. At least it wasn't a blow out, although she didn't know why she'd been expecting a blow out at a table filled with people. Maybe after they got a few drinks in them, but she hoped the cold shoulder was the only treatment she'd be recieving.

"Oh, and by the way!" she heard Colin's voice rise above the rest, "I got that job I was telling you about."

Logan grinned, "Congratulations, it about time you do something with your life. And Finn, you're next, right?"

Finn swallowed down half us his beer, "Sure mate, whatever you say."

And then, all at once, the conversations came to a screeching halt. Carmen opened her mouth, then closed it again, obviously deciding against what she was going to say. Rory didn't know how to strike up a conversation, everything that came to mind was somehow connected to Logan, and she didn't feel like bringing up memories. It was Logan who finally broke the ice.

"I'm going up to the bar. Anybody need another?"

"Yes!" Carmen told him.

"Rory?" he asked.

"What?" Rory's head snapped up and she immediatly felt herself melting into his brown eyes.

"Do you need another drink?"

"Oh, right. Yes, please."

He nodded, offered her a small smile, and then disappeared from the table. He wasn't gone for more than two seconds before Colin came over, grabbed her arm, and herded her into a corner with Finn in tow.

"If you hurt him again I swear to--"

"Colin! We're just friends," Rory interrupted.

"And you think that means you can't hurt him?"

"I'm not going to hurt him!"

"You better not, love. Because he's giving you this chance, and we can't say we're all for it, but it seems to be making him slightly happy," Finn continued.

"And we know you didn't get the message about the hospital, but that doesn't change what you did, walking out on him like that. So, Rory, don't do anything stupid. Although, the last time I said that you didn't listen, now did you?"

"Hey! We're friends now," she paused, "And I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for hurting him, and for never calling you two. I'm sorry, okay? And me and Logan? We're just friends! What's wrong with that?"

Finn sighed, "Nothing, yet."

"Let's get back to the table," Colin said, letting his eyes linger on her as they turned around.

Logan returned a few seconds after them and handed Rory her drink. Their eyes connected for an instant, before Logan turned away awkwardly and returned to his seat.

Conversation would spark every once an awhile, simmer, and then die. Everytime a person would begin speaking, something about their sentence seemed to be terribly wrong, and they would stop talking quickly. Logan still had his confidence though, so every once and awhile he would start up a round of banter that lasted a good five minutes, before it too disappeared.

"Hey Logan," Finn slurred, obviously drunk by now, "Do you remember the time Stephanie and Ro--"

He cut off sharply, sending a glance in Rory's direction and then back at Logan.

"Um, nevermind," he revised quickly, raising the beer to his lips again.

Rory felt the table growing even more uncomfortable to the point where she couldn't take it anymore.

"I think I'm going to head home," she said quickly, "Car?"

Carmen glanced at her watch, then at Rory, before nodding, "That sounds like a good idea."

Aiden and Shawn quickly agreed and soon the four best friends were on their way out the door. As soon as she was outside, Rory turned to them angrily.

"Lots and lots of uncomfortable silences that were not filled!"

"Sorry, some of those were way too big to be filled," Aiden pointed out, "Besides that, everything anybody wanted to say seemed to remind you two of something, which left us with an ever bigger silence."

"I knew this was a bad idea," Rory almost whispered, "This isn't going to work."

"It just needs time," Shawn assured her.

"Time? I'm so sick of hearing that! This needs more than time!"

"Your right," Carmen agreed, "This needs you two sitting down and talking, again."

"Or maybe it means us going back to not speaking."

"No,"Aiden insisted, "This does not need that."

"Fine. We'll talk. I don't know when, or how, but we'll talk."

_--------------------------------_

Rory laid awake in bed, letting the salty tears stream down her face. Things were never going to be the same. As much as she wanted them to be, her and Logan would never be the same combination that used to work so well. There were too many memories, good and bad, standing between them. And there were too many bitter feelings left unspoken, and too many caring feelings spoken too soon.

Maybe she'd been wrong, maybe it was better just to cut him out of her life completely. That way, she didn't have to watch him smile at something somebody else said, she didn't have to hear the laugh that used to come after one of her remarks. If she wasn't around him, every little word spoken wouldn't trigger some kind of memory. It was hard, and she wondered briefly if it was _too_ hard.

Would talking be enough? Would anything _ever_ be enough? Their time together wasn't enjoyable, it was a mess. Maybe they had been thrown together too soon, maybe they needed more one-on-one time first. She hoped that was all, because she was sure she needed Logan in her life, but she didn't need him in her life like this.

She loved him, she couldn't help herself. As much as she wanted to push those feelings out of her heart, she couldn't do it. Being his friend was like a bittersweet taste of what could've been, and she wasn't sure how long she would be able to handle it. But maybe, just maybe, if the conversations grew more enjoyable, the platonic relationship would begin to grow. And then maybe she woud find herself with a best friend, and that was all.

Her and Logan, they were complicated. They would always, always be this complicated.


	19. Every Ounce Of Confidence

**AN: Thanks for all the feedback, as usual. You guys are awesome as always. This chapter is kind of short, but that's because it's just a filler type chapter. I'll try and get the next one up ASAP, but I'm really not sure when that will be. Anyway, enjoy! And please leave me a review.**

It was going to be harder than he thought it would be, and he had already known it was going to be hard. Sighing, he leaned back on the couch, replaying the events of that night in his head. He'd tried to break the many silences that had occured, but he only had so many funny stories and sarcastic remarks in him. The gathering had been absolutely miserable for everyone involved, and he didn't blame Rory and her friends for bailing early.

He'd actually walked out a few minutes after her with Will, leaving Finn and Colin to go bar hopping wherever they chose. He reminded himself to ask them what they said to Rory while he was at the bar. Although they'd thought they were being sneaky, he had turned around and seen them in corner. Rory had looked shell shocked when she'd returned to the table, and he knew nothing they said could've possibly been good.

She'd looked gorgeous, as always, and he'd found it incredibly hard to keep his eyes off of her. But as pretty as her outside appearance was, he could tell she was a nervous wreck inside. He hadn't felt much better, but he had a way of hiding his emotions in an uncomfortable environment. Years of living inside the Huntzberger household taught him that. But just being with her was nice, just sitting at a table with her again was...healing. They needed to talk, just the two of them, and they needed to talk about _everything_. Until everything, every action, every decision were out in the open, the stressful outings were just going to continue.

And he knew it would be easier just to give up on the whole thing, move away, and never see her again. But that wasn't want he wanted. He wanted Rory Gilmore in his life, and he was determined to make it work. And when they sat down to talk again, he would tell her about the pain we went through, London, working for his father, Colin and Finn...he would leave nothing out. So then maybe she would do the same. Once the two of them had discussed everything, maybe they, and their friends, would find it easier to discuss topics in public.

But he knew no matter what, no matter if the awkwardness vanished or not, he would always have feelings of the girl. There were just some things that wouldn't go away. But no matter how much he wanted to be with her, how much he wanted to hold her again, he wouldn't let himself do it. He wouldn't, _couldn't_, go through the pain he went through before. Because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to make it again.

He heard the door open a few minutes later and he turned around to see Colin and Finn stumble through. He gave them a few minutes to drop of their coats and basically fall onto the couch and chair.

"So, which one of you is the least durnk?"

His two friends stared at each other, before Finn nodded his head towars Colin, "Probably him."

"I should've guessed," he paused, "So Colin, what did you say to Rory tonight?"

"I, um...you saw that?"

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Oh."

"So, what did you say?" Logan demanded.

"We told her not to do anything stupid, basically," Colin explained.

Logan sighed, "Basically?"

"So, we told her not to do anything stupid a lot of different ways."

"Colin," Logan groaned, "Okay look, I appreciate you two looking out for me, I really do. So thank you, but you've got to let me and Rory figure this out on our own. And that isn't going to happen if you herd her into a corner and threaten her."

"We didn't threaten her."

"Basically!" Logan argued.

"Okay, fine," Colin held eye contact with him for a minute, "You may have been the one going through it, but we were the ones who had to watch you."

Logan sighed again, "I know...I know. And you know I can't even say how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. And I know why you said the things you did. But, I think it's time for me to take the reins."

"Alright, Logan, alright," Colin stood up, "I'm heading to bed."

"Good night."

He glanced over at Finn, noting that he was already asleep on the couch, and stood up himself. Once inside his bedroom, he laid down quietly and thought back to his first few days home from the hospital, to his first few days living alone without Rory Gilmore.

_--------------------------------_

_He found the walls madly interesting these days and he couldn't remember the last time he turned on the television, or opened a book. The only thing in his hands lately was a beer from the fridge, because he didn't feel much like going out. He'd be leaving for London soon, as soon as he graduated. Maybe there was a good side to her disappearing afterall, he wouldn't have to worry about saying goodbye, a thing he'd been dreading for months._

_He found it amazing that she could just get up and leave like that, without even saying goodbye. Didn't she even consider that he might get worried? But he guessed with all her things out of the apartment, her actions were self explanatory._

_Taking another gulp of his beer, he wondered how many he'd had that night. All his emotions were still swirling around, and he was still aware of the tears falling down his cheeks, so he knew he hadn't downed nearly enough. He'd kicked Colin and Finn out about an hour earlier, sending them off to a bar to have some fun. He didn't want them to worry about him, they didn't need that in their lives._

_The ticking of the clock was his only companion as he sent one beer after another down his throat. Finally, and not a moment too soon, he felt the familar numbness consume him. And he knew in a few minutes he would pass out, but for right now he was enjoying the sensation of no pain. It was a moment he could only find on the nights when he sat at home and drank alone._

_Slowly, he felt his body sink down on the couch and the darkness beginning to close in around him._

_He didn't wake up again until he felt an insistant shaking on his shoulder. He opened his eyes a crack to see a very worried pair standing over him._

_"Logan? How many have you had?" Colin's voice asked through the fog._

_He wondered why they sounded so concerned, they drank all the time. But then he glanced at the coffee table, and realized just how many bottles were covering it. Turning his gaze back to his friends, he shrugged._

_"A few."_

_"A little more than a few, mate," Finn corrected._

_"You can't keep doing this, Logan, especially not by yourself. You'll end up killing yourself."_

_--------------------------------_

He woke up the next morning with a start. After remembering everything he'd gone through the night before, he should've have expected the nightmares that had occured. Shaking his head to clear it, he pulled himself out of bed and started getting ready for work.

He knew why Colin and Finn were so worried about him, and why they had warned Rory not to do anything stupid. After their breakup, he almost drove himself to death drinking. And it took a lot for Colin and Finn to worry about somebody drinking too much. So they took it upon themselves to get him to come out with them, so they could control the amount of beers he had. They started introducing him to people, even to girls, and as much as he wasn't interested, it took his mind of Rory for small amounts of time. And he loved them for it, for taking care of him like they had. He guessed he had never expected it, not from them, their relationship had always been strictly partying and LDB trips. But when he had really needed him, they'd been there, and now he knew that they always had his back.

He walked out in the kitchen, surprised to find Colin already dressed and drinking coffee.

"Do you start work today?" Logan asked.

"Mhmm."

"Oh," Logan glanced at his watch, "I'm running late. Good luck, man."

"Thanks."

Logan got to work in record time, and almost as soon as he walked in the door, Will tapped him on the shoulder.

"Paul wants to see you in his office," Will informed him.

"Really?" Logan raised his eyebrows, "Do you know why?"

"Not a clue."

"Okay."

Logan dropped his bags down at his desk, then made his way to the elevator. When he walked inside Paul's door, nothing could've prepared him for who was sitting infront of his desk. Rory turned around and gave him a look that showed she was just as shocked as he felt. Logan quickly gathered himself though, and put on one of those smiles that got him through a childhood with the Huntzbergers.

"Good morning, Rory," he greeted, "Mr. Brown."

"Hi Logan," Rory greeted with a small grin.

"Good morning, Logan. And please, call me Paul."

Logan laughed, "Of course."

"Sit, sit," Paul commanded.

Logan took a seat next to Rory, and offered her a wink that he couldn't help but notice caused her to blush slightly.

"So you're probably wondering why I asked you both here," Paul began, "There's a conference in Providence and I'm supposed to send two of my best journalists to it. Well, you're two of the best. You'd have to pack your bags and get on a plane tonight. It lasts for two days. A car will meet you at the airport, and the driver knows exactly where to take you. What do you say?"

Logan paused for a second, taking in the proposal, before he smiled, "That sounds great."

Paul nodded, "Rory?"

Logan turned his attention to Rory, who was staring at her hands, a nervous expression covering her face. Finally, she lifted her head up and seemed to force a nod.

"I'd love to."

Paul paused and leaned back in his chair, sending his glance from Logan to Rory and back again.

"Now, you may think I haven't noticed the strange relationship between the two of you, but I have," he paused, "So, if this is going to bother either one of you, I want you to tell me right now."

Logan noticed Rory stiffin in the chair beside him, and he took it about himself to settle the waters.

"I think I speak for Rory when I say that everything will be fine," Logan replied calmly, "We've worked some things out."

Paul sighed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Rory added, "We're sure."

"Okay. Go home and pack. A car will pick you up here at 4:30 and take you to the airport. Any questions?"

They both shook their heads, and Paul rose out of his chair to dismiss them.

"Have a nice trip."

Logan reached out and shook Paul's hand, before walking out of his office. He waited in the hallway until Rory immerged. When she turnd the corner, she looked stunned for a second, before she offered him a smile.

"Providence, huh?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Providence."

"Yeah."

Her eyes wandered away from him and stepped over a bit, forcing her to make eye contact. Once he had her attention, he smiled again.

"We have to talk."

She sighed, "I know."

"And I think this trip is the perfect opportunity."

"I know," she repeated.

"So, we'll talk?" he asked, but not really meaning it as a question.

"Yeah, we'll talk," she replied.

"Okay. We should go pack."

"And it will take me a little longer than you," she replied with a grin.

"Only slightly," he replied as they made their way back to the elevator.

_--------------------------------_

As soon as they sat down on the plane, he knew this wasn't going to be their opportunity to talk. She yawned at least three times before they actually sat down, and the pattern only continued after they had settled in. The car ride there had some patchy conversation, but nothing ground breaking. He knew they needed to talk, he just wasn't sure exactly where to begin. Or, for that matter, how he was going to handle it. The conversation they needed to have was going to bring up some bitter memories, and he wasn't sure if they were ready for that. On the other hand, they had to be for the friendship to work.

"So I'm guessing this isn't the best time to talk," he observed as she yawned again.

She laughed slightly and offered him an apologetic look, "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night."

"That's because you didn't drink nearly enough," he explained, causing her to laugh again.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Why don't you try and get some sleep? We'll talk tonight."

"Are you sure? Because I really do want to talk to you, Logan."

He nodded, "I know, but you can't talk very well constantly yawning. Sleep."

"Alright."

He watched her close her eyes, and he knew she was sound asleep within minutes. He opened up the newspaper he didn't get the chance to read that morning, and it seemed like the plane was in the air within minutes.

He glanced over at her sleeping form a few times, noting how pretty she looked. When they were together, and he'd woken up before her, he had loved watching her sleep. She'd looked so peaceful, so settled, for a girl who was constantly on the move. It was strange to think about all the time they weren't together, and all the time that Jess was the one watching her sleep. He didn't like the thought of her waking up in somebody's elses arms, but he knew if they were going to get passed the awkwardness, it was something he would have to deal with.

And she would have to deal with listening to how he handled his pain, and the feelings he'd experienced when she'd left. Maybe then she'd understand the way Colin and Finn had treated her, and why he'd been so harsh at their first meeting. In turn, he would have to sit there while she talked about the bridesmaids and how it had affected her life. They needed to listen to each other,_ really _listen to each other, and talk about things they hadn't spoken of since their meeting.

It would be weird, and it would be uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as their evenings out avoiding any type of story that brought up memories. He wouldn't promise her that Colin and Finn would come around, because he wasn't sure if they would. They blamed her for changing him, for being the one to kill his spirit for so long. He spent many months not being the Logan they remembered, and it had taken a toll on them as well as him.

_--------------------------------_

His cellphone rang as soon as he entered his hotel room, "Hello?"

"Hey little brother," Honor greeted, "Colin and Finn tell me your in Providence?"

"Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot to tell you."

"You're in Providence with Rory?" Honor demanded, ignoring his last comment.

"Yes, I'm on a _business trip _in Providence with Rory."

"And how is that going?"

"Well, let's see. The car ride was slightly awkward, she slept on the plane, and we just got to our hotel rooms. I'm meeting her at the hotel bar to talk tonight."

"Talk? About what?"

"Everything," Logan explained, "Everything and anything. We need to."

"Well, I'm glad you figured that one out without my help. Congratulations."

"Don't you have somebody else to bother?" Logan teased.

"Fine, I'll let you go. Bye."

"Bye Honor."

He closed his phone and sat down on the bed, gathering himself for what was sure to be a stressful conversation. He hoped it would work, hoped it would finally clear the air between them. They needed this, needed to get all of their feelings out in the open. Then, maybe their friends would be able to relax, and the gatherings at the bars would grow more comfortable. Besides that, he really did want Rory as his friend, and friends tended to talk every one and awhile.

He didn't even know where to begin, how to strike up a real conversation with the girl. He remembered when talk had flown between them so easily. There used to be no effort involved at all. But that was before, before the bridemaids, before she left, before_ everything_. It was time to clear the slate and start fresh...as friends. And he knew that meant talking about things he had only told Colin, Finn, and Honor and for her, it meant explaining exactly what she'd been thinking when she walked out the door. Not only that, he was curious to know how her relationship with Jess had gone from the beginning.

Rising from the bed, he grabbed his wallet and walked out the door. There was no turning back now, this was it. He made his way downstairs and into the hotel bar. She was sitting with her back to him, wearing an eye catching red top and a jeans skirt. And as he started to her, he knew the perfect way to break the ice. One word. One word that had so much meaning between the two of them, one word that held so much power.

He walked up beside her, resting his arm on the bar, and she turned to stare at him. He grinned, and then opened his mouth to speak.

"Buy you a drink, Ace?"


	20. The Memories Don't Answer

**AN: Hey guys! You have overwelmed me again with your reviews! You guys really are amazing, I can't say that enough. Thank you again! Although I am a little disappointed that I've lost some readers along the way, I understand their points of view and continue to press on with this story. Besides that, all of you that have stuck with me are awesome and you've really helped me to stay focused and write as much as possible. So thank you for all your compliments, feedback, and ideas. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I really enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it. Read, enjoy, and please leave me a review!**

A sharp feeling of pain came over her at the sound of her old nickname, and then she settled into a dull contentment. It sounded right somehow.

"Sure," she replied, her voice quavering slightly.

He glanced at what she was drinking, ordered her another and a drink for him, and then sat down. When she turned to look at him again, the expression on his face made her heart shatter. He was wearing the smirk: that annoying, self confident, cocky, adorable, tempting, completely wonderful smirk she'd grown to love and hate at the exact same time. As she gazed into the expression of their past, she couldn't help but offer him a smile in return.

"So..." he said, letting his voice trail off.

"Yeah, so..." she repeated, much in the same way.

He studied her for a second, "You're uncomfortable."

She noted that he said this in a very Logan way, not in a question, but as a completely undeniable statement. And she decided to offer him the truth in return.

"A little," she admitted, "Aren't you?"

"Of course."

The lapsed into one of the silences that had become all too common in their time as friends. She felt like she should say something, but she had absolutely no idea what to say. It was a weird sensation for her, as a Gilmore girl, to be at a loss for words.

"I went to London," he said suddenly, "Just like it was planned."

She paused, "How was it?"

"Boring, dull, and terrible," he informed her.

"Oh."

"When I came back I cut my father, and the rest of my family, besides Honor, out of my life and lived with Finn and Colin in Hartford."

He shot her a sideways glance, almost as if to check and see how she was handling everything. Suddenly, she realized this was his way of fixing them. He wanted them to put everything out in the open, all of their feelings and experiences over the past year. He was starting with something simple, stories that didn't directly involve the two of them. But she was sure he would start to open up more later, and she promised to follow his lead.

"I got a few job offers, accepted the one from Post It, and that's how I ended up in New York."

Rory sighed, her life wouldn't be quite so easy to explain. Because everything she had to say involved Jess, and she wasn't sure if he, or she, was ready for that yet.

"I um," she paused, glancing at him for reassurance, "I lived with Paris for awhile..."

"It's okay, Rory," he told her, "Go ahead."

"And then I moved with, um, Jess to Philadelphia. His bookstore their failed, so when he opened a new one in New York I followed. I got the job at Post It and I've been there ever since."

He sighed, "I think that was the easy part."

She smiled slightly at his dry attempt at humor, "I think you're right."

"Okay," he paused, "I'm not really sure where to go from here."

"Me either."

"Well," he laughed softly, then turned deadly serious, "Rory, when I found out you were gone I was devastated. I mean, more hurt than I've ever been in my life. I fell into a cycle of drinking that scared even Finn, and so him and Colin took it upon themselves to put be back together. With help from them and Honor, I found myself shakily back on my feet, until I ran into you at Post It."

She slowly drank in all of his words, before opening her mouth again, "As bizarre and unbelievable as it may seem, I never wanted to hurt you, Logan. I was just, I was hurting myself and leaving seemed like the logical option. I almost turned back several times, really I did. And when I found myself in a relationship that was never meant to be, I thought about you everyday."

"You could've called."

"No, I couldn't have."

"Why not?"

"Because I was in denial. I was denying that my relationship with Jess was wrong from the beginning, denying that I had ever been cruel enough to walk out on you when you weren't home, denying that my life was in a downward spiral that I couldn't stop. I was denying everything, Logan, especially the fact that I'd left you behind."

"I used to think you never cared."

"Of course I cared," Rory objected, "I cared a lot, but when I left I was too hurt to realize that."

"So why didn't you talk to me, Rory? When you came back with me, I thought we were okay. I had no idea you were still hurting until you started acting strange, and then I got the idea. You should've talked to me."

"I know! I know that now, I was just too upset to back then. And I guess in my only little way I was punishing you for what you did."

He took a sip of his drink before turning towards her again, "I just want you to know that those girls meant nothing to me. I was confused, I thought we were broken up, and I was hurting. I guess that was my pathetic way of getting you off of my mind and trying to move on, but it didn't work. It couldn't have worked. So when you left again I didn't even try. That was the stupidiest thing I've ever done, and I regret it everyday."

She took in his words slowly, processing each one of them. She had been waiting so long to hear a speech like that come from his lips, and now that she heard it she realized it was too late. It was too late to fix their relationship now, so maybe that was their first block of building a new one. They needed to try for this, fight for this. Because she suddenly realized that without each other, they fell apart.

"Thank you," she nearly whispered, tears in her eyes, "Thank you for that."

He nodded slightly, before she continued.

"When I walked out that door, I wasn't myself, I hope you know that. I was hurt, lonely, and feeling betrayed. I went to see Jess at his opening and he started telling me all these things and I thought, here's the guy that can fix me. But I was wrong, Logan, so, so wrong. He was still Jess, still the same guy I always knew. And he was never the one for me, he never really cared. He just liked the idea of having me around, but he can be a good persuader when he wants to be. Anyway, what I'm getting at here, is that I never stopped loving you, even when I was with him."

He nodded again, even more slightly this time, "Why didn't it work? With him, I mean?"

"Where to start?" she exhaled, "Jess can be the nicest guy in the world when he wants to be, and usually that's when he's after something. But once he has that something, he doesn't care anymore. I might as well have been dead to him. But I stayed with him, because I thought if I left I would've left you behind for no reason, but the truth was I did anyway."

"So, why did you finally leave him?"

She grew instantly nervous about explaining to him what finally broke her. But then she took a deep breath, and launced into the story.

"We were at bar with Shawn, Aiden, and Carmen. One of the boys said something about casually dating, and that set Jess off on you. He started, I don't know, mocking you I guess and I just snapped."

He looked at her, startled, for a second, and she wasn't sure what emotions were racing through him at that instant. Shock? Happiness? Anger? Relief?

"Wow," he said simply.

"So you see, I have missed you, Logan," she let the silence hover for a second, before moving on, "But now I'm interested in your life."

"Mine?" he smiled, "I thought we already covered me."

"I want details. Like, for instance, London."

"What about it?"

"Why was it so horrible?"

"Well, for one, I was thinking about you constantly. And for two, my father is a jackass, but you probably already knew that."

The pain she felt his first statement, was replaced by amusement at the next.

"No, I had absolutely no idea," she deadpanned.

He laughed, and she realized how much she loved that sound.

"And when I came back we had a huge blowout. I told him I no longer wanted him in my life, and that he could find another heir for the Huntzberger thrown. It was a gigantic argument, one which any outside specator probably would've found madly entertaining. He hasn't tried to contact me since, but I lived off my trust fund until I found a job at Post It."

"I'm happy for you," Rory told him, "I knew you and Honor never belonged with them. I am surprised that you continued with a career in journalism."

"Hey, I have nothing against writing. I do however, have something against being forced to write."

"I understand."

"By the way, I know what Colin and Finn said to you the other night, and I'm sorry. You have to understand that they grew very protective of me in the time after our breakup. I don't know how it happened, but it did."

Rory dismissed him with a wave of her hand, "Believe me, I understand."

"I don't know how long it's going to take them to forgive you, or if they will."

"Logan," she stated, her steady voice denying the tears in her eyes, "Don't worry about it, really. I miss them, I really do, but not half as much as I've missed you. I want this to work, this friendship thing."

He smiled, "Me too, and I think it's going to now."

She returned his expression, "Me too."

"And I think the nights out will be slightly more comfortable now, for us, and for our friends."

"I think so, too."

"Don't ever be afraid to say anything, Rory, not anymore. Our memories are all we have, right?"

His last sentence caused the tears to almost spill out over her eyes, "Right."'

"Okay," he looked at her seriously, "I just want to thank you, Rory, because even if you don't know it you changed my life. You made more driven, and more mature. It was you, I think, that gave me the courage to finally stand up for my father. Who would've ever thought I'd be working at a newspaper, and doing it successfully? You instilled that drive in me, and I've always wanted to thank you for that."

She couldn't control the tears any longer, but she wiped them away quickly as they tumbled down her cheeks, "You changed me too, Logan. You taught me a lot: to live for the moment, to take chances, and to let myself free every once and awhile. Without your influences, I would've gone crazy a long time ago. I guess we helped each other, you and I."

He smiled, but she noticed his eyes were damp, "Yeah Ace, I guess we did."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, and Rory felt herself getting completely lost in his caring, chocolate brown eyes. How many times had they sat together at night, looking at each other just like this? She shook her head slightly, to clear away the memories, and suddenly Logan was getting up from the bar.

"I think it's time we both head to bed."

Rory nodded, "Good night, Logan."

He started walking out of the bar, but then he turned around and started moving backwards, hands tucked in his pockets.

"Good night, Rory."

_--------------------------------_

But even after their long, and meaningful conversation, Rory still laid awake that night, sobbing as tears poured down her face. God, that one word, that one nickname, had brought up so many bittersweet feelings. Never in a million years had she expected to hear it again. And the sound of it jumping off his lips had sounded so perfect, like the word was finally home where it belonged. Ace. She could be Ace again, and she finally felt free to return to being the Rory lost so long ago. But as she wiped bitterly at her cheeks, she knew she would never be _his_ Ace again, and the thought of that ripped at her heart.

And even with all the emotions their evening had brought up, she had to admit by the end his prescense had felt comfortable, like he was supposed to be there. They had talked, _really_ talked, for the first time since their seperation. She had figured something had happened between him and his father, because he wouldn't be working at _Post It _otherwise. She was happy for him, because he finally seemed free from the chains that held him down all his life. He had never belonged with the Huntzbergers, never belonged in the stuffy environment that was his parents world. Him and Honor, they were different, and the clung to each other all their lives. Now finally, at least one of them was free to do as they chose.

She couldn't help the terrible feeling that consumed her when she thought about his stories after she left. Logan had always being a drinker, she knew that. And it wasn't unusual for him to drown his sorrows with a night on the town. But hearing about how concerned Colin and Finn had been about him, about how he had to be pieced back together again. She had always considered Logan one of the strongest people she knew. And hearing about him being broken absolutely destroyed her inside. She had done that, she had been the cause of his broken spirt. He may have hurt her with the bridesmaids, but somehow she had always known he would be back. If she was in his place, how would she have handled the situation?

She missed Colin and Finn, missed the strange, yet lovable friendship they had provided. She knew it would take a very long time to win them over, if it ever happened. Just by the way they had stared at her at the bar she knew it would be a long and winding road. Although Logan and their friendship had always been based on partying, she had always seen a deeper kind of friendship between the three boys. Maybe that was why she was able to turn her back on Logan, maybe she had trusted them to get him back on his feet.

She burried her head in the pillows, letting the soft fabric absorb the moisture from her tears. He was her friend now, she could honestly call him her friend. So then why wasn't she happy? Why did feelings of sadness still tear her apart inside? But deep down, she knew why. She knew why all too well. The love she felt for him would never really go away. He was special, Logan Huntzberger, and she'd let him slip away. Just for the fact that he'd sparked such a deep conversation that night let her know he was truly one of a kind. She wasn't sure how she was going to make this work, just being his friend. But she would have to, she would. Because nothing else was going to keep her close to him, close to the man she was sure changed her life.

The sobs began to shake her harder, as she thought about the moment they had both stared into each others eyes. There was a silent understanding passed between the two of them that said they would always love each other, no matter what. And a silent promise too, of constant understanding and compassion. She wondered briefly how two people, with so many hard feelings between the two of them, could come together over a year later and become friends. Maybe it was only her and Logan, maybe they were special in that way.

And that was why, as she laid awake in the dark, she knew this was it for her. Every man she would meet would always have Logan to live up to. And after that night at the bar, when the man who had been through so much because of her, had offered her forgiveness, she knew nobody in the world could ever even begin to compare. So there, in the darkness of the lonely hotel room, she came to terms with the fact that she had fallen in love once, and that the feeling might never return. Sure, maybe someday she would a meet a man and get married, maybe she would even have children. But at night, when the house was asleep, her mind would always drift back to the blonde boy who had won her heart.

_--------------------------------_

"So you're friends?" Lorelai asked on the phone the next morning.

Rory smiled, "Yes, after last night I think I can honestly say that we're friends."

"Then why do you sound like you cried last night?"

"What?"

"I'm a mother, Rory, I know these things."

Rory sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to hide anything from Lorelai.

"He called me Ace," she murmered, "And he told about how he handled things afer I left. God, he drank so much even Finn was worried about him. And he told me that I changed him, and he thanked me for that. He was so amazing, mom, and forgiving. And I finally felt like we found our footing."

"Hun, I don't see the problem."

"I love him," Rory whispered, "That will always be the problem. Nobody will ever be able to compare."

"Rory, I'm sure you'll meet somebody someday."

"Maybe, but who knows? I'll always be thinking about Logan, and especially about last night. What I said when I visited you, it wasn't just because I was drunk, I really do believe he's my last chance. And I think I missed it."

"I know you love him, kid, I do. But you are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you to fall in love again, maybe even harder. I'm sure Logan taught you a lot of things, and opened up emotions in you you never felt before. But there's more waiting for you, I promise."

"Think of him as Luke," Rory explained.

"Excuse me?" Lorelai asked, clearly startled.

"Think of him as my Luke. That's what he is to me, mom."

"Rory..."

"And I know you're going to say I'm too young to have a Luke, but I'm not. Lane found hers in Zach, didn't she? And she's pregant! She's going to have a child with the man she loves! I may never know what they feels like, because I walked out on him for a man who never mattered."

"Can we please stop comparing Luke to every girls' dream man?" Loreali asked, attempting to lighten the mood.

Rory couldn't help but smile, "Okay. I have to go, meetings and stuff."

"Call me later, kid."

"I will. Bye."


	21. Hopeful Confusion

Logan stared at the blank television screen in his hotel room as an unexplainable feeling washed over him. He decided it was a mixture of relief, disbelief, and aprehension. He wanted Rory back in his life, but he still wasn't sure if he could handle it. When he saw her furiously wiping at her eyes, all he'd wanted to do was hold and comfort her. He wanted to tell her to forget the whole friends arrangement, that they could let themselves fall back in love. But then he remembered, and he told himself to stop, he couldn't be with this girl anymore.

And yet, as angry as the memories made him, he found himself happy about their set up as friends. Who knew if it would end up working in the end? All he knew was that Rory Gilmore and all her influences were suddenly back in his life. And as much as that had scared him at first, he found himself settling into the familar feeling of being around her. It was comforting, and almost exhilirating, to have her thrust back in his life.

He found it amazing though, that a girl who had caused so much resentment and guilt, was on friendly terms with him. Even more amazing was the fact that he was still in love her with her, and he had to force those feelings back and fit into a platonic relationship. She had looked so beautiful that night, and when she'd started to cry he'd been forced to leave the bar. He'd been sitting on his bed for around an hour, staring unseeing into space, trying to figure out how this was going to work.

He knew they would have no problem talking now. Everything was out in the open, there were no feelings or actions to hide. What he didn't know was how he was going to keep his true feelings for her at bay. Never in his lifetime had he felt so strongly for a person, and he was sure the feeling was never going to come around again. She was special, and in an astounding way, perfect for him. So how was he supposed to ignore that and just be friends when everything inside of him was screaming to kiss her? He knew he had to remain friends with her, knew his mind would never let him be anything more. He couldn't take that chance, because for as brave as Logan Huntzberger was, the thought of losing her again tore him apart inside.

But as much as letting himself be her boyfriend again and having her leave scared him, the thought of cutting her out of his life completely petrified him. She understood him, she knew him like nobody else in the world. And as great as Colin and Finn were, there were some things he two friends just couldn't grasp. Rory, on the other hand, had always been able to wrap her mind around anything he said. They had a connection, a vibe between each other that nobody else could understand. He needed her to be his friend simply because he needed her.

He hoped that now that the two of them had talked, and worked through their feelings, that he could find a way to move on. Maybe he would meet a girl like Andrea, who although she was not Rory, was smart, beautiful, and funny. Maybe he could finally let himself feel something again. It was time. It had been over a year since Rory left him, and although she was back in his life now, she still wasn't his girlfriend. It was time to try the commitment idea with a different girl.

But he knew no matter how pretty, intelligent, and witty a girl was, she would never be able to compare to Rory Gilmore. Rory was special, different, uniquie -- however he put it, she was her. His first love, the one he would never forget. And in a way, he was sure she was his only love. Maybe he would find himself dating again, but he wasn't sure if anything serious would ever occur. She would always be on his mind, a constant reminder of what could have been, what _should_ have been.

He sighed and fell back on the bed, deciding to let his mind rest for awhile and just sleep. Maybe sleep would calm him, maybe he would wake up and know that this was the perfect solution. They would be friends, nothing more and nothing less. Why couldn't it work? They'd done it before.

_--------------------------------_

"Well, that was...fun," Rory commented dryly as they stepped off the plane in New York.

"I for one have always found large rooms of crabby old men highly entertaining," Logan remarked.

"Especially when they start talking about their failing health."

"And bathroom habits," Logan added.

"It's good to be home," she said with a grin.

Logan stared at her as they expression pulled at her cheeks. God, she had a beautiful smile. It seemed to light up her entire face, and even touch on the people around her. She took a deep breath and he couldn't help but laugh.

"Taking in the wonderful smells of pollution?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Anything is better than the smell of old men."

"Point taken."

They settled into what Logan found a comfortable silence, and he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. Comfortable. They finally found themselves at ease in each other's company, and it was a feeling Logan could get used to.

They got back into the car that would take them back to the newspaper office, and from there they would take cabs home and report back to work in the morning. Logan took her bag and tossed it in the trunk with his, before sliding in next to her in the back.

"Always the gentleman," she commented as he entered, "I guess not talking to your father didn't take that away."

He smirked, "Some things are just burned in my brain."

"Not that I mind," she revised, "You can put my bags away anytime."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied sarcastically.

"So I think we should try going out with everyone again."

"If we didn't scare them all off already."

"Hey, it was Carmen's idea. She has to go."

"Me, you, and Carmen will make a great combination."

"Don't worry," Rory assured him, "I'll make Aiden and Shawn go."

"I'm sure Will will agree, but Finn and Colin are a completely different story."

"Don't make them," Rory paused, "If it's going to make them uncomfortable, I mean."

He forced thoughts of how cute she looked as her eyes shifted to the window nervously. She was still walking on egg shells around him, careful not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It crossed his mind how adorable that was, but then he pushed that feeling down too.

"I won't."

"Do you remember the first LDB gathering I went to?" she asked randomly.

Logan laughed, "How could I forget?"

"That is still the craziest thing I've ever done."

"I don't doubt it."

"Does that have a double meaning?"

He winked, "Of course not, but I highly doubt that you jumped off any other multi story structures while working as a journalist in New York City."

"You never know."

"You're right," he nodded, "You could've taken it up as a hobby."

"What? Jumping off make shift structures in the middle of God knows where?"

He smirked, "Why not?"

"Do you know I still have no idea where we were?"

"All the better."

"I guess that means you're not going to tell me."

"Maybe when you're on your death bed."

"You're sweet," Rory tossed back.

The car pulled to a halt infront of the _Post It _office and Logan felt a strange relucatance to get out of the car. As he grabbed their bags out of the the trunk, he turned to see her staring at him, the same relucatance evident her eyes. Logan forced any non platonic thoughts of his mind and offered her a smile.

"Tonight?" he asked, "Round up Carmen, Shawn, and Aiden, I'll get a hold of Will, and we'll meet at the regular place."

"You sure?" she asked, eyebrows raised slightly.

"Positive."

"Sounds fun," she took her bag out of his hand, holding eye contact with him as long as possible, "See you tonight."

"Bye."

He watched her get into a taxi, before he called one for himself and climbed inside. This was going to be a long and interesting adventure for Rory Gilmore and him.

_--------------------------------_

"So things are just all goody-goody now?" Colin asked later that night, staring at Logan completely perplexed.

"We had a good talk."

"And this good talk explained why she walked out on you without the guts to wait until you got home?"

"Kind of."

"Must have been a hell of a talk."

"I'm not saying it still doesn't make me angry, Colin," he paused, "But I think this will be good for the two of us."

"Until she does something like that again," Finn pointed on, perched on the back of their leather couch.

Colin jerked his thumb backwards towards their Australian friend, "Even Finn can see the bad in this."

"Just being friends leaves me in no position to get hurt."

"You say that now..." Finn stated, letting his voice wander off.

"Look," Logan began, turning around, "I need to try this, because being completely without her didn't do me much good. It's new. And I'm ready for something new. Who knows? Maybe this is the key to moving on. Maybe having her in my life as a friend will finally allow me to date again. It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

Colin stared at him for a second, "You tell me."

The words hit home and Logan paused, his mouth hanging open. Was it worth a shot? Was the risk worth a shot? He could already feel himself settling into the routine of having her around again. And, as much as he fought it, he still noticed every little detail about her. He could have been falling again, except that he had never really gotten up from the first time. Would the pain of never being her boyfriend be as bad as the pain of living without her? He sighed, that was a risk he had decided totake.

"I guess so," Logan replied, his voice wavering only slightly.

"Fine," Finn stated, sounding almost angry, "We'll take your word for it."

"I guess that means you're not coming tonight?" Logan inquired, shifting his gaze back and forth between his two friends.

"What do you think?" Colin shot back.

"No."

"Exactly."

"Alright," Logan turned towards the door, "But if you change your minds--"

"We won't," Finn assured him.

"But if you do, you know where to find us."

Logan paused in the middle of the door and the hallway, choosing the next words towards his best friends carefully.

"If I can be around her, and forgive her at least partly, maybe you two can try. And I can't make you, and I won't hold it against you, you've done far too much for me for me to do that. Thank you for everything you've done, because you've got me to the point where I think I can move on. By the way, Colin, you have Carmen's number. Why don't you give her a call tonight?"

And with that, he disappeared behind the closed door.

Once he was out on the city streets, he selected Honor off his call list and pressed it to his ear as he entered the taxi.

"Hello?"

"Hey, guess who's back in town?" Logan greeted with a grin.

"Hey! How was it?"

"It was..." he searched briefly for the right word, "Progressive?"

"Progressive?"

"We talked and there was no screaming involved."

"Progressive," Honor repeated, now fully understanding.

"I guess we're really friends now."

"Good," she said sincerely, "Good, right?"

"Yes, good. For now."

"For now?" she asked, confused again.

"I don't know if it'll work, if it'll be too much, if she'll leave, if she'll be able to take it, if_ I'll _be able to take it...but for now, it's good."

"I think it's good," she stated.

"Thanks fo the vote of confidence."

She laughed, "Seriously Logan, I think this will help you...both of you. And maybe now you can move on?"

"I hope so," he said.

"Me too," she stopped for a second, "Are you on the street?"

"In a cab," he explained.

"Oh. Going where?"

"Out, with Rory and a few friends."

"Trying that again?" Honor asked.

"Yeah, trying that again."

"Good luck. Call me tomorrow or something."

"Will do. Bye Honor."

"Bye."

_--------------------------------_

"And then you did what?" Shawn asked in disbelief.

Rory smiled, "And then we stole a yacht."

Logan thought back to that time in their lives, when the whole thing had been almost a tragedy. It had been caused by his father. Surprise, surprise. Rory had become to Logan distraught, and together they had stolen a boat. It had seemed like a better idea at the time, but that was before the girl had landed in jail for the first time. Afterwards, she'd dropped out of Yale and severed ties with her mother. Years later, they could look on the event and laugh. Just one of their crazy schemes that had gotten out of hand.

"Do you remember in the car when I said jumping off the multi story structure was the craziest thing I've ever done?" Rory asked, turning towards Logan.

"Yes."

"I take that back."

"You cannot seriously be comparing jumping off a man made structure in the middle of...a woods holding an umbrella and wearing a formal dress to stealing a yacht!"

"The jumping didn't land me in jail," she pointed out.

"But the jail didn't almost kill you," he argued back.

"Either did the jumping!"

"The only testing that thing had was potatoes."

"Excuse me, I have to interrupt," Carmen said, "Multi story structure?"

Logan laughed, "Long story."

"I've got time."

"Not very much," Logan said.

"Excuse me?"

As if on cue, Carmen's cellphone went off in a flurry of music and she looked at Logan, confused. He waved his hand towards her purse and she selected her phone.

"Hello?"

Logan listened to the one sided conversation, amused.

"Colin? Hi!"

"I'd love to."

She watched as she stood up and gathered her things quickly, before hurrying out of the bar.

"What did you do?" Rory asked, her laughing eyes denying the angry tone of her voice.

"Just a little match making."

Rory cracked a grin, "This ought to be interesting."

"Doesn't she remind you of Stephanie?" Logan asked, nodding his head towards the door were Carmen left.

Rory's eyes filled with memories, "Yeah, she does. Whatever happened to Stephanie?"

"She moved to Washington, D.C. and got a job. She's engaged."

"Engaged, that's awesome."

"Who's Stephanie?" Aiden inquired.

He heard Rory launch into a full description of the bubbly, blonde girl, but his mind was somewhere else completely. He couldn't help the overwelming feeling of pain that grabbed him when he talked about engagements, and pregnancies. These were their friends, the people they had spent time with, and he couldn't help but think that it should have been them. They should've been engaged, they should've been thinking about having children. Why had their path gone so horribly wrong?

"Logan?" Rory asked, looking concerned, "Are you okay?"

"I think...I think I'm going to head home."

"Are you feeling okay?" Shawn asked.

"Not really. I'll see you all tomorrow."

He grabbed his coat and quickly exited the bar, ignoring the feeling of beautiful, blue eyes burning into his back. There were some topics that would never cease to be uncomfortable, some topics that would always start the tumbling feeling in his stomach. He wished he would've thought ahead before bringing up Stephanie's engagement. There were so many mistakes, so many regrets, between Rory and him. Some things would just always cause pain: sudden, fierce, stabbing pain. He wondered if the friends thing really was going to work. Would the fun, witty moments outweigh the words that knocked the breath of him?"

His mind wondered to the first day he returned the empty apartment, even though everything in him fought to stop the memory. It had seemed sad, as though it was missing a piece of itself. Or maybe that was just him transferring his feelings to the environment. Everywhere he looked something was missing, or something was moved slightly out of place. He had looked for a note for hours, thinking maybe it fell and disappeared beneath a couch, or a table. But there was nothing. Nothing. All the time they spent together and nothing left to show for it.

He had to stop and lean against a building as the tears threatened to steam down his cheeks. One mention of an engagement and he was back to this again? They had been doing so well, even launching into some of the banter he'd missed so terribly. But he coudn't stop the aching feeling his heart, and he couldn't halt the burning tears pressing behind his eyes. If his mind would only let him, they could have love again, they could return to each other. But his mind kept replaying the scene when he entered that lonely apartment, and his mind wouldn't let him go through the pain of losing her again.

But what about the pain he was going through now? Everytime he looked at her, he felt like venturing back into thier past. She was so beautiful, so driven, so intelligent and funny. What was not to love except their past? How could he control the feelings that washed over him everytime he saw a happy couple or mentioned one of their taken friends?

Moving on. He had to move on. The thought circled through his mind as he called for a taxi. A new girlfriend, a new chance, a new life. Wasn't that what the friendship idea was supposed to bring? She was supposed to be his friend, and he was supposed to push forward with his life. Would he be able to? He would try. He _had_ to try.

He sighed as a new wave of confusion washed over him. How did the solution that was supposed to hold all the answers cause him to feel so incredibly lost?


	22. Of What Used To Be

**AN: Hello everyone. I know there has been a little more time between updates lately, but I'm currently at a place with limited computer access. Anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for all of your reviews! You guys are awesome, as usual. Believe me, without your support this story would not be moving as fast. Your reviews are great motivation. Anyway, please read and leave me a review!**

Rory stared at the article before her, trying to figure out what was wrong with the second to last paragraph she entered. Her co-workers had all but disappeared, but she barely noticed. Her eyes were rivited on the article, reading and re-reading the sentences. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about the wording just didn't sound right. And she knew she wouldn't be going anywhere until she fixed it.

Suddenly, a shadow appeared over her and placed a cup of coffee in her hand. Accepting, she took a grateful sip and then turned around to see who the giver was. Logan stood behind her, but his eyes had shifted to the computer screen.

"Something wrong, Ace?" he inquired, his stare never leaving the article.

"Second to last paragraph," she explained.

He read it again quickly, and then, jaw clenched, he motioned for her to leave her chair. Intrigued, she stood up and watched while his fingers worked briskly over the keys. Finally satisfied, he leaned back and pointed towards the computer, the confident grin filling his face.

She read over the paragraph, "Thank God."

He laughed, "Think you were stuck here all night?"

"Just about."

"Hurry up and shut down, we're all heading out."

She smiled, "It's been awhile."

"Two days!"

"Long enough."

"Since when is Rory Gilmore such a party animal?" he asked with a wink.

"I hardly call what we do partying."

He smirked, "We can step it up a bit if you want."

"No thanks," she said as she turned off her computer, "Let's go."

"Let's go."

She grabbed her coat of the chair and followed Logan to where Carmen, Shawn, Will, and Aiden were waiting.

"What took you so long, Gilmore?" Aiden asked, an impatient expression on his face.

"Article problems," she nodded her head towards Logan, "The white knight here saved the day."

"Thank you, Logan," Carmen chirped, "We're dying of thirst."

"Please," Rory rolled her eyes, "Let's go."

They made their way outside to the city streets, with Logan and Will bickering back and forth about something Rory didn't understand. The night was cool, but the air felt good whipping across her cheeks.

As she looked at Logan bantering with Will, her thoughts drifted to a few nights before when he dashed out of the bar. His face had gone completely pale, and at first she assumed he was just sick, but something about that theory just didn't seem to fit. She tried thinking back to their conversation that night and placing her finger on the exact moment the color had drained from his face, but she just couldn't remember.

"You awake over there, Rory?" Shawn asked.

Rory jumped slightly and realized the cab she was sharing with Shawn and Carmen had come to a halt.

"Oh, right," she mumbled as she slipped out.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Logan's voice asked as they entered the bar.

She turned and grinned at him, "Even you don't have that many pennies, Huntzberger."

"Oh, deep thoughts, huh?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Something like that."

They walked into the bar and selected a large table in the back. Will and Shawn went to retrive drinks, leaving the other four alone at the table. Logan turned to Carmen, and evil glint in his eye, and she stared at him weerily.

"What?"

"Colin said your date went well."

She blushed slightly, "Yeah."

"Carmen!" Rory announced, "I've never seen you blush!"

"I did not blush."

"There was absolutely blushing going on," Aiden argued.

"Shut up," Carmen shot back, "We had fun. Where is he tonight?"

Logan shrugged, "Some kind of meeting for work. And Finn's with Felicia."

"Felicia?" Rory asked.

"Red head."

"Say no more."

Will and Shawn brought one set of drinks, returned for the rest, and then took their spots at the table.

"We need to find a new bar," Shawn announced.

"Why?" Carmen inquired.

"This one is too crowded."

Logan laughed, "Every bar is crowded. I think when they aren't crowded is when you have to be worried."

"Do you have any idea how long it took to get those drinks?" Will demanded.

Rory smiled, "As long as it took you to get back here?"

"Smart ass."

Logan leaned forward and started in on a story of their days at Yale. Watching him, Rory couldn't help but grin. He look so animated, he looked like he did over a year ago. It was hard not to fall under the spell of Logan Huntzberger. There was just something about him that reached out and grabbed everyone in the room. Maybe it was the smirk, or his quick remarks, maybe it was his smile. Or maybe it was just the way he carried himself after years of growing up in the Huntzberger household. Whatever it was, Rory couldn't take her eyes off of him.

"...And that was when Finn walked into the room dressed as a police officer."

Rory snapped out her daze long enough to hear the end of Logan's sentence, and she shook her head at the memory.

"I could've killed you."

He grinned, "I know. You called me a butt-faced miscreant."

"And you deserved it."

"Probably," he shrugged, "But it was funny."

"Not at the time."

"But now, it's funny," Logan pressed.

"A little."

Rory laughed as Logan began describing the exact look on the professor's face during their act. But as she listened, a headache seemed to grab her from nowhere. Her temples began throbbing and she reached for her head, massaging them gently as a wave of nausea passed over her. The sudden sickness was making her incredibly week and she leaned back in her chair, hoping it would pass.

"You okay, Ace?" Logan asked, his amused expression becoming instantly serious, "All the color just disappeared from your face."

"I, um," she could barely force a whisper, "I think I need to go home."

She glanced up briefly and saw the eyes of her friends studying her, but Logan looked extremely concerned. He got up from the table and walked over, lacing his fingers around her elbow.

"I'll ride back with you."

"Logan, you don't have to. I'll be fine."

"You look like you're about to collaspe as it is. Come on."

He helped her to her feet and the room began spinning almost instantly. She stumbled, but his strong arm caught her and wrapped around her shoulders. Even in her weakened state, she still noticed how nice his arm felt there, like it belonged. Slowly, they made their way out of the bar and Logan called a taxi. In her daze, she felt him practically pick her up and place her inside.

Her head felt like it weighed ten pounds, and her eye lids weren't far behind. She was floating somewhere in between consciousness and unconsciousness when her head tipped onto his shoulder. She felt like she should remove it, but she couldn't get her neck to cooperate. Giving in, she let it rest there and she felt his hand start to massage her back.

"You awake?" he murmered.

She mumbled something between a yes and a mhmm.

"Because this is your stop."

Gently, he helped her out of the cab and they started towards her apartment building. She seemed to be moving in a haze as they entered the elevator, but she was very aware of his protective hand on her back. When the elevator came to stop, she could barely force her legs to move and she knew she was getting worse.

"Can you make it?" he asked softly.

She forced herself to nod, but as they began moving, she relied on his strength more and more. Reaching the door, she handed him her key and he opened it. They stepped inside and Rory lurched forward slightly, causing him to wrap his arm tightly around her waist. Somehow, she managed to kick off her shoes and with his help, she removed her coat.

"Where's your bedroom?"

In any other physical state, Rory would've tossed a witty comment his way after that question. Currently however, she simply pointed down the hallway.

When they reached the room, he scooped her up in his arms and then laid her gently on the mattress. She wanted to thank him, to tell him how much this meant to her, but she couldn't get her mouth to form words. Suddenly, she felt the room grow icy and she shivered, curling herself up in a ball. Logan reached down and pulled the blankets over her, tucking them around her shaking form.

He disappeared from the room briefly, but returned a few minutes later with medicine and water.

"Take this," he ordered.

She downed the pills quickly, feeling like her head was going to explode. She watched him place the water on the nightstand, before he knelt down before her, his chocolate brown eyes filled with worry.

"Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Did she ever. But she shook her head instead.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she forced out, "Thank you, Logan."

"No problem. I'll call Carmen and tell her to call it a night early."

"She doesn't have to."

"I'll feel better if there's somebody here."

And she knew there was no use arguing with him.

"Do you need anything else?"

Rory resorted again to simply shaking her head.

"Alright. Get some sleep."

He turned off the light as he left, and Rory felt an overwelming sadness at watching him leave. But then she remembered his hand on her back, and the way he lifted her into bed. One night of being sick was nothing if she got to feel his touch again.

_--------------------------------_

When Rory woke up the next day, she still felt like the air conditioner was on full blast in her room. She shivered slightly and burried farther beneath the covers, pulling them around her as she went. As her eyes adjusted to the light in her bedroom, she realized it was a lot later than she should be. She glanced at the digital clock on her dresser, and was shocked to find it was almost noon.

Groaning, she made herself to sit up in bed and that was when she noticed she was still in the same clothes from last night. And then all the memories came rushing back to her: Logan's soft touch, his gentle concern, the way he had picked her up in his arms. It had felt so nice, so perfect, so...worth it.

She slowly placed her feet on the floor and stood up, wobbling slightly as the room spun before her. She was grateful for the nightstand at her side and she gripped it until her knuckles turned white. When the room stopped swimming, she made her way into the kitchen where a pot of coffee was waiting. She grinned: Carmen knew her too well. She poured herself a mug and then collasped on a kitchen chair, her blinking cellphone catching her eye. She dialed the her voicemail and the message that came through the phone brought a sad smile to her lips.

"Hey Rory, it's Logan. Just checking in on you and seeing how you're feeling. I figured you probably wouldn't be at work today, but you never know with a Gilmore girl. Hope to see you tomorrow. Get better, Ace."

Sighing, she dialed his cellphone and was pleasantly surprised when he answered on the first ring.

"Good afternoon," he greeted, and she could tell he was smirking.

"Good afternoon," she replied, "I just got your message."

"I figured. How are you feeling?"

"A little better."

"Liar."

She laughed, "Thank you for the message, Logan, and for last night."

"Anytime, Rory, anytime," he assured her sincerely.

"I'll let you get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay," he paused, "Bye, Rory."

"Bye."

His cellphone clicked off and she placed her's on the table. As the pounding in her head grew harder, she realized she wouldn't be sitting in a chair for much longer. After downing the rest of her coffee, she slowly made her way back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She wasn't sure when sleep came, but it arrived almost instantly.

When she opened her eyes again, the light in the room was gone. In the distance, she heard a soft banging in the kitchen. With a groan, she swung her legs out of the bed and stood up, surprised to find that the room remained firmly in place.

"Car?" she called out, wincing as her own voice echoed in her ears.

She plodded out into the hallway just as Carmen entered from the other side. The blonde girl gave her a smile.

"Hey sleepy head."

"Why aren't you out?" Rory inquired, turning back towards the bedroom.

"Because your sick and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," Rory explained as she crawled back in bed, "You should go out."

"I don't want to go out," Carmen answered as she stood over the bed, "A night in is good for a girl every once and awhile."

Rory laughed as she forced down a yawn. How could she be so tired after sleeping almost the entire day away?

"You should rest," Carmen ordered, turning towards the door.

"I rested all day!"

"So rest some more. You've been working too hard."

Rory wanted to argue as her best friend disappeared, but her eye lids were already forcing themselves down. She decided not to fight it anymore. Sleep would come when it wanted to.

_--------------------------------_

Rory wasn't feeling completely better when she walked into the _Post It _office the next morning, but she was well enough to work. Carmen had tried to force her to remain in bed, but she shrugged her friend's concern off. She never missed more than one day of work in a row.

"Hey Gilmore, feeling better?"

She turned to smile at Shawn as she sat down at her desk, grateful for the rest of the chair was giving her.

"Much."

"Good to hear," he flashed her a grin as he headed towards his desk, "It's Friday, so we're all going out tonight again."

She sighed, not really sure if she felt well enough to go out, but knowing she was going to anyway.

"Sounds good."

Shawn raised his eyebrows, "You sure?"

"Yep."

"Alright. See you later, Ror."

She nodded and flicked on her computer, silently cursing herself for not grabbing a cup of coffee on the way in. She really didn't feel getting up again, and just as she was forcing her legs into a standing position, a cup was placed on her desk.

"I noticed you forgot," Logan greeted with a knowing smile, "How are you?"

"Better enough to go out tonight."

Logan's eyes clouded, "Are you sure?"

"Everybody keeps asking me that," she replied with a smile.

"Yeah well, Rory Gilmore never gets sick and when she does she's usually moving at the same time. This time was a first for me."

She shrugged, "It happens every once and awhile."

He offered her one of his stunning grins, "I have to get to work. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you."

He waved her off with the back of his hand as he walked towards his desk.

She sat there for a few minutes, studying the spot where he had walked away. She couldn't believe how amazing he'd been during her sickness. He'd been so sweet, so caring, so...like a boyfriend. She quickly pushed the thought out of her mind. Logan couldn't be her boyfriend, Logan didn't want to be her boyfriend. And yet, the opposite was communicated in his gentle touch and the heavy concern in his eyes. Something about the way his arm felt around her shoulders told her that he wanted more, but he couldn't let himself. Maybe now he would finally let himself.

She told herself not to get her hopes up, that he was only worried about her because he was her friend, and she was sick. But then she remembered that none of her other male friends had lept up from the table and offered to take her home. Maybe that was just Logan's way, or maybe it was something more. But she couldn't think that way, couldn't think that maybe he wanted more. Because she didn't want it all to come crashing down around her.

"Rory!" Carmen grinned, bouncing over to her desk, "How are you feeling?"

Rory groaned, "If I have to answer that question one more time..."

"Right, sorry. So are you coming out with us tonight?"

"I'm going to try.'

"Good, good," she smiled again, "Later!"

Rory shook her head as the blonde disappeared. She would never understand where Carmen got her endless supply of energy from. Even heself, with the massive amounts of coffee she drank, couldn't keep up.

_--------------------------------_

"I think we do need to find a new bar," Carmen said as they sat at the table later that night.

"And what's your reasoning?" Logan inquired.

"We need to broaden our horizons, meet new people."

"Well," Rory stated, "That's better than the 'this bar is too crowded' idea."

"Shut up," Shawn grumbled.

Over the day, Rory felt herself growing better and now she felt almost as good as new. She wasn't surprised. She hardly ever got sick, and when she did it usually passed fairly quickly.

"So where are Colin and Finn?" Carmen asked.

"Aww, that's so cute," Will teased.

Logan laughed, "Colin is once again at work, but he should be calling you after. And Finn is once again with Felicia."

"I think that's a record for Finn," Rory observed with a smile.

"It's close," Logan answered.

Logan got up from the table, "I'm going for another. Anyone else?"

Aiden and Will raised their glasses in a silent agreement and Logan vanished from sight. Rory followed him with her eyes for as long as she could, before turning her attention back to her friends at the table.

"So when are you and Colin going out again?" Rory inquired.

Carmen smiled, "Tomorrow night. And maybe tonight, I guess, if he calls."

"You really like him don't you?"

"Yeah, Ror. I really do."

Rory grinned. She was happy that her best friend found someone to spend her time with, even if it was someone who hated her at the moment. She was hoping Colin and Finn would come around eventually, but even if they didn't, Carmen and Colin seemed like a good match to her.

Several minutes later, Logan still hadn't returned and she noticed that everyone, including herself, kept glancing over towards the bar.

"Where is he?" Aiden asked, straining his neck for a better look.

Rory stood up from the table and focused towards the bar, and what she saw made her stomach flip. Logan was standing, three beers resting on the bar, talking to a gorgeous red head in a green skirt. He said something to her with a smirk, and she felt herself grow nauseous, but this time it wasn't from being sick. She sank back down in the chair as the red head inched closer to him, sending a brillant smile his way.

"He's um, talking," she managed to choke out.


	23. One Step Forward

**AN: Sorry for the delay with the update. As you all probably know, there has been some issues with the updating process. Much thanks to Ace-not-Mary for helping me figure this out and get an update up. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews. You all know your awesome, right? Thanks for all your support. Please read and review!**

"Excuse me," Logan muttered as his shoulder brushed against a girl at the bar.

"That's okay," she assured him, turning around to see who bumped her.

When the girl made eye contact with him, Logan was immediatly struck by her intense beauty. He wasn't normally one for red heads, that was Finn, but her long, pin straight locks grabbed his attention and set off her cat like green eyes perfectly. She smiled at him, revealing a set of perfectly straight white teeth.

"I'm Carly Ericson," she offered, holding out her hand.

"Logan Huntzberger."

He set down the beer he was carrying, knowing he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.

"Thirsty, Logan?" she asked, raising one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows.

He was confused for a second, but then he glanced down at the beer on the bar and smirked.

"Yes, I have a problem."

She laughed, "Friends, I'm assuming?"

"Yeah, friends."

"You should get back to them."

He shook his head and slid onto a stoll at the bar, "I'm good right here."

That seemed to please her, and she turned her slender body towards him. His eyes ventured from her tan arms, down to her solid, long legs. The girl was stunning, absolutely gorgeous.

"What do you do for a living, Logan?"

"I'm a journalist."

"Really?" she asked, seeming intrigued, "Where?"

"Post It Gazette. Have you heard of it?"

She nodded, "I've read it a few times, but never seen any articles by Logan Huntzberger."

"I go by my pen name."

"Really?"

"No," he laughed, "I just got a job there recently."

"Oh," she shot him her smile again, "I'll have to look for one of your articles."

"And what do you do?"

"I work at an art muesum. I give tours, that kind of thing."

"Interesting," he said sincerely, "Where did you go to school?"

"Right here in New York City. And you?"

"Yale."

"Oh, an Ivy League boy?"

"Yeah."

He grinned, again struck by how beautiful she was. There was something mysterious about her, intriguing, and he couldn't take his eyes of her. She gazed back at him, an amused smile on her lips, and he noticed how perfectly toned her legs were as she crossed one over the other.

"You really should get back to your friends."

His head snapped up, "What? Oh yeah, they're probably worried about the beer."

She laughed, "Not you?"

"No, the beer is way more important."

She shook her head softly as she dug through her purse, selected a pen, and wrote her scribbled her number on a napkin.

"Call me, Logan," she said softly.

Their hands made contact briefly as she passed over the napkin. Her skin was soft to the touch and he felt drawn to her in a way he hadn't felt since...Rory.

"Bye, Carly," he murmered.

He tucked the napkin in his pocket on the way back to the table, not knowing if he was actually going to call or not. The fleeting image of Rory that crept into his mind had dulled the strong feelings he felt for Carly at their first meeting. And yet, he wasn't quite ready to give up on the stunning red head. There was something about her that pulled him in.

When he reached the table again, he was surprised to find Rory absent from her chair.

"Where'd she go?" Logan asked, nodding towards the vacant seat.

"Home, with Carmen. She wasn't feeling well," Aiden explained.

"Oh," Logan's spirits dropped instantly, "She's okay, right?"

"I think so, just worn out."

Logan nodded and slid the beers across the table.

"So, who was the red head?" Will asked.

"Carly."

"Are we supposed to know her on a first name basis?" Shawn inquired.

"I just bumped into at that bar."

"Not a bad girl to bump into," Aiden observed.

"No," Logan smiled, "Not at all."

"Did you get her number?"

"Yeah, Will. Yeah, I did."

"Are you going to call?" Shawn demanded.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Will almost yelled, "She gorgeous! And you seemed like you were having a good time."

"Excuse me? Were you stalking me or something?"

"We were looking for the beer."

"I'll probably call."

"You better call," Shawn tossed his way.

"Is that a threat?" Logan asked with a short laugh.

"Maybe."

"Well boys," Logan stood up, "It's been great getting threatened by all of you, but I think I'm going to call it a night."

"Getting old, Huntzberger?" Will chided.

"Almost as old as you," Logan shot back with a smirk.

He grabbed his coat of the table and tossed a look back at the bar, but Carly had already disappeared.

He called a taxi quickly, not sure how to handle of the emotions swirling around inside of him. He knew he had to give other girls a chance, it had been over a year since the breakup with Rory, and even if she was back in his life, she still wasn't his girlfriend. And Carly was great, beautiful, and funny. She'd seemed really interested in him, and he couldn't deny that he'd been drawn to her.

But as he stepped out of the cab at his apartment building, he couldn't get Rory out of his mind. No matter how completely gorgeous a girl was, there was just something about Rory that nobody else could compare to. She was different, his first true love. And maybe now he was believing that you never really forgot your first love. And having her back in his life was incredible, eye opening. And she was so amazing, not only in looks but in personality. It was hard to find a girl who could hold a candle to her.

He opened the door to the apartment, picturing Carly's intense green eyes in his mind. He would call her. He _had_ to call her. More than anything, he had to see if he was capable of moving on. And if there was a girl who could answer that question for him, it was Carly Ericson. Because no other girl since Rory had stirred up so much emotion in him. It was time to see if there was a person out there who could actually make him move on. Afterall, he'd promised himself to try.

"Logan?" Colin's voice asked, "What are you doing home so early?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I called Carmen, she had to take Rory home."

"Oh yeah," Logan said, remembering, "She got sick again."

Logan walked into the living room and sat down on the couch next to his best friend.

"What happened?" Colin asked.

"Huh?"

"You're thinking about something."

"Aren't we all?" Logan shot back.

"What happened?" Colin demanded.

"I met a girl."

"Really?" he sounded intrigued, "Nice?"

"She's great."

"Pretty?"

"Beautiful, red head."

"Trying to see what Finn sees in them?"

Logan grinned, "I didn't have to try."

"What's her name?"

"Carly Ericson."

"Did you get her number?"

Logan fished the napkin out of his pocket and dropped it on the couch.

"Nice," Colin commented, nodding his head.

"Tell me this is good."

Colin raised his eyebrows, "Of course this is good."

"I just," he cast his friend a sideways glance, knowing how he felt about Rory, "I can't get Rory out of my mind."

Colin sighed, "Logan, you know I find it hard to forgive a girl who made you crash like you did, but I also know how you feel about her. Another thing I know is that you won't let youself be in a relationship with her because your protecting yourself. Your friends with her, that's all. And unless you want more, my friend, you've got to try and move on. And this Carly sounds like a perfect option."

Logan nodded, "You're right. I'll call her."

"Of course I'm right."

"Don't be so modest," Logan stated, getting up from the couch, "Hey, me, you, and Finn should get out to a bar sometime soon."

"Sounds like a plan."

"I know you have a date tomorrow," Logan teased with a grin.

Colin ignored him, "Sunday?"

"Sunday sounds good."

Logan walked back to his bedroom and sat down on his mattress. As much as he wanted to, he still couldn't push the thoughts of Rory away. When she'd been sick, he had felt an overwelming concern. And touching her again, holding her again, taking care of her again had felt...perfect. Her skin had been soft, reassuring against his fingers, and even in her weakened state, her eyes had a brillance in them that couldn't be challenged.

He sighed. No more. He couldn't think about her anymore. Carly was his first step towards putting his relationship with Rory where it belonged: in the past. She was his friend now, a friend and nothing more. He was the one who wouldn't let himself get back together with her, he was the one who had decided to move on instead.

--------------------------------

"Feeling better?" Logan asked Rory the next day, stopping at her desk on his way into the office.

"What?" she looked oddly confused for a second, "Oh, right. Yeah, I am. Thanks."

She turned away from him quickly, and he got the overwelming sense that he'd done something wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said without looking up.

"Ace?"

She finally glanced up at the sound of her nickname, and he couldn't help but see a brief flash of pure pain in her eyes.

"I'm fine, Logan," she said with an obviously forced smile, "Really."

As he looked into her eyes, he was instantly swept away by her. Carly may have been gorgeous and mysterious, but Rory was something else all together.

"Are you sure?" he insisted.

"I'm sure," she drew out the last word, "You should get to work."

He stood at her desk as she turned her stare to the computer again.

"Okay," he said uneasily, "Bye."

She didn't reply as he turned and headed back towards his desk. Her icy demeaner left him feeling upset. What did she have to be angry about? Her false smiles and reassurances meant nothing to him, he knew her too well.

With a sigh, he dropped down at his desk and pulled out his cellphone along with the napkin from last night. He needed to get all of his questions answered very soon. The phone rang twice before the familar voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Carly? It's Logan."

"Logan," she sounded happy, "It's nice to hear from you so soon."

"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner."

He could almost hear her smile, "I'd love to. When?"

He paused, "How about tonight?"

"Tonight sounds excellent."

Logan quickly made plans to meet her at the well known restauraunt just around the corner from his office, and then placed his phone back on the desk.

He'd met other girls since his breakup with Rory, but none had ever had the promises to become serious like Carly, even Andrea. She could be his chance, she could be the one to push his love for Rory aside. But deep inside, he knew he would never really stop loving Rory Gilmore. He cared about her so deeply that he knew that even if he fell in love again, it would never compare to what he felt for the headstrong brunette.

His phone rang and he picked it up quickly, not bothering to check the id.

"Hello?"

"Another girl!" his sister's voice errupted in his ear, "And you didn't call me?"

"Who told you?"

"Colin."

"Why?"

"Because obviously you aren't going to! Did you call her?"

"I just got off the phone."

"And?"

"And we're going out to dinner tonight."

He could noticed her relax through the phone, "Good. Good, right?"

"Yeah. Good, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I still...I," he sighed, "Rory."

"I know," Honor paused, sighing, "Do you like this new girl?"

"Yeah. I mean, she's great. I wouldn't have called her if I didn't like her."

"Then it's worth a shot, Logan. Go for it. You need this."

He clenched his jaw, "Yeah, I do."

"I'll let you get back to work. Goodbye, Logan."

"Bye."

--------------------------------

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Carly announced, hurrying into the restauraunt, "I got held up at work."

Logan shook his head slightly, "Don't worry about it. Here."

He helped her slip out of her jacket to reveal a tight fitting, red cocktail dress.

"Our tables ready," Logan informed her, swallowing hard.

"Good. I'm famished."

"After you," Logan said with a smile, motioning her towards the back of the restauraunt.

They sat down at a comfortable booth, and as Logan looked into her eyes, he was again struck by just how intriguing she was.

"Have you ever been here before?" Carly asked.

"First time, you?"

"Many times. It's great, I'm sure you'll like it."

Her green eyes glanced over the menu quickly, and then she closed it, obviously making a snappy decision. The waiter arrived shortly after and they placed their orders.

"So," Carly began, "Are you related to Mitchum Huntzberger?"

Logan bit back a groan, "Yeah, he's my father."

She beamed, "Lucky boy."

"No."

"No?"

"We don't get along."

"Not at all?"

"We don't even speak anymore."

The happy expression left her face and she looked almost deflated.

"So where did you get money before you had a job?"

He smirked, "Trust fund."

"Oh. So now your living off money from your writing?"

"Yeah," he looked at her strangely, "Is that a problem?"

"What? No, of course not."

He wasn't convinced.

She paused, "Are you close with any of your family?"

"My sister."

"That's it?"

"That's it," he confirmed, "How about you?"

"My family is all extrememly close."

"What do your parents do for a living?"

She took a sip of her waiter, "My mom stays at home, my father is a lawyer, oh, and my grandfather owns this very restauraunt we're sitting in as well as others throughout the city,"

Logan released his breath slowly. This girl had money, _a lot_ of money.

"I only plan on working until I get married," she continued.

He sighed softly. His mother's kind of girl.

"Do you think you'll ever speak to your family again?"

Carly was chatty tonight.

"No," Logan almost laughed, "I doubt that very highly."

"That's a shame. Family is important."

"I agree. My sister is one of the most important people in the world to me."

"Your sister can't give you money to live off of," Carly argued.

"I don't need financial support. My job supports me just fine."

She looked disgusted, "I can't imagine..."

"I don't need a lot of money, I have my trust fund and my salary."

"Where do you live?" she asked suddenly.

He had the feeling that a lot weighed on this question for her.

"In an apartment not too far from here with my two best friends. And you?"

"A pent house a good distance from here with my cousin."

"Oh."

"So, you really don't speak to your father anymore?" she asked, moving back to their original subject.

"No."

"Can I ask why not?"

Logan sighed, "It's a very long and complicated story, beginning with the day I was born."

"It's a shame that you cut yourself off from such an important family. Names can get you far in life."

"I think I'll live."

She shrugged, "You could live better if you were still connceted to them. For instance, your father's money."

"Believe me, I don't need my father's money."

"If you say so..." she muttered.

He felt like banging his head off the table. This was not going well. Carly was nothing like he expected, nothing at all. She was a material girl, brought up to rely on her rich husband for support, and she seemed absolutely appalled at his finanical situation. He realized that he must have appeared wealthy at the bar and that's why she had given him a second glance. Actually, she was right the first time. The truth was, he had plenty of money in his trust fund and that combined with his salary put him in a very high financial area, but he decided not to share that information. The date was going downhill no matter what.

He half listened as she rattled on about the dress she was wearing, where she found it, and exactly how much it cost. When the food arrived, he ate quicky, hoping to get the date over as soon as possible. Carly was not the kind of girl he wanted to spend time with. She couldn't hold up an intelligent conversation, and half of his sarcastic remarks went sailing right over her head. She seemed more interested in what kind of suit he had in his closet than his goals for his career.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he paid the bill and they got up from the booth.

"Thank you for a wonderful evening, Logan," she said with one of her brilliant smiles.

"I had a good time," he lied.

"Call me," she told him as they parted at the door.

He simply offered a half nod as he turned in the other direction, knowing that both of them knew the phone call wasn't going to come. They were too very different people, him and Carly Ericson. She put money over a lot of things, he, on the other end, valued greater things. He had to admit she was exactly the kind of girl he would have been attracted to before he met Rory, but none of those girls ever turned into anything serious. Rory had changed him, he didn't want flings anymore.

Carly could never turn into anything serious. All the attraction he felt for her slowly disappeared as their dinner had worn on. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but beyond that she had nothing to offer him. She would make some man a great wife, probably a man very much like his father. But he prided himself on not being like his father, and he wasn't about to change that now.

But as big as a disaster as the evening had been, he couldn't help but smile slightly as he called for a taxi. She was the first girl he had really pursued, and even if it had blown up in his face, he still asked her out on a date. And he knew he had taken his first step towards recovery.


	24. And Two Steps Back

Rory took a long sip of her drink, suddenly remembering how soothing the liquid could be. She didn't know why it had come as such a shock to her that Logan was out with another girl, but it had. Carmen and Colin had stopped by before their date, and when asked where Logan was, Colin spat off the name of Carly Ericson. Even at the bar when he had just been talking to Carly she felt like her world had fallen down around her, but knowing he was on a date with the girl was killing her. She tried telling herself that of course he was going to date, of course he was going to move on. But then why couldn't she?

She sighed softly and downed the rest of her drink, already considering getting up to retrieve another. Logan seemed to be perfectly happy with their friends situation, but it was spinning her out of control. Everytime he sent a smile her way she felt a renewed sense of hope, that maybe he was coming around, maybe he would come back to her afterall. But after seeing him with the red head at the bar, she wondered if he still felt anything at all.

"You want another?" Will asked, motioning towards her drink.

"Mhmm," she replied.

Her nodded and rose up from the table, walking towards the bar. He had become a good friend, and she silently thanked Logan for bringing him into all their lives. He was funny, smart, and seemed to be extremely caring when it came to his friends. She could get used to having him around.

"You okay, Rory?" Aiden asked suddenly.

"You seem a little distracted," Shawn added.

Rory shrugged, "I'm fine."

Her two friends didn't seem convinced, but thankfully they let the subject drop.

"Here you go," Will said, sliding her drink across the table.

Rory smiled thankfully and took another extended drink. She couldn't get her mind off of the way Logan looked at the other girl, like he could actually care about her. The glance he sent Carly was like a knife in the heart. All she wanted was for him to look at her like that again. He told her that he loved her, so how could he manage to flirt with other girls? How did he put a mind block on his emotions? And where could she learn?

"I think I'm about ready to call it a night," Will announced, gulping down the last of his beer.

Shawn and Aiden nodded in silent agreement, and Rory splashed her drink down her throat in an attempt to get as much in her as possible before she had to leave. Her friends cast her strange looks as they walked out the door, and just as she was about to slide into a taxi with all four of them, Aiden grabbed her arm and made her wait.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"I want to talk to you."

"Can't we talk in_ there_?"

"I want to talk to you alone."

"Fine," she grumbled.

She watched as the cab carrying Shawn and Will rolled away, and then Aiden slipped his arm around her shoulders and began walking down the sidewalk.

"What? Can't a cab driver hear our conversation either?"

"Take it easy. I thought we could use a walk."

Rory rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood for a walk.

"So, are you acting strange because Logan's out with another girl?" Aiden asked after a few minutes.

The question caught Rory completely off guard, and she found herself stumbling to find the right words.

"I thought so," Aiden continued after listening to her desperate attempts to form a sentence.

"How did you know?" she inquired softly.

Aiden shrugged, "Just a feeling I got, that's all."

"I'm the one that wanted to be friends, and I'm the one that can't handle it."

"You can't help who you love, Ror. I had a feeling this was going to happen when he met a girl."

"He told me he loved me," she whispered, "I don't understand how he can just shrug that off."

"Maybe this is his way of dealing with it."

"Why can't I deal with it that way?"

"I don't know," Aiden sent her a sideways glance, "Didn't you try already?"

The realization that Jess was her Carly sent Rory's mind into a whirl. It was true. Jess was her way of trying to move on and forget Logan, and it hadn't worked. But her biggest fear was that Logan's attempt would work, and he would be pushed out of her reach forever.

"I'm scared," she admitted to Aiden.

"Of what?"

Rory sighed, "When I offered to be friends with him, it was to keep him close in my life. Now that he is dating other girls, I feel like I could be losing him for good."

Aiden clenched his jaw and motioned towards a bench sitting against a store's facade. They sat down and Aiden turned towards her, nothing but care and concern reflecting in his eyes.

"I honestly don't know what to tell you, Rory. It's obvious that you love him, and it's just as obvious that he loves you. But he got hurt, and he's scared it's going to happen again. You got hurt, and you ran. This is his way of dealing with the pain. I can't promise you that he'll come back, nobody can promise that."

"I've never looked at it that way," she admitted.

It was true. She never considered that they had two completely different ways of dealing with pain. She, hurt and confused, ran to Jess for comfort. He, on the other hand, had chosen a road much darker and dangerous. With help from his friends, he'd pulled himself together again. And now, he had to find a new way to heal himself.

"It's all a matter of perspective, something neither one of you have very much of."

Rory cracked a small smile, "So what do I do?"

"I can't tell you what to do. But are you going to be able to deal with him dating other girls?"

"I don't know," Rory admitted honestly.

"Because I'm not going to stand around and watch you drown your sorrows in alcohol."

Rory turned away slightly, embarrassed that he'd noticed her heightened amount of drinks that evening. It seemed that only one person in the world had the ability to make her want to get completely drunk, and that person also happened to be the one man she loved.

"Come on," he helped her to her feet, "Let's go home."

"What am I going to do?" she murmered, half under her breath.

Aiden grinned gently, "You'll figure it out."

They got into a cab that reached Rory's apartment first. She turned to Aiden as she started to get out, and offered him a genuine smile.

"Thank you, for everything," she told him.

"Always, Gilmore," he said with a wink.

She closed the door behind her and walked into the apartment building, taking the elevator to her floor. She wasn't surprised to find the apartment empty and she wondered if Carmen would even come home that night. With a sigh, she tossed her coat and purse on the counter, kicked off her shoes, and walked into the living room. Once she was curled up on the couch, she produced the cellphone she'd taken out of her purse and selected a familar number off her call list.

"Late," Lorelai groaned as a greeting.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I just fell asleep."

"Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?"

"Fine," Lorelai said, "One second."

Rory heard the sounds of a cupboard opening and she knew her mother was pouring a cup of coffee. She was convinced that nobody in the world brewed coffee late at night except her and her mother.

"Okay. Spill."

"Logan's on a date."

"Wow. How are you handling it?"

"I don't think I am," Rory admitted.

"You knew this was going to happen eventually, right?"

"I know, I just...how do I deal with this?"

"I can't tell you that."

"You sound like Aiden."

She could almost hear Lorelai smile, "Aiden's a smart boy."

"That he is. But you're smarter, so give me some advice."

"Rory, all I can tell you is that it sounds to me like your not going to be able to handle this. And if you can't handle this, then I don't know how you're going to be his friend. He's going to date, Rory, that's a given. He has to. It's his way of moving on."

"That's exactly what Aiden said."

"Like I said, he's a smart boy."

"So where does that leave me?" Rory asked, almost meakly.

"Wherever you want it to leave you."

"Huh?"

"You either remain his friend, cut him out of your life completely, or go to him and tell him exactly what you've told me...and Aiden, apparently."

"I can't do that."

"Which one?" Lorelai asked, confused.

"The last two."

"Then be his friend, kid."

"I don't know if I can do that either."

"Well, there's always the sex slave option."

Rory couldn't help but laugh, "Mom! Must You?"

"Yes," Lorelai replied, before turning serious again, "Take some time, wrap her head around everything, and then decide what you are going to do. It's your decision, Rory, your's and your's alone. Nobody can make your mind up for you."

"I know, thanks mom," Rory paused, "I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Okay. It'll all work out, Rory, eventually."

"Yeah," Rory exhaled, "Eventually."

She closed her phone and was getting up to walk to the bedroom when the door opened. She turned around to see Carmen waltzing in the door, her face absolutely beaming.

"Good date, I'm assuming?"

Carmen nodded, "_Great_ date."

Rory was surprised at the almost jealous feelings she had towards her friend, "Good."

She turned to walk down the hallway when Carmen's voice stopped her, "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Rory asked.

"Um, duh."

Her best friend really did know her way too well.

"I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

Rory could see in Carmen's eyes that she was in no mood to talk, and Rory didn't really want to relay her feelings to another person anyway. She forced a smile and turned back towards the hallway.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Good night."

"'Night."

Rory plodded into her bedroom, changed into pajamas, and collasped on her bed in a heep. As soon as she flicked off the light, the all too common tears began to stream down her cheeks. She couldn't take this, not anymore. But she didn't know if she actually had a choice. How was she supposed to choose between having this man in her life and cutting him out again completely? She couldn't cut him out, no, that wasn't an option. She needed him, and besides that, not speaking to him seemed near impossible now. Their friends had become one and the same, their work place would always be the same.

Why did she let herself get her hopes up? Logan took care of her when she was sick, but that didn't mean anything. He was a compassionate person, and he would always be there for her when she needed him. That was that, and nothing more. Why did she let herself believe there was something more hidden beneath his soft touch? Just because she cherished the feeling of being in his arms, and brushing against his skin, didn't mean that he suddenly wanted her to be his girlfriend again.

Her tears turned to sobs that shook her shoulders heavily. She loved him. Why did she ever leave? Aiden's words came rushing back to her quickly and she suddenly found the answer very clear. What wasn't so clear, was how to make the tears stop flowing at night. It was strange, to think that she'd blocked him out of her mind for so long, and that her attempts to be happy with Jess had worked for so long. But now she found herself crashing back into the truth, and she honestly didn't know where to turn.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps in her doorway and soon there was a weight pressing down on the side of her bed. Carmen reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

"We're going out tomorrow night," Carmen told her.

"Why?"

"Because we can. Just me and you, a girls' night."

Rory had to admit it sounded like a great idea, but she was still slightly confused.

"Why?" she repeated.

"Because you need to talk to a girl, and I'm a girl, and I also happen to be your best friend. So, it all works out."

"Fine," Rory said as she finally smiled faintly, "Where are we going?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"That means the usual."

"That does not mean the usual!" Carmen protested.

Rory eyed her, "Yeah, it does."

"Fine," Carmen admitted, "The usual, but we're dressing nice."

"Okay," Rory smiled, "Thanks, Car."

Carmen leaned over and gave her a hug, "You got it. Hang in there, Ror."

_--------------------------------_

Rory stood infront of the mirror in her bedroom, smoothing out her silky, blue tanktop. It fit nicely with her swaying, brown skirt that came to a halt just above her knees. Under Carmen's orders, she'd dressed up for their night out. Her hair was curled loosely and she'd clipped her bangs away from her face. After getting into the spirit of the evening, she pampered her face with a patient make-up job. The final touch was a gorgeous brown necklace that fit perfectly withher outfitmatching, dangling ear rings. Taking a step back, she took in her appearance in the mirror and actually smiled. It was fun to get dressed up for the night.

"Ror?"

Carmen appeared in the doorway, looking stunning as she always did. She was wearing a light purple cocktail dress that clung to her slender body and her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a casual, yet beautiful updo

"You ready?" Carmen asked, leaning against the doorway.

Rory turned and grabbed her purse off the bed, "Ready."

Rory's cellphone rang as they got into the taxi and she flipped it open quickly.

"Hello?"

"Are we all going out tonight?" Shawn's familar voice asked through the reciever.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you that me and Car are having a girls' night."

Shawn paused, "Excuse me?"

"Girls' night," Rory said slowly.

"I heard you, but why?"

Rory grinned, "Because we can."

"I hate when you give me answers like that."

"And that's exactly why I do it."

"Fine. You two ditch us just like Logan did."

"Logan ditched you?" Rory inquired.

"He's with Colin and Finn."

"Aww, you poor baby," Rory offered sarcastically.

"Quiet, Gilmore."

Rory paused, "Well, I'm sure the three amigos will make it through one evening without us."

"Maybe."

"Have fun, I know it will be hard without our amazing company."

"See you tomorrow," Shawn said, ignoring her last comment.

"Bye."

Rory closed her phone and placed it back in her purse.

"Who was that?" Carmen asked.

"Shawn."

"Oh yeah, we did forget to tell the boys, didn't we?"

"Apparently."

"They'll get over it."

"Eventually."

As the cab hummed along the city streets Rory's thoughts drifted to Logan, as usual. Even after a night of thinking, she still had no idea how she was going to handle the situation. The only thing she knew for sure is that she wanted him in her life. But how was she supposed to handle that when everytime he went on a date she felt physically ill?

"Stop!" Carmen announced suddenly to the driver.

The taxi pulled to screeching halt near the curb and Carmen pulled Rory out.

"Where are we?" Rory asked, scanning the buildings in hope of finding a familar bar.

"I was here with Colin the other night. They have amazing live bands."

"I thought we doing the usual," Rory protested.

Carmen rolled her eyes, "The usual is boring! Come on!"

She grabbed Rory by the wrist and pulled her into the new bar. The sounds of a band immediatly reached Rory's ears as they stopped at the bar for drinks and then walked to a small table in the corner. Rory had to admit that she liked the place immediatly. The floors were a light wood color, the walls were black, and every table and chair in the place was white.

"I like it here," Rory observed.

"I knew you would."

Rory turned her head towards her friend, "You had this planned all along, didn't you?"

Carmen shrugged, but there was a gleam in her eyes, "Maybe."

Rory laughed and took a sip of her drink, enjoying the variety of songs the band was playing.

"So, talk to me, Rory," Carmen ordered.

"About what?"

"You know very well what about."

Rory sighed, "I love him."

"I know that much."

"And I don't know if I can handle this."

"Him dating, you mean?"

"Yes, him dating."

"Well, if you can't, then you need to talk to him."

"And say what?" Rory demanded, "Gee Logan, I know I said I wanted to be friends, but it's just not working for me. So, be my boyfriend now, okay?"

Carmen rolled her eyes, "Just say you can't to it anymore, that you can't handle it. I've been talking to Colin and the truth is, Logan is still very much in love with you, he's just afraid. And Colin hasn't forgiven you yet, because as you know him and Logan are very close, but that's not the point. The point is that deep down, Colin and Finn still think that the only way Logan will be truly happy is to be with you."

The words hit Rory hard. Colin and Finn think that? Colin and Finn, the two people closest to the Logan, the two people finding it the most hard to forgive her, felt that Rory was the one who would make their best friend happy again? It was odd, strange, even mystifying. Her mind wandered briefly to the last time she had come after Logan saying that she couldn't handle a situation anymore. The last time, it had been the casual dating, and that had turned out for the best. If she tried to again, would it have the same results?

Exhaling, she took a long sip of her drink and weighed her options. She knew that seeing Logan date had the potential to drive her insane, but she also knew telling him that could have horrible consequences. Revealing her feelings could blow up in her face, sending them back to where they started, which was not speaking at all. So, she could remain freinds with him and try and deal with his relationships or she could risk everything they'd worked so hard for and tell him what she was feeling.

"It's a lot to think about, Rory. But you'll figure it out."

"I hope so."

"You don't have to make a decision right this instant you know."

"I know."

But the truth was, she already had.


	25. Kind Of Bittersweet

**AN: Thanks for the reviews, sorry for the cliffhanger. Haha. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for all your feedback and support as usual. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Look for the next one tomorrow. Read and _review_, please!**

"So, how was your date the other night?" Colin asked.

The three were sitting in the apartment, waiting awhile before they headed out for the night.

"Long," Logan told him.

Finn raised his eyebrows, "A good long?"

"No. A very bad long."

"I thought you said she was great. Nice, pretty?" Colin inquired.

"Oh, she was pretty. But she has the personality of the cardboard box, although I think a box probably has better values."

"You want to clear that up a little bit?"

"Let me just put it this way," Logan paused briefly for effect, "My mother would've loved her."

Finn burst out laughing, "That bad?"

"She only plans on working until she gets married. Daddy is a lawyer, grandpa owns a dozen or so restaurants, and she can't believe I'm only living off my trust fund and my salary. Oh, and family is very important, so I should make up with my daddy dearest very soon."

Colin stared at him for a second before breaking out in a grin, "You know, you used to date girls like that."

"I don't know why, or _how_ for that matter," Logan replied, shaking his head slightly.

"She was a red head, right?" Finn asked.

"Don't even," Logan warned, "Besides, I thought you were with Felicia."

Finn waved his hand briefly, "Was."

"Oh Finn, your loyalty to women amazes me," Colin informed him.

"Just because you found your bloody wife, doesn't mean--"

"I did not find my wife!" Colin protested.

Logan laughed, "That serious with Carmen, huh?"

"We had, like, two dates."

"And yet you're, like, blushing," Logan mocked.

"I am not. Shut up."

"Aww, our little Colin's in love," Finn said, draping an arm over his shoulder.

"Finn, you have three seconds..."

"Until you what?"

"Don't worry, I'll think of something creative."

"Oh goody, I love surprises," Finn said with a sarcastic grin, but he removed his arm.

Logan laughed again and leaned back against the couch, enjoying the time with his friends that had been so scarce lately. Colin had been working around the clock, and any free time he had been spent with Carmen. Finn was busy doing God knows what, but now that Felicia was out of the picture he would have to find a new God knows who. So Logan had taken to spending time with his co-workers, and he had to admit, he enjoyed their company immensely.

Will had turned out to be a great friend and someone Logan had complete trust in. There were few people in the world he felt he could rely on totally: the two people sitting in the room with him, Honor, and now Will had been added to the list after only a short time. Logan sighed softly. Rory used to be at the top of that list, and as much as he wanted to place her there again, he couldn't find it in his heart to do it. She betrayed his trust a long time ago, but then again, he guessed he betrayed her's too.

Shawn and Aiden were nice guys, but they were not so easily trusted. Something about them tipped Logan off to a constant hidden agenda he really didn't want to get involved in. So, he enjoyed their stories and jokes, but that was the extent of their friendship.

Rory's best friend, Carmen, was an extremely fun person to be around. She had a great personality to go along with her stunning looks. She always seemed to be ready with a joke, or a funny story, and she was constantly on the run. He could see why Rory and her were close, and he could also see why Colin was falling for a girl in a way he'd never seen his best friend fall.

And of course, the last member of their little group, was Rory herself. He found himself settling into their platonic relationship, but by no means was he completely comfortable. He still loved her, nothing was ever going to change that. And everytime he held complete eye contract with her his heart melted and flipped at the same time. She had no comparison, he was sure of this. But no matter how much she pulled him in, he had to keep pushing her away. Friends only, and nothing more. Nothing more.

He was beginning to think that maybe they didn't belong together afterall. So many things had come between them, and it had been over a year since they had seen each other. How was a relationship supposed to survive that? Maybe they were just supposed to be friends, because maybe they were destined to hurt each other. He was beginning to think that love and pain went hand in hand, and he didn't want to deal with the pain anymore.

Although he was happy that he had finally gone out on a real date again. It was a step, an extremely small one, but a step nevertheless. And now that he had started along a new path, he was determined to keep walking in that direction. He had to put Rory's beautiful blue eyes and playful remarks in the past and not let her lore him back again. He was determined to remain strictly friends with the girl, no matter how much it hurt.

"Earth to Logan?" Colin sing songed, sending a confused glance in his direction, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's go."

They made their way outside and into a taxi, a form of transportation that felt so natural to Logan now that he could hardly remember how to drive a car anymore.

"So, where are we going?" Finn asked.

"A place me and Carmen went to the other night."

Logan smirked, "Sentimental?"

"Shut up!"

"Ah, I think we've gotten to you."

Colin glared in his direction, "Not even close."

"I think he's right," Finn added.

Colin shifted the recipient of his glare, "Why do I bother with you two?"

"I think the correct question is, why do we bother with you?" Finn revised.

"Hey, I don't want on the same side of this argument as Finn," Logan protested.

Colin laughed, "Well played."

"I don't want on the same side as you either."

"There's only two sides!" Colin errupted.

"Who says?"

"What were we arguing about again?" Finn asked, looking suddenly lost.

"Nevermind," Colin said, pushing past the subject, "You'll like this place, Logan.Great live bands, it's fun. New."

"Good, I've been going to the same bar for days."

"Yeah, Car--" Colin cut himself short, "Nevermind."

"No more Carmen stories?" Finn asked, faking a sad expression.

"I'm not going to make it through this night," Colin half groaned, running a hand over his face.

Logan laughed, "A few beers and you'll be fine, and besides that, Finn won't remember who Carmen is in about a half an hour."

"But you will."

"No guarantees," Logan stated, "But even if I do, I'm not nearly as bad as Finn."

"Who gets to be the judge of that?"

Logan grinned as they stepped out of the cab. The music from the bar filled his ears even as they stood on the city streets. Finn glanced at the door, paused a second, and then shrugged.

"Hey, as long as they have beer," he decided, turning towards the door way.

Logan and Colin shook their heads and followed the Australian inside. As soon as they entered, Logan was struck at how different the bar was from the others he'd experienced. There was a stage set up in the back, a large bar, and tables scattered throughout. But the room was spacious, not crowded, and there seeemed to be more than enough room for everybody. A huge dance floor was positioned in front of the stage and it was swarming with people.

They walked to the bar for beer and then selected a table close to the dance floor, but far enough away so that they could still hear each other talk.

"You should give Andrea a call," Colin said out of nowhere.

"That was random," Logan informed him.

"I'm just saying. She's smart, funny, down to earth, and very much your type now it seems."

"She makes a good friend."

"Friend?" Finn asked, "Just a friend?"

"Yeah. There was nothing there beyond that."

"There was for her," Colin pointed out.

"But not for me."

"Fine," Colin paused, "But you need to go on a successful date."

"I'm very much aware of that."

"How about one of Honor's friends?" Finn suggested

Logan raised his eyebrows, "Are you that drunk already?"

"What's wrong with my idea?"

"I've known them all forever. They watched me grow up."

"Oh," Colin paused, "Even through the whole Who's The--"

"Not going there," Logan interrupted, "Besides that, I'm perfectly capable of finding a date on my own."

"Mhmm," Colin replied, not looking him in the eye.

"Maybe I'll ask Carmen out."

That sent Colin's head spinning in his direction, and Logan laughed.

"Kidding!" he assured him, raising his hands in surrender.

"That's a touchy subject, mate," Finn said with a grin.

"Have another beer, Finn," Colin told him.

"Thanks, I think I will."

Finn reached for the second beer he had sitting on the table and took a long gulp.

Logan finished his first and then stood up, "I'm going to get another myself."

He waved to the bartender, ordered another, and sat down to wait while the busy man completed other orders. Logan scanned the bar quickly, checking to see if he knew anyone, and then moved his eyes in a quick sweep around the rest of the area. The bartender set his beer down before him and Logan was just about ready to leave when a hand brushed against his shoulder. He turned around to see Rory smiling at him, her blue eyes dancing.

"Hey," she greeted, "What are you doing here?"

He smirked, "Free country, Ace."

"You know what I mean."

"Colin's suggestion."

She laughed, "Weird."

"Why?"

"This place was Carmen's suggestion."

"Well, they seem to be on the same brain wave lately," Logan said with a grin.

He took in her overall appearance and she instantly took his breath away. The blue top hugged her in all the right places and sent her eyes jumping out at him. He couldn't help his gaze as it traveled the extent of her body, from her silky redish brown hair to her slender legs. She was beautiful, there was no denying that. And the extreme attraction he felt for her was unparalleled.

"This place is nice," Rory said, "We should make it our usual."

"I agree," he paused, his mouth suddenly dry, "Maybe then everyone can stop complaining about how we need a new bar."

"But then this one will become the place everyone whines about."

"True," he said with a grin, "I should get back to Colin and Finn."

He turned to leave, but her hand grabbed his arm, "Wait."

"Wait?" he asked, changing his direction again.

"Can we um, talk for a second?"

He was instantly confused, but he nodded anyway and motioned towards the bar. Once they were both seated, Rory turned her body towards him. She suddenly appeared very nervous, and her fingertips worked the edge of a napkin into shreds. She stared at him for second, as if making a decision, before she opened her mouth.

"I just wanted to thank you again for taking care of me when I was sick."

"Anytime, Ace. I already told you that."

"I know. I just wanted you to know that it meant a lot."

He remained silent, not really sure where the conversation was going from here. He studied her intense blue eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking. But for one of the few times in his life, he couldn't read her. What was going on?

"Do you remember when you first became my boyfriend?"

The question caught him off guard.

"Yes," he said after a moment's pause.

"And do you remember how?"

"Of course."

She sighed, "History has a way of repeating itself."

"Huh?" he inquired, more confused than ever.

"Agreements, Logan. Agreements that don't seem to work."

"Are you going to clear this up anytime soon?"

She exhaled and shifted her gaze to the floor. He decided to remain patient, she would reveal the meaning of their talk in her own time.

"I can't do this anymore, Logan."

The sentence seemed to imerge straight from their past, and he racked his brain as to what she could possibly be talking about. A long time ago, she was referring to their no strings attached arrangement. But now?

"What do you mean?"

"Knowing you were on a date with Carly I, well, I don't even know how to describe what that felt like."

"How did you know I was on a date with her? And how did you know her name?" Logan demanded.

"Colin and Carmen stopped by before their date."

"Oh."

"We're getting off track. What I'm trying to say, is that I don't know if I can take this. It's tearing me apart."

"Can you please just be direct?"

"Fine," Rory stared at him, her eyes misty, "I_ love _you, Logan. And I thought that just having you in my life would be enough, but it turns out that it's not. I need you back in my life completely. I can't handle watching you with other girls, I can't handle seeing you flirting at the bar. It _kills_ me. I thought that this friends thing was going to work, but that was before Carly. That was before I had to watch you flirt. You see, I can't take it because I love you. And I want you in my life, Logan, I really do. You have no idea how much I need you, but seeing you with other girls is going to destroy me completely."

Logan stared at her, his mouth closed, his jaw tight. Where did she get off? How could she sit there and take away the very relationship _she_ had issued. She seemed to make a habit of doing just that. At Yale, it had brought them together for the first time, and it had brought them into something wonderful. But this time? No. He couldn't let himself go through that again.

"Rory, I can't," he said simply.

Her eyes were still wet, but she seemed to be refusing to let the tears fall.

"I know I"m the one who said we could just be friends, I know I said I wanted that. And I thought I did. I thought that just having my best friend back in my life would be enough, but it's not. I want it to be, Logan, but it's not."

"Don't," Logan warned, "Don't do this."

"I have to," Rory choked out, her voice cracking.

"No, you don't. I want you in my life, Rory, but if you can't accept--"

"I want to! I want to be able to be friends with you! But I can't help the way I feel when I see you with another girl, I can't help that my stomach turns at the thought of you kissing somebody else."

"Gee, that's a familar feeling," he told her, his voice growing cold.

"Please, Logan," she pleaded.

"I can't do this," he paused, "No, _you_ can't do this."

"Do what?"

"You can't sit here and say this to me! I didn't make you become friends with me, Rory!"

"I never said you did!"

"I guess we're going back to where we started. I hear Chicago's a nice place."

"No! Logan, please. Didn't you feel it? When I was sick and you had your arm around your shoulders, and you picked me up. Didn't you feel how perfect that felt?"

"Of course I did! But damn it, Rory, I already told you that I can't do this. I can't be in this relationship. This friends thing is hard for me too, but I wanted to make it work because having you in my life again just felt right. But now I see that you won't let it work."

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?"

She looked at him, the tears welling up in her eyes and threatening to spill over. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

"Be with me, Logan," she whispered.

Quickly, before he could react, she sent her lips crashing onto his. In an instant, he felt the spark, more like a firework, that always errupted whenever his lips touched Rory's. He was getting lost in the kiss, getting lost in how amazing that moment was. The past was rushing all around them, coming to meet them, and then drifting by again. It was perfect, magical, and he felt like he was no longer in a bar in New York, but in a place where only him and Rory existed.

His hands reached for the back of her neck, pulling her towards him, when suddenly he remembered. His mistake that put them on a downward spiral. Her mistake that ended everything. An empty apartment. Empty beer bottles. An empty bed. Empty shelves. Empty drawers. Empty cell phone messages. Empty mailboxes. Empty e-mail accounts. Empty. Empty. Empty. He quickly grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away.

"No," he said firmly, "No."

He stood up from the bar and tore towards the exit, trying to ignore her desperate pleas from behind him. He couldn't do it, he couldn't let himself enter a relationship with her again. They couldn't make it, they weren't supposed to make it. They only ended up hurting each other. And what if he made another mistake? He always made mistakes. And what if they fought? What if they fought and then she was gone? Even after one kiss he felt connected to her again, but she had made it perfectly clear that she had no problem leaving him behind, just as long as she was mad enough first.

But then how come everything in him couldn't stop remembering the kiss? As their lips connected, he remembered exactly how perfect it was to kiss Rory Gilmore. He could smell her sweet perfume, touch her soft skin, run his hands through her hair. Why couldn't it be that simple? Why couldn't everything be as simple as kissing the girl he loved?

He leaned against the outside wall of the bar, listening as the band played the final verse of a song.

_I'm looking for comfort  
That I can take  
From someone else  
But after all  
I know there is no one  
That can save me, save me from myself  
You were the only one_

Suddenly, the skies opened and rain began swirling down to the city below. Lifting his chin up, he let the raindrops cover his face, imagining they were washing away the memories of the girl he loved. With a long sigh, he started walking away from the bar, away from Rory, away from the memories.

"Logan!"

His step faltered slightly as the familar voice called his name.


	26. Only Be Making It Right

Rory watchedLogan's step slow slightly, and she felt a renewed sense of hope. She was half aware of the rain pouring down against her face, legs, and arms. But at that moment, she was only completely focused on one thing and that was getting him back. After talking it out with her friends and mother, she realized nothing would work for Logan and her except being completely together again.

She took a cautious step forward as the band began to play a new song from inside the bar. He was still walking away, but his gate was slower now. She had to stop him, she had to make him listen. He loved her. She loved him. It could be that simple if he'd only let it.

"Logan, please," she called to him, "Just talk to me."

"We talked," he tossed over his shoulder.

"Not enough."

"I can't do this, Rory."

"Can't or won't?" she challenged.

He didn't miss a beat, "Can't."

Her heart was pounding nervously in her chest and she dug her fingernails into her palms. This was it, their last chance. And she was determined to make it work. They needed each other, but not as friends. She could see that so clearly now, she could see how they both handled their pain of lies and betrayal. But now they needed to forgive and forget. They _needed_ this.

"Would you just stop?" she pleaded.

He didn't even hesitate as he put his next foot infront of the other. Exhaling, she began walking after him, her gate much quicker now.

_Turn around, every now and then I get a  
little bit lonely and you're never coming around  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart _

"Stop following me, Rory," he warned.

"No. I love you, Logan."

He kept moving forward, "Why are you doing this?"

"I just told you why!"

"You said being friends would be enough for you."

"I know."

"Then why this?" he demanded.

"Because I lied!"

"Obviously."

"Not only to you, to myself," she paused, "Would you stop moving!"

"I'm going back to my apartment."

"Why didn't you get a cab."

"I like the rain," he spat, "You should get back inside."

She wasn't going anywhere. It was time. It was time to move away from all the hurt from the past and jump into the future. If she'd had any doubts before she talked to him in the bar, they were all erased with one kiss. As soon as their lips met, all the feelings of love she felt grew to dizzying heights. She wasn't going to let emotions like that slip by her again. She didn't make the same mistake twice.

Breaking into a jog, she cut the distance between them in half. Even from behind, she could see his jaw was clenched in anger and sadness. How could she make him see? How could she make him understand? They both made mistakes, they'd admitted that. And the way they handled being apart only reenforced how much they needed each other. There was no questioning it anymore.

_Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit restless and I dream of something wild  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry  
Turn around, Every now and then I get a  
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart _

"I love you, Logan. And I don't know why I left you, but I did. And I can't go back in time and change that, but we, together, we can fix it now. We both made mistakes, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be together. We're getting another chance! Let's take that chance."

"We have more than enough chances," he argued.

"What's one more?"

"A lot. One more is a hell of a lot more than you think. What happens if I wake up one day and you're gone? What then?"

She was expecting a question like that and she didn't hesitate, "I'm standing here right now telling you that I love you. I'm not going anywhere, Logan, not again. I need you."

"We _hurt _each other, Rory! That's what we do!"

Those two sentences caught her a little off guard and she stopped for an instant, before charging forward again.

"No," she insisted, "We laugh with each other, we enjoy each other's company, we love each other. That's what we do. The mistakes made are what hurt us, but they're in the past now. It's time for us to move on."

"I'm trying, but it seems to make you bitterly jealous."

"Are you telling me you liked that girl?"

"No! What I'm telling you is that I was trying to move on, and now your telling me that it hurts you. I can't stand knowing that I hurt you, Rory! So how am I supposed to move on knowing I'm hurting you? And now you don't want to be friends and that hurts me. So you see, we_ do _hurt each other."

"Not anymore."

"You're right. Because I'm gone."

_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together  
We can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks  
I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight _

The rain began to fall harder, and salty tears began mixing with the water streaming down her face. She could barely see Logan moving infront of her through her blurred vision, but she didn't stop. She _couldn't_ stop. Failure wasn't an option. She'd put their entire friendship in jeopardy and she had to make sure it was worth their while. The kiss hadn't been one sided, and she was sure he felt the sparking emotions between them. It was all a matter of getting him to block out the painful memories.

"No, you're _not _gone, because we can make it," she choked out, sobs threatening to wrack her body.

"We can't make it, don't you see? We're not supposed to make it. Everytime we're happy, one of us makes a mistake. I'm not putting this all on you, Rory, I know I've made more than my share of mistakes. But that's just the way it is, and that's just the way things are. Me and you, we don't get to be up happy in the end."

"We can! If you'll let yourself, we can."

"And what happens if we fight?"

"Everyone fights!"

"But what happens if I do something stupid again and we fight? Or what happens if we fight and then you leave? That's a terrifying thought for me."

"I told you, I'm in this for good. I'm here. I'm_ right _here. And your not going to do anything stupid, Logan. You love me as much as I love you, I know it. Being apart has only made us realize it that much more."

"We don't belong together."

"Are you telling me you didn't feel what I felt when we kissed? You didn't feel that?"

"Of course I did! But I'm starting to think it's our fate to hurt each and and be torn apart. Do we really want to go through that again?"

"Is that honestly what you believe? Because when we ended up at the same newspaper, I starting thinking that it was our destiny to be _together_."

_Once upon a time I was falling in love  
But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart  
Once upon a time there was light in my life  
But now there's only love in the dark  
Nothing I can say  
A total eclipse of the heart  
Turn around bright eyes  
Turn around bright eyes _

He kept walking, and the tears began falling faster down her cheeks. She was losing him, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was standing on the street, proclaiming her love to him to the entire city, and yet he just kept walking away. He was convinced that they would just end up apart again, but she was convinced that this was their last chance at happiness.

"You were always the one to fight for us, Logan! Are you really going to give up now?"

He didn't reply, but his step slowed down even further.

She chose to continue, "You're the one that's always taking chances, you're the one who lives for the moment. You're the dare devil, Logan, not me! And yet I'm the one standing here ready to risk it all again. I'm forgiving you for the bridemaids, that's all in the past. Can you forgive me, now? I tried to deal with the hurt and I dealt with it in completely the wrong way. Don't make my mistake. Turn around, Logan."

"We can't do this, Rory," he said, but his voice was soft this time, and breaking.

A sentence he told her in the past came rushing back to her, "If I say we can, then we can."

Her words stopped him in his tracks and his head dropped instantly. She waited, her eyes never leaving his back, silently willing him to change direction. With her last sentence, she felt like she was finally getting through to him. She had a feeling that he wanted to give in, but something inside was warning him that he could end up crashing again. She wouldn't hurt him, not now. All she needed was for him to take the chance.

_Turn around, every now and then I know  
you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be  
Turn around, every now and then I know  
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am  
Turn around, every now and then I know  
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you  
Turn around, every now and then I know  
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart  
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and  
then I fall apart_

"I can't make any promises, Logan. All I know is that I love you, and I've never felt for anyone else the way I feel for you. This feeling is never going to go away. And if it's not you I end up with, I don't know if I'm going to end up with anyone at all."

And then, he turned around. Rory tried to make the tears stop spilling over her eyes, but she couldn't do it. She was risking everything for this man: their friendship, her heart, their group of friends. And not only that, but he was threatening to leave New York City, and her, behind forever.

"Rory..." he said, more softly this time, "We really can't do this."

"Take the chance, Logan."

"What if I can't?"

"Do you love me?" she demanded.

"Yes, but--"

"No buts. That's all there is to it."

"That's not all there is to it. I don't want to go through the pain of losing you again. Are _you_ ready to deal with it if I make a stupid mistake? Can we make it this time?"

"No more questions. Just jump. This is it, Logan, no more pain. Just me and you, like it was, like it _should_ be."

He sighed, "Why should it work now?"

She didn't even know where to begin. In her mind, it had to work now because she was beginning to feel like she couldn't live without him. She'd tried it with someone else, and it never even compared to being with Logan. The two of them had something special, and it took her a long time to grasp, but she was finally seeing it now. They needed each other, that was all, nothing more.

"Because we've been apart, and that didn't work. Now it's time for us to make it right again."

_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together  
We can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks  
I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight_

The rain was pounding down even harder now, and Rory was soaked to the bone. But as she brought her gaze up to meet his, she saw something in his brown eyes that seemed to make the rain disappear. She saw love, and it wasn't hidden, it was right there reaching out to grab her. He stepped towards her, but she remained rooted to the spot. It was in his hands now, she'd done all she could.

"Are you really ready for this?" he murmered.

"More than anything."

"Because I do want you in my life, Rory, I'm just..."

"Scared?"

"Terrified. Terrified of losing you again, terrified that I'll make a mistake."

She shook her head slightly, "You won't. And I'm not going anywhere."

He sighed and took another step towards her, so that they were standing only a few inches apart. He stared at her, as if taking in her every detail, and she knew everything in him was pulling him forward now. His jaw was clenched as he reached out and gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She was holding her breath now, and she could hear her heart thudding in her ears.

"I want to be with you," he told her, "I need you too, Rory."

"So be with me," she whispered.

A soft smile played at his lips and he moved forward again. They were almost touching.

"I love you, Ace," he said gently, "I always have."

And with that, he cupped her chin in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, connecting them for the second time that night. This time though, it was with the knowledge that they were starting fresh...together. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his came curving around her waist. He pulled her in like they couldn't possibly get close enough, and neither had any thoughts of stepping apart. The rain kept falling, crashing down on both of them as they stood together on the city sidewalk wrapped in each others arms.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love  
But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart  
Once upon a time there was light in my life  
But now there's only love in the dark  
Nothing I can say  
A total eclipse of the heart_

Finally, they moved apart and Rory felt like she was walking on air. Logan's arm pulled against her back and he leaned down again for another kiss. She couldn't get enough of his lips on hers, it was like magic, like they were making everything right again with just one action.

"It's raining," Logan murmered in her ear.

She grinned, "You're just noticing this now?"

"I've never liked the rain so much in my life."

"Me either."

"I'm also kind of fond of dry clothes though."

She glanced down at the soaked through outfit and shook her head, grinning again.

"Dry clothes are overrated."

She couldn't stop looking into his eyes, couldn't dull the feeling of overwelming joy that was gripping her. She had him back, Logan was back in her life -- for good this time. And at that moment, everything was right in her little world. He was smirking at her, and she suddenly adored the expression more than anything.

"I'm sorry for the other girls," Logan said suddenly, his face turning serious, "That's what started all of this."

"I never should've left, that was the mistake that cost us everything. But it's in the past, all of it is in the past. This is us starting fresh."

She pressed her hands against his chest, kissing him again.

He smiled at her then, nothing but love in his expression, "We really should get out of the rain."

She glanced up, "That would be a smart move, yes."

"Come on," he told her, grabbing her hand.

Together they hurried to the end of the sidewalk, where Logan flagged down a taxi and they jumped inside. Once the cab was speeding along the city streets, Logan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him, lacing her fingers with his free hand.

"Hey wait, where are we going?" she asked.

"My place."

She smiled, "Perfect."

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**AN: Yeah, I waited until the bottom this time. I didn't want to give anything away. ;) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope it was everything you wanted it to be. This isn't the end of the story by a long shot, but now I have to switch from angst writing to fluff-ish, so bear with me if it takes awhile. The little bit of lyrics in the last chapter was from Billy Joel's _C'etait Toi (You Were The One)_ and the song in this chapter is** **Bonnie Tyler's** **_Total EclipseOf The Heart._ Thanks for all your reviews, support, and for sticking with me through all of this. Please _review_!**


	27. Yours For The Taking

"I think we're going to have to build a boat," Rory announced as the two walked into Logan's apartment.

"With two of each kind of animal?" Logan inquired with a grin.

"You knew what I was talking about! I knew we were meant to be together."

"Yes, it does seem that way."

Logan took a step towards her, pushing her against the wall and kissing her passionately. He was still having trouble believing it was all real, that Rory was standing in his apartment, and that they were back together again. He felt her arms slide around his neck as she returned the kiss, with just as much passion as he started it with. They were soaked, and dripping all over the wood floor of the apartment, but at the moment he couldn't have cared less.

Kissing her again, holding her again, being with her again was beyond compare. The answer to all of his heartache had been right there infront of him since the first time he walked into _Post It_, but he'd just been too stubborn to see it. Rory was the answer, and this time, Rory was the one who solved their problem. The mistakes were long gone now. He'd been mad long enough, he'd been hurt long enough. It was time to once again be with the woman he loved.

"Our friends are going to wonder where we are," Rory murmered as their lips parted.

"Who cares?"

"I left my purse in the bar with Carmen."

He sent his lips crashing into hers again, and she didn't hesitate to carress his lips right back.

"I'll buy a new purse," she revised, pulling him closer.

Reaching down, he cradled her chin in his hands and he could almost feel her face curving into a smile.

"You should get changed," he told her between kisses, "You're going to get sick again."

"And what would you like me to change into? Your curtains?"

He laughed, "Come on."

Grabbing her hand, he pulled her down the hallway and into his bedroom. There, he selected a pair of his sweatpants, a t-shirt, and hoodie and tossed them in her direction.

"Bathroom's down the hall. You can grab a towel and change there."

She smiled and accepted the clothes, before turning to leave the room. He let his hand linger on hers and she started to walk away. Slowly, their fingers released and she turned around to smile at him again before she walked out of the door. He quickly changed into some dry clothes, before snatching his cellphone and dialing Colin's number. This, he knew, would be a very interesting conversation.

"Where did you go?" Colin demanded as a greeting.

"I'm at the apartment."

"Why?"

"Because I got wet."

"How?"

"Walking in the rain has that affect," Logan explained.

"Why were you walking in the rain?"

"I ran into Rory."

"Oh," Colin paused, "I have a feeling there's more to it than that."

"We got back together."

Silence.

"I walked out and she came after me. I need her back, Colin, this is right for me."

"Are you sure about that?"

Logan sighed, "I'm sure."

"Alright. Well, then...have fun I guess. Is she there with you?"

"Yeah," Logan paused, "Carmen is at the bar somewhere. She should have Rory's purse."

"I'll take care of it. And Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"You happy?"

Logan smiled, "Yeah, I am."

"Okay. Just...be careful."

"We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Sure," Colin said curtly.

And with that, the phone line went dead. He knew Colin was upset, and more worried about him than anything. But he wouldconcern himself with that later, right now he just wanted to be with his girl. Logan ran his fingers through his hair, releasing the excess water, before pocketing his cellphone and walking out into the kitchen. Rory wasn't out of the bathroom yet, so he started a pot of coffee and sat down at the table to wait.

He was still trying to wrap his mind around everything. A day ago, he thought he was capable of moving on, but Rory had a way of spinning him right back the beginning. And just like years ago at Yale, he couldn't face the idea of losing her. And sure, he was still afraid of mistakes to be made in the future, but for the first time since their breakup he was living for the moment. He wasn't going to look back now.

He had been so close to just walking away, but the desperation in her voice had made him stop. This was it. This was_ them_. Being afraid of the future couldn't stop what was happening in the present. He was afraid of losing her later, but there on the city sidewalk, he could've been losing her at that very instant. He didn't want to lose her, and the first kiss they shared wouldn't let him lose her. It couldn't be helped, Rory Gilmore had complete control over him.

"Is that coffee?" Rory asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Decaf," he deadpanned.

She stopped dead in her tracks, "You better be lying to me, Huntzberger."

He grinned as he got up from the table and poured two mugs of coffee.

"I know better than to give a Gilmore girl decaf, believe me," he handed her a cup, "Here."

Glancing over her, he couldn't help but notice how adorable she looked. His clothes were extremely too big, but she wore them well. She had pushed the sleeves of the sweatshirt up to her elbows, and the sweat pants were cuffed at the bottom. She cocked her head to the side as he stared at her and smiled.

"Yes?"

"Just thinking about how good you would've looked in an outfit made of curtains."

She glanced at his drapes, "Black really isn't my color."

"Black isn't even technically a color."

She tossed him a fake glare, "Fine, then I just don't look good in black."

"Everyone looks good in black."

She laughed, "The correct response to that would've been 'you look good in everything, dear'."

"I'm a little rusty," he smirked, taking a step towards her.

"Well, I'll just have to get you back in form."

He laughed and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, before tucking his arm around her waist and guiding her to the couch. He sat down on the end and she curled up next to him, taking a long sip of her coffee before placing it on the table. Planting a kiss on the top of her head, he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her towards him, wanting only to be closer to the girl that he loved.

"Thank you for chasing me down the street," he told her.

She smiled, "Now that the entire population of New York knows our story."

"Not quite the entire population, besides I highly doubt any of them really care."

"Now that's just depressing."

"Do you want me to get it written on a sign in Times Square?"

"I don't think the signs are even_ that _big," her eyes grew wide suddenly, "Oh no!"

"What?"

"Carmen probably thinks I'm dead or something."

He laughed, "Colin's taking care of it."

"Oh."

Leaning down, he brushed his lips against hers briefly, "I missed you, Ace."

"I missed you, too," she paused, "Hey, how are Colin and Finn going to take this?"

He released his breath slowly, "I don't know."

"I mean, am I going to have to come over here with a shield or something? Because living with Paris for all those years taught me to be quite handy with one."

"I don't think anything will top the horrors of living with Paris," Logan joked.

"She wasn't that bad. I mean, I didn't fear for my life for the last few months we lived together."

"Her and Doyle were happy then, I'm assuming?"

"Of course," Rory smiled, "Otherwise, I wouldn't be sitting next to you right now."

"By the way, Paris isn't your friend that's pregnant is she?"

Rory looked at him strangely for a second, before cracking a grin, "God, no. It's Lane."

"Oh, good. Paris never struck me as the motherly type."

"Hey! Her therepy sessions really helped," she protested.

"I have a feeling her child would need a lot more therepy between Paris and Doyle."

"But seriously, Logan, back to the original topic."

"Original topic?"

"Colin and Finn."

"Oh yeah," he paused, "I'll talk to them. You have to understand, Ace, the three of us have been friends as long as I can remember. But before you left, they never saw me that upset, especially over a girl. And usually, the answer to all our problems was alcohol. But then alcohol became the problem instead, they didn't know what to do. I think it scared them, and they blame you. But I'll talk to them. We'll figure it out."

"Don't rush them."

Logan ran his fingers lightly against the exposed part of her arm, "I won't."

She sighed softly and snuggled closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder. Logan was amazed at how at ease he felt with her. There was no awarkwardness like there was when they first decided to become friends. and he knew that was because they were never meant to be friends. They were meant to have _this_. And all the time when they were apart was just one big mistake, and he hated that it had been there. Maybe college wasn't the right time for them, maybe they just needed to wait until they were ready to settle down...for good. So now here they were, in each other's arms again, looking forward to the future and enjoying the present. He decided to push all thoughts of possible mistakes to come out of his mind: for now this was all he needed.

"I hate that we were apart," Rory said suddenly, as if reading his thoughts.

"Me too."

"This feels right, doesn't it?" she asked, a touch of fear in her voice.

He smirked and kissed her again, letting his lips linger on hers. When they pulled apart, he brushed his finger over her jawline gently.

"I love you, Ace. This _is_ right. I was just too hesistant to admit it before."

She smiled then, one of those amazing smiles that had him attached from the first time he met her. There were so many things about her that he just completely adored, and he knew now that he'd only been kidding himself about moving forward. There was no way to leave her behind, especially when she was willing to return to him. Her blue eyes drifted up to meet his and he instantly felt himself melting into them. Over a year. He'd spent over a year away from this girl. How did he manage at all?

"What?" she asked, an amused smirk taking the place of her smile.

"You're beautiful."

She laughed as she glanced down at his hoodie and pants, "This?"

"All of it," he replied, kissing her again.

Lips never parting, Logan pulled her up from the couch and down the hallway. He couldn't get over the way she felt in his arms again. Being with her was _real_, there was no comparisson. He opened the door to his bedroom with one hand and they stepped inside.

--------------------------------

Rory pulled the sweatshirt back over her head, glanced at her cellphone, and frowned, "I should go."

"Why?"

"Well for one, we both have work tomorrow. Two, Colin and Finn will be home soon and you three should talk. And three, I'm going to have to answer a million questions from Carmen."

"You can stay the night and leave for work from here," Logan told her, sitting up and wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Are you forgetting what clothes you gave me?"

He laughed and planted a kiss on her temple, "Okay."

They walked out of the bedroom, and Logan placed his arm around her shoulders as they headed to the door. Rory grabbed her still damp original clothes off the counter, before turning back to him with smile.

"See you tomorrow."

He didn't reply, just laughed shortly and let his gaze travel down to her feet, "You planning on jumping over the puddles or would you like some shoes?"

"What?" she glanced down at her feet, and then grinned, "Shoes would be good."

He shook his head slightly and handed her a pair of old tennis shoes. After she slipped them on, he reached out and pulled into a kiss.

"Good night, Ace."

"Good night."

He stared at the door for a minute even after she walked out. He had to admit, he was still scared. But she seemed certain that this was their last chance, that it was now or never. She seemed so confident that this time it was going to work out. The truth was, he'd been wanting to give into her for so long, that actually doing it wasn't as hard as he expected. It was actually harder to push her away. And hell, any girl who would chase him down the streets of New York in the rain deserved another chance. And for as much as they loved each other, _they_ deserved a another chance, too.

Slowly, he turned away from the door and pulled out his cellphone, knowing full well that Honor would never forgive him if he didn't report the news right away.

"Hey," she greeted, "What's up?"

"You're not going to believe it."

"Oh? Your date with what's her face went so well that you eloped and now you're planning on having twelve chidren and cat?"

"Nah, a dog," he grinned, "Try again."

"Spill. I'm not a patient person, Logan."

"I've noticed."

"Logan! Talk. Now."

"Wow, I'm sorry," he paused, "I ran into Rory at the bar tonight."

"And?"

"She told me she didn't want to be friends anymore."

"Wasn't she the one that wanted to be friends in the first place?"

"That's what I said, but she said she couldn't take seeing me with other girls and that she wanted more. I walked out and she followed me out of the door," he exhaled, "Honor, we got back together tonight."

She was silent for a second, "Wow."

"I don't know why she convinced me this time. Maybe it was realizing I was going to lose her, when that's what I was scared of all along. But whatever it was, this feels right."

"You sound...happy."

"I am," he told her honestly.

"I had a feeling this was going to happen from the first time you told me you saw her at work. This is right for you, Logan."

He smiled, "Thanks for your support, because I don't think I'm going to have Colin and Finn's."

"They'll come around."

"I hope so."

"This_ is _right for you, Logan. I was hoping as soon as she left you that it would turn out this way, I just didn't want to tell you that, especially when she wasn't around."

"Why didn't you tell me that when I saw her again?"

"Because you needed to figure it out on your own," Honor explained, "And so did she. Now, I have to go. I'm happy for you. Call me later, okay?"

"You got it. Bye."

"Bye."

_--------------------------------_

He took a cab to Rory and Carmen's apartment the next morning, and waited outside the door until Rory immerged. She stared at him a second, obviously surprised, before a grin took over her face. Reaching out, she took the coffee he had in his hand and took a long sip.

"Nice to see you too, Ace."

She leaned over and kissed him, "Good morning. What are you doing here?"

"Obviously making you a very happy girl," he replied, nodding towards the Starbucks cup she was holding.

"Yes, well, coffee will do that."

His arm automatically found its way around her shoulders and she leaned into him, a small smile never leaving her lips as they turned down the hallway.

"Oh wait, hang on."

She hurried back and poked her head into the apartment door.

"Car? Logan's here. I'm leaving with him."

"Oh sure, get a boyfriend and ditch me. I see how it is."

"Glad you understand," Rory commented sweetly, before hurrying back to Logan, "Okay, we can go now."

"So, how would you like to go away with me next weekend?"

Rory looked intrigued, "Where?"

"That's a surprise."

"I forgot about all the surprises that come along with being with you," Rory half groaned.

He opened the door to a taxi for her and they slipped inside, "It'll be fun, I promise. You in?"

"Of course."

"Good."

They were silent for a few seconds, before she spoke again.

"So where are we going?" she chirped.

He glanced down and her eyes were pleading with him to reveal his secret. Usually, one look from her could get whatever she wanted, but he wanted to surprise her this time.

"Not going to work," he assured her, shifting his gaze.

"Mean!" she pouted.

He smirked before leaning down and kissing her hard on the lips. She blushed. God, he loved it when she blushed.

"You're still mean," she informed him.

"Give me until next weekend."

"Fine," she said with a soft laugh as they exited the cab, "Hey, did you talk to Colin and Finn?"

"Nah, they didn't get home until late, Colin left for work before me, and waking Finn up at this hour could be hazardous to my health...and probably his."

Her face fell, "Oh."

"Don't worry about it, Ace. Let me take care of it."

"Okay," she was silent for a second, "Do you know how many questions we're going to have to answer today?"

"I could take a wild guess."

"We should've bought that sign in Times Square, it would've saved a lot of talking."

He grinned, "I'll get on that as soon as we're off work."

"Make it pretty."

They made their way into the building, but before they could reach the elevators Logan pulled her in to the first floor breakroom and locked the door.

She turned to him, raising her eyebrows, "Dirty?"

He laughed, "Shut up, Ace."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, wanting just one more moment alone before they went and faced their friends.

"Is this what coming to work is going to be like from now on?" Rory asked when they paused, "Because I could get used to it."

"We'll see," Logan said with a wink.

He draped his arm around her shoulders as they walked out the breakroom towards the elevators. He couldn't get over how absolutely perfect she felt next to him, like she belonged there. As they stepped into the elevator, she glanced up at him with a smile that held only love. And at that moment, he knew that it was all real. Rory was back in his life, and if he had any power over it, she wasn't going anywhere this time. He loved her, and he could've denied that he needed her before, but he couldn't deny it anymore.


	28. These Arms To Hold You

**AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your reviews! You guys really amaze me, you're awesome. Here's the next chapter. I'm not exactly sure how long this fic is going to end up being. I have some ideas that I'm sure I want to play out, and plenty that I'm still considering. Colin and Finn reactions will be in the next chapter. Anyway, please read and review!**

"I really don't want to do this," Logan groaned as the elevators opened.

"We could always print the story and hang it around our necks. That way, everytime somebody wants to know what happened they can just come up and flip through the pages."

"Yes, and that would be so much less annoying."

She smiled, "Come on."

He didn't hesitate to return his arm to its place around her shoulders, he did however try to hold her back as she took a step towards the elevator door. It wasn't that she would mind staying with him the elevator all day, but she had a job to do, and she was pretty sure she was getting paid to do it.

"Come on," she insisted.

He groaned again, but finally took a step towards the elevator exit.

As soon as they stepped onto the floor with Logan's arm over her shoulders, it seemed like everyone's head shot up to stare at them. The first person Rory made eye contact with was Will, and she couldn't have thought of a better choice. Ever the calm and laid back type, he made his way over to them with a small smile playing at his lips. He shook his head slightly as he reached for Logan's hand and shook it.

"Should I ask for a story, or will that take too long?"

"It involved a bar, rain, and really uncomfortable high heels," Rory replied.

"Enough said," Will turned to leave, then paused, "Congratulations."

"Well, that was easy enough," Logan commented as they headed towards her desk.

"Wait for it."

As if on cue, Aiden and Shawn appeared at their side, looks of complete awe on thier faces.

"Okay, now, this doesn't look like it was a girls night to me," Shawn greeted.

"It started out that way, I swear," Rory defended.

"So how did it end?"

"Can't we just say we got back together and that can be the end of it?" Logan pleaded.

Aiden looked at him like he grew two heads, "Um, no."

Rory sighed, "I saw him at a bar, we talked, he walked out, I followed, we got back together. The end."

"I bet you'll tell your mom the whole story," Shawn huffed.

"Probably," Rory said as she sat down, "But she can be more annoying than you and her fiance controls the coffee in Stars Hollow."

"Fine," Aiden let his eyes drift from Logan to Rory, "This is good."

"Yeah, I'm quite fond of it," Logan answered.

Shawn grinned, "We want the whole story later, Gimore."

"Only if you find a way to hold coffee over my head, Daniels."

Shawn and Aiden sulked slightly as they walked again and Rory couldn't help but laugh. She glanced up at Logan and he was watching them as well, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Well done, Ace."

"Yes, and I took care of Carmen last night, so we're set. Except, of course, for Colin, Finn, and Honor."

"I already called Honor. But you still have to tell your mom."

"I know. I'm calling her sometime today."

"I feel like we're living in a television show or something."

Rory laughed, "We might as well be, Huntzberger."

He smiled. She loved his smile.

"I have to get to my desk. Lunch?"

"Sounds good."

"Okay," he leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, "Later, Ace."

She couldn't wipe the grin off her face as he walked away. When they were walking down the sidewalk, she had been petrified that he wasn't going to turn around. And the truth was, she wouldn't have blamed him. Everything he said was true. They had both made so many mistakes, ending with her leaving him behind his back. Who was to say they wouldn't hurt each other again? But deep inside, she couldn't be more confident in their situation. This was love. And they found each other again, after all that time, and that had to mean something.

Last night had been perfect, everything she wanted it to be and more. Nothing could compare to the feeling of his lips brushing against hers, or the way his arm fell directly over her shoulders. His hands touched her so gently, and whenever she caught his eye he would smile, or better yet, smirk. Nobody in the world could compare to Logan Huntzberger, she was just happy he'd come back to her yesterday in the pouring rain.

"Oh my God."

Rory glanced up at the sound of her best friend's voice, "What?"

"You're like...beaming."

Rory laughed.

"It's a good change, I like it."

"I like it, too."

"But I'm still mad at you for ditching me last night," Carmen added, pretending to pout.

"Sorry. I was on a mission."

"Kudos to your ambition, but we better be going out tonight."

"I'm sure we are."

"Good. Bye, Rory."

Rory waved her hand as Carmen walked off down the office. She knew she should probably call her mother right away, because Lorelai was going to ask when. And if it was later that night, she would have to listen to an entire lecture of the importance of telling her the dirt before anyone else. She selected her mother's number off her cellphone as she started up the computer.

"Daughter!" Lorelai greeted, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I have news."

"Oh, you have smiley voice. It must be good news."

"It is."

"Does it involve a certain blonde boy who shall remain nameless?"

"Yes."

"Oh! Fun. Hit it."

"No screaming."

"Why would I scream?"

"Just promise me," Rory insisted.

"Fine. I promise."

"We got back together."

Silence.

"Mom, are you there."

"I had to stuff a pillow over my face so I wouldn't scream. Are you serious? When?"

"Last night."

"How?"

Rory paused, "I saw him a bar and I knew I couldn't be friends with him anymore so I couldn't take. I went over and told him that and then I kissed him--"

"You what?" Lorelai exclaimed, "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?"

"Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

"Sorry, continue."

"So then he got mad and walked out. I followed him, in the rain, might I add, and eventually he gave in and we got back together."

"How very cheesey teen movie of you," Lorelai teased.

"Shut up."

"No, seriously, this is great, hun. I'm happy for you. And you sound...normal again."

"Aww gee, thanks mom."

"You know what I mean," Lorelai said quickly.

"Yes, I know. I have to get back to work, but I'll call you later."

"Okay. Bye sweets."

"Bye."

--------------------------------

"Ready for lunch?"

Rory looked up at the sound of Logan's voice and smiled, "One second."

Quickly, she saved her latest file and then got up from her desk, slipping around it to plant a kiss on his lips.

"For you," he said grandly, producing a rose from behind his back.

"Where did get this?"

"I'm magic," he replied as his arm found it's way around her shoulders again.

"This looks familar," she paused, staring at it, "Did you steal this from the breakroom?"

He smirked, "See, I've even become a criminal for you, Ace."

"You were a criminal before I even met you."

"True, but I've never stolen a yacht with any other girl."

"Lucky me. Have you even stolen a flower for any other girl?"

"Only you're worth that risk," he grinned.

He pulled her closer to him and she laughed, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Just so you know, no man has never stolen me a flower before."

"Yes well, I am a daredevil."

They made their way out to the street, and Rory couldn't get enough of the weight over her shoulders. She missed that feeling, it made her feel safe, loved. Jess would hold her hand limply, at the most, but he hardly ever showed affection for her, except if he knew she was mad about something. Logan seemed to always be reaching for her in some way, whether he was holding her hand or tucking his arm around her. And as they walked steadily down the sidewalk, she knew there was no greater feeling in the world.

"Come on," he said suddenly, grabbing her hand and dragging her through a door.

"I've never been here before," she commented, glancing around the tiny cafe.

"Me either," he shrugged.

"Then why the hurry to get in here."

He nodded his head towards a sign in the window, "It says best coffee in New York."

"They all say that."

"Well, if anyone should be the judge it's you, Ace."

She grinned, "Very true."

They ordered their food at the counter, grabbed coffee, and then sat at a table to wait. She couldn't stop looking into his eyes. They were so soft, so caring, and he always looked like he knew something she didn't. She loved that about him.

"So," she began, using her best pleading voice, "Where are we going this weekend?"

He laughed, and his eyes twinkled slightly, "I'm not telling you."

"Mean," Rory repeated.

"Drink your coffee."

She glared at him, but took a small sip, "Oh my God!"

"Good?"

"I think Starbucks is going to out of business."

"So maybe the sign didn't lie afterall."

The waiter brought there food a short while after and they ate quickly. When they finished, Rory poured herself another cup of coffee, accepted Logan's hand, and they walked back out into the city. She glanced up at him, but he was staring off in the distance. His jaw was clenched and he seemed to be very lost in thought. She sighed softly.

"I think this is going well so far, don't you? I mean, I know it's only been a night and part of a day, but I feel like we're settling in nicely. Not a lot of people could do what we're doing after all this time. I just want you to know that this feels right to me, more right than anything has ever felt, except, of course, for the first time we went out when--"

"Rory," he smirked.

She melted.

He pulled her to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk, grabbed her shoulders, and turned her towards him. He was still smirking as he pressed his forehead to hers.

"I love you. And this, this is going_ very _well."

And then he kissed her: one of those knee weakening, mind blowing kisses that only Logan Huntzberger could deliever. He kissed her right there in the middle of New York City, for all the world to see. And she couldn't have been happier.

--------------------------------

"Hey, you coming out tonight?"

Rory glanced up at her boyfriend and nodded, grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. She stood up and he pulled her into a kiss, smiling as they pulled apart.

"What? No stolen flower this time?" she teased.

"I can run back and grab one for you real fast."

"That's okay, one criminal act a day is enough for you."

He tucked his arm around her waist as they walked towards the door to meet the others. When they came into a view, Shawn shook his head in disbelief.

"It should be a movie," he commented.

"You're funny," Rory shot back with a smirk, "Maybe you could play Logan."

Logan looked at Shawn, then back at himself again, "I don't think so, Ace."

"You're right," Carmen said with a sneaky grin, "Logan's cuter."

Shawn glared at her, but the rest of the group errupted into laughter.

"So, where are we going?" Will asked as they headed outside.

"Oh! The one from last night," Rory suggested, "I didn't get to stay very long."

"Your choice, not mine," Logan said with a grin.

But when Shawn, Will, Aiden, and Carmen squeezed into one taxi, Logan held her back and waved the driver away. He flagged another one down, but before they got in he looked her right in the eyes and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"But I'm very glad you made that choice," he murmered.

The ride to the bar was quiet. Rory rested her head on his shoulder and intwined her fingers in his. Every touch, every gesture was like starting to breathe once more. She was learning to be free again, she was remembering how love was supposed to feel. Love was the touch of his hand on her back, or the way he would plant a kiss on her lips when she was least expecting it. Love was everything she'd missed so terribly for over a year.

The taxi came to stop and the two slipped out and walked to where their friends were waiting outside of the bar.

"Where's Colin and Finn?" Rory asked.

"Colin's working," Carmen replied.

"And Finn is with Erin," Logan added.

"Erin? Red head?"

"Mhmm."

"I'm not even going to ask what happened to Felicia."

"Shall we?" Will inquired, nodding towards the door.

Her heart fluttered as the pressure of Logan's hand on her back reached her senses.

They stopped at the bar for drinks, and then made their way to a large booth in the corner.

"So are you ever going to tell us the whole story?" Shawn asked.

Logan grinned, "Wait for the movie to come out."

"Oh, you're clever," Shawn grumbled.

Logan shot Rory one of his smirks and reached for her hand under the table. She gladly laced her fingers with his.

"Logan Huntzberger, do you have any idea how long it takes to find you?" a voice said from behind them.

Rory glanced over at Logan, who's face took on a confused look, and then broke into a smile.

"Honor, what are you doing here?"

"What? You don't even turn around to greet your sister now?"

Logan grinned and stood up, pulling the blonde girl into a hug, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's certaintly not to see you," she said with a half smirk, before turning to Rory, "You on the other hand, I haven't seen forever. How are you?"

Rory was instantly taken a back by Honor's friendliness. She hadn't really considered how Logan's sister would handle the situation, but she figured it would be similar to Colin and Finn's reactions. But here was Honor, standing infront of her, with a huge, expectant grin on her face. Rory recovered quickly and got up from the table, hugging the girl tightly.

"I'm great, how are you?"

"Better, now that you're back to keep him in line," she stated, nodding her head towards Logan.

"You didn't see him steal the flower this morning."

Honor laughed, "You stole a flower? Did you really lose that much money when dad cut you off?"

Logan slid back into the booth, "How I missed the women in my life..."

"Sit down, sit down," Rory instructed Honor.

Rory didn't realize how much she missed Logan's sister until she was back in the room with her. Honor had an energy about her that was rivaled only by her brother. It must have been a Huntzberger trait that skipped a few generations. She smiled as she watched them banter back and forth, occasionally laughing when Honor stopped Logan's words by beginning an embarrassing story from his past.

"Okay well," Logan said after the start of an obviously extremely embarrassing memory, "You ready to go, Ace?"

She grinned, "But I wanted to hear this one..."

"How much did you like that stolen flower? Would you like another one anytime soon?"

"Fine," she mumbled, getting up from her booth, "'Night guys."

Once they were outside, Rory stopped to call for a cab, but the pressure of Logan's arm pulled her forward.

"What are you doing?"

"We're walking," he replied simply.

"Why?"

"Because it's good for you."

"I walked yesterday when I chased you all over the city."

"You should walk everyday."

"Are you insane, Huntzberger?"

"Exercise is healthy."

"I don't like exercise. I like coffee, doughnuts, chocolate, and pie. No exercise."

He raised his eyebrows, "How don't you weigh three hundred pounds?"

"I don't know. I get it from my mother."

"Lucky girls."

"I know. It allowed us to have three movie nights a week and still not get fat. I love my life. Oh, coffee!"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the nearest Starbucks, listening to his soft laughter the whole way there. The truth was, she was happy to walk out of the bar and just be alone with him. She'd spent over a year with her co-workers, being with Logan again was brand new. He bought two cups of coffee, and soon they were back out on the sidewalk.

"Well," Rory said, taking a sip, "At least you didn't steal it."

"I'm never stealing you anything again."

Rory gave him her best sad look, "Not even a yacht?"

"Now, that wasn't my idea."

"How about the one you sunk?" she accused.

"I didn't steal that one."

"You still sunk it!"

"Two very different crimes, Ace."

She smiled, but felt herself growing sad as they neared her apartment building. She moved closer to him, inhaling the scent of his cologne, and treasuring the the feeling of his hand massaging her back softly.

"Well, I think this is your stop," he said, pulling to a halt infront of her building.

"We could walk some more."

He smirked, "I thought walking wasn't your thing."

"But your my thing, so it evens out."

"I'll see you tomorrow. It's getting late."

She turned towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning up for a kiss. It quickly escalated into more than just a brief kiss, and soon her back was pressed up against the brick facade of her building as his lips worked against hers. She felt his hand slide up against the skin on her back, and his touch sent chills up and down her spine. Never in her life did she wish for her own apartment more.

"When's Carmen getting home?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Too soon."

"Damn."

"When are Colin and Finn getting home?"

"Colin's already probably home."

"Damn."

"I guess that means I have to go."

She groaned and came back for another kiss, "I guess."

"_Damn_," he repeated.

She forced herself to pull away from him, but she could still feel his touch lingering all over her flesh. He was staring at her, his hands in his pockets, like he'd never seen her before in his life. She smiled, which caused him to smirk and start walking backwards down the sidewalk.

"Just so you know, I'm taking a cab home."

"Just so you know, I'm telling the police about that flower," she shot back.

He turned around so his back was to her as he walked away, "See you tomorrow, Ace. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And as she walked through the door to her building, she realized how much she was looking forward to that weekend. She didn't care where they were going. As long as she was with him, and they were alone, it would be perfect.


	29. But I Can't Be Without You

"Colin, you here?" Logan asked as he walked into the apartment.

"Yeah."

"Finn?"

"He's here too," Colin answered for him.

"Is he capable of talking?"

"Not sure."

"Listening?"

"Probably."

"Okay, good."

Logan made his way into the living room and sat down. Colin was sitting on the other end of the couch, staring at him expectantly, while Finn rested quietly in the arm chair, his eyes closed. Logan ran his hand over his face and sighed. This was going to be an eventful evening.

"So what is it going to take for you guys to be happy about this?"

"A time machine," Finn slurred without opening his eyes.

"For the first time in my life I agree with Finn."

Logan groaned, "What that actually exists will make you guys happy about this?"

"Nothing," Colin and Finn replied at the same time.

This was going to be much harder than he thought.

"I'm happy. Shouldn't that be enough?"

Colin leaned forward slightly, "You were happy with her before too. Need I remind you what changed that?"

"No," Logan said firmly, "But I hurt her, too."

"Sure, mate, but you didn't walk out on her when she wasn't home."

"I forgave her. She forgave me. Think you two could catch a little of that?"

"Doubtful," Colin replied quickly.

"Why not?" Logan asked, "I'm the one that she hurt, and now I'm back with her. I love her. That girl means the world to me, I don't care what happened in the past or how long we've been apart. Nobody can compare to her. So just try and support this."

"Logan, there isn't a doubt in my mind that you love her. We're not questioning that. What were questioning is how much sense this actually makes. Are you forgetting everything you went through? Huh?" Colin demanded.

"No, I'm not forgetting everything I went through. But that was over a year ago. Over a year and I still hadn't moved on. She's it for me and I can't help that. We're ready this time."

"What makes you think she's ready?" Finn spoke up.

"Because she chased me down the street in the rain."

"Point?"

"My point, Finn," Logan started through clenched teeth, "Is that Rory doesn't do things that that. She's not the girl that comes up to a guy at a bar, makes a speech, kisses him, and then follows him out the door. She proved something to me when she did that."

"What? That maybe she'll stick around _a little_ longer this time?" Colin shot back.

"Damn it, Colin! Just be happy for me! Is that really that hard to do?"

"It is when we're going to be left to pick you up again when something goes wrong!"

"Nothing is going to go wrong."

"Is that a guarantee?"

"Yeah," Logan said quickly, surprising even himself, "It is. I'm not going to let anything go wrong."

"So, when you wake up one day and she doesn't show up at work, do you want me to remind you of that?"

"She's not going anywhere," Logan said firmly, but his voice was softer now, "I love her."

"That didn't stop her before."

"She was angry before!"

"So what the hell happens if you make her angry again?" Colin almost yelled.

"Want me to call her up and ask?" Logan inquired, raising his voice as well.

"Not really. Besides, if she doesn't have her phone on she might delete the message before she even listens to it."

Logan stood up from the couch, running his hands through his already messy blonde hair, "Finn? You got anything you want to add here?"

No reply. And when Logan glanced over, he wasn't surprised to see his friend passed out in the chair. Exhaling, Logan sank back down on the couch and turned towards Colin.

"Look, you're my best friend, and as corny as it sounds, it's important for you to have my back here. You and Finn always have before, especially when she left, and without you two and Honor I don't know where I would've ended up. But you as well as anybody know that I never really got over her, and I never really recovered. This is making me happy. She makes me happy. And I feel like this is right. Can you try and understand that? Can you try to get along with her?"

Colin took a deep breath, "It's not that simple and you know it. What if it was me? What if I fell in love with one of those blonde, straight, single girls that come around so rarely? And what if she left and I fell apart? How would you handle it, Logan? What if you had to fix me? Me and Finn, we weren't ready for that. We weren't expecting you to crash like that. Not Logan Huntzberger, not you of all people. You were a player before you met her, you never cared who came or went. So, we watched you fall in love with her, fight with her, and win her back. We've never seen you like that, but we thought, 'Hey, if he's happy, it works'. We liked her, we hung out with her, hell, we even cared about her. But then she left, and you fell apart. You completely and totally fell apart. Now tell me, Logan, how am I supposed to forgive a girl like that?"

Logan stared at his friend for a second after his rant. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, not really sure where to begin, "I'm not saying that I don't still think about when she left, because I do. And I'm not saying that I don't know what you guys went through, because I do. But if I can forgive her, then you should at least try. I love her, you know that. And I know I'd be acting the same way if some girl hurt you, but she misses you guys. She's sorry, Colin, she really is."

"That's be great, Logan, if I actually cared about what she feels."

"I'm not asking you to be best friends with the girl! Just acknowledge her existance when we go out, and play nice. You are dating her best friend, you know."

Colin stared at him, "She really screwed you up."

"I know."

"Do you really want to go through that again? Have you thought about that?"

"All the time," Logan admitted, "But she's worth the chance. Now will you try? For me?"

"Fine. But no promises."

"I'm not asking for wedding vows here, Colin."

"And I'm doing this partly for Carmen too."

"Hey, whatever works," Logan paused, "What about you, Finn?"

The Australian stirred slightly, and cracked his eyes open.

"Are you going to try and be nice to Rory?" Logan asked, grinning.

"I'll do whatever makes you shut the hell up."

"Ask him again tomorrow afternoon," Colin said with a smile, before turning serious again, "Just be careful, okay? Don't--"

"I know," Logan interrupted him, "And thank you."

"Whatever," Colin mumbled.

--------------------------------

"Why do you look so nervous?" Logan asked, casting a concerned look in his girlfriend's direction.

"I feel like I'm going to get teeth pulled."

Logan reached out and pulled her into his side, "They'll be okay."

"And if they're not?"

"They will be," Logan insisted.

She sighed and sent her gaze down to the ground as they walked towards the bar. For the first time, he realized how much she missed his two best friends. As much as all of them hated to admit it, they had been close. Logan knew there was more to Colin and Finn's stubborn attitude then just the fact that she hurt him. She hurt them too.

"Sit," he insisted gently, pointing to a bench a few feet from the bar.

"What? Why?"

"Just sit."

They sat down on the bench and he tucked her next to him, planting a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Okay Ace, I won't lie to you, this isn't going to be easy. I can't blame them for how they feel, can you? Think of how Paris acted when we broke up after the wedding."

"I don't blame them, I just..." she let her voice trail off.

"You just what?

"I don't want to lose you again," she murmered quietly.

"What? I'm not going anywhere."

"I know what they say to you, Logan. I know."

He turned his body towards her and lifted her chin up, "I don't care what anyone says. I love you, and this is right. Colin and Finn are who they are, my best friends, and they have done more for me than anyone. But you, Ace, you're my girlfriend. _You're_ the love of my life. I'm not ready to give up you _or_ them, understand?"

She smiled, but her eyes were watery, "I miss them."

"I know you do."

"I hate what I did, Logan. I hate it more than anything in the world. I was so stupid. What was I thinking? I had everything I could ever want, my life was perfect. And I just threw it all away. I--"

"Hey," Logan stopped her, "Enough. We're not talking about the past anymore, remember? Come on."

He got up from the bench and held out his hand. They walked into the bar together where their friends were already waiting. Colin had his arm over Carmen's chair and was clearly in the middle of a funny story when they approached.

"Well, if it isn't the love birds," Aiden chirped as they came near, "What is it with you two coming in late?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Rory shot back with a grin.

Logan noticed Colin literally cringe as their exchange of words. Logan held eye contact with him for a second, and stared at him with an expression that clearly urged him to open his mouth. Finally, Colin sighed and turned to Rory as the couple sat down.

"Hi Rory," Colin greeted, obviously foricing the words to sound sincere.

She offered him a nervous smile, "Hi Colin," she paused, "Hi Finn."

Finn looked up from where he had been staring into his beer and nodded in her direction, "Hi."

An uncomfortable pause followed their greetings, before Will broke the silence by continuing a story he obviously began before Rory and Logan entered the room. Logan could see Rory's eyes fall down towards the table, and he reached for hand and squeezed it gently. Even if they only recently got back together, she was his Ace again, and seeing her hurt broke his heart.

"Give it time," he whispered in her ear.

She nodded, but he could see tears clouding her vision. The whole situation was one of the toughest Logan had ever been thrust into to. On one hand, Colin and Finn were his best friends, and he could see where they were coming from. Never before did they have to be worried about him, or show emotion towards him, until Rory walked out the door. Logan even scared Finn sober some nights. But on the other hand, Rory was Rory. He loved her, and she was killing herself regretting her mistakes, and he knew that part of her recovery was the forgiveness of his two friends. Sighing, he took a sip of his beer and tried to ignore the swirling thoughts in his head.

If his life ever got uncomplicated, he was sure he would die of shock.

"Hey, Logan!"

Logan lifted his head at the sound of Colin's voice.

"Tell Carmen about my third mother," he continued.

Logan couldn't help but grin as he launched into a complete discription of Colin's third mother, the one who had first sent him to boarding school. As much as Colin, Finn, and Logan all hated their parents, and most of their family, the stories almost always made for an entertaining conversation.

"...And that's when mommy number three moved out, a year older and three hair shades different," Logan finished.

"Only three?" Finn asked, sounding disappointed, "I thought number three changed it four times."

"No," Colin corrected, "That was number two."

"Did any of your mothers have names?" Shawn asked with a grin.

Colin shrugged, "Probably, but they all left too soon for me to catch them."

As he finished off his last sentence, Logan noticed Colin's eyes connected with Rory's ever so briefly. She physically flinched, and Logan sent Colin a pointed look of anger. He could understand that his best friend was protective, and upset, but actions like that were not necessary. Colin seemed to comprehend, because he immediatly turned back to Carmen after catching Logan's eye.

The rest of the night went rather smoothly, but Logan couldn't help but take in Rory's quiet mood. She didn't seem comfortable, and she was hesitant to open her mouth. It was like she was afraid of saying the wrong thing and having it thrown back in her face. Only when they got into the cab alone did she begin to relax. He could see her shoulders slump as she leaned back against her seat, and silent tears began descending down her face.

"I_ suck_," she whispered, emphasizing the last word, "I'm a horrible person."

Logan reached out and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, "Where is this coming from, Ace?"

"Where do you think? God, Logan. I walked out on you went you weren't home, and my old friends hate me because it tore you apart. I was responsible for that, me! I was one of Colin's mothers. I..." her voice broke, and she turned her head towards the window in a useless attempt to hide her tears.

"Hey," he said gently, turning her face towards him, "We both made mistakes, okay? Colin and Finn will come around eventually."

"I feel like I don't deserve you."

He smiled, "We're in this together. It's not like you're forcing me to do this. I _want _this."

"You could have somebody who didn't leave you."

"And you could have somebody who didn't make the mistakes I have! Rory, we both know that doesn't matter."

"Maybe you were right, maybe we weren't meant to be together."

"Is that honestly what you believe?" he asked.

"Yes. No. I don't know. I can't stand thinking that I tore you up like I did."

"And I hate thinking about what those other girls made you feel like. But it's all in the past, Ace. Come on, you told me that."

"They hate me."

"It'll all work out," Logan insisted.

The taxi pulled to a halt infront of Rory's apartment, the two slipped out. Rory's eyes were still damp, but the tears had stopped. He reached out and pulled her towards him. She relented slightly, before allowing herself to be draped in his arms. He rested his cheek against her head and sighed softly.

"I love you. And I will do my best to fix this, okay? I don't ever want you to think that you don't deserve me. Forget our mistakes, you're the one that told me to do that. This is right. This will work," he told her firmly.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"Okay," he repeated.

He stepped back and tucked his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss. The sparks that flew when their lips connected was a feeling reserved only for the two of them, and he couldn't get over how completely wonderful it was. She tugged at his shirt, wanting more, but he knew they couldn't do that now. They had nowhere to go. Reluctantly, he stepped back and offered her a smirk.

"This weekend," he told her.

She smiled, but there was reluctance in her eyes, "This weekend," she confirmed.

He reached out and planted one more gentle, yet firm kiss on her lips before calling another cab and getting inside.

--------------------------------

"Did you honestly have to do that?" Logan demanded, storming into his apartment.

"Do what?" Colin asked innocently.

"You know very well what."

"Okay, I see we've entered angry mode."

"Damn right we have," Logan paused, taking a deep breath, "You said you were going to be nice."

"No," Colin corrected, "I said I'd _try_ to be nice."

"That was a pretty miserable attempt."

"Sorry. Just couldn't stop getting empty beer bottles and passed out friends out of my mind. Is that a problem for you?" Colin asked, getting up from the couch.

"I know what she did to me, Colin! I have a memory! I just," Logan's voice grew softer, and he took Colin's place on the couch, "I love her. And I'd love for you to support this. She's miserable, she misses you, she thinks she doesn't deserve me, and to top it all off she's now comparing herself to one of your mothers."

"That was the point."

"We can't help it if we're concerned for you, mate," Finn stated, speaking for the first time, "She has a strange power of you."

"I'm aware of that," Logan mumbled.

"And we don't want to see you get hurt, again. And start drinking like a mad man, again. And leave us to pick you up, again," Finn continued.

"That's not going to happen."

"But it happened once," Colin explained, "And that was enough for us. Why wasn't it enough for you?"

"I made mistakes, too. And I love her. I want this to work, okay?"

Finn shrugged, "Okay, but we don't have to like it."

"Or her," Colin added.

"Fine. Don't like it, don't like her. But do not show anymore public displays of disapproval, understand?"

He recieved only nods from his two friends as he stood up. Jaw clenched, he made his way into his bedroom and collasped on the bed. He couldn't tell them exactly what to feel, and he couldn't even be angry at them. After everything they'd gotten him through, they deserved to feel however they pleased. But he wouldn't allow them to hurt Rory with their opinions, that was where he drew the line. But how long would that line hold up?

How long before his girlfriend ended up in tears again? Or how long before his best friends walked out on him for good? Why couldn't his life just be normal for once? He groaned and ran his hands over his face. Right now, he was living for this weekend. He decided to worry about the rest of it when he got back, that is, if Rory could push it all aside too.


	30. Happy In This Moment

**AN: I am sooo sorry to all my readers and to the people whose stories I read. I've been without computer access for awhile, so I haven't been able to update or review. Sorry again. Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter though, you guys never cease to amaze me. And I'm really sorry to all the writers whose stories I've been reviewing and haven't reviewed in awhile. I didn't forget about you, I've just been without opportunity. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Read and review, please!**

"Logan, where are we?" Rory whined for her estimated tenth time.

Logan just laughed, "Relax, Ace. I promise we're still in the country."

"Oh, well, that's almost reassuring."

He grinned, and a feeling of complete contentment washed over her. He was driving with one hand on the wheel, and the other one had a firm grip on her own. The rest of that week had been straining on her, between grasping for some kind of approval from Colin and Finn, and dealing with her new found feelings of uncertainty. She knew she was the one who told Logan to forget about the past, and yet she couldn't get the mistakes out of _her_ mind lately. She blamed part of her emotions on Colin's not so subtle hint about her leaving. Finn was too drunk to cast a sly comment her way, but she could tell by the way he looked at her he was still angry.

Colin hadn't said anything since the first night, and she knew that was because Logan had talked to him. But the fire in his gaze told her everything she needed to know. She tried to ignore the pain her old friends were inflicting in her heart, but it was hard to pretend the wounds weren't there. And sometimes she wondered if Logan was affected, too. There were times when she would notice him staring off in the distance, looking like he was somewhere else all together, and her heart would sink thinking that he was having second thoughts. But then he would kiss her, or even smile at her, and suddenly her feet were no longer on the ground.

She sighed. It was all too strange and unreal for her to completely figure out. But the one thing she was sure of was that she loved Logan, and he constantly told her that he felt the same. He assured her that there were no regrets on his side, and there were certainly none on hers.

Logan steered the car onto a dirt road, and Rory knew she was looking at him like he'd completely lost her mind. Never, since the LDB outing she went too, had she ever expected Logan Huntzberger to drive down a back road.

"Where are we going?" Rory demanded.

He smirked, "You'll know soon enough."

She tried to pretend to be annoyed with him, but his smirk made her crack a smile.

He turned the car down a long driveway, and soon Rory found herself face to face with a beautiful lake. On their left, was a large, completely stunning white house. When she peered down towards the water, she could see a motor boat tied to the dock.

"Now, you really have to tell me where we are."

Logan grinned, "Honor and Josh bought this as a second home, they're letting us borrow it for the weekend. And we're in upstate New York."

"This is amazing," Rory commented as she stepped out of the car, "It's beautiful."

She felt his prescense behind her and he wrapped his arms around her waist, "I knew you'd like it."

"I love it."

"Come on," he said suddenly, "Let's get our things inside. We have to hurry."

"Why?"

"You'll see."

"You and you're surprises," she groaned.

They walked up the steps and into the house. Rory was amazed at what she saw when she stepped inside. The interior was gorgeous, with light wood floors and a den decorated with dark red, leather furnature. There was a kitchen on their right and large staircase infront of them.

"Master bedroom is upstairs," Logan instructed, leading the way.

Rory followed him into a beautiful bedroom, complete with a large, navy blue covered bed.

"Bathroom is down the hall," he paused, "So is the guest bedroom in case you get mad at me."

She laughed, "I think you're safe."

"You might want to grab a sweatshirt or something."

"Why? Are we taking the boat to Alaska?"

"Close! Greenland," he deadpanned.

She laughed softly and grabbed a red hoodie out of her bag before following Logan back outside. The early, spring air was chilly, but she forgot all about being cold as they got closer to the lake. The water was perfectly still, almost like it popped out of a picture, and there wasn't another boat in sight. She silently wondered if Logan's sister had bought the whole lake, but then she took note of the houses next door.

She didn't realize she'd stopped until she felt Logan's hand pulling on hers. She glanced up and he was smiling at her with that familar gleam in his eyes.

"Come on, Ace."

"What's the hurry?" she inquired as they walked onto the dock.

"You'll see."

"Stop saying that!"

He only grinned. He stepped down on to the motor boat, and then held up his hand to help her on. She sat down next to the driver's seat, and Logan gave her a quick kiss before unhooking the boat and sending it speeding down the lake. As Rory sat there, the wind whipping against her skin, she couldn't help but think about how absolutely perfect the weekend already was. Before Logan, she would've never experienced anything like this. Everyday with him was some kind of adventure, and she loved it.

She glanced over at him, noticing how handsome he looked steering the boat over the water. He was basically standing, with one knee resting on the seat, and staring straight ahead. He must have sensed her eyes on him, because he glanced over at her and winked. Slowly, he pulled the boat to a stop, grabbed the anchor and flipped it over the side, and then returned to stand above her.

"Are we going swimming?" she asked with a smile.

"Not quite."

He held out his hand to her, and she accepted by slipping hers into his firm grip. She let him guide her to the back of the boat, where a padded platform brought the interior to a close. She stepped up on the back seat and he helped her onto it, and then walked back to the front. Her eyes followed him as he bent down and pulled a bottle of wine out a compartment, followed up two glasses. He then returned to the platform and sat down beside her.

"Look," he told her, pointing towards the sky.

She followed his gesture, and was rewarded by gazing at the most gorgeous sunset she ever witnessed. They had a perfect view of it from their position on the lake and the sky was ablaze with different shades of red, orange, and pink. A grin took over her face as she felt Logan's arm slip around her waist. She leaned into him, letting her head rest on his shoulder, as she took in the beautiful sight before her.

"This is amazing," she murmered.

"I thought you'd like it. When I was up here with Honor and Josh, the sunsets were always like this."

"You certainly know how to treat a girl, Huntzberger."

She could feel his lips curl into a smile, "So I've been told."

"Oh, by who?"

He laughed, "Watch the sunset, Ace."

She grinned, but obeyed. His hand made it's way underneath her top, and fingers lightly carressed her side and back. Chills went shooting up and down her body as his lips made contact with her cheek, and then found their way down to her lips. As the sunset came to a firey close, Logan slid down on his back and Rory laid against his chest, their lips working on each other magically. His hands were pressing against her upper back now, and her fingers were tangled in his blonde hair. She couldn't get enough of his kisses, or his touch, and she barely noticed as her sweatshirt was lifted over her head. The wine was long forgotten now, but as she reached down for his pants, it suddenly hit her exactly where they were and she slowly pulled back.

"Logan..." she whispered, reluctance to stop heavy in her voice.

He nodded as if he could read her mind and gently patted the area beside him. She moved down nex to him and placed her head on his arm. The stars were beginning to shine against the black sky, and she couldn't help but notice how absolutely stunning they were. He gently grabbed her hand and began running his thumb softly over her skin, and even the subtle connection caused her to shiver in excitement. He used his other hand to absentmindedly twirl tendrils of her redish brown hair around his fingers. A smile took over her face and she snuggled closer to him, causing a kiss to be planted on her forehead.

Sitting up, he grabbed the wine, opened it, and poured to glasses. She gladly accepted hers and sipped it slowly as the stars became more pronounced against the darkness.

"This is perfect," she told him as they stared upwards.

"I'm glad you like it."

"One question."

"What's that?"

She offered him a smirk that rivaled his own, "Did you steal this boat?"

He pushed her away playfully, "Way to ruin the mood."

She shot him a half smile, before wrapping an arm around her neck and kissing him again.

"Mood's back," he said when they parted, "And I think it's time we go back."

"I agree."

He stood up and pulled out the anchor, before staring the boat and steering back towards the lakehouse. She stayed seated on the back platroom, her feet resting on the seat infront of her, watching his form against the blackness. He pulled to a stop at the dock and tied up the boat, before reaching for her hand and pulling her up. They stood on the dock for a second, taking a last glance at the stars, before she felt an insistant tugging against her shoulders. Turning back to him, she smiled at his eager eyes, and kissed him softly.

They walked back up to the house, and as soon as they entered the door she tossed her sweatshirt to the side. He pulled her into him as he closed the door behind them, his lips carressing hers passionately. Kicking off their shoes, they stumbled towards the steps, never losing contact with each other as the kisses became more heated. Logan's fingers snatched the bottom of her shirt as they headed up the stairs, and soon the fabric was fluttering back to the ground. She smiled against his lips and worked her hands around his shirt, sending it up over his head. She then reached for his belt, unhooked it, and slipped it through the loops. A sigh of excitement left her lips as his fingers worked on her bare skin. Their clothes were nearly non existant as they crashed onto the bed in the master bedroom, and Rory's entire body tingeled with anticipation as Logan's hands seemed to touch every inch of her at once.

--------------------------------

Rory awoke the next morning feeling like she was glowing. The night before had been amazing, every last minute of it. She smiled as she glanced at the other side of the bed, not surprised to find it empty. Logan always woke up earlier than she did. She stood up and pulled a robe over her bare skin, selcted a pair of jeans and a yellow top from her bag, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. A quick shower woke her up the rest of the way, then she quickly changed, dried her hair, applied some make up, and made her way downstairs.

Logan walked over as soon as she stepped into the kitchen and kissed her.

"Morning, Ace. Sleep well?"

"Perfect," she kissed him again, "You?"

"Mhmm," he paused, "I made breakfast."

"The perfect man," she said with a grin.

"You remember that."

He took her hand and lead her over to the kitchen table, where a stack of chocolate chip pancakes was sitting in the middle along with a pile of bacon and sausage.

"Yep, the perfect man," Rory repeated as she slid into a seat.

Logan poured coffee into her cup and then sat down beside her. She reached for the paper just as she did, and she pulled it away quickly, offering him an inncocent smile before tossing him the classifieds.

"The classifieds?" he groaned, "Is that any way to treat the man who made you breakfast?"

She shrugged, "Beats me. The only other man who ever made me breakfast was Luke, and he never wanted my paper."

"You can't read that all at once anyway."

"I like to have it hear just in case."

"You're lucky you're pretty."

She smiled, "So I've been told."

A flicker of rememberance of his words from the night before flashed through his eyes. He grinned and shook his head slightly, before reaching over and snatching the front section of the paper out of her hands.

"Logan!" Rory protested.

He smirked, and her argument died on her lips.

"_You'r_e lucky you have that smirk."

His expression deepened, "I know."

As she pulled another section of the paper off the table, she couldn't help but remember the last time they had battled for sections at the kitchen table. The trip to Martha's Vineyard: one of her favorite memories with him. Little did she now that the end of their relationship was very near that weekend, and maybe that's why remembering it was so easy, so blissful. Because that weekend was just them they were just them: inncocent, unexpecting, and very much in love.

She swallowed the last of her breakfast, and leaned back in the chair, relaxing as the events of her relationship with Logan swirled around her. Hate, friendship, love, devestation, hate, friendship, love. But then again, she guessed the love really never went away. It was just hiding, afraid to emerge on his side, prevented from peaking out on hers.

His fingers made their way to her arm and began smoothly running up and down her flesh. She turned towards him and he leaned forward, brushing her hair behind her ear and pulling her into a knee weakening kiss. She was sure if she wouldn't have been sitting down, her legs would've given out from underneath her. His insistant carressing of her lips pulled her from the chair and they made their way towards the staircase. Just like the night before, Logan's hands worked at every inch of flesh they could find, and she felt her shirt being pulled over head. She didn't resist, and her hands tugged at his belt. A soft groan escaped her lips as they entered the bedroom and Logan's kisses started down her neck, and onto her shoulders.

--------------------------------

They sat on the dock together as the sun made it's way lower on the horizon. Rory leaned against Logan, inhaling the reassuring scent of his cologne. He leaned over and kissed her temple softly, and she savored the contact. It wouldn't be long before they had to get in the car and head back to New York City, but for now she was just enjoying resting in the arms of the man she loved.

"I don't want to back," she murmered in a half groan.

"Me either."

"We could stay here," she offered.

"Yes, and Honor and Josh would get a nice surprise when they came back."

"Right," she sighed, "We should come back."

"We will."

"Next weekend?"

He clenched his jaw in thought for a second, "I'll talk to Honor."

"Okay."

As the sun descended further, Rory's worries from a few days before began pressing down on her again. The weekend with Logan had been perfect, and she wouldn't have traded it for anything. But when would Colin and Finn begin to understand how happy they were together? When would everything finally fall into place again? And most importantly, would they succeed in pulling her and Logan apart? The thought terrfied her and she moved closer to Logan, and he instantly tightened the pressure of his arm around her waist.

"What?" Logan asked her suddenly, his voice gentle.

She glanced up at him, confused.

"What's on your mind, Ace?" he said, elaborating.

"Everything."

"Huh, your brain must be ready to explode by now, with everything on your mind."

"You know what I mean."

"Not really," he explained with a smile.

"I just want to stop worrying about what Colin and Finn think, and if they're getting to you, and what their thinking about me. This weekend was like escaping from all of that, and I want to stay here forever."

He sighed, and she felt his muscles tense slighly, "Colin and Finn will come around, eventually. And they aren't getting to me. I love you, and that's all that matters. Stop worrying."

"I can't."

He kissed her temple again, "Try."

She didn't reply and he slowly stood up, pulling her to her feet along with him.

"We have to go. It's getting late," he said with reluctance.

"I know."

She sent one last, lingering gaze out over the lake, hoping they could return their soon. She longed for a place in New York City were her and Logan could spend time together, alone. But the occasions were few and far between, since they both had roommates. He tugged at her hand slightly, and she pulled her eyes away from the lake as they made their way back to the car. He hurried up into the house, grabbed their bags, and locked the doors before returning to her.

He pulled out slowly, and she watched as the lake and the house disappeared from sight. Disappearing along with it were all her feelings of comfort and security. Tomorrow they would have to return to the rest of the world, and all the people who didn't trust her again just yet. She hoped that in time their trust would come, as Logan said, but a part of her was hesitiant to believe that.

"Stop it," Logan ordered.

"What?"

"Stop thinking about it. Thinking about it only gives you worry lines on your face."

She had to smile, and she knew that was in intention when she turned to make eye contact with his dancing eyes. He reached for her hand and squeezed it, a strong reassurance being transfered from his body to hers. And she knew in that moment that she had never loved him more.


	31. Crashing Back Down

Logan walked into the kitchen the next morning to find that the routine hadn't changed much over the weekend. Colin was sitting at the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and Finn was passed out on the couch. He had to smile at the familar setting, these were his best friends.

"You were asleep by the time we go home," Colin told him as a greeting.

"It's a long drive," Logan explained.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Great time."

Colin nodded, but remained silent. Logan sighed. It was way too early to start a conversation about Rory. He would think of a way to bring it up later, when his mind wasn't too tired to form complete sentences. Logan poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, skimming over the paper for a few minutes, before glancing at his watch.

"I have to get to work," Logan announced as he stood up, "Are we heading out later?"

Colin shrugged, "If I can. Call."

"Okay."

Logan made his way outside to the busseling city streets. He couldn't stop replaying the weekend with Rory in his head. It had been everything he'd wanted it to be and more. He knew now that having her back after all this time only made him love her more. If he had any doubts about the decision he had made, they were all erased the minute they kissed under the sunset. Rory Gilmore was the girl for him.

It worried him, though, that she couldn't stop thinking about Colin and Finn's opinion. She seemed petrified that he was going to give in to what they felt, and that made his heart ache. He couldn't tell her that he loved her more often, he couldn't tell her that he wasn't having second thoughts in anymore ways. He hoped that with enough time she would realize that he wasn't going anywhere. And maybe, with enough time, his two best friends would start to come around.

He knocked on Rory and Carmen's door, and his girlfriend stepped out a few seconds later. He kissed her lightly and she smiled, leaning against him as his arm fell around her shoulders.

"Morning," he greeted.

She yawned in reply, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"How many cups of coffee did you have this morning?" he continued.

"Four."

He grinned, "That's all?"

"Some guy showed up at my door to take me to work before I could have my fifth."

"Now who would do a thing like that?"

She glared at him, but he only smiled and spoke again, "Hang on."

He turned away from her and walked down the the street, stepped into a Starbucks, and ordered her the largest cup of coffee they had. When he came into her view again, she flashed him a huge grin.

"You're forgiven," she chirped, reaching for the cup, "Until tomorrow morning."

"I think I'll come prepared tomorrow morning."

"Good idea."

He called them a taxi which sped them quickly to their office doors. They stood outside together for a moment, staring at revolving doors, and he knew they were both longing for the lake, and the boat, and the sunset. And most importantly, they were longing for alone time with each other. Finally, he sighed and began walking towards the doors. She held back for a second, but finally relented and followed him inside.

As soon as they entered the newsroom, Logan could tell something was wrong. Every person in the room seemed to look at him as soon as he stepped inside. He glanced down at Rory, who looked up at him, equally confused.

"Did I grow an extra head or something?"

She pretended to study him for a second, "Not that I can see."

She squeezed his hand, and he was suddenly reassured. Rory had a way of making everything seem okay, even if it wasn't.

"So, what's going on?" Logan asked to nobody in particular.

Will was the first person to walk over to him. He stared at Logan for a second, as if preparing himself as to how Logan would take whatever news he had prepared. Slowly, hesitantly, he handed Logan a folded newspaper. Logan tilted his head to the side and opened it. And as soon as he glanced down, he knew why everybody was looking at him like he would break. There, written in a section on the _New York Times_, was an article titled, _Bad Heir: L. Huntzberger Lets Family Down_. He felt Rory stiffen at his side, and he knew her eyes were on him, studying him...waiting.

"Oh my God," she breathed.

He began reading the article, knowing he should've been surprised, but the truth was he wasn't shocked in the slightest. It was the work of Mitchum Huntzberger afterall, which was obvious from the number of quotes he supplied to the writer. The article went on explain why Logan and his father were no longer speaking, and about the bad work Logan performed in London. Mitchum supplied a quote that stated in his opinion Logan didn't have what it took to be a journalist, or run a paper. The whole thing could also be read as Mitchum telling the world not to hire his son.

Logan shrugged, and tossed the paper in the nearest garbage can. Rory stiffled a laugh at the shocked expressions on their co-workers faces.

"Yes?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"That's it?" Will said, obviously stunned.

"What do you want me to do? Challenge him to a sword fight? I mean, I think I could win, but it probably wouldn't go over too well."

"He tore you apart in that article!"

Again, Logan just shrugged, "He's Mitchum Huntzberger."

He said this as if it explained everything, and then considered the subject dismissed. Inside though, his blood was boiling. Turning on his heel, he made his way towards the breakroom. He was aware of Rory's prescense behind him, but he didn't mind her being around. In fact, he was happy for the support he was sure she would supply. He nodded for her to lock the breakroom door behind her, and then they sat down at the table. Logan stared at his cellphone for a second, before selected his father's long abandoned number off his phone and hitting send.

"Logan!" Mitchum's voice boomed as greeting, "What a surprise!"

"Like hell it is."

"Oh, you saw the article."

"Yeah, I saw the article," Logan said, his voice low.

"The reporter wouldn't leave me alone until I supplied him with a quote or two."

"Bullshit. The article had you written all over it, literally, your quotes were everywhere. I suddenly remember exactly why I decided to divorce this family."

"Logan..." Mitchum warned.

"No. I don't really care what you have to say, I never did. That article was a bunch of bullshit and you know it. I did a perfectly fine job in London, and yet it was never good enough for you."

"Are you really back with that Gilmore girl?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business. Go to hell."

And with that, he slammed his phone shut. He wasn't sure why the article had inched under his skin, besides the fact that his talents were now going to be questions by any newspaper editor who happened to read it. The betrayal felt like a slap in the face. He should've known better than to think his father was just going to let him walk out of his life, that wasn't Mitchum's style. No, Mitchum had to give him a kick in the ass as he walked out of the door.

"Are you okay?" Rory asked.

Logan's head jerked up as he remembered that she was in the room with him, "He's such a jackass. And somehow he found out that I'm dating you again. Although, I probably shouldn't be surprised. Satan sees all."

"Is that why he supplied quotes for the article? Because of me?"

"What?" Logan shook his head, "No. He let himself be quoted because of_ me_."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"What can I do? It's over with."

He stood up and began pacing around the room, his head a mixture of emotions. On one end, he was furious. On the other, he was calm. Afterall, he had a steady job with a boss who could care less about his father. But then again, if he ever wanted to move onto anything bigger there would always be the question of that article. Mitchum Huntzberger was a very important man in the newspaper business, although Logan was still trying to figure out why.

Rory's arms came around his waist and he felt her chin rest against his shoulder. Just a simple touch from her caused his anger to dull.

"I thought he was a jerk before, but I was wrong. He just topped himself. God, you're his son! He didn't have to take your fight public. We should do something, what can we do?" she ranted, her voice rising.

"I should've seen it coming," he turned towards her and planted a kiss on her lips, "I'm not going to worry about it."

"Logan--" she began, worry heavy in her eyes.

"And either are you," he interrupted, "I have to call Honor. Go get some work done."

"I can't believe he did this," Rory murmered as she started towards the door.

Logan laughed shortly, "Yes, you can."

He waited until she walked out the door before he grabbed his phone and chose Honor's number.

"Oh my God! Our father is a asshole!" she screeched.

"Hello to you too."

"Did you read this?"

"Yep."

"And you're not mad?"

"Furious, actually. But what's done is done," Logan reasoned.

"You should write an article."

"First of all, Post It is nowhere near the New York Times. Second of all, my word is nothing, _especially_ now, compared to Mitchum Huntzberger's."

"It made you sound like an stupid asshole who abandoned his loving, caring family and couldn't even find a filing cabnit to file a paper in London. Is that really what you want people to think?"

Logan flinched,"Of course not. But there's nothing I can do about it. People are going to think that now because the newspaper god said so. Let it go. Between you and Rory, _I_ don't even have to be mad anymore."

"Fine," Honor pouted, "But I'm still going to yell at him."

"Yell away. Bye Honor."

"Bye."

He closed his phone and took a deep breath. As soon as he walked back out into the newsroom, he was going to have to face the stares of his coworkers all over again. Usually, he didn't mind being stared at. It came with the responsibilities of growing up as a Huntzberger. Today, however, it was annoying the crap out of him. Gathering himself, he stepped out into the newsroom and walked straight to his desk, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

As soon as he sat down however, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was turning around to yell at the intruder, but he only came face to face with a pair of beautiful blue eyes. Rory smiled and handed him a large cup of coffee.

"I figured you could use this."

"I could use something a little stronger than this, Ace."

She winked, "It's special coffee."

"Bless you," he took a sip, then paused, "Where did you get the special?"

"Carmen."

"Enough said."

"So are you really going to be okay?" she asked, her question laced with concern.

"I'm fine," he insisted, "_Really_. I've been dealing with my father for years," he reached up and slipped his hand around her neck, pulling her in for a kiss, "Thank you. I love you. Now go do some work."

She nodded, biting her lip slightly, "See you for lunch?"

"Of course. Bye, Ace."

He watched her walk away, silently telling himself how lucky he was to have her back in his life. And reminding himself_ exactly _how lucky he was that she chased him down the street that night. She was honestly concerned about him. He could see it in the way her eyes had studied him ever since they read the newspaper article. If only Colin and Finn could see her when she was like this, then they would understand. She was making up for her mistakes every second of everyday, and he could only hope he was doing the same for her.

He took another sip of his drink as he reminded himself to thank Finn for teaching him that it is never too early for alcohol. Turning towards his computer, he massaged his temples gently. Suddenly, there was a shadow looming over his desk and he almost groaned as he glanced up.

"I'm assuming you read the article," Paul told him.

"Yes."

Logan swallowed hard. Did Paul care what his father thought?

"And I want you to know that we support you one hundred percent."

Logan released the breath he didn't even know he was holding, "Thank you."

"You got it," Paul said as they shook hands.

Logan shook his head slightly as his boss walked away. He briefly wondered if everyone he knew was now referring to the piece as 'the article'.

--------------------------------

"So, are Colin and Finn coming tonight?" Rory asked on their way to the bar.

"Yep," Logan cast her a sideways glance, "Are you going to be okay?"

She shrugged, "I hope so."

"He shouldn't pull anything. I threatened him on the phone," Logan said with a smile.

"I think Colin is immune to your threats after all these years."

Logan laughed and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. His mind wandered to the the _New York Times _article, which had been a weight on his shoulders all day. He couldn't help but think about people reading it thinking about what a moron he was. He pretended to shrug it off to everyone around him, but the fact that the population of New York City, and many others, were reading lies about him was not easily comforted. But even being _near_ Rory was comforting, and he only wanted her closer to him.

He felt her eyes turn towards him.

"Hey," she murmered softly, "Nothing in that article is true."

"I know that. You know that. Everyone else doesn't know that."

"Everyone who has even met you once knows that, Logan."

"I don't know why it's bothering me so much."

"Because your father is spreading lies about you in the New York Times? That's why."

"It's just Mitchum. It's what he does."

"You're allowed to be upset, Logan."

"You know what?" he leaned down and kissed her, "I don't feel like being upset right now. Let's go inside."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bar, where the band was already in full blast. They stopped at the bar to order drinks, then made their way to their normal group.

"Logan," Colin greeted, "In case you didn't already know this, your father is a jackass."

"Thanks for the update," Logan deadpanned.

"I thought he agreed to let you walk out, mate," Finn added.

"After he yelled for about two days and cut me off from everything, he did. But dad never sticks to an agreement where I'm concerned," he paused, "Hello everyone, by the way."

Logan took a drink of his beer, and grabbed Rory's hand under the table. She blushed slightly, and he grinned. He loved it when she blushed, it was adorable.

"So how was your trip?" Aiden inquired, "Did you fun?"

"A blast," Rory replied, sending a smile Logan's way, "It's beautiful there."

"It is," Logan agreed, never taking his eyes off Rory.

Suddenly, she felt his girlfriend stiffin at his side. Her face looked absolutely striken and he felt her hand tremble slightly in his grip.

"Ace?" he murmered.

She didn't reply, and he placed an arm around her shoulders as he followed her stare. It took him a second to find what she was staring at, but when he did his muscles tightened. There, standing at the crowded bar, was Jess. He seemed to be holding eye contact with Rory, but he shifted it towards Logan when he noticed Logan staring at him. And then, just as quickly as he appeared, he vanished.

When Logan returned his gaze to Rory, there were tears forming behind her eyes, and he was having a hard time understanding why. She claimed she never loved him, so why the tears? He felt the eyes of their friends on them, and when he glanced up, the first person he made eye contact with was Colin. His best friend shook his head in digust as he stared at Logan's shaken girlfriend.

"What's the matter, Rory? Regretting your decision to go back to Logan?" Colin asked bitterly.

Rory's head shot up, "No, Colin."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"Because--"

"Nevermind. I don't care."

"Colin! Lay off of her. God," Carmen shot at him, moving away slightly, "You don't even let her explain."

"Carmen--" Colin began.

"Save it."

"Fine then, come on, Rory, tell us. Why the tears?" Finn asked.

"Because," she glanced at Logan helplessly, "Because..."

As she searched for words, Logan knew that sharing her reason was not something she wanted to do infront of a table of friends, and not so much friends. He held a defiant staring contest with Colin as he stood up and helped Rory to her feet. All the fury he felt about the article was fading away as concern for his girlfriend quickly took over.

"This is getting old fast, Logan!" Colin called out as they pair headed for the exit.

Logan whipped around angrily, "Yeah Colin, it _really_ is."

They walked outside and Logan instantly pulled Rory into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and rested her head on her shoulder. He could feel her tears through his shirt as he tightened his grip on her and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He was hoping with all his heart that Colin wasn't right.

"He reminds me that I left you for him," Rory mumbled into his shoulder.

"What?"

She pulled her head up, "Seeing him reminds me that I left you for him, and how damn stupid I was. And when I saw him, I thought, this is it: Logan is going to remember what I did and leave me."

He said and cupped her chin in his hands, offering her a smile, "Ace, I've told you time and time again, I'm not going anywhere. We're together now, that's all that matters."

She nodded, but the tear stains were heavy on her cheeks. He leaned down and kissed her hard on the lips, restating his message once more. But when they pulled apart, his head began reeling with all the events of that day. First, the _New York Times _article, then seeing Jess, Rory's tears, Colin's harsh words, Carmen and Colin's heated exchange, and now he was pretty sure he was in a fight with his best friends. The beginning of a large headache was beginning to knock on his temples.

"You ready to go home?" Logan asked.

"So ready."

He nodded and called a cab. They both slipped inside, and Logan pulled her into his arms, placing a soft kiss on her hair. He loved this girl. He loved her more than anything in the world. But the thought that the relationship was ripping him away from Colin and Finn was tearing him apart inside. They had always stuck together, the three of them, why couldn't it stay the same now?

The cab pulled to a halt infront of Rory's building. He told the driver to wait, and then walked out next to her. She offered him a small smile, and he bent down and kissed her. His hands slid around her waist, and he felt hers come up around his neck. There was nothing he wanted more than to be with her that night, but he knew Carmen would probably be leaving early after her fight with Colin.

"Good night, Ace. And don't worry, okay?"

"Good night, Logan. I love you."

He smiled, "I love you, too."

He got back into the cab as his head began pounding. Once speeding down the city streets again, he selected Colin's number.

"Well, hi. Where are you?" Colin answered, sounding annoyed.

"On my way home."

"I'm here."

"What's going on, Colin? Why can't you just accept this?"

"This isn't right," Colin replied, but his voice sounded more angry than worried, "That's all."

"Can we talk when I get home?"

"I'm going to bed. I have meetings all day tomorrow, and Finn is with some girl. We'll talk sometime. Maybe the day after."

"What the hell? Colin, come on!"

"Good night," he said quickly, and hung up.

Logan sighed and pressed his forehead agains the cool glass of the window. So much for the perfection at the lake.


	32. Turn It Upside Down

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews and support, as usual. You guys rock. I'm updating as often as possible, but the access I have to a computer varies, so bear with me. And yes, I know Colin and Finn are slightly OOC, but I like to think that their relationship with Logan is based on more than just partying. I have seen guys act like this after bad breakups. It happens. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy! Sadly, I think this fic is near the end, but I still have several more chapters left in me. Please leave a review!**

If being with Logan was a dream, then everything surrounding their relationship was a nightmare. Rory walked into the apartment and collasped on the couch, burrying her head in her hands. Seeing Jess again had been an absolute shock, and she was surprised at the crushing feeling she'd felt in her chest with just one sight. _That's_ what she left Logan for. And now she knew she left Logan for absolutely nothing. The pain she felt at that instant had been unbearable, and being pounded by Colin and Finn hadn't helped.

She wanted to scream at the two of them, wanted to yell in their faces how much she loved their best friend. But she knew that would only make things worse, and it wouldn't work anyway. They were dead set in their opinion of her, and she didn't know how to make it change. She never saw Colin and Finn as the protective kind of friends, but she guessed she missed a lot over the past year. They had seen Logan at his worst, and now they were expecting her to send him back there again. Well, she could just have to prove them wrong.

A long sigh escaped her lips as she thought about the bitter words tossed between Carmen and Colin that night. She knew her best friend was starting to fall for him, and it hurt that they was in a fight because she was defending Rory. As much as Rory appreciated her input, the last thing she wanted was for Carmen to be unhappy. And if being with Colin was what she wanted, then Rory didn't want to be the one to stand in her way.

And of course, there was the quick, yet bitter exchange thrown between Logan and Colin. She knew there was more to come in that area. She hated that Logan had to turn on his best friend because of her, she didn't want him to have to do that. She just wanted, actually, she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.

She felt like she was spinning in circles and she didn't know how to stop. To top off her day was the article published in the_ New York Times_. As much as Logan tried to ignore it, she knew it pained him to read the lies in black and white. She found it incredibly hard to understand how a father could treat his son that way, no matter how much bad blood there was between them. But then again, he was Mitchum Huntzberger, so she really shouldn't have been surprised. She just hated to see Logan hurt, and she could tell the article had hit him hard.

The door opened, and then it slammed shut. Rory flinched as the bang echoed through the apartment.

"Car?" she called weakly, "Are you okay?"

Carmen appeared in the living room and sat down on the couch. Rory surveyed her best friend's appearance and felt her heart ache. The blonde's make-up was smeared from tears, and her eyes were red and puffy. She sat silently, staring at her hands, as if waiting for Rory to tell her what to do. Rory reached out and took Carmen's hand, squeezing it gently.

"You don't have to fight with him because of me," Rory assured her.

"How can he treat you that way? He's acting like an ass."

Rory shrugged, "Yes, but he has his reasons. Neither of us know what Logan went though. Imagine how you would feel if a guy did that to me. Think Jess."

"Point taken. But still, you're my best friend, Ror. The best friend I've ever had. I hate that he hurts you, and I hate that he can't forgive you. I tried to stay out of it, and he knows better than to talk to you about me, but tonight was the last straw. I know why you were really upset about seeing Jess."

"I know you do," Rory said gently, "But he doesn't. It's okay to be with him,_ really _it is. I know you care about him, and he cares about you, too."

Carmen's cellphone rang suddenly, and she glanced at the caller id as tears flooded her eyes. Rory glanced over her shoulder and cast her friend a small small.

"Answer it. Make up with him," Rory ordered.

Carmen stared at her, and then at the phone.

"Go," Rory urged, giving her friend a little push.

The blonde offered Rory a grateful expression, before flipping open her phone and disappearing into the bedroom.

One problem solved. Rory sank down on the couch and placed her hands on her forehead, trying to figure out where to go from there. And then she remembered her: her tears, Logan's worried expresson, her fears about him leaving her behind. What was she doing? It hit her out of nowhere. This wasn't her, and this wasn't what Logan needed right now. He told her all the time that he loved her, and that things were going to be okay. And yet she continued to get upset. With a groan, she pulled out her cellphone and skimmed down to Logan's number.

"Ace?" a groggy voice answered.

"Did I wake you up?" Rory inquired.

"No. I was just heading to bed. What's up?"

Rory bit her lip, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked, his voice waking up a bit.

"For breaking down like I always do. I don't know what has gotten into me. I'm just so afraid of losing you again, and tonight only brought back all those feelings. But I know you aren't going anywhere, Logan. And I love you. I just don't want you to have to worry about me anymore."

"Where is this coming from?"

"It's coming from me, your beautiful girlfriend."

He laughed softly, "You know what I mean."

"I don't know. I was just laying here, sort of tipsy, sort of not, very tired. And I thought, what am I doing? I know you're worried about me, and I hate that you have to be worried about me. Plus, you have to be getting exasperated with all my breakdowns. Then I had one of those piano of the head moments, and I realized that we're in love and that we're going to be okay. And that's all."

He laughed slightly harder now, "You're rambling, Ace. But I got it."

"Okay."

"But I'll still worry about you. Now, go get some sleep. I'll do the same. And I see you in the morning."

"Good night, Logan."

She could almost hear him smile through the phone, "Night, Ace."

Shaking her head with a smile, she closed her phone and got up from the couch. Now, if she could just figure out how to fix the situation with Colin and Finn, everything would be okay. But they were allowed to have their own opinion, and for now on she promised herself she was going to deal with it. No more breakdowns: it wasn't fair to her, and it certainly wasn't fair to Logan.

She walked back Carmen's room, and was relieved to hear her friend speaking at a normal level. Pushing open the door slightly, she raised her eyebrows in a questioning expression. Carmen smiled and gave her a thumbs up, before turning her concentration back to the phone. Rory nodded and closed the door behind her before walking down the hall to her room.

--------------------------------

"So, have you talked to Colin and Finn?" Rory asked as she walked into _Post It _with Logan the next morning.

"Finn's with a girl. Colin was asleep when I came home, and gone when I woke up."

She noted the dull sadness in his voice.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

He tucked his arm around her waist and pulled her into him, "We'll work it out."

"I want you to."

"I know," he paused, "How's Carmen?"

She smiled, "They made up last night."

"Good," he responded quietly, his jaw clenched, "Good. He really likes her."

"I know."

"So are you going to expand on the conversation we had last night?" he inquired, stepping into the elevator.

"I thought I rambled enough."

He only smirked and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I just...I know we're going to be okay now. That's all," she explained.

"Glad to hear it, Ace."

"And if you can't get Colin and Finn to accept this, well, that's okay too. I want you three to remain friends."

His eyes clouded over slightly, "I hope we can."

She decided to let the subject drop, knowing that's what Logan wanted. He was upset, and she hated that he was upset. She reached down and gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and he cast her a thankful smile in return. Of the two of them, she knew the situation was harder on him. And she silently cursed herself for always getting so upset when the events were taking their toll on her supportive boyfriend as well.

They reached her desk and he kissed her again, offering a small smile.

"I'm meeting Honor for lunch, so I'll see you later, okay?"

She nodded, "Bye."

"And hey," he reached out and placed her chin between his hands, "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said with a grin.

"Okay. See ya, Ace."

She watched him walk away, before sinking down in her chair and flicking on the computer. Her eyes caught a strange object on her desk and she turned her attention towards the small box and card. She smiled, thinking that Logan had somehow slipped it onto her desk when she wasn't looking. But when she reached for the card and flipped it over, what she read caused her heart to drop for all the wrong reasons.

_Rory, I saw you the other night and you looked beautiful. I love you and I miss you like crazy. I don't know how you found Logan again, but you and I both know that he's not the right guy for you. We belong together, Ror, let's make this right again. Please meet me for lunch across the street, there is something I want to ask you. I love you. --Jess_

Angry tears built up behind her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She furiously reached the box and ripped it open, amazed by what was laying inside. There, perched on a red, satin lining, was a gorgeous diamond necklace. Slamming the box shut, she shook her head bitterly and sank back against her seat. She should've known that seeing him at the bar wouldn't be the end. Once Jess saw her with somebody else, he becamee the loving, caring boyfriend that he never turned out to be in the end.

Quickly, she tossed the box and the note into her desk drawer and glanced around to see if anyone had noticed. Once she knew she was safe, she took a deep breath to calm her frazzeled nerves and decide what to do about the situation. She would tell Logan, just not today, he already had enough on his mind. But the most important issue was whether or not to meet Jess for lunch. A huge part of her was screaming no, that it was a horrible idea and no good could come of it. The other part of her however, was thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. She would meet Jess, tell him she was in love with Logan, tell him that she never loved him and that he was a mistake, and then maybe he wouldn't try and contact her again. Silently, she agreed with the later part of her mind. She _would_ meet Jess for lunch, and that's exactly what she would say.

She noticed her hands were shaking slightly as she placed them on the keys of her computer and attempted to concentrate on her latest article, but after a few minutes she knew it was no use.

--------------------------------

She walked into the restaurant slowly, hesitantly, and still not completely sure about her decision. Her eyes darted around the small cafe, but saw no sign of Jess. Exhaling in relief, she sat down at the nearest table and kept her eyes trained to the door. She wanted to catch him as soon as he walked in, so she could get this over with as soon as possible. She replayed her side of the conversation in her head like she had been doing since she recieved the letter. As much as she hoped for a smooth interaction, she knew that would be near impossible with Jess.

The door opened with a jingle and he walked inside. He spotted her almost immediatly, offered her a cocky smile, and slid into the chair facing her.

"I knew you would come," he greeted, "What do you want to eat?"

"Nothing," she replied, her voice cold.

"Nothing?" he shrugged, "Okay. So, let's get to the point then."

"Yes, let's. I--"

He interrupted her by leaning forward and attempting to press his lips to hers. She moved him away with a hard push.

"Don't you dare," he hissed, "I'm with Logan."

"I love you, Rory. And I know I wasn't the best boyfriend for awhile, but I have always loved you. We're meant to be together."

"No, we're not."

"What? Come on, you know that we are. That's why you came to me that night."

"I came to you that night because I was hurt and confused," she informed him, "I never loved you, but I let you convince me that I could. I've always loved Logan, and I always will. That's just the way it is."

"I see he's already changed you again. Don't let him do that to you again."

"Do what? He makes me a better person. He brings out a side of me that has been gone ever since he left. And most importantly, he loves me. He's there for me, and he makes me laugh. He's _around_, Jess."

"I was busy!" Jess argued, his eyes blazing, "And so were you. That doesn't mean we don't love each other. You left him for a reason!"

"And I'm still trying to figure out what the hell that reason was!" Rory shot back, her voice growing louder, "He made a mistake, but I made a bigger one. I never stopped loving him. I just denied what I was feeling. I'm back with Logan now, understand?"

"You've lost your mind. Remember us, Rory? Me and you, we're supposed to be together."

"Wrong," Rory respsonded firmly, shaking her head, "So wrong. Me and Logan are supposed to be together."

"I love you! You_ love _me!"

"I never loved you."

"Excuse me?"

"I was confused, and I think that I wanted to love you to make myself feeling better for leaving Logan, but I never did," she paused, "Now, what did you want to ask me?"

Jess held eye contact with her as he reached into his pocket and slid a box onto the table. His fingers worked the outside corners and propped it open. Rory's mouth hung open in shock as she stared a the open box.

"Rory Gilmore," he said, his voice growing quiet, "We're meant to be together. Will you marry me?"

"No!" Rory exclaimed, "Never. I love Logan. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"You're just mad at me right now. You came to me, Rory, you left him for _me_."

"I already told you, I was hurt because of what he did and I wanted comfort, but I never should've left. You can't compare to Logan, you will never be able to compare. He makes me feel like I can do anything. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. And I never loved you. I used to think I did in high school, but I never did. Logan opened my eyes to what love truly is a long time ago. I lost sight of that, and then I made the worst mistake I ever made. Goodbye, Jess."

She made a move to get up from the table, but Jess's hand closed firmly around her wrist.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to let you go without a fight?"

Rory rolled her eyes, "I don't love you Jess. Get the hell over it."

She tried to step forward, but his grip on her arm kept her rooted firmly in place. His fingers closed tighter around her skin and she could feel a dull ache closing in.

"I love you, Rory," Jess told her firmly.

"I love _Logan_," she answered, her voice oddly steady, "Let me go."

"I don't think so."

"I'd advise you to listen to the girl," a new voice said from behind them.

Rory whipped her head around to come face to face with the last person in the world she expected to be defending her. Colin reached out and grabbed Jess around the wrist, forcing him to release his grip on Rory.

"Who the hell are you?"

Colin held eye contact with Rory as he replied, "A friend. Now get the hell out."

"Excuse me? Who are you to--?"

Colin reached out and placed a threatening hand on his shoulder, "You got three seconds, Jess."

Jess shifted his gaze from Colin to Rory and back again, before standing up and grabbing the box. He shrugged as he turned to leave the restaurant, casting a glance at Rory over his shoulder as he stepped out.

"You never know what you really want," he said lowly, before closing the door behind him.

Rory watched him walk away for a moment, before returning her sights to Colin. He stood there, studying the people at the counter, as if nothing strange had just happened at all.

"What made you do that?" Rory inquired, motioning towards their table.

"I heard everything you told him," he shrugged, "That's all I wanted you to do, Rory."

"What? Stand up to Jess?"

"No," he shook his head slightly, "Do something that convinced me that you're staying for good this time. Either talk to me and Finn, or do something like that. That's all I wanted. I wanted to know that he's not going to end up hurt again. I'm not a psycho, Rory, but he's my friend. And I don't want to see him go through that again."

Rory smiled softly, "I know, and he's not going to. I love him."

"I know that now," he nodded towards the door, "Good job, Gilmore. Coffee?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

He grinned as he walked towards the counter, "Not really."

Suddenly, a shadow appeared over table. She glanced up, and was surprised to find Logan standing over her. She smiled, but he didn't smile back. His eyes were pained, and when he opened his mouth to speak, his words were cold.

"When you planning on telling me about your lunch date with Jess?"


	33. In The Bigger Picture

**AN: Sorry for not updating in so long. Blame little access to a computer, a softball tournament, MLB All-Star Week, and a major case of writer's block. Anyway, I'm back in action now, but the writer's block is still hanging around. I'm not sure how great this chapter is because of it. But thanks for your support and reviews as always. You guys keep me going, that's for sure. This story is near it's end, because I'm running out of ideas and I don't want to overstay it's welcome. Please read the chapter, and I would love a review!**

Logan's head was still reeling after finding the note, and the necklace, from Jess is Rory's desk drawer. He'd been searching for the stapler she'd borrowed from him a few days ago, but instead he found a message from her past. That's when he realized that Rory had already left for lunch, and the idea that she had actually gone across the street to see Jess had gripped his brain. He called Honor, told her the story, and then arrived at the restaurant just as Jess was walking out of the door.

Now, he stood staring at his girlfriend waiting for answer. She looked like he had just slapped her across the face, and the expression was not reassuring. As he stood there, watching her search for the right words, his heart pounded heavily in his chest. This couldn't be happening. Not again. She told him she loved him, she told him Jess didn't mean anything to her. So why did she come here? Why did she lie about? Was he losing her? He couldn't handle losing her a second time.

"Well?" he urged, clenching his fists at his sides.

"I was going to tell you," she almost whispered.

"Oh, really?" he shot back sarcastically, "When?"

"When you had less on your mind."

He rolled his eyes, "Come on, Rory."

"It's true, Logan. I didn't want to bother you with it."

"You didn't want to bother me with the fact that your ex-boyfriend, who you left me for a year ago, sent you a diamond necklace and a message to meet him for lunch? Not to mention that the note declared how perfect you two are for each other and how horrible I am? You didn't want to _bother_ me with _that_?" he demanded.

"I had it covered."

"You lied to me, Rory! You lied to me and you met Jess for lunch. How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"I met with him to tell him that I loved you, I don't love him, and that he was a mistake."

"Then what was the big deal about telling me about it?"

"You were tense enough today about Colin and Finn, and me, and the article, and everything else. You didn't need a meaningless lunch piled on top of that."

"Wrong," he responded, his voice low, "What I didn't need was my girlfriend lying to me. And what I need now is to go for a walk."

"Logan," she protested, stopping him as her voice cracked, "I'm sorry, but I thought it was for the best. Please just listen to me."

"_Now_ you want me to listen to you?"

"Can we go somewhere else?"

Logan shook his head, "No."

"Would you at least sit down?"

He weighed the question for a second, before relentling and sliding into the chair across from her. She had tears in her eyes now, and they were slowly slipping down her cheeks. He resisted the urge to reach out and wipe them way. She had lied to him, and their fresh relationship couldn't handle that right now.

"I didn't mean for you to find out this way. I was going to tell you."

"Oh, well. That's reasurring," he muttered sarcastically.

"Nothing happened. I came, he came, he told me he loved me, I told him I loved you. He insisted that we were meant to be together, and I told him I was with you."

"What did he ask you?"

"Huh?"

"In his note, he said he had something to ask you."

Her eyes shifted downward, and her fingers wrapped around the edge of the table so tight that her knuckles began turning white.

"Well?" Logan urged, growing more and more impatient.

"He proposed," Rory said quietly, so quietly that he could barely hear her.

"Excuse me?" he asked, his voice catching in his throat.

"He proposed, and I turned him down."

"He proposed?"

"Yes."

Logan leaned back in his chair, the pounding in his chest had now migrated to his head as well. Jess proposed. Jess proposed to his girlfriend at a lunch that Rory had lied to him about. The concept had rendered him speechless, which didn't happen very often. He opened his mouth slightly, but no words came out, and he found himself searching for something to hang on to, but there was nothing there.

"Logan!" Colin greeted as he walked over, coffee in hand, "You just missed your girlfriend kick some ass."

Logan glanced up at his friend in complete and total stunned confusion. Was this the same Colin who hated Rory? The same Colin who wouldn't even half listen when Logan tried to explain their relationship? He stared at Colin, gaping, as his friend's expression changed from happy to confused. Logan couldn't get his thoughts to stay straight, but he knew he had to get out of the coffee shop. Without a word, he got up and walked towards the door. He heard Rory, and then Colin, call his name, but he blocked it from his mind. Right now, he needed to be alone.

He almost laughed bitterly at the thought that Rory had been the one questioning whether or not _he_ would stay. Suddenly, the tables were turned and he was left in a whirlwind of emotion. He knew that nothing had happened between Rory and Jess, but the fact that she had lied to him aboutt he meeting still stung. Not only that, but Jess proposed. Why would he propose if she hadn't spoken to him since their breakup? Had there been other lunches, other dates, that he didn't know about?

Stuffing his hands deep into his pockets, he turned the corner and began charging down another strip of New York City sidewalk. He didn't want to fight with her, he didn't want to be angry with her, but he couldn't help it. Why did she lie to him? They were still getting used to being together again, still building up the levels of trust. Omitting important events in each others lives, especially those which involved ex's, was not a good idea.

"Logan! Hold up," his best friend's voice said from behind him.

Logan stalled slightly, and then slowed his pace to allow Colin to catch up.

"What's going on?" Colin asked.

"I could ask you the same question."

"What?"

"Since when are you all buddy-buddy with Rory?"

"Since she told off Jess. For you. In impressive fashion, may I add. Which is why I am completely and totally perplexed at your anger right now."

"I wouldn't be, if she would've told me she was meeting him," Logan shot back.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

Logan took a cue from Colin's silence and began walking faster, hoping to lose him in the crowd. He had no such luck, because soon Colin was at his side again.

"Did she have a reason?" Colin inquired.

"She said that she didn't want to worry me with something so so-called meaningless."

"So-called meaningless?"

"I don't consisder a date with an ex-boyfriend meaningless."

"I don't think it was a date," Colin reasoned.

"Since when are you on her side, Colin? When I wanted you to be, you wouldn't even try. And now that I need you to be on my side, you're supporting her. Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

Colin paused for a second, "She showed me something when she stood up to Jess like that. If you would've seen her. Damn Logan, that wasn't the Rory Gilmore I knew in college. She wasn't even a little bit nice to him, and Rory has a soft spot for almost everyone."

"Good for her. Maybe if she would've _told_ me, I could've seen it."

"I agree that was a bad idea, but I'm sure it made sense in her head. Come on, Logan. You love this girl."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Logan exploded, "Why couldn't you see that before, Colin?"

"I don't know," Colin admitted, "I was cautious about her."

"And now she's your freaking best friend."

"No," Colin said firmly, "You are. And you're making one hell of a big mistake by walking away."

"Who are you to tell me whether or not I'm making a mistake? Hmm? You're the one who didn't want me to be with her because she would hurt me again. Well guess what, Colin? She did."

"She didn't mean to Logan. She loves you, she stood up to Jess for you, she yelled at him for _you_."

"He proposed to her. Did you know that? Why the hell would he propose to her if he hasn't seen her since they broke up? How do I know this was their first meeting? How do I know she hasn't been seeing him for a long time?"

"She hasn't, Logan. The conversation they had clearly showed that this was their first meeting for awhile. And the closet they came to any physical contact was an attempted kiss by him, and a shove away from her."

"She still lied to be," Logan responded through clenched teeth, "She saw her ex-boyfriend behind my back, the ex-boyfriend who tore her away from me in the first place. She saw him and he didn't tell me."

"She had a reason. It might not have been a good reason, but it made sense to her. Listen to me, Logan, nothing happened."

"Why the hell should I listen to you? You never listened to me."

"Why are you taking this out on me?"

Logan paused, letting his anger settle slightly, "I just need to go right now, okay? I'll see you later."

"Don't let her go, Logan," Colin said as he turned and walked away.

Logan stood still on the sidewalk for a second, letting the words sink it, before he started forward again. He knew he had to go back to work, but right now it was the last thing he felt like doing. He could barely think straight, let alone type up an article for the paper. And seeing her, well, he didn't really want to deal with that right now. But it didn't really matter what he wanted, he had to go back anyway.

He ran a hand down over his face, before flagging down a taxi and climbing inside. When he arrived at his desk, Rory was nowhere in sight. He cringed slightly, knowing that she would have to walk by eventually, and he wasn't looking forward to that confrontation. Sighing, he turned his attention to his computer and tried to focus at the job at hand, but it was no use.

He heard her name before he saw her, and he didn't even have to glance up to know how upset she probably looked. Shawn was the first one to call out her name. Logan finally looking up to see her hurrying by his desk, tears falling down her face, and saw Shawn reach out and grab her arm. That's when Rory absolutely fell against her friend, the sounds of her sobs making Logan's heart break. He could be mad at her, but he couldn't stop caring about her. It was the same problem he always had, and always would have.

Logan made himself tear his eyes away from his crying girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend. He wasn't exactly sure what to call her at the moment. She had lied to him, sure, and it had hurt. But did he want that to end their relationship? She said that she was just trying to protect him, but she ended up putting more on his mind than telling him ever could have done. He wanted to trust her. More than anything he wanted to be able to trust her, but their past just kept tearing at his brain and making it nearly impossible, especially where Jess was involved.

He couldn't help his eyes as they moved up again, only to see Rory leaned back in her desk chair, talking rapidly to her three best friends as tears steamed down her cheeks. All he wanted to do was run over there and kiss the girl, but he couldn't make himself do it. All he kept picturing was the note, and the necklace, and Jess walking out of the restaurant. He knew that she told him off, and he had to admit he was a little proud of her, but he couldn't shake the horrible feeling of being lied to. It left an all too familar churning feeling in his stomach.

And then it happened. The first thing he heard was Carmen shout Rory's name, and the second thing he heard was the thump of objects hitting the ground. His head shot up instantly, and what he saw made his heart drop straight to his feet. Rory had collasped on the floor, and even from the distance he could tell her face was a ghostly shade of white. Her friends were kneeling at her side, and before he even knew what he was doing he jumped to his feet. In that moment, he didn't care if he was mad at her, or if she was his girlfriend or his ex-girlfriend. He just needed to be with her.

He reached her side in record time. He could feel the eyes of Carmen, Aiden, and Shawn burning into his back, but he didn't really care.

"What happened?" he asked, focusing his eyes on Rory.

"She was saying something about how she hasn't eaten all day, and then she just fell," Aiden explained.

"Why didn't you catch her?" Logan growled, his voice cold.

"We were walking away. It happened too fast," Shawn explained.

He shook his head slightly, but decided to deal with the two men later. He slid down next to Rory, his hands shaking violently.

"Ace," he murmered, reaching out and brushing her hair away from her face, "Wake up, Rory, come on."

Gently, he pulled her limp form into his lap and ran his finger lightly across her jawline. Her skin felt cool to the touch, and he felt his heart sink even lower. He could tell her breathing was shallow, and his level of fear was sky rocketing.

"Rory," he whispered, his voice cracking, "Please wake up."

He had never been so scared in his life and as he bent his neck to place a kiss on her forehead, he could feel tears building up behind his eyes.

"I'm calling an ambulance," Carmen announced, her voice trembling.

Logan was about to agree, when he felt Rory stir in his arms. All his attention was instantly on her once more, and he took her hand is his grip.

"Ace?" he insisted, "Wake up."

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open and she glanced up at Logan as if in a daze. Her eyes took a second to focus on his form, and then she grimaced slightly.

"Hey Ace," Logan told her softly, offering a small smile.

"What happened?" she asked hoarsely.

"You forgot to eat," Logan replied lightly, although his heart was still rampaging in his chest.

"Oh yeah."

"Are you okay to sit up?"

She nodded slightly, and he slipped is arms around her waist and pulled her into a sitting position. Still leaning on him for support, she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Did you have anything to eat today?" Logan inquired.

"Coffee."

He almost laughed, "Coffee doesn't count."

She shrugged, "I was running late and missed breakfast. And then I obviously didn't eat lun--Wait, aren't you mad at me?"

"Let's not worry about that right now."

Her face fell, "You are mad at me."

"Rory," he said firmly, "Let's just get you something to eat and then we'll talk, okay?"

The truth was, he didn't know what he was feeling. He knew he loved her. He knew he was still upset about the chain of events. What he wasn't sure about was how the two emotions mixed together. All he was concentrated on right now was getting Rory back on her feet and feeling healthy again. Because just like before, he cared about her. That would never change.

She nodded, and he placed a firm arm around her and lifted her to her feet. She swayed heavily to the side, but he quickly caught her and used his strength to keep her on her feet. Slowly, he walked her into the breakroom and got her settled in a chair. Her face was still pale, and she refused to make eye contact with her as he grabbed her a sub from the fridge and placed it infront of her with an apple.

She wrinkled her nose slightly, "An apple?"

"It's good for you."

"Please. Since when do I eat anything good for me?"

"Since it's the only other food in the fridge and you fainted."

"Oh," she paused for a second, tilting her head slightly, "Did you steal this from someone?"

"Probably."

"You rebel."

They shared a short laugh, before they both seemed to remember the situation they were in and stopped. She began downing the sub, and Logan watched her, his brain working in overdrive. He couldn't handle her lying to him, they needed to form a trusting relationship again. And that was only going to happen if she shared everything with him, especially important notes and meetings involving ex-boyfriends. But what did he do about the right now? Where did they go from her?

"Feeling better?" Logan asked, as she finished off her sub.

"Much."

"Good," he was silent for a moment, "You scared the crap out of me."

She blushed slightly, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he stood up, smoothing down her hair and placing a kiss on top of her head, "Just remember to eat, okay?"

"Okay."

He grinned, "Never thought I'd have to tell a Gilmore girl that."

Silence consumed them again and he made his way towards the door, "We'll talk after work, okay? I see Carmen waiting outside the door."

She nodded.

"And Logan?" she called.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

He studied her for a second, "I know, Ace. We'll talk later. Carmen's going nuts."

He motioned towards the door where the anxious blonde was peering in at her friend. Rory smiled and waved Carmen in as Logan exited the breakroom. He wouldn't have left Rory unless someone was going to her after him. Now he just had to figure out if wanted someone going to her after him in the bigger picture.


	34. Living For This Moment

**AN: Hey folks, thanks for all your reviews and support. You guys are awesome, but you already know that. Haha. Anyway, I'm sorry to say that this is the second to last chapter. I am running out of new ideas and worthy material, and I don't want to ruin the story by giving you anything less than my best. And so, this story will come to an end in the next chapter. I hope you have enjoyed it, and I know I have loved reading each and every review you guys have left me. I hope you will follow me to my next story, whenever that may be. I'll talk more about that in the next chapter. But for now, read this one, please. And please leave me a review! )**

Rory took a sip of her coffee, and finished up the article sitting on her computer. She felt slightly guilty about hiding the whole truth of her fainting episode from her friends and Logan, but she wasn't in the mood of a lecture. After the meeting with Jess, and the fight with Logan, she had gone to the nearest open restaurant and had a few drinks. The mixture of that and an empty stomach wasn't a good idea, and had resulted in her passing out on the newspaper room floor.

She groaned slightly and pressed her palm to her aching head. Not only was it pounding from her actions that afternoon, but the contact it made with the ground didn't help. She had never been much of a drinker, until she left Logan for Jess, and then she took a major turn for the worse. Ever since she got back with Logan, however, her drunk nights had become few and far between. But after the enocounter at the coffee shop, she just needed to take the edge off.

She flicked off the computer as another soft groan escaped her lips. This day was a disaster, a complete and total disaster. She hadn't meant to hurt Logan, in fact, all her actions had been based on protecting him. However, the results were less than pleasent and now she had to deal with the hurt expression in his soft brown eyes. He had come to her after her collaspe, and she wasn't surprised. He was still angry though, she could tell. And the thought broke her heart. Why did she always screw up?

Getting up from her desk, she grabbed her bag from underneath her chair and began walking towards Logan. The room was spinning slightly, and she closed her eyes for a brief moment to collect herself. Finally, her vision stopped swimming and she arrived at Logan's desk. He glanced up as she neared, nodded to let her know he saw her, and then returned his sight to the computer as he turned it off.

"How do you feel?" he asked, his voice monotone.

"Better."

"Good," he paused, "Next time eat before you go drinking in the afternoon, okay?"

She winced, "How did you know?"

"I know you," he replied, as if that explained everything, "Here."

He handed her two asprin and a glass of water, which she gratefully accepted.

"You ready?" he asked.

She nodded.

She waited for his arm to fall heavily around her shoulders, but the action never came, nor did he pull her towards him and place a kiss on her lips. Sighing, she contented herself with walking as close to him as possible as they made their way down the sidewalk.

"You should've told me," he informed her.

"I know."

"I don't like being lied to."

"I was going to tell you, Logan, I promise. When you had less on your mind, I was going to tell you."

"You can't hide these things from me, Rory."

"I know," she repeated, her voice weakening, "I know."

He ran both hands over his face and sighed, "We're just learning to trust each other again. I love you, Ace, but I'm still starting to trust. And I know that you are just starting to trust me again, too. And actions like this? They don't help."

"It meant nothing. I just wanted to get him to leave me alone, for good. I didn't want to add to everything you had on your mind when it meant nothing."

"It meant something to me," Logan informed her, "It meant that my girlfriend was going on a date with her ex-boyfriend."

"It wasn't a date!"

"Let's see: boy writes girl note asking her to come to lunch, boy gives girl necklace, girl meets boy for lunch, boy proposes. Sounds a hell of a lot like a date to me, Rory!"

"You forgot girl turns boy down. It was me telling Jess that I was happy with you and I wanted nothing to do with him. Didn't Colin tell you that?"

He exhaled, "Yes."

"Then if you don't believe me, believe him. Nothing happened, Logan. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it, but nothing happened. I thought I was doing what was best for you, and for us. Obviously I was wrong, but we all make mistakes."

"Do you know what it felt like finding that note hidden from me?"

"I wasn't hiding it from you. I was just...putting it away."

"From me."

"From everyone! And why were you in my desk anyway?"

"I really don't think that's the point," he snapped, "But I was looking for the stapler I leant you."

She stared at the ground for a second, "Oh."

"I know that nothing happened," he said suddenly.

"Then forgive me."

"But you still hid it from me, Rory."

"I was only trying to not hurt you," she rambled, "But I ended up hurting you even more."

He was silent, and she felt the tears building up again. One mistake and now suddenly their entire relationship was crashing down around her. How was it that Jess was always involved when things went wrong? Why didn't she just tell him about the lunch? She could have avoided this whole thing if she just would've told him. The tears slipped down over her eyes and began descending down her cheeks, but she didn't care enough to wipe them away.

"So where does leave us?" she asked meakly, afraid to hear the answer.

He didn't reply, and she turned away, unable to look him the eye. She had lost him. He was gone. She'd made another mistake that drove Logan out of her life. All she wanted to do was say something to him before he disappeared, but before she could open her mouth, he reached out and pulled her to a halt. He placed one hand around each of her arms and looked her dead in the eye. She tried to read him, but it was one of those rare times where he was completely unreadable.

"I love you," he told her firmly.

"I love you, too."

He nodded slowly, his jaw clenched, "And I don't want to lose you, but you can't lie to me. You have to tell me things like that, Rory."

"I know, Logan. I'm so sorr--"

"But when you fainted today, I was so scared. And I realized that I couldn't let something like this tear us apart again. I love you, and I don't want to end this over one mistake."

It took a moment for his words to take in, and then a small smile took over Rory's face. When her eyes met his again, the beginning of a smirk was pulling at his lips. He traced her jawline with his hand, and his touch made her entire body shiver. Bending down, he pressed his lips to hers, gently at first, then a firm, sizzling kiss. He braced her neck with his hand and her hands found there way to his shoulders, and then his face. Time stood still as the realization that he was staying washed over her.

When the pulled apart, he glanced down at her, his eyes dancing.

"Buy you drink?" he asked.

"Shut up," she responded in mock anger.

He reached out and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, an action she'd been waiting for all day. She rested her head against him and sighed softly, but this time she was nothing but content.

"But seriously, Ace, no more drinking like that in the afternoon, okay?"

"I promise. I was just upset."

"I know," he paused, "Believe me, I know."

"Thank for forgiving me," she told him quietly.

He kissed her temple, "I'm not planning on letting you go again."

"That's good to hear, Huntzberger."

His cellphone rang and interrupted their walk. He glanced at the front of it, grinned, and flipped it open, leaving Rory to listen to the one sided conversation.

"Hey."

"Yes."

"She's standing right here!"

"Oh my God. Fine. Talk to her!"

Suddenly, the phone was being thrust into Rory's hand, and she sent her boyfriend a confused expression.

"Tell Colin you're standing right next to me."

"Hi Colin. You're standing right next to me," she chirped.

"What?"

She could hear Logan laugh from beside her and he pulled her closer to his side.

"We're fine," she explained into the phone.

"Good. Because if I just forgave you, and then had to hate you all over again I'd be pissed."

She laughed, "You're safe."

"Good. Come meet us then."

"Where at?"

"The usual."

"Give us a few minutes and we'll be there."

"Okay. Bye."

"See ya."

She closed Logan's phone and handed it back to him, laughing a little at his shocked expression.

"You're hanging up my phone now?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

She shrugged, "Don't be so possessive."

"Care to tell me where we're going?" he inquired with a grin.

"The usual."

"I see," he said as he pulled her into a kiss, "No drinks for you, though."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled, "Yes, sir."

--------------------------------

They walked into the bar hand in hand, and found their friends at the usual table. Almost as soon as they walked in, Finn raced over to Rory and smothered her in a hug. Rory grinned, and could feel happy tears burning in her eyes. She had missed him so much.

"Finn, I can't breathe," she murmered in his ear.

"Sorry, love. But I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

He stepped back and grinned at her, and she could tell he had already had a few beers.

"Colin told me what you did. Congratulations."

"I don't think congratulations are in order, Finn."

"I think they are," he handed her a beer, "Cheers."

Logan reached over and snatched the bear out of her hand with a smirk, "Cheers."

Rory pretended to pout as she sat down in the seat next to Logan, but he almost instantly grabbed her hand under the table and she couldn't help but smile. As she laced her fingers with his and glanced around the table of their friends, her smile grew into a grin. Finally, _finally_, all was content in their world. Colin and Finn were her friends again, Logan had forgiven her for her mistake, and the two of them were finally able to happy -- together.

"So, I have to hear the details about this lunch," Carmen announced, focusing her attention on Rory, "Was it as great as Colin said it was?"

Rory glanced at Colin, "Probably not."

"Hey!" Colin protested.

"You do have a tendency to stretch the truth," Logan inserted.

Colin grumbled something under his breath as Rory turned back to Carmen, "I met Jess for lunch, he told me he loved me, I told him I loved Logan. He tried to kiss me, I pushed him away. He proposed, I told him never. The end."

"That was so the Reader's Digest version. Best friends do _not_ get the Reader's Digest verision!"

Rory glanced at Logan, who was looking around the bar, apparently trying to not appear annoyed. It wasn't working.

"I'll tell you more later," Rory informed Carmen, punching out each word.

"Okay fine," Carmen huffed.

"So, are you feeling okay?" Shawn asked Rory.

"Yeah, much better."

"Feeling okay?" Finn inquired.

"Rory had a little fainting spell in the office today," Aiden explained.

"Are you okay?" Colin asked.

"I'm fine. I just forgot to eat is all."

She was surprised at how easily the lie flew off her lips, and she was grateful for the squeeze Logan gave her hand under the table. She was grateful when the conversation turned away from her health issues and on to Finn's current flavor of the month, or week...or day.

"When are you going to get yourself a girlfriend, Finn?" Rory asked with a smile.

"I don't know," he stated, "When I find the girl that doesn't care when I flirt infront of her."

"Oh, well, that shouldn't be too hard," Rory replied sarcastically.

"You would think it wouldn't be."

Logan shook his head and glanced over at his friend, "You're impossible, do you know that?"

"I think he does. I just don't think he cares," Colin shot over.

"I resent that!" Finn announced, taking another sip of his beer, "I think."

"You think?" Aiden inquired, confused.

"Don't make him elaborate," Logan interjected, "Please."

Rory laughed at Finn's hurt expression, "You know we love you, Finn. We just don't love it when you talk too much without making sense."

"Cheers to that!" Colin announced.

They noticed Finn's attention had been drawn away from the conversation, and all of their heads turned towards a pretty red head sitting at the bar.

"Good night, mates. See you tomorrow," Finn said quickly, before jumping up and hurrying over towards the girl.

"Good old Finn," Logan commented.

"He'll never change," Colin added.

Carmen wrapped her fingers around Colin's arm and whispered something in his ear, to which Colin's only reply was a smile.

"We're going to head in," Colin explained, with a pointed look at Logan, "Night."

"What was that look for?" Rory inquired as she followed her two friends with her eyes.

"Carmen's staying at our apartment tonight."

Rory's eyebrows shot up, "Really?"

He smirked, "Really."

"Oh, I think we've lost them," Shawn muttered.

Rory echoed Logan's smirk towards her two friends, "Go find yourself girlfriends or something. Good night boys."

Logan draped his arm over her shoulders as they walked out into the city. She tucked herself against him lightly as they strolled.

"Are we _walking_ to my apartment?" Rory half groaned.

"Yep."

"I thought I explained to you the meaning of exercise in my life: it has none."

"You'll live, I promise. Besides, we walk past a Starbucks."

"Oh, yeah," she grinned, "I_ love _exercise."

He laughed as the neared the glowing Starbucks sign, before disappearing briefly inside and coming back out with two steaming cups of coffee.

"Thank you, kind sir," she said with a grin, taking a long sip.

"You're welcome."

The walk back to the apartment was a content blur, and before Rory knew it she was sliding the key into the door. They tossed their cups over the counter into the garbage can, and then turned back to each other. The expression on Logan's face made Rory melt completely, from her head all the way down to her toes. Her face broke into a smile, and in that moment everything was perfect.

He reached down and tucked a piece of her behind her ear, his fingers gently grazing her neck. She wrapped her arms around his waist and tilted her chin upward as his lips came crashing down on hers. As her hands found their way from around his waist to his neck, she felt the two of them moving down the hallway towards the bedroom. And as they half tripped, half walked their way, there she couldn't help her mind as it wandered to everything they'd been through.

For the life of her, she couldn't get the image of Logan's face the day they were reunited out of her mind. His eyes had shot such anger, such regret at her that they nearly took her breath away. But she had been so in love, and so she followed him, but the only reward she had recieved for that action was a deeper look of hurt in his chocolate brown eyes.

There had been the long days of ignoring each other, and pining for each other. And of course, there had been their first talk, the fight that had drilled into her soul. She had been so scared that she had missed her chance, that he was going to walk out of her life forever. But then, he came back and said they could be friends. That had thrilled her, and scared her. In fact, the news made her happy and sad at exactly the same time.

She smiled against his lips as they pushed their way into the bedroom and the memories of the uncomfortable silences filled her mind. Tentative as two toddlers just learning how to walk, they had tip toed along the edge of their new relationship, trying to find solid ground. He had been the one to break the ice, with the one word that could bring them togehter almost instantly. And the friends adventure had worked for awhile, until the red head at the bar.

The jealous feelings that had consumed her were like nothing she had ever felt before, not even after the bridesmaids incident. She wanted nothing more than to be the girl at the bar, to be the object of his affection. And so, she turned into a person she didn't even recognize and she followed him down the city street, rain pouring down her face and mixing with her tears as she screamed her feelings to his back.

He turned around, and the rest, she supposed, was history.

He was tugging at the bottom of her shirt now and they were falling onto the soft sheets of her bed. Her shirt was fluttering to the floor before they even landed, and she soon repeated the process with his. She could feel his hands along her back, and she pressed her lips against his harder, wanting only to be closer to the man she loved. Her fingers became tangled in his messy, blonde hair and she could feel his face curl into a smile.

"I love you, Ace," he whispered to her, his voice growing hoarse.

"I love you, too," she replied, moving her hands down behind his shoulders.

His lips worked down from her lips, along her jawline, to her neck and shoulders, and all the way back up again. She grinned as her body tingled in anticipation and enjoyment. God, she was_ happy_. It felt good to feel so happy, so completely wonderful, that living in the moment was no problem whatsoever. Because the moment was the place where she wanted to be the most.


	35. Nothing Standing In Our Way

**AN: So, here we are: the last chapter. I have to say I'm sad, because I absolutely loved writing this story. But I also know that dragging it on any longer would've been wrong, and so I am ending it now. To the requests for a sequel, I am seriously considering writing one. First though, I am going to get a new idea out there. And then once it's started, I'll consider the starting the sequel or I might wait until the new one is complete. I also have an idea request from a reader that intriques me that I'll consider working on after my next new one. So, my new story is going to be called Open Your Eyes, and it is a Rogan. So look for it, please. I hope you have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Anyway, here is the last chapter. Please read and review!**

**TO MY REVIEWERS: Over 1,000 reviews! That's nuts. I can't even begin to tell you how much your support and feedback as meant to me and to this story. Thank you for your ideas, compliments, criticism, and anything else you have offered. All of your reviews have made a huge difference in the story, and to me. I hope you will read the next story I put out there, and if you show me as much support as you have shown for this story, I will be just as overwelmed and thankful. Thanks again. You guys are amazing.**

A few weeks later, Logan sat with his two best friends in their apartment, drinking beer and talking about the past few months.

"Who would've thought?" Colin asked suddenly, taking a long drink of his beer.

Logan stared at his two friends from his seat on their couch, "Who would've thought what?"

Colin laughed shortly, "That we'd end up here -- like this. You and her. Me and her best friend. Finn and...whoever. Who would've thought?"

"I think anyone could've picked up on the Finn and whoever."

"Gina," Finn corrected.

"Oh, is that her name this week?" Logan asked with a grin.

Finn shrugged, "So she tells me."

"But you're right," Logan said to Colin, returning to the original subject, "I know I couldn't have imagined this."

"It worked out for the best."

"I know."

"Do you miss Yale?" Logan inquired.

Colin nodded, "Sometimes."

"All the time," Finn added with a drink from his bottle.

"Me too," Logan paused, then corrected himself, "Sometimes. Not all the time."

"We had some good times, didnt we?" Colin asked with a smile.

"I don't remember half of them," Finn commented.

Logan placed his empty bottle on the coffee table, "Either do I. But I think I can fill in the blanks."

"So where do we go from here?" Colin said, the question hanging in the air over the three of them.

Logan leaned back against the couch, contemplating the words as they swirled around him. Where_ did _they go from here? Logan was in a serious relationship with Rory that showed no signs of ever ending. And Colin was just about as serious as he got with Carmen. It was a strange situation for them to be in: strange and unexpected. Finn was still bouncing around from girl to girl, and he showed no signs of ending that habit anytime soon. He grinned slightly: these were his friends.

And through it all, it had always been the three of them. Growing up, he never expected them to turn into friends like these. They were more like brothers than anything: two people who he could always count on. And he knew that if his world ever came crumbling down again, they would be there, and vice versa. It was scary to think that it was time for them to spread apart, to move into the world without each other. But it was, time for that, and he knew it.

"I bought an apartment," Logan announced.

"You what?" Finn said quickly, nearly choking on his beer.

"I bought an apartment, for me and Rory."

Silence consumed the room for a second, and Logan could feel the disappointed looks of his friends on him.

"So, you're moving out," Colin stated.

It wasn't a question. It wasn't supposed to be.

"Yes," Logan answered anyway.

"Does she know?"

"Not yet," Logan sighed slightly, "I'm going to take her there and ask her to move in with me."

"Like you even have to ask," Colin said dryly.

"It's time. Don't you think it's time?"

"I know it's time."

"I'll miss you, mate."

Logan smiled, "I'm not dying, Finn. I'll be about five minutes away."

"I know, but you haven't heard _my _news."

"What's your news?" Colin asked.

"I'm going to Australia for about five months. I have a cousin there who wants to see me, and has a short term job for me. After that, I don't know where I'll go."

"Wow. A job?" Logan replied slowly.

Finn nodded, "A job."

"Good for you."

"I guess we know where we're going from here then, huh?" Colin told their group.

"Guess so," Logan agreed, "What about you?"

"I think," Colin was silent for a moment, "I think I'm falling in love with Carmen. And with you two moving out, maybe I'll ask her to move in."

A smile spread over Logan's face, "Good."

"And I'll call you all that way from Australia just to tease you about it," Finn said with a grin.

"Thanks," Colin shot back sarcastically, "So Logan, when are you showing Rory the apartment?"

"Tomorrow."

"Is it nice?"

"Yeah, it's nice."

He was feeling slightly sad that the three of them were moving apart. Sure, him and Colin would see each other often, but it wasn't the same anymore. There were no more spur of the moment trips with the LDB, no more crazy nights out. He and Colin had grown up, and Finn was starting too. They weren't college boys anymore. They had girlfriends, jobs, goals: things that didn't mean much to them in the past.

And life without Finn would be oddly...dull. Their trio would miss him, that was for sure. He was one of kind, and always knew how to liven up a party, and even if most of his actions were out there and slighly disturbing, he was one of them. And the three of them would always have the past, and the memories, and the wild adventures they'd shared...together.

But Rory was in his life again. And as much as he loved his friends, _Rory _was the love of his life.

--------------------------------

He wasn't nervous about showing her the apartment. Excited, but not nervous. He was sure that she would be just as thrilled about the idea as he was, and he couldn't wait to spend as much time with her as possible. Thinking back, he could remember living with her, how amazing it had been. They would lay together in the mornings. She was usually up and running before him, but all he wanted was for her to crawl back in bed and waste the day away. But she had aspirations, studies to take care of, and he wanted that for her.

They had been through a lot, more than any two people should make it through, and yet they _had_ made it. And he knew now that nothing would tear them apart. He could still feel a dull ache when he remembered waking up the hospital room and finding that she wasn't there. If he thought hard enough, it was easy to remember how exactly his heart and shattered and fluttered to his feet. But the feeling was fading, and there were new feelings taking its place.

He remembered her turning around to face him the day they were reunited. He had been overcome with so many different feelings he couldn't keep them straight. Shock, anger, fear, regret, fury, and then...love. But talking to her that day wasn't an option, it couldn't have been. He needed time to think, to process. He had been so angry.

And so he took some time, and then with pushing from his friends and Honor, he decided to talk to her. He laughed shortly: that had been a battle. The relief that had washed over him when he learned she didn't know about the hospital was unexplainable. But he had still been furious. How could she leave like that? And so even after their exchange of love, he had walked out.

But he couldn't stay away, and then they had become friends. But he knew they were never meant to be friends, they couldn't handle that. They would always be in love. But he had held his ground, and clawed his way into a platonic relationship. He thought everything was going to turn out okay, until she confronted him at the bar. He knew a lot of girls, and he could see a lot of girls doing what Rory Gilmore did that night. But never in a million years would he have pictured Rory Gilmore doing what Rory Gilmore did that night.

Walking away had seemed like the easy option, and the option his head was pushing for. But she had been crying, and following, and yelling her feelings to him as he charged down the sidewalk. And he realized that he was causing exactly what he never wanted to happen: he was losing her again. He turned around, and looked at her, noticing she looked as beautiful as she always did. He gave in. He kissed her. And now, he was happier than he had been in a long time.

There was hardly anyone left in the office now, and he made his way over to her desk slowly. Her head was tilted slightly to the side, and her teeth were clenched as her fingers moved furiously over the keyboard. He smirked and walked around behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and planting a kiss on her cheek. Her lips curled into a smile and she leaned back against him, sighing heavily.

"Working hard, Ace?" he asked, massaging her shoulders gently.

"Mhmm."

"Ready to stop working hard?"

She smiled again, "I guess."

"I'll buy you a coffee."

"Ready."

He laughed as she saved her work and shut down the computer. She was frazzeled from what he could tell was a hard day at work. Her normally perfect hair was whipped back in a sloppy bun, and there were tendrils curled around her forehead. Her make up was slightly smeared, and there was a coffee stain on her one sleeve. But to Logan, she looked gorgeous. She always did.

She grabbed her bag and then turned to him with a smile, "I'm ready."

"Let's go then."

He moved his arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards him. She moved as close to him as possible and rested her head against his shoulder as they rode the elevator downstairs and stepped outside. She glanced up at him with her piercing blue eyes as he waved for a taxi.

"Where are we going?" she inquired.

"Somewhere."

"Everybody's going somewhere."

"That's a great way to look at things," he paused, "But if you want to get deep about it, some people are going nowhere."

"I don't want to get deep about it."

He grinned, "Get in the cab, Ace."

She obeyed, but he could tell the only reason he didn't get further pressing was because she was so tired. He whispered their destination to the cab driver. He nodded and then sped off down the street. When she glanced back over at his girlfriend, she looked slightly annnoyed. But when he reached out and pulled her close to his side, a smile crept over her face.

The cab driver pulled to a halt infront of a large building. Logan paid him quickly and then helped Rory out of the taxi. She glanced a the building, a confused look washing over her, and he smiled softly as he took her hand and guided her inside.

"Logan, where are we?" she half groaned.

"You'll find out soon enough," he assured her as they stepped into the elevator and he pressed the button for the seventh floor.

They walked down the hallway together: his arm around her, and her body curled against him. They stopped outside a door familar to only Logan, he put the key into the door, and they stepped inside. Her eyes grew wide almost instantly, and he glanced around, taking it in as if he were her seeing it for the first time. From the wood floors, to the soft, yellow drapes and white walls, to the large living room that was spread out before them: the apartment was beautiful.

Her hand had made it's way up to her mouth and her eyes were sparkling as he closed the door behind them. She took another step, removing herself from him, and walked into the living room. He watched as she strolled slowly along the wall, running her hands over the paint, and rubbing the curtains through her fingers.

"So, what did you think, Ace?"

"Is this? Are we? For us?" she stuttered.

He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms, "Will you move in with me?"

She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him hard on the lips, "Of course."

He smirked, "Good, because I already bought it."

She laughed, and her eyes lit up in a way that he couldn't even describe. He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her in for another kiss.

"So, what do Colin and Finn think about this?"

"Well," he paused, "Stricly between us, Colin is thinking about asking Carmen to move in with him a--"

"Oh my God! That's amazing," she interrupted.

"In more ways than one, Ace," he replied with a wink.

"And Finn?"

"And Finn is going to Australia for five months to work for his cousin."

She raised her eyebrows, "Work?"

"Yes. Work."

"Wow."

"I know," he laughed softly.

"So, living together again, eh Huntzberger?"

"Looks that way."

"I guess I have to start setting my alarm a half hour early again."

"Why?"

"Because you always keep me in bed for at least an extra thirty minutes."

He grinned, "Sorry, I can't help it."

"I didn't say I minded," she reminded him.

She smiled again and turned away from him, her eyes taking another sweep of the new apartment. She spotted the hallway on the left, and her smile grew wider.

"Come on, I want to see the rest," she urged, dragging him by the hand towards the hallway.

"I've already seen it."

"Don't care. You're going to see it again."

He laughed as she peaked into the first room, which was the bathroom. She nodded her approval quickly, before walking towards the next door on their left. Logan knew what the room was already: the master bedroom. Pushing the door open, she walked inside and a huge grin consumed her almost instantly. He leaned against the door frame, tucking his hands into his pockets as he watched her. Suddenly, her happy face turned confused and she glanced over at him.

"There's a box in here."

He shrugged, "Somebody probably left it here. Open it up and see what's inside."

"I can't do that. What if it's personal?"

He smirked, "It's obviously not too private if they left it here. Besides, maybe it's for us."

"Us?"

"Maybe it's a welcome present or something."

She turned her head from him, to the box, and back again, before relenting and walking over to it. He could see it now, sitting innocently in the corner. She picked it up, carried it to the bed, and set it down. She sent another look at Logan over her shoulder, and he simply waved her on with his hand.

He watched as she tore open the top of the cardboard box, only to reveal a pile of newspaper stuffed inside. Looking as if she was growing frustrated, she grabbed a hold of a piece and flung it onto the bed. It was followed by another, and another, and another, until almost the entire bottom of the bed was covered with newspaper.

But as she neared the bottom, her actions slowed, and he walked forward and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. Her fingers gripped a tiny box waiting at the bottom and she pulled it out, her hands visably shaking. She propped her finger underneath and pulled it open. He heard her choke back a sob as she stared a the diamond ring nestled on the satin lining. The ring had a white gold band and swirls of diamonds on the sides, which all connected to a large one in the center. As soon as he saw it in the jewlery store, it had screamed her name.

Gently, he spun her around to face him. Her gaze slowly rose up from the ring to his face. Her blue eyes were shining with tears, and she was looking at him in complete amazement. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and began speaking, his voice soft, yet determined.

"I love you, Ace. I always have, and I always will. We've had our up, and our downs. We've been way down, you know that as well as I do. I lost you once, and I don't want to lose you again. There is nothing in this world I want more than to make you my wife. You're everything to me, and I want you to be by my side forever. Without you, I fell apart. And then we found each other again, and suddenly I'm whole," he paused, and swallowed hard, "Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?"

There wasn't even a moment's hesitation on her part, before she lept towards him wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, although her voice was barely above a whisper.

He grinned and took the box out of her hand, sliding the ring onto her finger slowly, sweetly. Then he cupped her chin in his hands and pressed his lips to hers in a breathtaking, room spinning kiss. He didn't want to stop kissing her, he never wanted to stop kissing her.

They pulled apart briefly, and she beamed at him as tears streamed down her face. He reached out and brushed them away with his thumbs, smirking at her as he pulled her in for another gentle kiss. Letting his hands rest on her cheeks, he deepened the kiss and she gladly accepted a she moved her hands to the small of his back.

They found their way to the bed at their side, and collasped onto it. Her fingers were reaching for his shirt, and pulling it up over his head. They had to break contact for an instant as she sent his shirt to the side of them, and then once more as he repeated the process with hers. He worked his fingers against her skin, and ran his hands gently through her soft hair. She gripped his shoulders with her fingers as she sent a powerful kiss his way, and he pulled her closer to his bare chest.

"I love you, Logan," she murmered, bringing her lips down to his collar bone.

"I love you too, Ace."

And as they sent the stray newspaper fluttering to the floor, he had the sudden feeling that his life was finally complete. He had the love of his life in his arms again, and she wasn't going anywhere. This was what he wanted, this was how things were supposed to be. And it may have been fate or destiny, or just love running it's course, but whatever it was, they were back together again. And this time, it was forever.

This time, there was nothing standing in their way.


End file.
